What to do when you don't care?

daneejela

What to do when you don't care about your weight? But at the same time you know that you will care once in the future and one of your future selves would need to take care of your mess? Last few years I am alternating between those periods of caring about my body and not caring at all. Its almost like some kind of a depression, although I don't feel depressed or sad. I just feel at the moment like my weight doesn't make any difference in my life, like " what's the point? " Any advice how to get out of it while I haven't yet un done all hard work?

TavistockToad

Why doesn't your health matter to you?

displaced1

Firstly, I try to maintain my weight loss by making semi-decent choices. I keep foods out of the house that are triggers, I try to limit take out food, and when I have it, I have 1/3-1/2 portions from restaurants and better options from fast food.

I try to still walk a mile or two daily. Occasionally I'll track and I still weigh myself. Seeing the scale drift upwards is a big motivation to begin again or think of a healthier dish for the day, at least.

Think of a couple easy things you can do that you can continue: drinking water, passive energy use (maybe standing at work), a new healthy recipe once a week.

I falter when my motivation goes. I tend to be motivated with tracking/exercising/eating well for a couple months at a time. But if you can maintain while getting your desire back, that's success! And the key to long term success is you need to learn how to not gain weight.

Another viewpoint may be to treat this like anything difficult you may have accomplished in life. There can be times when an untimate goal is desirable but the steps to get there are slogged through without any real willpower or desire except for the endpoint.

misnomer1

How old are you?

daneejela

misnomer1 wrote: »

How old are you?

I am 32.

mllc2017

I go through the same thing sometimes. Where i think at the end of the day when all is said and done my being overweight does not matter. My life would not be any better now if I were thinner. Currently it has no impact on my life. Fortunately my self worth has never been tied to my physical features.

However, i know very well the impact it could have on my later years with risk of stroke, heart attack, DM, etc. I also have a 3 year old that I want to be around for. So that is what I try to keep in mind now when i want to eat junk and be lazy. I figure I’d rather lose the weight and develop healthier habits now rather than when I’m 50 and older.

daneejela

TavistockToad wrote: »

Why doesn't your health matter to you?

Good question.
It is one of the strongest motivators I have from time to time, but in periods like this I feel like I fall into some kind of motivation black hole. And weird thing is that I actually enjoyed those times when I did take care and when I was eating well.

misnomer1

Only you can motivate yourself. No one else can. Maybe speak to a therapist?

Francl27

I gain 10 lbs back, lol.

TavistockToad wrote: »

Why doesn't your health matter to you?

To be fair, 10 lbs is unlikely to make a big difference health-wise.

WhereIsPJSoles

I relate to this hard. For me it’s actual depression and medication has helped me, but that’s a crap shoot. I honestly think when I’m going through that I don’t believe I deserve a healthy body. I don’t deserve to have it look good or function well. And living to a ripe old age doesn’t necessarily sound appealing. If that’s the case for you, I highly recommend speaking to a therapist.

I’ve also changed my goals around so I have something new to focus on. I used to only care about being skinny, now I wanna be strong. I go to the gym every single day so that I have a routine. But every day I’m there I’m doing something different than the day before so I’m not stressing out my body and not getting bored or burnt out.

I feel like right now my diet is either helping or hurting my progress with that so it’s not so much a feeling of “well who cares if I get fat?” It’s like “don’t you want your workouts to be fueled properly?”

RoxieDawn

eta.. changing my position and updating post.. others are stating depression rather it mild in nature.. I cannot speak or say if this is the case therefore changing my stance on this.

Lounmoun

What is your current state? Are you still a healthy weight but creeping up, a little overweight or very overweight/obese? Are you looking at doing the work of maintaining your current weight/fitness level, losing 10 lbs/getting in better shape or losing 50+ lbs and changing quite a bit?

