What can I do to fix this problem?

Nightmare_Queen88

Help Please!

My original weight at the beginning of last year was 268 lbs. I worked my butt off to get down to 144. But I wasn't satisfied at all. I should've been but I wanted to drop down to 120. That was my ultimate goal. Well that didn't happen. Instead I gave up on counting calories thinking I could still lose without it and ended up binging every chance I got. I gained back 24 lbs as a result. I don't know if I'm addicted to food or if it's because of my PTSD (Yes I have this) or if it's simply because I'm afraid of losing weight (you read that right). I'm afraid because when I reached 144 I had people left and right telling me I was "too skinny". I'm 5'6 so 144 or even 140 is NOT too skinny. Logically I knew this, but unfortunately it still hurt to have people who I considered friends and coworkers to tell me otherwise. I let it get to me when I shouldn't have. Anyways. To end this long post (lol) I need help. What can I do to not let myself give up this time around? I've already lost 2 lbs and I'm trying to get down to 140. I'm not going to overreach or push myself too hard. But at the same time stress has been getting to me because of work and my home life and as a result I've indulged a bit here and there. Any ideas how I can succeed this time and not binge would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Tacklewasher

Set a different type of goal that is not directly weight related, but is fitness related. If you run, set a goal for a time. If you lift, set a goal for your weight you lift. Keep the weight goal in mind but focus on something else first.

Nightmare_Queen88

@Tacklewasher But does that necessarily mean not counting calories? I seem to have an issue with restricting my calories also. But of course I know that in order to lose weight I need to restrict. It's a difficult situation. On the one hand I can focus all of my energy on fitness and less so on calories/food and on the other hand I can focus on both but still end up binging which even exercise won't help. You can't outrun your problems nor can you exercise to make up for eating well over your calorie allotment. What I'm saying is: focusing on fitness might help some but I doubt it will help me in the end. I'll end up binging anyways because I haven't actually fixed the problem instead I'm just focusing on something else and ignoring it which never works. I've actually tried this route and no it didn't help. But thank you for your reply anyways. For some this might work but for me it's a little more tricky.

JeromeBarry1

^^ Excellent idea ^^ But do count the calories, as even fit runners know that weight gain while training for a long run is a real thing. They seem to not want it.

Nightmare_Queen88

@JeromeBarry1 I agree. You can still gain weight even when working out. You can't out run a bad diet after all. Atm I am focusing on both and it still isn't helping. I may need to seek counseling as I might have an eating disorder. I don't know. But truthfully I'm not giving it my all as I should be. I'm only half in at this point because like I said: I'm afraid of losing weight due to those people telling me I'm too skinny. I can't seem to make anyone happy. Not that I need to be trying to make others happy. This should be about me and only me but unfortunately I'm a people pleaser. Lol. It's a real issue.

kommodevaran

Food is good, we all need food, and most of us like to eat; in our world, eating is a lot easier than not eating.
You shouldn't have to work your butt off to lose weight - just eat a little less, but do it consistently. Incorporate indulgences in moderation. Calorie counting is a tool for that.
Don't worry so much about what other people say. People will always have an opinion. Many people feel they have to have an opinion on everything. People are also opposed to change, and they will instictively not like that you lose weight.
You might be taking people's reluctance as a welcome excuse to stop dieting.
120 pounds is a very low weight for someone your height. 140 pounds sounds like a good weight (without having seen you).

aimeetu

What were you doing when you successfully lost the weight? Do that. All the time - I succumbed to the "I will have to log for life" idea and although my loss has been slow it has been steady. And don't let others tell you if you're too skinny or not. That is for you (and hopefully your doctor) to decide.

capaul42

Maybe you should make your deficit smaller so that you are less likely to binge. And try not to be too restrictive. I still eat cookies and chips, chocolate daily, occasionally ice cream. It's all in whether I can fit it into my goals.

