Emotional eating, family and weight loss

Ana7172015

I realise that I need to loose weight for my own health and happiness and I know I'm prone to comfort/binge eating.
One of my big triggers is family- there are times when my mum will look at me full of disappointment because I'm fat and it really causes me to go off the rails and eat loads. Any ideas how to approach/talk to her?

sendtoharvey

my family always said I'm big at 200. then I lost weight and was 180.. they said I was too thin. ignore them and just do what makes you happy? just get healthy

KelGen02

sendtoharvey wrote: »

my family always said I'm big at 200. then I lost weight and was 180.. they said I was too thin. ignore them and just do what makes you happy? just get healthy

^^^ This just this, I was 260lbs, I have lost 72lbs and at 188 people are calling me skinny and question my desire to lose any more weight, yet when I was in my mid 20's and weighed 185lbs people would tell me that I need to lose weight I am too big???? funny how I was too big but now I am too skinny? Whatever, you are in control of your actions, no one else. You can talk to her about her disappointment in your size but in the end the reality is you have to do what is going to make you happy and forget about what others think about you. As one emotional eater to another... You use her "disappointment" in you as an excuse to eat, her disappointment doesn't make you eat. NOT saying this to be mean, as I said I was a HUGE emotional eater, and until I gained control of it I could never see how I used everything as an excuse to eat my feelings. In the end it truly was just an excuse... Good luck!

brookielaw

Ok, I will try my best to make this response short but since you mentioned the "F" word...('family' not 'fat), I cannot resist.

I have no idea how old you are but I can tell you that I can 100% identify with family being a trigger. It was no secret in my family that my brother was the golden child, I was the screw-up, the lesser-loved, and the lesser-valued. Or rather, I was VIEWED as the screw-up, the lesser, blah blah. I have always felt this way but over the past few years several incidents have occurred that have truly validated my feelings. For the record, I think many families would be proud to have me and I am by no means a screw-up. The neat part is that something changed in the past few years, when I got my own family. I learned that my mother's actions and opinions are a reflection on her, not me. It took a lot of introspection and a bit of therapy to get to this point though. I used to eat my feelings. My highest weight was 387, that's a lot of feelings on a 5'2" frame, but food didn't judge me and there was a comforting feelings of endorphines or oxytocin or whatever it is that makes the heartache feel less. When I'd lose weight, my mother would be a little nicer to me. When I'd have big accomplishments, there would be a bit of back-patting, which was nice and all, but was never permanent. Any truce or detente was never permanent.

Can you approach and talk to her? Sure. Will it help? Maybe....but quite honestly the only thing YOU can control is YOUR own actions and reactions to your feelings. Focus on changing what is under your control. What changed for me is that one day it clicked and I realized that it was my own opinions, my own health and my own SELF-esteem, fueled by myself, that mattered. I found ways to focus on the things I can change, which eventually included my own reactions to the jabs from my family. That meant realizing that I was eating my feelings, and deciding to do something else, whether it meant going for a walk, going for a swim, or eating something healthier when I just HAD to eat. It is certainly not an overnight process and required a bit of outside help. That being said, can you get outside help for yourself? Someone to talk these things through to?

IF you choose to confront/talk to your mother, I'd suggest language that indicates how you feel without accusing her. "Hey mom, I just wanted to tell you that I am working on my health and one thing that I have noticed is that I feel a certain way when X, Y or Z occurs. It would be a big help to me if you could encourage me/ support me by (insert idea---having a particular food, focusing on the positive, walking with me, whatever you decide.)"

Good luck. If it is any further help, I think letting go of the family crap is what helped me get to where I am now. (that's 240 lb below that high weight). Living halfway across the country makes it a bit easier now too

Fitkam90

Aww I'm sorry. You gotta get healthy because you want to be healthy. Words can hurt. People will always disappoint you, so try not to dwell on the negativity that comes out of other people's mouths. It's easier said than done, I know. I have a history of binging when others hurt me also. Just gotta start realizing you are worth more than the temporary relief food brings.

Sunna_W

Unless you live at home or are under your family's influence in someway - limit contact as much as possible and take up a hobby that will keep you busy and out of the house as much as possible. Is there a community center with a pool or rowing machines that you can get to?

RedSierra

Ana7172015 wrote: »

I realise that I need to loose weight for my own health and happiness and I know I'm prone to comfort/binge eating.
One of my big triggers is family- there are times when my mum will look at me full of disappointment because I'm fat and it really causes me to go off the rails and eat loads. Any ideas how to approach/talk to her?

Can you tell her you're in a program here on MFP to lose weight and get healthy, it will take some time but you're working on it, and say her support would mean a lot to you?

Other than that, I agree with others who said people will say all kinds of things, both good and bad, and we have to learn to stand aside from it. My own mother was big on disappointment and guilt trips. I had a hard time setting boundaries with her, but that's what it takes sometimes -- that and physical distance.