Sibling Shadow

dawn_westbury
dawn_westbury Posts: 358 Member
edited September 2017 in Chit-Chat
For those of you with more than one child, do you find yourself questioning the younger one based on what the older one has done in the past?

Replies

  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    edited September 2017
    I have 4 children, 24, 18, 17 and 19 months and they are all very different and individual in their own right. I am not sure if you mean behaviour wise, how they are academically or just in general but I always have adapted myself around them to get the best out of them rather than them adapting to suit me.

    I think depending on age it's quite natural for younger children to copy older siblings, parents, friends, anyone who is in their lives really.
  • dawn_westbury
    dawn_westbury Posts: 358 Member
    edited September 2017
    I mean in ways where the older one did things they shouldn’t have and now the younger one is the age when it started, if that makes sense .. I find myself saying “that’s what Kyla said” when my youngest says “mom I’m not going to do that” etc .. can’t help it, but I try to stop myself!
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    It is so hard not to compare, I had it all the time with my sister who is older and I swore I wouldn't do it with my children.
    Maybe instead of saying your daughter said that you could ask why he/she doesn't want to do something. It could be an attention thing, any attention good or bad is attention.

    My 17 year old was a little horror his teacher taught my 2 oldest children and she always compared their behaviour and learning skills I had to explain he isn't them he is him and yes he may a bit more challenging so maybe a different attitude towards him could help. He came on leaps and bounds after.
    No one size fits all with children, anyone come to that and it is hard and a massive learning experience, I am still learning now after 24 years
  • dawn_westbury
    dawn_westbury Posts: 358 Member
    The only good thing is that she saw all the trouble her sister got in so hopefully that helps lol
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    I hope so for you and for her.
    Kids aye, who'd have them :)
    Good luck.
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
    Not really on topic but I always felt like I was in my brothers shadow. He is 1 year younger and my mom always focused on him, still does. I never resented my brother but I did resent my mother for it.

    What a whiny statement from a grown *kitten* adult!
  • dawn_westbury
    dawn_westbury Posts: 358 Member
    edited September 2017
    That’s too bad! I’ve never focused more on one or the other (well my 19 year old is off at college so she’s not around as much anymore :'( ) .. I don’t compare them and say why can’t you BE like your sister... I just remember what my 19 year old did when she was 14 and almost assume my 14 year old will do the same ... or worry she will so I’m EXTRA cautious!! And I’m talking about things they shouldn’t be doing.
  • nolan44219
    nolan44219 Posts: 1,221 Member
    yes I do! my older one gave me more wisdom
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    I have 4 children, 24, 18, 17 and 19 months and they are all very different and individual in their own right. I am not sure if you mean behaviour wise, how they are academically or just in general but I always have adapted myself around them to get the best out of them rather than them adapting to suit me.

    I think depending on age it's quite natural for younger children to copy older siblings, parents, friends, anyone who is in their lives really.

    you have a 24,18,17 and 19 months? did you survive poppin them out back to back?

    24 years old, 18 years old, 17 years old and 19 months. I am good but not that good.
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    I was married for 12 years and our family was done. We separated and I met someone else and along came my little man. Life sometimes throws curve balls some good some bad but he was an amazing one
  • 123liveoak
    123liveoak Posts: 2,239 Member
    I questioned who their dad was...they said they didn't know. sad face
  • rickiimarieee
    rickiimarieee Posts: 2,212 Member
    I have a 6 year old step son and a 9 month old son. I mean I haven't gotten into the age yet where I'm comparing the two but I hope I don't!
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    I was married for 12 years and our family was done. We separated and I met someone else and along came my little man. Life sometimes throws curve balls some good some bad but he was an amazing one

    was?

    Yes was. I did say we separated, divorced actually, a long over due one
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    I was married for 12 years and our family was done. We separated and I met someone else and along came my little man. Life sometimes throws curve balls some good some bad but he was an amazing one

    was?

    Yes was an amazing curve ball to have gotten pregnant because like I said my family as in having children was done, complete.

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