Healthy Mom Healthy Kid.

ShaeOlwen

Little bit of a downer... Recently started taking my weightloss seriously. But also found out my daughter is being called fat at school and it's affected her self esteem. Spoke to her about it. She thinks she should be thin because I want to be thin. I've messed up. Clearly. How do teach her that this isn't about being thin? Any ideas?

EllieElla2015

I wrote a post a couple months ago about a little girl I babysit who also struggled with her weight.
What I’ve learned from my experience from that and the previous advice I received is to absolutely not make it about weight or appearance. Make it about health and part of that is being careful about how you discuss your weight around here- or better yet don’t mention it all around her. Substitute “losing weight” to “getting healthy” which isn’t just about food but also about activities. So you can say you’re trying to get healthy and ask her to join you on a walk. You can also say you’re trying to get healthy and ask her to help you prepare dinner. This will be a lot less damaging then saying “I need to lose weight so I’m not eating X. Or I’m only eating X”.

If she directly asks you about how to lose weight, my go to answer was “when you’re healthy you tend to feel good over all, so let’s start with small healthy choices and see how you feel”. I wouldn’t talk about calories or weigh food around her and just create the feel of an over all active lifestyle with a variety of food choices.

I hope this helps

BusyRaeNOTBusty

This is a great article;

https://www.romper.com/p/9-body-positive-terms-you-need-to-teach-your-daughter-5401

Even she really is at an unhealthy weight, start to be more active (together could be fun), add in fruits and veggies, talk to her about health and fitness (not about weight). Encourage her to really think about if she's hungry or just bored, or if she just likes the food. My 11 year old has been a little chubby for a few years (her BMI was 1pt from overweight and her doctor was a little concerned). We've done all I've described and she's thinning out a bit but nothing drastic and I on't think it's effected her self esteem or body image.

Hamsibian

My heart goes out to your daughter. Peers can be so cruel. I agree with the "being healthy" approach as opposed to weight goals. Make it an opportunity to support each other - new recipes you can create together, fun activities like walking or biking, etc. It will build up her confidence.

cwolfman13

Make it about nutrition, health, and fitness. My wife and I are into all of the above and we have two little boys...we never talk about "thin" or weight or whatever. We emphasize good nutrition and being healthy and fit and active.

We're pretty active as a family until. Both my wife and I workout, but we also do a bunch of stuff that's just active with our kids. My youngest plays i9 soccer and my oldest (7) plays i9 flag football and I'm the assistant coach for his team. We go on a lot of family hikes and the boys love going to the rock climbing gym with us for some top rope fun. Sometimes we all just go out for a family bike ride. We all go together most evenings to walk the dog.

They are learning that keeping an active lifestyle is healthy and normal...and like I said, weight or being "thin" and whatnot is never talked about at all. I remember once a few years ago, my oldest asked me why I like to ride my bike so much...I made no mention of weight or wanting to be lean...I just told him that it's really good for my heart muscle and my lungs and that it makes me happy and that regular exercise is just plain old good for you.

busyPK

I agree with the above posters - make it about getting/being healthy and not about appearance or weight. Do fun activities together. I have 3 kids and my oldest (almost 8) loves reading labels on foods and learning what carbs, fat, protein can do to his body (we read up on them and I give him the simplest kid explanation). He's also gotten into reading simple books about the body and organs which he finds fascinating.

TavistockToad

How old is she? Is she overweight?

ashliedelgado

My 12 year old is smack in the middle of puberty, and a few years ago had put on the customary chub layer. Nothing bad, she was within normal range, just went wide for a minute. We focused on health. She got a few inches taller, and everything evened out.

MikeinNOLA

Lot's of good advice. Talk about making healthy choices when eating and snacking, and leading an active lifestyle, walk, jog, play together. You're the parent, so I assume you can control what is in the house to eat....but she needs to understand what heathy choices are when she's at school, or away from you.

AliceDark

It's also okay to talk to her about how you used to think/talk about weight, and how you want to start thinking more about health from now on. (In an age-appropriate way, of course). You can tell her that you used to focus too much on being thin, and that you've realized that isn't the best approach.

counting_kilojoules

I wouldn't even talk about being healthy too much. A lot of people talk about being healthy when what they mean is being thin and everyone knows it. I'd probably say that I'd been focused too much on my weight and now I'm trying to focus on being healthy - by eating healthy food, being active and enjoying life. And then, unless she brings it up I'd never mention it again. If you want her to learn from example let her see you prepare and eat healthy food and exercise. Ask her if she'd like to join you in a walk.

Lounmoun

Shiloh1407 wrote: »

Little bit of a downer... Recently started taking my weightloss seriously. But also found out my daughter is being called fat at school and it's affected her self esteem. Spoke to her about it. She thinks she should be thin because I want to be thin. I've messed up. Clearly. How do teach her that this isn't about being thin? Any ideas?

Talk to her about normal healthy growth for her age. Bring it up with her doctor so they can help you discuss it. Is she overweight? Is it a legitimate health concern?

Stock your house with nutritious foods. Be active and encourage activity.

Watch how you talk. Don't go around calling things junk or saying you were a pig or negative things. Say nice things about people of various sizes. Compliment people on more than their appearance.
Explain why you have the goals you do.

Talk about how she felt when a classmate called her fat. Listen to her. Does she recognize that they were wrong to say that? Does she have a hard time with other students? Is she involved in any positive social groups outside of school?