Need some help to fix an unhealthy mindset

Options
teags84mfp
teags84mfp Posts: 49 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hello everyone

I wrote a post here months ago in regards to struggling with weight gain from binge eating. Weight that I had lost in 2016, 32 kgs to be exact. I have gained a whopping 17kgs in a year from simply being unable to stop eating.

I do know that I was severely undereating at the time. I was not calorie counting at the time during the weight loss but when I look back at what I was eating it was nowhere near enough for the exercise I was doing. I know this has contributed to the binge eating.

I am so so sad and down about it all. I feel like I have no control around food anymore. I had so much willpower last year and now its gone. I want to be healthier and within a healthy BMI. I can go 1 week eating really well, then gorge on food. I don't feel sad or bored really, I have no idea why I am eating like this. I feel really lost and want to heal from this. I feel incredibly ashamed when people see me now, having seen me looking so thin and healthy, to now. Its very embarrasing as it means people can see I have no control. I cant wear the clothes I used to.

I am sorry I just dont know where to go from here and how to get out of this diet mentality of restricting carbs etc. I am hoping someone here could show me a guiding light or just a good kick up the backside. I cannot keep living like this, I have already put half the weight on I lost.

Thanks in advance,

T xx
«13

Replies

  • teags84mfp
    teags84mfp Posts: 49 Member
    Options
    rheddmobile wrote: »
    First of all, stop blaming yourself. Your body wants to be the weight it used to be, and will do all sorts of tricks with metabolism and hunger to try to get back there. What you are trying to do is not easy - in fact most dieters fail to keep significant amounts of weight off long term!

    Start by logging everything, even your binges and mistakes. Input your stats. Don't worry about carbs, carbs don't make you gain or lose weight, it's all about calories. Incorporate some exercise into your routine if you can, to gain more calories.

    You can definitely do this! You've already taken the first step by coming here and asking for help.

    Thank you for the positive words of encouragement, I appreciate it. You are right, I was reading about the fact that after losing large amounts of weight that the body pumps out hormones that makes you want to eat more to return to some sort of homeostasis. I sure wish I was aware of this fact last year.

    And this is the reason why I have lost and gained weight my whole life. I have counted that ive lost 20 to 30 kgs and gained it again, 5 times in my life, as well as having 4 children mixed in those years. My body is fighting against me each time ive lost the weight to regain. It is a hard realisation to come to, and I am glad I am learning more about it more now so I can stop this cycle and learn to eat normally.

    For me, I cannot figure out if having small treats within calorie allowance is the best way, or simply abstaining from them all together. I have never felt satisfied eating a small chocolate, it just gives me a taste and desire for more.

    I am also having difficulty realising I need to eat more calories, more than 1200. For me, losing weight and hunger has always come hand in hand. But well, it has not worked so far at all so I need to do the opposite of what I have done all these years to make this permanent. Thanks again for your input, I will try not to be so hard on myself.
  • teags84mfp
    teags84mfp Posts: 49 Member
    Options
    Also another question. Is it wise that at 17kgs (37lbs) to lose that I should be aiming for just a 1lb loss each week? I have plugged in my stats and MFP has given me 1500 cals to eat- seems reasonable. Gosh I feel so sad that I have to lose this again, it is very soul wrecking. At least on the bright side, I did not gain it all back.
  • teags84mfp
    teags84mfp Posts: 49 Member
    Options
    jgnatca wrote: »
    Would you be happy if you were a size or two larger than you were at your thinnest? That may be more sustainable.

    I’d like to see you add one 200 calorie snack on your menu every day that you used to reserve for binge days.

    I am hoping by including all foods in your daily diet you can break the deprivation-binge cycle you got caught up in.

    Also, accepting yourself as a size larger than your imagined ideal I am hoping will lead you to feeling much better about yourself. You don’t have to be perfect to be a strong and competent human being.

    Hey hun. I am about 2 dress sizes up from where I was at my thinnest. At my thinnest I was still 2kgs above my healthy BMI range, so nowhere near underweight. But I looked and felt great at my lowest, and very healthy with some curves still.

