ED buddies and support

grrrgirl

Group for anyone who has an eating disorder. A group where you are not talked down to or criticised. For anyone who knows that EDs are mental illness and not a choice. Add me

RunawayCurves

There are a few groups that might help on MFP, maybe they could be made more active again

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/1012-emotional-eating

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/726-binge-eating-support-group

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/116605-in-recovery-from-ed-eating-disorder

CarvedTones

I have type II bipolar disorder and tend to have ED at both extremes. I binge when depressed, which is how I get overweight. Then I get hypomanic and angry at myself for getting fat and eat way less than I should. I lost a half pound a day on average for two months. I wasn't tracking the first month but I was the second. I have been inching it up since then but still not eating healthy yet. I have lost 27 out of a planned 58 and I really need to start eating 1500 a day. I have pushed my calories to just over 1000 and I keep saying today is the day I take another step up to 1200, then I will do 1300, then 1400 and then 1500. At least that's my plan. I will stay at each level until I lose a pound just to prove to myself I am still losing while eating that much. This is my plan. This has been my plan for a few days though and I kind of stalled at 1000. I have made a more solid commitment for the next pound as it is a major milestone for me.

There are a couple of things giving me anxiety about eating more. One is that I am not really hypo now, just kind of near center. I don't want to give myself permission to bump it up and then binge. The other is that even though I know rationally that I should still lose plenty of weight at 1500 a day, part of me panics about eating more every time I try.

grrrgirl

I have borderline personality disorder. (Among other things) mental illness def plays a role in my eatting disorder. Control has a lot to do with it but its more then that. This is also relapse for me I was doing good for yrs but its to the poibt I cznt even look in mirrors anymore

Graelwyn75

Same diagnoses, along with Asperger's, OCD, GAD, Clinical Depression and yeah... a lot to contend with. I have also relapsed after a long, long time of being relatively okay, beyond some bulimic periods. Am now underweight, but only just.

sugarstrawberries

Also BPD here. Right now trying to contend with the impulse to binge (especially after work) and currently learning about dialectical abstinence in therapy. At the moment I am done with starving myself to try to lose faster.

RunawayCurves

Interesting, I also have bipolar and borderline personality diagnosis as well as aspergers and DID, they definitely complicate matters. I also tend to over eat when in bipolar depressions, I turn in to a human caterpillar insatiable appetite for junk food and insane cravings. Then when hypo manic I lose interest in food and it is very easy to under eat. I find myself pushing the under eating to limit because I am desperate to undo some of the damage before I crash back into next depressive phase. With the aspergers when I go into hermit mode I tend to comfort eat in my seclusion. With the DID one of my alternate personalities wants to be hugely fat because she thinks it is safer and another is a child who constantly comfort eats when she is in control. Mental health issues make maintaining physical health really hard. I still believe we can get the eating under control if keep on persisting with making positive changes. It does mean having to address each mental health issue at the same time though. It is a huge task but as can not trade life in for another the only choice is to keep fighting to get as well as can be. At the moment I take medication to take the edge of bipolar though it in no way controls it, I see a counsellor to help sift through DID issues, I go to a day service drop in for borderline personality, the aspergers I am not that bothered by but I do have to make an effort to make myself go out sometimes even when want to hide away. The binge eating disorder I am tackling at the moment by addressing the DID issues and also avoiding my binge trigger foods.

CarvedTones

I just noticed a ten pound typo in my prior post; I have lost 39 of the 58, which is 2 more than when I posted the prior that said 27 - should have been 37.

Another thing that happens when I am happy hypo is I feel skinnier and I barely recognize the imposter in the mirror. That motivates. I have wellbutrin in the mix and it curbs my appetite or at least the desire to graze.

No formal spectrum diagnosis, but my AQ is in the low 30s. I am socially awkward and have a bad habit of saying things that others find insulting or taboo when I thought it was just harmless small talk. It is way worse when hypomanic. I need to take a marker and write STFU on both palms.

Some success on the ED front. I ate over 1200 calories yesterday and almost certainly will today. No doubt about tomorrow. I am going to wait a few days to weigh again; I don't want to get discouraged from water weight or more in the "pipeline". But only some success because I really should be shooting for 1500.

I know I am still well below maintenance; my rate of loss proves an average calorie deficit over 1000. Unfortunately, there is no way the math works using 3500 calories per pound so it has not been all fat. Muscle is 2500 per pound. When I get to goal, I will have to eat above maintenance and pump iron to get some back in my chest and shoulders, then lose back slowly to goal again so I will have more muscle. Thinking about this helps motivate me to up the calories. I am not sure that is the best way to deal with anxiety - scare the monster off with an even bigger monster.

CarvedTones

Some more info...

The craziest thing about some of my binging was sometimes it was stuff I would not choose. I would grab a couple of donuts when they were in the break room and come back later to look for more. The same thing with muffins. But I almost never buy breakfast pastries and at breakfast buffets I usually skip them; not a big pancake eater either; yogurt, eggs, grits with puddles of melted butter and buttered biscuits with jam were my choices.

CarvedTones

Running monologue continues...

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. It's a day for extra care to avoid bad habits. I am wearing some jeans I finally am able to fit properly in; not much room if I eat too much.

RunawayCurves

I have completed 1 month of no binges and lost 27lb , most of that was fluid were my guts were so swollen and inflamed from eating grains even though I can not digest grains. Feel so much better without all that painful bloating and fluid retention.

