Weight gain after getting married

ashley3496
ashley3496 Posts: 2 Member
edited November 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
Hello! I've used this app on and off for years, but I've never participated in the forum. I got married about five months ago, and I’m actually really surprised about how easy the transition was. The only exception is that I’m quickly gaining weight. I’ve struggled with my weight all my life, but this is the heaviest I’ve ever been. I don’t feel good about myself at all. I tried to lose weight for the wedding, but the stress of wedding planning and changing jobs wasn’t conducive to that, so I eventually had to accept that I wasn’t going to be thin for my wedding. I already weighed a lot more than I like when we got married, so the weight gain since we got married has been disheartening.

I think that the biggest problem is our vastly different caloric needs. My husband already has a much faster metabolism than me, and a few months before we got married, he started a job that has him on his feet all day. I work at an office job, and I’m not currently doing anything to work out, so I’m sedentary most days. When I only had to cook for myself, I wasn’t always healthy, but I didn’t feel the need to make real meals all the time either. For instance, I would sometimes just have popcorn for dinner. I also made a lot of meals with my spiralizer, which are great for me but far from enough calories for him. When my husband is working, I make dinner because he works 12-hour shifts, and I know he wouldn’t be happy or get as much food as he needs with just a snack for dinner. So I’m making these big dinners all the time now. If I don’t make them, then it’s likely that he’ll buy food, and we’re trying to watch our spending. I love food, so I know I’d be miserable making food for him and not getting to eat any of it myself. I also hate the idea of making separate meals because I already barely have enough time to make one dinner.

I want to start working out again. I think Daily Burn might suit me, so I’m hoping to do the free trial soon. I desperately need to build my muscle back up. I know working out won’t make me lose weight if I don’t change my diet, but I’ve never had to cook for someone else all the time before now, so I’m not sure what to do.

TL;DR: I got married recently and have been steadily gaining weight. My husband has a much higher caloric need than me, and it's hard to cook in a way that works for both of us.

Replies

  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member
    Eat smaller portions of the higher calorie foods you make. Do small easy things for him like when you make spiral veggies for yourself make real pasta for him. Just some small tweaks make it so you can both enjoy without making special separate meals.
  • conahh
    conahh Posts: 2 Member
    ashley3496 wrote: »
    I’m not currently doing anything to work out, I’m making these big dinners all the time now.

    Sorry Ashley, but what do you need help with?

    You're acutely aware of what is causing your weight gain but not actively doing anything about it. The simplest suggestions would be to;
    A.) Proportion out meals - you can eat the same things as he does just eat less of it.
    B.) Increase exercise to burn calories
    C.) Eat less throughout the day to lower daily consumption (see intermittent fasting)

    Any of these will lower caloric surplus, used in conjunction should be capable of creating a deficit to start losing weight. Do whatever workout allows sustainable consistency - if you can't do daily burn every day, replace it with simply walking for half an hour or something low intensity. Long term consistency > short term intensity.
  • ashley3496
    ashley3496 Posts: 2 Member
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    Eat smaller portions of the things you're cooking for both of you. If the portions that fit within your calorie goal are too small to satisfy you, use vegetables or other lower calorie foods to bulk up your meals so they fill you up.

    That's a good idea. Making veggies in bulk could help because I can still load up a full plate without having a calorie-bomb. We tend to run out of veggies before other foods because we both genuinely love them, so I'll need to make a lot more.
    Ready2Rock206 wrote: »
    Eat smaller portions of the higher calorie foods you make. Do small easy things for him like when you make spiral veggies for yourself make real pasta for him. Just some small tweaks make it so you can both enjoy without making special separate meals.

    I actually made pasta for him and zoodles for me one day when I was feeling motivated, but he ended up wanting zoodles too in addition to his pasta, so we ended up running out of zoodles and having a bunch of leftover pasta. I think I'll have to up the amount of zoodles and decrease the pasta if I try it again.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    give him more.

    give you less.

    i do it every day for my fiance and myself.

    its really not difficult.
  • emcclure013
    emcclure013 Posts: 231 Member
    My husband sounds a lot like yours. He has a highly physical job so he can eat and eat and eat.

    I try to really limit my breakfast/lunch so that I can indulge at supper with him. I have two small meals, hardly any snacks, and I can make whatever I want for supper and make it work. I still eat smaller portions than him, but it makes it work for us. There's no "special diet food" in our house.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,864 Member
    I have a much higher calorie need than my wife...we fend for ourselves for breakfast and lunch...I usually cook dinner...I have larger portions and she has smaller portions. Our breakfasts and lunch differ in regards to calories, so do our snacks.
  • jelleigh
    jelleigh Posts: 743 Member
    Hey OP,,

    This is exactly what happened to me too. I got married, started cooking big meals , and making plates for me and my big hubby that matched. Only difference with my situation is that I totally obliviously gained a lot of weight (like 50 lbs!!) And now 5 years later I'm struggling to lose it. Believe me - it's worth the effort put in now because it can quickly snowball and you'll end up with so much more to lose.