Are you doing the things you want to do in life? Are you avoiding anything because of your weight (photos, clothes shopping, dating, seeing family or friends)? Are there health problems you really wish to avoid? Do you feel energetic, sleep well, not in pain most of the time currently?
If a friend or family member was in your current condition would you be concerned about them? What advice would you give them?

I don't know that you need to start with big motivation. Set a few small specific goals to begin with.
The holidays are coming. Maybe a small goal for the season could be something like: cut down portions of sweets to a particular amount each day, get 8 hours of sleep a night, eat out less often, walk 30 minutes a day or drink less alcohol. See how you feel in a month or so.

sssgilbe

Depression can manifest in many ways. Not feeling depressed or sad may be a sign of not feeling much at all. You may want to schedule a physical with your doctor and discuss a referral to a counselor who specialized in weight issues.

nickssweetheart

It could actually be a mild form of depression. Depression doesn't always mean sadness, it can mean hopelessness or apathy too. That doesn't mean that you need medication, but some of the same things that can help depression may help you: sunlight, exercise, adequate sleep (google sleep hygiene), and, yes, healthy eating.

It can be a vicious cycle when you stop caring, so you eat worse, so you feel worse, etc... if you can't manage logging or make yourself care, try just making better choices? Focus on eating a nutrient dense diet and getting enough sleep and if you can't make yourself do strenuous exercise, try walking instead of driving somewhere (bonus, that will get you some sunshine.)

And, finally, if you have a ways to go, focus on the benefits you're already receiving. Here's my favorite quote about weightloss:

"I've lost forty-six pounds over a twelve-month period, and still have a long way to go. But this is not like waiting for a package to be delivered, where you have nothing until it finally arrives. Yes, I'm still overweight--but I'm already stronger and I have much more stamina and flexibility. No, I"m not slender. But I look better, and I fit into clothes I haven't been able to wear for years." --Alexandra, Strong Women Stay Slim

Edit: My pony is slow...that will teach me to spend 15 minutes looking up a quote.

kommodevaran

I have only one question: What about consistently eating a little less is "hard work"?

VintageFeline

Back before I had my "aha!" moment I was perfectly content being "fat". I felt it didn't greatly impact me in negative ways. Until I lost a good chunk and suddenly realised how much better everything is. I don't hurt as much (medical reasons why I always hurt to a degree in some places), running up and downstairs doesn't even give me a second thought, even wearing heels is so much easier if that's something you enjoy. Clothes fit better and they don't dig in or threaten to split when I sit down. There's significant space between me and the steering wheel. I am just physically more comfortable and that's a pretty good feeling.

But I also agree that there may be depression playing a role. It's something I permanently live with despite medication, which has improved it but it's part of my bipolar 2. I am not what people would classically think is how a depressed person "should" be. I am an inherently optimistic person, I am largely cheerful. I just struggle with the basics of life, leaving my flat (compounded by anxiety), I can't be bothered doing a lot of things that are just part of the daily routine of life.

So that's to say, depression doesn't always manifest in a way that is recognisable to you or people around you. At the very least, speak to your GP and see if it's something that might fit for you and ways to combat it, medication or not.

purplefizzy

While no amount of self-talk ALONE can combat true clinical depression, if what you are asking is how we individually stay motivated to make healthy choices when we are momentarily feeling apathetic, I'll take a go.

There are a few things I regularly remind myself, some I've heard others say and I've made them my own, some just personal experience-related.