    I like your suggestion of a 200 cal snack, I know I need to eat more in order to break the binge/restrict cycle. What a vicious, frightening cycle it is to be caught up in. And I believe it all started with cutting carbs to be honest, cutting out a food group is not a good idea, I have learnt the hard way.
  • dwilliamca
    dwilliamca Posts: 325 Member
    Options
    Don't beat yourself up. In fact, feel good that you are starting over now instead of later. Like you I lost 30 lbs. and then regained it all over a 2 year period of feeling depressed, angry at myself, ambivalent, in denial, procrastinating....basically putting off the fact that I was gaining weight and needed to do something about it. Well here I am again, back on the wagon, and doing great. You can do it too. Forget the low carb thing if it is not for you. I've tried it and for me it didn't really help and left me feeling hungry and deprived. Play around with the macros until you find what works for you. Protein is really the only one I care about being close to. I eat 3 regular meals a day, just smaller portions than I once did. I do watch sugar and use sugar-free products instead (Stevia being my favorite but I will use Sucralose). I think ahead of each meal and log my calories so I know if I'm within my limits. If not I adjust it a bit. If I'm craving something I usually eat it and log it....if it is high calorie I just eat a smaller portion. My body has gotten used to smaller portions now. I save about 15-20% of my calories for snacks, healthy or not, making sure I have at least 200 cals left after dinner. Most of the time I use these up with sugar-free desserts like pudding, Jello, or ice cream. When I do go over my limit or binge I log every calorie of it, and eat low calorie soups and salads the next day to partially make up for it. If I know I'm going out and expect to overeat or drink, I cut my calories back that day and maybe even the day before. It is a matter of discipline. 1500 calories is a reasonable amount and losing 1 lb./week is a healthy way to go. Just think how good you will feel in 3 months! No more soul wrecking. Take care of your mind, body, and most of all soul. You can do it.
  • JoLightensUp
    JoLightensUp Posts: 140 Member
    Options
    teags84mfp wrote: »

    For me, I cannot figure out if having small treats within calorie allowance is the best way, or simply abstaining from them all together. I have never felt satisfied eating a small chocolate, it just gives me a taste and desire for more.

    I am also having difficulty realising I need to eat more calories, more than 1200. For me, losing weight and hunger has always come hand in hand.

    I'm wondering if you have found it hard to incorporate small treats so far because you have been hungry. You might find you can incorporate treats in a more controlled way once you up your calories and carbs.

    I know that restricting carbs leads to cravings for me. Hunger combined with high calorie snack foods equals trouble...I just want to munch and munch. If I have satiating meals that include protein, carbs and fat, I find I can include treats and still feel in control. Well-balanced, nourishing meals are the starting point for me.

  • misnomer1
    misnomer1 Posts: 646 Member
    edited October 2017
    Options
    Dont restrict carbs, up your calorie intake for a .5-1lb per week loss goal. Occasionally eat pizza, chocolate, etc whatever you like but stay in a weekly deficit. Be patient.
    After 2-3 months, eat a week at maintenance to reset your body then continue.
    Also since noone has asked, whats your height, weight, activity level setting and age OP?
    Im also thinking that you may have set activity level too low, given that you have 4 kids.
    Oh, and be sure to eat back at least half of intentional exercise calories. So eat Net 1500kcal, not gross 1500.
  • teags84mfp
    teags84mfp Posts: 49 Member
    Options
    misnomer1 wrote: »
    Dont restrict carbs, up your calorie intake for a .5-1lb per week loss goal. Occasionally eat pizza, chocolate, etc whatever you like but stay in a weekly deficit. Be patient.
    After 2-3 months, eat a week at maintenance to reset your body then continue.
    Also since noone has asked, whats your height, weight, activity level setting and age OP?
    Im also thinking that you may have set activity level too low, given that you have 4 kids.
    Oh, and be sure to eat back at least half of intentional exercise calories. So eat Net 1500kcal, not gross 1500.

    Hi thanks for your reply. I am 187lbs, 5 ft 4 and 33 years old. I have my activity set at lightly active. I am a stay at home mother but exercise 5 to 6 times a week for an hour each time.
  • teags84mfp
    teags84mfp Posts: 49 Member
    Options
    JoLightensUp wrote: »
    teags84mfp wrote: »

    For me, I cannot figure out if having small treats within calorie allowance is the best way, or simply abstaining from them all together. I have never felt satisfied eating a small chocolate, it just gives me a taste and desire for more.

    I am also having difficulty realising I need to eat more calories, more than 1200. For me, losing weight and hunger has always come hand in hand.

    I'm wondering if you have found it hard to incorporate small treats so far because you have been hungry. You might find you can incorporate treats in a more controlled way once you up your calories and carbs.

    I know that restricting carbs leads to cravings for me. Hunger combined with high calorie snack foods equals trouble...I just want to munch and munch. If I have satiating meals that include protein, carbs and fat, I find I can include treats and still feel in control. Well-balanced, nourishing meals are the starting point for me.