Nightmare_Queen88

@kommodevaran I've actually tried allowing myself to have a no count day but still that ends up just being an excuse to binge. Maybe I need to set an exact amount of calories on a certain day that I can go a little over with. I have my calories set at 1600 atm. That maybe too low for me. I may also want to adjust that so I don't lose too fast and end up not eating enough. My appetite has been insatiable since lowering my calories. I originally had it set at 1800 which seemed to be a good fit for me. But I was afraid that I wouldn't lose any weight with that so I lowered it.

Nightmare_Queen88

@aimeetu I lost weight by counting calories, exercising and then eventually I started counting macros as well. But at the end of that I ended up realizing that I'd been over doing it by restricting myself too much and over exercising. I pushed myself too hard basically. This time around I want to take it slow and steady and not over do it. But even that isn't helping because my instinct to push myself to my limit is kicking in and it's causing me to binge and stress out.

Nightmare_Queen88

@capaul42 I had my calories set at 1800 but lowered them this pass Friday to 1600 because I felt that was too high and my impatience to lose weight kicked in. But now my appetite is insatiable and I'm binging. I do allow myself "treats" like ice cream, cakes and even a doughnut if it suits my fancy and doesn't go over my cals. I also have one day a week where I don't count cals and try to eat normally. But I end up binging on that day from the restricting and have instead decided to set a certain amount of cals that I can go over with on that day.

150poundsofme

Hi, You have proved that you are not afraid of losing weight because you lost 124 pounds. Sometimes I read on MFP posts that people say you should try to eat at maintenance, to get a handle on your food. Then once you do that, you can restart your calorie counting to lose weight. Since you say you are overdoing exercise, how about trying a different form of exercise like dancing, walking, swimming, hiking etc. When people tell you that you are too skinny, just say "thank you". If your doc says you are ok, then you are. Sometimes people, your friends and family have other ulterior motives for commenting on a person's body in a negative way. Just say "thank you". And try not to talk about diet/weight with any of them.

Nightmare_Queen88

@150poundsofme You can be afraid of losing weight and still have lost weight. I wasn't afraid of losing weight at the time when I lost all of that weight. I meant that I'm afraid now. But only partly. As far as exercise: I'm actually going for runs and/or walks instead of all the other countless forms of exercise I use to do. But I would like to at least add in weight lifting as well so I can get stronger not just skinny. Also I'll try to not let others get to me. I have a habit of letting the opinions of others define my actions and thoughts. But this time around I want to do this for me. Truthfully the real reason I started this journey in the first place is because of my lack of confidence and wanting be more attractive for my boyfriend even though he told me countless times (still does) that I'm beautiful and he's always been attracted to me. So really it's all in my head. I know this but it still influences me to lose weight instead of just doing it because I want to. But this time (like I said) I want to do this for me and only me. I will try harder to not let the opinions of others influence me on this journey of mine. Thank you for your reply. Have a wonderful day.

blakexx3

Hi there, I would say you need to find other things that make you feel good and confident which may or may not be weight related. It sounds like you lost weight and we’re expecting to feel really good about yourself but is still struggling with that concept of self love despite all the weight you’ve lost. Self confidence is hard - you can be at your goal weight and still struggle with confidence. Remind yourself of other positive attributes you have, think about compliments you receive, think of times that you felt really confident and why - was it something you did, was it a fun memory, was it something that someone else said, was it an activity you did, and so forth. Keep a gratitude journal or positive affirmation journal. Something that keeps you reminding yourself of your self worth. I hope this helps on your journey!

nowine4me

I'm 5.65 and 144. I lose at 1800-2000 and maintain at 2200. I suggest you Increase calories and go slow if that helps prevent binging. You could also do one day at maintenance to work in some treats. No need to white knuckle this, especially with PTSD.

