Of pregnancy, stretchmarks, and motherhood
pinuplove
Posts: 12,871 Member
This post has been brewing in my mind for a while now. We'll see if I can formulate my thoughts as well here as I did in my head while plugging away on the treadmill this morning (dreadmill, to those of you on my friends list 
)
It seems I see at least one thread every day, sometime several, posted by a new mother. She's 2, 3, or even 6 weeks post-partum and anxious to 'get her old body back,' fit into those pre-pregnancy jeans, and hopefully erase the toll growing a new person took on her body as soon as humanly possible (or faster).
I was that woman (I started to say girl, as 21 seems younger and younger the older I get). I remember looking in the mirror after the most grueling 37 weeks of my life (delivered early due to pre-eclampsia) and not recognizing the person in the mirror. She was a mess of raging red stretchmarks, sagging stomach, hormonal acne, and bags large enough to pack for the weekend under her eyes. I couldn't accept that this was my new reality. I felt ruined. Devastated.
I wish I could sit that girl down on the couch, hug her, and talk to her - really make her listen (she wasn't very good at listening back then, and is probably only moderately better now). Let her know that she's just embarked on a lifelong journey that will be filled with more love, joy, and fear than she could have ever imagined. That the marks that start above her bellybutton and terminate somewhere on her thighs, bisected by the c-section scar that likely saved her from dying in childbirth, aren't the end of the world. No, they'll never go away, but they'll fade. They'll become a permanent reminder of one of the first, but far from last, sacrifices she made for her children. That she deserves to be kind to herself. That it's ok to mourn the loss of that perfectly smooth, flat tummy of her youth, but that someday it really won't matter as much as it seems to right now.
New mommas, love yourselves. Snuggle those babies, sleep when they sleep and cry when they cry if you need to (you'll need to, sometimes). Eat well and healthily (I know some days you'll feel like cold mac and cheese is all you can manage, but try to throw an apple in there too, just so you can feel slightly righteous). Exercise to keep your body healthy and strong. Lift heavy, plank, run marathons, whatever floats your boat, but don't sweat the things that you can't change. Someday soon, your sons will be bigger than you, your daughter's attitude will remind you of a certain teenager you used to see in the mirror, and you'll have been living in that 'new' old body for more years than you can believe have passed. And it will all be worth it.
)It seems I see at least one thread every day, sometime several, posted by a new mother. She's 2, 3, or even 6 weeks post-partum and anxious to 'get her old body back,' fit into those pre-pregnancy jeans, and hopefully erase the toll growing a new person took on her body as soon as humanly possible (or faster).
I was that woman (I started to say girl, as 21 seems younger and younger the older I get). I remember looking in the mirror after the most grueling 37 weeks of my life (delivered early due to pre-eclampsia) and not recognizing the person in the mirror. She was a mess of raging red stretchmarks, sagging stomach, hormonal acne, and bags large enough to pack for the weekend under her eyes. I couldn't accept that this was my new reality. I felt ruined. Devastated.
I wish I could sit that girl down on the couch, hug her, and talk to her - really make her listen (she wasn't very good at listening back then, and is probably only moderately better now). Let her know that she's just embarked on a lifelong journey that will be filled with more love, joy, and fear than she could have ever imagined. That the marks that start above her bellybutton and terminate somewhere on her thighs, bisected by the c-section scar that likely saved her from dying in childbirth, aren't the end of the world. No, they'll never go away, but they'll fade. They'll become a permanent reminder of one of the first, but far from last, sacrifices she made for her children. That she deserves to be kind to herself. That it's ok to mourn the loss of that perfectly smooth, flat tummy of her youth, but that someday it really won't matter as much as it seems to right now.
New mommas, love yourselves. Snuggle those babies, sleep when they sleep and cry when they cry if you need to (you'll need to, sometimes). Eat well and healthily (I know some days you'll feel like cold mac and cheese is all you can manage, but try to throw an apple in there too, just so you can feel slightly righteous). Exercise to keep your body healthy and strong. Lift heavy, plank, run marathons, whatever floats your boat, but don't sweat the things that you can't change. Someday soon, your sons will be bigger than you, your daughter's attitude will remind you of a certain teenager you used to see in the mirror, and you'll have been living in that 'new' old body for more years than you can believe have passed. And it will all be worth it.