    Thanks Jo, I think this may have been my downfall all along. Trying to restrict treats and carbs completely has created huge cravings.
  • misnomer1
    misnomer1 Posts: 646 Member
    Options
    teags84mfp wrote: »
    misnomer1 wrote: »
    Dont restrict carbs, up your calorie intake for a .5-1lb per week loss goal. Occasionally eat pizza, chocolate, etc whatever you like but stay in a weekly deficit. Be patient.
    After 2-3 months, eat a week at maintenance to reset your body then continue.
    Also since noone has asked, whats your height, weight, activity level setting and age OP?
    Im also thinking that you may have set activity level too low, given that you have 4 kids.
    Oh, and be sure to eat back at least half of intentional exercise calories. So eat Net 1500kcal, not gross 1500.

    Hi thanks for your reply. I am 187lbs, 5 ft 4 and 33 years old. I have my activity set at lightly active. I am a stay at home mother but exercise 5 to 6 times a week for an hour each time.

    Ok. I plugged in your stats into mfp and it gave me net 1610kcal a day for a 1lb a week loss. So you can eat 1610+(at least 50pc of intentional exercise calories) and still lose weight healthily. This should curb your cravings.

    You could also eat 1850 (plus intentional exercise calories) and lose at 0.5lbs a week if it means that you can comply better.
  • Lillymoo01
    Lillymoo01 Posts: 2,865 Member
    Options
    My trick is to log everything before I eat it. That way I know whether it fits into my calorie goals and then can decide if the calories are worth it. I have also substituted milk chocolate for dark. I could eat a whole block of milk chocolate in a sitting but a few pieces of dark is enough. If possible limit the amount of tempting food in the house/work environment. Buy single serves only or give yourself the rule that if you want it you have a walk to the shops to get it, and then only buy 1 serving. You are not denying yourself any particular food which can just increase cravings, just giving yourself boundaries.
  • misnomer1
    misnomer1 Posts: 646 Member
    edited October 2017
    Options
    teags84mfp wrote: »
    Okay thank you so much. So just to make sure I understand you correctly, I eat 1600cals. And say, I burn 300 calories through exercise and eat half of them back, meaning ive consumed 1450 cals all together?

    Correct. I would say 1450cals NET is a better terminology than 1450 'all together' but you got the idea.
    The goal mfp gives you is for NET calories not GROSS. In your example Gross calories were 1600+150 = 1750 (all the food that you ate in total). If you subtrct 300 exercise from this, you get 1450NET.

    You can also eat all exercise calories back. Ie 1600+300. So net calories will still be at 1600. You will lose at 1lb a week this way. The eat back 50pc thing is for people who think they overestimate exercise calories burned, i dont think you need to worry about that imo, you have bigger things to worry about as priority.

    Think about it this way, on days you work out you are allowed to eat a bit more than your goal because you burned more.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    Options
    Re: carbs and sweets. I'm a diabetic so I do have to watch how many carbs I have per meal, although I eat a moderate carb diet, not low carb. I started my diet a year ago after my diagnosis with a serious Coca Cola habit and a complete inability to moderate sweet stuff.

    As far as having small treats goes, everyone is different but what worked for me was going cold turkey on added sugar for a while. I substituted fruit with yogurt and dark chocolate for my treats. It took about two weeks, but after two weeks my cravings for super sweet things subsided and fruit started to taste much sweeter to me. After almost a year of avoiding sweet things, I've been testing the waters recently - I ate a mini Snickers bar from our supply of Halloween candy a few times this week instead of my usual piece of dark chocolate - and just one 42 calorie bar was fine, I didn't want more. Some foods are just going to be off limits to me forever - I already know myself enough to know that Coke is never going to be a thing I can feel satisfied with small amounts, it's just not worth it to me, and I hate diet drinks, so I drink tea now.

    As I said, everyone is different, but I think the best thing is to figure out a way of eating which will keep you from feeling deprived, whether that means a small amount of the same treats, or a larger amount of lower calorie versions. For me, one piece of really good quality dark chocolate was a good substitute for eating a giant bar of cheaper chocolate. Instead of candy while I worked on the computer I started drinking herbal tea.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    Options
    1 lb / wk sounds like it might work - fast enough to keep you from going bonkers feeling like you're not getting anywhere, and a few more calories per day so you will be less tempted to binge.
  • teags84mfp
    teags84mfp Posts: 49 Member
    Options
    Lillymoo01 wrote: »
    My trick is to log everything before I eat it. That way I know whether it fits into my calorie goals and then can decide if the calories are worth it. I have also substituted milk chocolate for dark. I could eat a whole block of milk chocolate in a sitting but a few pieces of dark is enough. If possible limit the amount of tempting food in the house/work environment. Buy single serves only or give yourself the rule that if you want it you have a walk to the shops to get it, and then only buy 1 serving. You are not denying yourself any particular food which can just increase cravings, just giving yourself boundaries.

