Failing Buddy System

Laurahenson29

My partner and I decided to go on this journey together. I have lost 15 pounds and feel great. I cook healthy, clean foods and stick to the meal plan. She continues to drink soda, eat candy, and eat in the middle of the night and hasn't lost weight. But then she makes me feel bad for her and I can't. Does anyone else have a buddy that they are losing weight with that is failing?

dsboohead

Unfortunately buddies are a "nice" thought but it is a trip that a man must make alone to get to his personal destination.

jemhh

For lack of a better way of putting it, I don't understand why you feel bad for her suffering the consequences of her own actions.

Lounmoun

People have to do things in their own way in their own time. To me the buddy system is not necessarily effective for weight loss. Your partner may not want to lose weight enough right now and that is fine. Do your own thing.

You might discuss the challenges of weight management with your partner and remind her that weight loss is about a calorie deficit not what type of foods she eats or when she eats them. Maybe she needs to hear that she doesn't have to change so dramatically just watch her calorie intake more.

Does she use MFP?

brendanwhite84

dsboohead wrote: »

Unfortunately buddies are a "nice" thought but it is a trip that a man must make alone to get to his personal destination.

I think the success of a buddy system would depend in part on how willing to go upside your buddy's head, as they say, the two of you are going to be.

If the goal is to keep each other accountable then you have to keep each other accountable by any means necessary. The physics and biochemistry governing weight management don't care about people's feelings and ultimately you have to bow to those principles.

seska422

I had someone close to me who decided to lose weight. I knew that I wasn't ready yet and owned up to it. It took me over a year to be ready to commit.

Ultimately, weight loss is up to the individual. Be supportive of your partner but don't feel responsible/bad for her decisions. They are her decisions to make just like what you put (or don't put) into your mouth is your decision.

jessicapk

I've never had a buddy system that wasn't on MFP that went over very well. Find some good friends on here that are about the same stage, weight, etc. that you are and keep only positive people around you. Negative friends serve no purpose on here! I've met some wonderful people that I see as friends even more so than people I know in "real" life simply because we've struggled together

cmriverside

Your partner isn't ready. So be it.

Do you, boo. :flowerforyou:

JaydedMiss

no. Im honestly a huge downer with how against fitness buddies i am on these forums. I dont mean to be. I believe fitness buddies are like "motivation"- Excuses to fail. Considering a huge portion of dieters do fail, Leaning on someone else increases the chance youll fail by atleast another 50%. Doesnt give you a very good chance. Gota do it for you by you.
Coming from someone who for years tried to convince people to diet with me, Second they failed id be like *kitten* it ima fail to im alone. Had to realize being alone is an okay thing and trek on.

No one but you will do the work for you. And putting energy into another person who clearly doesnt care on top of you just wears you down. Make yourself the sole priority. Maybe eventually you can lead by example.

tulips_and_tea

Just keep doing your thing and be consistent. Set a good example and if / when she's ready she will find her own plan.

She can still eat the foods she eats now, but in smaller quantities. She doesn't have to eat the exact same foods as you to lose weight, which I'm sure you know but you may remind her of that. IF she wants help then just suggest she starts by learning to log her food here accurately without changing what she eats and then take a look and see what changes she can make that are sustainable for her.

Congrats to you on your success so far!

greenlizard72

If you are strong enough, keep being an example to her. If not, and there is no shame in this, put yourself first and isolate yourself from influences that can prevent your success.

Calliope610

I have a policy when it comes to mentoring others or supporting their goal attainment. I am not willing to work any harder mentoring or supporting another than they are willing to work in actually achieving their goal.

Kinda like you can lead a horse to water....

I'll lead you to the water, but if you continually refuse to drink, you are on your own.

bigjonb4116

Apart from the support i get from MFP buddies- my best friend of forty years, who has always been super fit himself gives me most support out of family and friends, because he has always worried about me being over weight.
Ultimately we can only lose weight for ourselves, and if your partners weightloss journey isn't going as she planned because she doesn't have your focus, then i think you need to be selfish , because you are succeeding, ( if she doesn't see the reasons that she isn't losing weight, then she probably isn't ready for the journey) and as your friend/partner she should be encouraging you still not making you feel guilty, as i am sure you try to encourage her.
congratulations to you for what you have lost so far, but don't give up.
There are thousands of positive friends on MFP

sksk1026

I think the moment when you finally decide to do something about being fat, is a personal one. You got to that point but she didn't. I don't know what the secret is - I'm not sure what got me to that point after a decade plus of obesity! I just know you can't get someone else to that point. Don't let her derail you. Maybe your success will get her to that point. Maybe not.

Ready2Rock206

Ugh. Really - she guilt trips you because she can't control herself? This is why I don't do fitness buddys. I don't want to be responsible for another adult's behavior.

Do your thing and keep up the good work you're doing. Don't fall into her trap and give up on your goals just because she did.