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Replies
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This is such a great post! Being a mom is a marathon. Pregnancy and postpartum is just the "blip" along the path. It's also important that you be able to ASK and be open to RECEIVE help. It's not impossible to do it by yourself, but having a support network really helps!2
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I don’t have children, but this is lovely.2
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This is such a great post! Being a mom is a marathon. Pregnancy and postpartum is just the "blip" along the path. It's also important that you be able to ASK and be open to RECEIVE help. It's not impossible to do it by yourself, but having a support network really helps!
Why is pregnancy a 'blip'? A blip is a negative thing...4 -
I wouldn't necessarily call pregnancy a blip in the sense that it is non-meaningful. Perhaps in the regard that it is 9 short months followed by a lifetime of parenting (I'm under no illusions it ends when they turn 18
) I remember actually feeling a bit lost without the regular monthly/weekly doctor visits with all the attention focused on ME, lol. Afterward, it's all about the baby (but that's a separate post/rant). 2 -
Awesome post, @pinuplove! 100% agree.1
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New mothers get a lot of (often self-inflicted) pressure to return to pre-baby weight. But it ignores the fact that women were not actually designed to look 18 forever. Even when losing the weight, typically the body is still changed in small and large ways forever. Trying to force an already unrealistic body image onto a post-baby body is bound to make women hate their bodies even more.
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TavistockToad wrote: »This is such a great post! Being a mom is a marathon. Pregnancy and postpartum is just the "blip" along the path. It's also important that you be able to ASK and be open to RECEIVE help. It's not impossible to do it by yourself, but having a support network really helps!
Why is pregnancy a 'blip'? A blip is a negative thing...
Blips aren't negative; they are just short periods of time that do not reflect the overall trend. (Pregnancy for most modern woman is once, twice maybe three times in adult life.)3 -
kenyonhaff wrote: »New mothers get a lot of (often self-inflicted) pressure to return to pre-baby weight. But it ignores the fact that women were not actually designed to look 18 forever. Even when losing the weight, typically the body is still changed in small and large ways forever. Trying to force an already unrealistic body image onto a post-baby body is bound to make women hate their bodies even more.
Agreed. Even barring pregnancy and childbirth, nobody is immune to the power of gravity forever
I know for myself, anyway, I was particularly vulnerable after the birth of my first child. I felt defective and wrecked because I didn't bounce back immediately after the baby was born. I wish someone had prepared me a bit for the reality of 'after.' I was the first of my group of friends to have a baby, and it was a lonely time.0 -
Beautifully said @pinuplove, your words resonate with me. And you are right, in the big scheme of things ( life) my pregnancies were just a blip, what came of those blips, my beautiful children AND the stretch marks and that bit of extra skin between belly button and crotch, that just is kind of there, are part of this incredible journey. My husband has NEVER said anything about my post babies body except that my body is amazing and beautiful and he wouldn’t change it for anything and that those “badges” of motherhood are perfect and prove how strong women are. (That we stretch and don’t break, and how we carry that extra weight of another human while pregnant, when they are babies and until it’s time for someone else to carry us)
I would do it all over, even if I knew then, what I know now. Take care all!❤️❤️❤️1 -
Just bumping this, as I've seen a few posts regarding losing the baby weight in the past week.5
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Love this so much!1
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Love this! It took me a year after baby and breastfeeding to finally start to feel like myself again! If I have a 2nd child I will be a lot kinder to myself about getting back to myself again! Thank you for posting this!1
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katlyngronwoldt85 wrote: »Love this! It took me a year after baby and breastfeeding to finally start to feel like myself again! If I have a 2nd child I will be a lot kinder to myself about getting back to myself again! Thank you for posting this!
I wish more new mothers would be kinder to themselves! I think it's one of those things where distance provides perspective, though. 0 -
I love this... I'm only just starting to feel myself again and although I have a massive scar I'm proud of myself for getting through it. Would do it all again for my kids .1
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This is an awesome post 1
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My "babies" are 11 now. But this post made me cry like I'm 2 weeks postpartum. Well said, OP.
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