    Thanks lilymoo, you have helped me the last time I posted months ago, so thank you again for chiming in. Your advice is very sound, and like you I have no trouble eating large amounts of milk chocolate. I will get some dark chocolate and see if it helps. I will also pre log as then I wont be caught out so to speak. Do you think for the first week or so it would be ok to eat a frozen dinner each night? Just to get used to it I guess. I know exactly how many cals are in them, I find I have trouble logging dinners, cooking for fussy toddlers and an allergic child too. Everything else is ok, but I need to try and make this easier for myself.
  • teags84mfp
    teags84mfp Posts: 49 Member
    Options
    rheddmobile wrote: »
    Re: carbs and sweets. I'm a diabetic so I do have to watch how many carbs I have per meal, although I eat a moderate carb diet, not low carb. I started my diet a year ago after my diagnosis with a serious Coca Cola habit and a complete inability to moderate sweet stuff.

    As far as having small treats goes, everyone is different but what worked for me was going cold turkey on added sugar for a while. I substituted fruit with yogurt and dark chocolate for my treats. It took about two weeks, but after two weeks my cravings for super sweet things subsided and fruit started to taste much sweeter to me. After almost a year of avoiding sweet things, I've been testing the waters recently - I ate a mini Snickers bar from our supply of Halloween candy a few times this week instead of my usual piece of dark chocolate - and just one 42 calorie bar was fine, I didn't want more. Some foods are just going to be off limits to me forever - I already know myself enough to know that Coke is never going to be a thing I can feel satisfied with small amounts, it's just not worth it to me, and I hate diet drinks, so I drink tea now.

    As I said, everyone is different, but I think the best thing is to figure out a way of eating which will keep you from feeling deprived, whether that means a small amount of the same treats, or a larger amount of lower calorie versions. For me, one piece of really good quality dark chocolate was a good substitute for eating a giant bar of cheaper chocolate. Instead of candy while I worked on the computer I started drinking herbal tea.

    Well done for kicking your Coke addiction, that is something to be very proud of. Yes I agree, I am going to have to find a way of eating that satisfies me while losing weight as well as maintaining it. It's figuring out what that type of diet looks like that is tricky for me, but I am sure I will figure it out. This is a real lightbulb moment for me thats for sure.

    And yeah, it will be different for me losing at a slower rate, I am used to seeing the weight drop off quickly, 2lbs a week. But it came back on just as fast unfortunately. I will just be patient and consistent and follow all the sound advice given here.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    Options
    teags84mfp wrote: »
    Lillymoo01 wrote: »
    My trick is to log everything before I eat it. That way I know whether it fits into my calorie goals and then can decide if the calories are worth it. I have also substituted milk chocolate for dark. I could eat a whole block of milk chocolate in a sitting but a few pieces of dark is enough. If possible limit the amount of tempting food in the house/work environment. Buy single serves only or give yourself the rule that if you want it you have a walk to the shops to get it, and then only buy 1 serving. You are not denying yourself any particular food which can just increase cravings, just giving yourself boundaries.

    Thanks lilymoo, you have helped me the last time I posted months ago, so thank you again for chiming in. Your advice is very sound, and like you I have no trouble eating large amounts of milk chocolate. I will get some dark chocolate and see if it helps. I will also pre log as then I wont be caught out so to speak. Do you think for the first week or so it would be ok to eat a frozen dinner each night? Just to get used to it I guess. I know exactly how many cals are in them, I find I have trouble logging dinners, cooking for fussy toddlers and an allergic child too. Everything else is ok, but I need to try and make this easier for myself.

    If you can find convenient foods that fit within your calories, they can definitely help! The only problem is that a lot of frozen dinners which are lower calorie are not much food. If you make a salad or other veg to go with, that can help you feel more satisfied without a lot more calories.

    My husband and I make sure to have at least one day per week where I don't have to cook - there's a family owned Italian restaurant which makes good spaghetti and sandwich wraps, so we order in and have a wrap for lunch and spaghetti for dinner. And he makes bacon and eggs for breakfast.

    Food prep can definitely help too. One thing I do is prep the parts of meals which take a while to cook ahead of time - a big batch of quinoa, stir fried vegetable mix, and a pork tenderloin - which can easily become sandwiches or other meals during the week.

Categories