-I remember how exhausted I was, 80#+ ago. My feet used to really freaking hurt, from carrying all of that body around.
-I remember the annoying chafing of my thighs, and how generally uncomfortable I was (shopping, attempting to climb up to reach high cupboards, getting past people on the train)
-I remind myself that every food decision, every activity-related decision, they take me either closer to or further away from my best self
-I remind myself that I don't have to dig the hole any deeper, if I make a less than ideal choice: If I get into 'fk it, I'll start making better decisions again TOMORROW' type thinking, I'm just adding to the surplus that I'll eventually need to carve back away to be at my physically happy place
-Instead, I take the occasional crap choice (I'm looking at YOU, mini snickers!) and actually visualize it fueling me during my next workout
-When I'm tempted to eat ALL of the THINGS, right now, I remind myself: because I can eat whatever I want, as long as it fits into my overall nutrition needs, this isn't my 'last chance' before I'm 'good' again tomorrow- I don't have to eat everything now, as I have several occasions every single day when I need to put food into my body
-When I'm trying to maintain a deficit, I weigh and measure, reminding myself that my body logs everything accurately, I may as well join it in tracking. The extra grams will just throw the data, and I like good data. Cheating my log? That's just cheating myself
-I try not to get defeated during times where I let social or emotional circumstances take me a bit sideways of my healthiest self. It's a spectrum, I'm not suddenly 'out of shape' when I stray from 14%BF, when I don't log 12 miles a day.. I'm not as fit as I have been, but I'm also not magically going to gain all of the weight back and lose my training, either
-I use several data points for my fitness. Fit of clothes, sometimes weight and body fat, sometimes strength in the gym, sometimes mileage. When one category isn't motivating, I focus on another for a bit. Right now, my weight isn't where I 'like' it (I prefer a very lean, and somewhat difficult to maintain, aesthetic) so instead I'm focusing on strength, and on enjoying being a bit looser with my intake - I'm focusing on the relishing the social aspects of being slightly less ridged with my intake (restaurant meals are harder when I'm weighing everything to the gram) while still making choices that fuel my training and give me a look I can live with

That was super long winded, I hope it was at all helpful:)

smantha32

daneejela wrote: »

What to do when you don't care about your weight? But at the same time you know that you will care once in the future and one of your future selves would need to take care of your mess? Last few years I am alternating between those periods of caring about my body and not caring at all. Its almost like some kind of a depression, although I don't feel depressed or sad. I just feel at the moment like my weight doesn't make any difference in my life, like " what's the point? " Any advice how to get out of it while I haven't yet un done all hard work?

When weight doesn't matter I would just not focus on it... try to focus on fitness levels instead. I like feeling stronger.

davidylin

daneejela wrote: »

What to do when you don't care about your weight? But at the same time you know that you will care once in the future and one of your future selves would need to take care of your mess? Last few years I am alternating between those periods of caring about my body and not caring at all. Its almost like some kind of a depression, although I don't feel depressed or sad. I just feel at the moment like my weight doesn't make any difference in my life, like " what's the point? " Any advice how to get out of it while I haven't yet un done all hard work?

I've developed good habits that take over when I don't care. I'm habituated to portioning, for example. I'm habituated to go do my low-impact cardio. The habits I have help to protect me when I don't care.

I get back on the horse when I can.

Even then, there are times my habits don't save me. I enlist the help of the people that care about me to shepherd me through those times.

And then there are times that I don't care and I shrink from the people that would help me. Those are the dark times. When motivation, discipline, social desire, and most function breaks down. All I keep is a small spark of anger, for when the clouds part and the rain stops falling to relight my fire.

callsitlikeiseeit

being proactive is better than being reactive.

no one can make you care. you have to care about yourself enough to take care of your body. you only get one.

toxikon

I feel ya. I've teetered around 155lbs most of my adult life. I'm at a healthy weight for my height but once and a while I get a surge of motivation that allows me to dip into the 140s and I always look and feel so much better. But then motivation wanes and I creep back up to 155. Right now I am highly motivated because I'm getting married in the spring and want to look my best. But other times, I get lazy and stop caring.

Finding healthy activities that you truly enjoy seems to help. I got into doing 3-5k walks every day during the warmer months because there was an audiobook I really got sucked into, and walking was the only time I could really focus on it. Now that it's winter I'm really missing it and treadmills don't cut it. So I'll have to work on finding another activity during the winter that I enjoy.