MegaMooseEsq

Nightmare_Queen88 wrote: »

@JeromeBarry1 I agree. You can still gain weight even when working out. You can't out run a bad diet after all. Atm I am focusing on both and it still isn't helping. I may need to seek counseling as I might have an eating disorder. I don't know. But truthfully I'm not giving it my all as I should be. I'm only half in at this point because like I said: I'm afraid of losing weight due to those people telling me I'm too skinny. I can't seem to make anyone happy. Not that I need to be trying to make others happy. This should be about me and only me but unfortunately I'm a people pleaser. Lol. It's a real issue.

Whether you have an eating disorder or not, it sounds like you could benefit from finding a good therapist to talk to about these fears and your relationship with food and your body and need for approval from others. I have found that keeping the mind healthy is key to keeping the body healthy as well. Good luck whatever you decide to do!

EatingAndKnitting

If you have PTSD you should look into a specific firm of therapy called EMDR. Eye Movement Desensivitiy and Reprogramming. It's especially for treatment of PTSD and it works. I was diagnosed with PTSD after a stay in a mental hospital, and did several months of sessions, it changed my life. I didn't get treatment specifically for weight loss, but I don't think I'd have lost the 45 pounds I've lost without it.

It sounds like woo, but it really does work. I don't make a habit of recommending things that are woo. You need to find a therapist that specializes in it, not all do.

Good luck to you. You can do this. You just may need a little extra help.

Nightmare_Queen88

@blaketoben I've always had an issue with self love. I've tried being more positive and taking compliments from others but it just makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. And most of the time I don't believe them. But I know I should be more confident and learn to love myself. And I know I should probably do this before focusing on weight. But I'm not only terrified of losing weight but I'm also just as scared if not more of gaining weight and going back to being 268 lbs. All of this really stems from my ptsd and why I have it in the first. So therapy might be my only option at this point.

Nightmare_Queen88

@nowine4me I've readjusted my cals to 1800. I was more comfortable there anyways. I should've never lowered it. I'm being too impatient. One day at a time.

Nightmare_Queen88

@MegaMooseEsq I've honestly been in therapy a few times and it never helped. I know I need it but a part of me thinks I'd be weak going to therapy because I should be able to do this on my own without help. Yes I know that sounds ludicrous.

Nightmare_Queen88

@jesslla I've been to a counselor once who recommended that exact treatment for my ptsd but I was skeptical of it and honestly a bit scared. I've never done anything like that before. But at this point I'm willing to try anything. However I also have limited funds so if it's too pricey to get done then I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to afford it.

EatingAndKnitting

It's not really scary at all. You sit there with little paddles in your hands and think about your traumas with a therapist there to see when things are getting too hard for you. Then they calm you down. It's very intense, but it's fast compared to traditional talk therapy. Took one one hour session each for most of my problems, two sessions for one that was much more intense than I realized. I spent years in talk therapy and didn't get nearly as far as I got in two months of EMDR. I will sing is praises forever.

At the end of every session, especially the really intense ones, the therapist calms you down. You don't even start the real stuff until you've built yourself a happy place to go to. They want you to walk out of there feeling relaxed and calm. I always always walked out of there feeling better than when I walked in.

As for cost, I don't know. Insurance covered most of mine. But because it's fast, you'll need fewer sessions.

GottaBurnEmAll

Oh @Nightmare_Queen88, let me share my story.

I started out at 210 pounds and dropped down to 116. I want to weigh 110. I was desperate to lose that last 6 pounds and did crazy restriction to do it.

Thus started a cycle of binge/restrict and trying different things that lasted a YEAR because I was in a rush.

I ended up ten pounds heavier than where I started.

Here's what I've learned:

• When you have very little weight to lose, you can't have a very big deficit.
• Set MFP to a 250 calorie deficit, and stick to it
• Find out a good macro balance that keeps you from binging - for me, if I don't get enough starch, I binge
• DO PLANNED DIET BREAKS/MAINTENANCE DAYS - yes, even with eating the small deficit. Especially if you're exercising. Do this once a week or every two weeks.

A lot of this relates to hormone levels, which are the things that are whacked which are driving you to binge in the first place.

Yes, it's going to take more time to lose weight this way, but it's better than binging your way into gaining more weight.