CarvedTones

I made it to 1500 today! Yeah, it's Thanksgiving but I was actually pretty good about not going overboard. I baked a couple of apples with pecans, butter and brown sugar and cut each in half for four servings. Each serving is about 250 and a scoop of ice cream on top is another 140. There were other desserts that my wife and kids ate, so I will probably be polishing off the apples over the next 3 days. Hopefully that will be long enough to see a small drop or at least no gain so I can get past the paranoia that it is too much. MFP considers 1500 for a man to be an aggressive weight loss goal and what I have been doing to be unhealthy. I bought way more pecans than I needed, so they are another easy way to get calories up if I need to and can convince myself it is okay to.

I need to learn to east like a normal person. This binging into the obese range and then starving myself back to a healthier weight is beyond ridiculous. But it keeps happening even though I know that.

livisuzanne

I have bipolar 1, adhd, ptsd, and have just started seeing a nutritionist who specializes in ED. It was been emotionally exhausting.
I decided to start seeing a new psychiatrist this spring, because my insurance wouldn't cover my appointments with the Dr I'd been seeing for the past 5 years, and I just started feeling really discouraged. I was on a lot of medication, and he had confusing views on the reality of eating disorders and PTSD, and when I was really struggling and realized that he was just going to up a med dose, or change a med possibly, or add a medication to treat whatever symptoms had cropped up, (I was already taking 6 medications) I just became exhausted. Also a little angry I think. Frustrated sounds better, but I think it's okay to say that I felt angry.
My current Dr has now gotten me down to 3 medications, one of which I am tapering off of. I spent the summer getting off of medications, which took a huge toll on my body, and I gained about 35 lbs. I have stopped gaining weight now that my body has gotten used to the med change, but I've been stuck at the same weight for 2 months, I've had to buy new clothes, and I'm having to actually deal with my eating disorder. I decided to log on to mfp for the first time in 4 and a half years at 1am, and I realized that finding support from people going through the same thing, who won't judge me, and understand that I did not choose to have an eating disorder, would probably be way more helpful than trying to deal with this all on me own.

livisuzanne

RunawayCurves wrote: »

I have completed 1 month of no binges and lost 27lb , most of that was fluid were my guts were so swollen and inflamed from eating grains even though I can not digest grains. Feel so much better without all that painful bloating and fluid retention.

Are you gluten intolerant?

RLBansonNoond1990

It's nice to see there are people in similar situations to me; I have Borderline Personality Disorder (with Depression, Anxiety and a Panic Disorder mixed in); Food has always been a comfort for me - when emotions were running high or low I could be "triggered" to Binge Eat.

It'd get to the point where I couldn't do a weekly shop because if there was food there it was too much of a temptation to binge.

I'm currently going through treatment for BPD and I'm hopeful it will help me!

And I'm going to try my best to make more sensible decisions in regard to my eating.

CarvedTones

I have done 7 days in a row within 15% of 1500. My average for a couple of months prior to that was much lower, down in the unhealthy range. It has slowed my rate of loss substantially. I see my post from two weeks ago above and I had lost 39 at that time. I have now lost 41, so still a pound a week, but the first of the two weeks I was eating a couple of hundred calories less on most days. I am still tempted to do some VLC days to see more progress, but resisting it so far. I need to be patient and lose weight like a normal person. It means I won't get to goal until March/April instead of January. Then it will be time to do battle with the other demon - the binge impulse.

CarvedTones

livisuzanne wrote: »

I have bipolar 1, adhd, ptsd, and have just started seeing a nutritionist who specializes in ED. It was been emotionally exhausting.
I decided to start seeing a new psychiatrist this spring, because my insurance wouldn't cover my appointments with the Dr I'd been seeing for the past 5 years, and I just started feeling really discouraged. I was on a lot of medication, and he had confusing views on the reality of eating disorders and PTSD, and when I was really struggling and realized that he was just going to up a med dose, or change a med possibly, or add a medication to treat whatever symptoms had cropped up, (I was already taking 6 medications) I just became exhausted. Also a little angry I think. Frustrated sounds better, but I think it's okay to say that I felt angry.
My current Dr has now gotten me down to 3 medications, one of which I am tapering off of. I spent the summer getting off of medications, which took a huge toll on my body, and I gained about 35 lbs. I have stopped gaining weight now that my body has gotten used to the med change, but I've been stuck at the same weight for 2 months, I've had to buy new clothes, and I'm having to actually deal with my eating disorder. I decided to log on to mfp for the first time in 4 and a half years at 1am, and I realized that finding support from people going through the same thing, who won't judge me, and understand that I did not choose to have an eating disorder, would probably be way more helpful than trying to deal with this all on me own.

The cocktail of meds they come up with can be mind boggling. I am down to 3 for BP and 1 for ADHD. One of my 3 is wellbutrin and I am fortunate to be experiencing the diminished appetite side effect and my other meds (lamictal and saphris) seem to be weight neutral or maybe they are overridden by the wellbutrin. I am pretty stable with my mix so I am not eager to make changes.

It is nice to find others who understand. When I posted that I was having trouble getting much over 1000 calories a day, I was assailed by people making snarky comments about how I got overweight if I have trouble eating much. the answer is I binged, of course. It wasn't my 3 light meals (most days), it was melting cheese over a plateful of chips and multiple bowls of ice cream late at night after drinking (another problem that I am dealing with; over 5 months sober). The thread was shut down because the admin thought I was promoting the idea of eating so little. Not a lot of understanding and support.

dreamsofjoy

I'm on Wellbutrin too but it's paired with Prozac. Unfortunately I struggle with binge eating.... Having a particularly hard time right now.