Subconscious Sabotage

I have broken the 200 wall once. Then I quit my job and stopped burning calories like I was on fire, so I've gained back some pounds.

....I can feel myself being afraid to go down to 180. I originally wanted to lose 50 to get to 160lbs, but now Ive accepted that I'm just not comfortable being that "skinny". ... instead, I'm just trying to break this wall. Then move to breaking 190lb and then see where we are at.

I've built my self-confidence/esteem and all around personality around my body -in that I have struggled hard with not hating myself for who I am (overweight). ... it's a constant struggle, and yet I am afraid of losing that much weight.
... so I tend to just have habits glitch causing some normalizing above 200 to occur, sabotaging myself.

It's like I'm afraid of losing myself..... in that I am what I am, and if I lose weight, I'll be shedding my turtle shell and ending up all gooshy and exposed.
.. having to rebuild that hard outer shell again.

That being said, I know I'm fabulous and weight is just weight and doesn't change who you are as a person. ....
....but it still terrifies me, and I know it is why I don't make real progress.

I'm secretly not wanting to go anywhere- while the other half dreams of looking in the mirror and not hating the excess girth. ...

Any ideas to help combat this psych stuff-besides my insanely stubborn will power and true desire to want to be healtho etc etc. (These tools have gotten me to size pants 14 once and broke 200 once).

Replies

  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,463 Member
    Well, there's a rarely discussed identity crisis that has to be faced. If you knew me when you would know how strange this is- while losing, I became the best dressed guy in my office. Spent money on clothes that were soon too big. But it was a game changer. I liked the new me. You're unsure. It's ok.

    But if you can't embrace the process it's going to be a problem. Do you want to lose weight, or just feel like you should want to lose weight?

    You don't have to hate yourself bc of your weight.
    The world is full of thin criminals. You may or not be fabulous, weight has nothing to do with it.

    I didn't decide I loved my 285lb self. I did decide I was a worthy cause and if I decided I wanted to weigh less, I deserved to achieve my goals.

    Why not try this, as an experiment, get to 198lbs.
    See what it's like. If you really don't like it, you can gain it back. Nothing is set in concrete.
  • Dukare
    Dukare Posts: 144 Member
    Aye, that's the kicker. ... I absolutely loved it when I reached the smaller sizes. I was reveling in it. ........

    But then habits get flipped- like my job quitting, - and then idk, before I know it I'm back up s few pounds. Having to "reset" and all that.

    Luckily, after 8 years of changing the lifestyle, climbing up the mountain, I feel like I'm on the other side ....so this hits me less, but still happens before I realize it.

    Clothes are my reward haha. I am waiting to buy stuff until I'm in the smaller quadrant.
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,483 Member
    Why not try losing in 5-10lbs increments then maintaining for a few months.
    You can then get use to the new you, both mentally and physically, then aim for another goal, or decide you are happy where you are.

    The fear of success can be just as strong as the fear of failure. Work on things slowly so yourself can adjust to the exterior changes.

    Cheers, h.
  • Dukare
    Dukare Posts: 144 Member
    Why not try losing in 5-10lbs increments then maintaining for a few months.
    You can then get use to the new you, both mentally and physically, then aim for another goal, or decide you are happy where you are.

    The fear of success can be just as strong as the fear of failure. Work on things slowly so yourself can adjust to the exterior changes.

    Cheers, h.

    That is my latest tactic. ... keep the head down and just trudge through it till I'm out the other side, then stop and realize what I've done. ... need to keep doing it so I don't get anxiety every time I break 200.......