    Im busy too and I used to let that hold me back a lot. But weight loss doesn't have to be time consuming. Exercise is nice but not necessary for weight loss. I find it takes a lot of time and makes a small impart calorie wise (but has other health benefits so is worth it there). I highly suggest IF. I've recently started myself and it takes no brain space and let's you eat heavier in your eating window. Essentially, hold off eating (drink lots of water and black coffee or tea), then start eating and only eat within a certain window. For example, I skip breakfast, eat lunch at like 12:30/1 and finish dinner at 6:30/7. No eating after that. Thats called a 18/6 split - 18 hour fast, 6 hours eating. You still have to be in a calorie deficit during those 6 hours, but its so much easier to do.

    Also it helped me to do some meal prep on Sundays. I researched batch cooking on Pinterest and made up a few large pots of filling, yummy, calorie and budget friendly food. Then fridge or freeze it. Now you don't have to cook every day, or just whip up a side dish or something, and it's done. Less thinking = easier = more likely to stick to.

    I know how much life can get in the way and we excuse things because of stress etc. Been there. But something valuable I learned here is that you don't need special circumstances , food, metabolism, or anything else to be successful. Just tiny changes can get you there.

    Good luck ! You can do this!
  • kgirlhart
    kgirlhart Posts: 5,472 Member
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    Eat smaller portions of the things you're cooking for both of you. If the portions that fit within your calorie goal are too small to satisfy you, use vegetables or other lower calorie foods to bulk up your meals so they fill you up.

    This. ^^^ You can eat the same things that your husband eats. You just need smaller portions. Don't make a meal and then split it in half. Give him 3/4 and yourself 1/4 (or whatever split works for your calorie goal).
  • Bry_Fitness70
    Bry_Fitness70 Posts: 2,481 Member
    ashley3496 wrote: »
    So I’m making these big dinners all the time now. If I don’t make them, then it’s likely that he’ll buy food, and we’re trying to watch our spending. I love food, so I know I’d be miserable making food for him and not getting to eat any of it myself. I also hate the idea of making separate meals because I already barely have enough time to make one dinner.

    I'm not really following how making him big portions is a problem - for example, if he is eating 20 ounces of food and you feel that you should be eating 12 ounces of food, wouldn't you adjust the recipe so that you are making a total of 32 ounces (rather than 40 ounces worth and eating to his level?) Also, if you don't adjust how much you are making, you certainly don't have to eat to his level just because you made it - save the excess as leftovers or throw it away if you have to.
  • Lesscookies1
    Lesscookies1 Posts: 250 Member
    It's all about CICO are you using a food scale? Are you counting your calories? If you're not eating less than you burn you won't lose weight.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,462 Member
    Are you the only one who cooks? Trade off weeks of cooking, or let him meal prep some extras for himself once a week. There are lots of threads on MFP A0aboutbthus topic.

    In the end, it's mostly about portion control for you. Most of us females simply cannot eat as much as as our male counterparts. The sooner you can accept that and adjust to it, the more long term success you'll have. Do you know what's harder than passing up extra food? Finding yourself 10 or 20 or 30 years down the road weighing twice what you should and dealing with a variety of physical limitations and health issues. Many of us have been there. It really is a lifestyle commitment.
  • livingleanlivingclean
    livingleanlivingclean Posts: 11,750 Member
    I would gain weight quickly too if I ate the same as my husband...
    If you want to eat the same dinners, pack him more food for his work day. My husband eats 4-5 meals a day whereas I only have 2-3.

    He gets calorie dense additions to his dinner too - more rice/pasta/bread/starchy vegies/cheese/oil etc - stuff that can easily be added to bump up calories.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    I think this is very common for a lot of newly married women. It took me a while to connect the dots :lol: Now I do exactly what most everyone above has recommended - smaller portions of calorie dense foods, larger portions of veggies, and learned to say 'No, thank you, sweetie' when he inevitably tries to share his snacks/desserts/treats with me (because he's a generous soul that way and knows chocolate makes me happy).
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    Eat smaller portions... you could even use a smaller plate or bowl.
    Put more low calorie vegetables on your plate. He can add more cheese, butter, bread, pasta, rice, potatoes to his.
    Make less food so there is enough for him and a little for you.
    Eat lighter meals for breakfast or lunch so you have more calories for dinner.
  • spiriteagle99
    spiriteagle99 Posts: 3,863 Member
    If your husband is working long shifts and you aren't, use some of the time you are alone to get in some exercise. Can you stop in at a gym on the way home from work? Get some exercise videos? Go for a walk before or after work?
  • clicketykeys
    clicketykeys Posts: 6,615 Member
    If he works long shifts is he working tons of overtime or does he have extra days off? If he does have days off, see if you can't make meal prep something you do together.
  • maggibailey
    maggibailey Posts: 289 Member
    That is why I am back on here :) I got to my favorite weight of all time. Got happya nd married and comfortable. And my man loves to cook and loves to feed me, so I gained 20 pounds to the heaviest I have ever been. And had to say nope! He is sweet but when he asks if I want three cookies I have to say no thank you I’ll take a kiss Instead. Which sounds sappy but it distracts him from his food pushing lol. I’m down 11 pounds as of today. And guess what we still have great meals together!
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