New Here (again). Lots of detail, looking for support (addicts - please read).

gluttonysucks

Hey there. I'm AJ.

I've been on and off this site for a few years. I've come to the realization that I need support - we all do. It's extremely isolating to be tormented by our vices. I've been an addict all my life; I just didn't realize it. I masked it by saying, "Well, this is MY thing - everyone has theirs."

I oscillated between food addiction, alcohol, pot, binge-watching media, lust, social media, attention from men, and bulimia. Little by little, with the help of my spiritual director (an amazing young priest), and the immense grace of God, I have made strides in many of these areas - though there is much to be made (and if any of you have any questions or struggle with any of these, please feel free to reach out). I'm not a Bible-thumper - but my Faith has helped me immensely in this lifelong journey. It's really catapulted my progress, to have a foundation built on something permanent and important - not just "looking good."

So as I strive to improve in other areas of my life (sin, it all comes back to sin), my body-image and health has to be taken seriously. I use binging and purging as escapism, and it's really "cheating" weight gain. I was 147 (my lowest, since I was 12), and though I looked so much better, it wasn't earned. I was sticking my fingers down my throat 12 times a day, and all I thought about was food. On the outside, I may have looked healthier, but my insides were rotting. I was obsessed with what my next binge was going to contain. And all the while, people are starving all over the world. My surplus was being puked up into the toilet. It's been a long and hard struggle with this vice, and I call it a vice because that's what it is for me. I haven't sought counseling from a therapist, only from priests. But one thing they always tell me is I need a support system - just like in AA. We need people who KNOW what it's like to feel OUR struggles. And I had actually considered that for a while, because I'm an addict. Though it cooled down with alcohol and lust, it's still there. My jealousy, my pride, my ego. . . the kick I get when I get hit on. The rush of ___: you name it. We have these demons we all fight, and I want to win.

Who wants to win with me?

Please add me and let's support each other. Let's be a resource of hope and encouragement to each other. I'm tired of hating myself. I'm tired of envying others' looks or bodies. I'm tired of being jealous of peoples' will-powers and self-control. I know the potential is in all of us. It's hard - no one said it isn't. But that's not enough of a reason to avoid making the changes we know we should be making.

-AJ

Johns_Dope_AF

Hi! Oh the similarities...lol. I'm actually doing pretty good these days but man those are some things that held me back forever!!! Im here for you, lets do this!

gluttonysucks

Great to hear - thanks, John! What was the biggest influence in helping you get over your pitfalls?

Johns_Dope_AF

I just realized I was wasting my life spinning in circles. All my vices were keeping me sick and keeping me from achieving my goals. Im gonna add you, if you need any help from me at all let me know. I understand that pain all too well.

Johns_Dope_AF

I used to think of this quote all the time "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation" it would always motivate me to not stay sick like that. Hope this helps!

gluttonysucks

Thanks! It does.