Husband Doesn’t Approve

brittneynathan0579
brittneynathan0579 Posts: 69 Member
edited November 23 in Motivation and Support
Hey guys,
I need advice!! I started this healthy lifestyle in January and went from 236 lbs to 184 lbs. I’ve given up alcohol, smoking, and caffeine. I finally got to where I love what I eat and I enjoy my workouts. My daughter saw my results and so she just recently joined this healthy way of living with me. That being said, my husband has not lived this way and resents me for it. He is overweight and since we don’t drink anymore, he uses food as a crutch. I don’t shove fitness down his throat because when I started, I promised him I wouldn’t. Well, since Thanksgiving, he has blown up on me three different occasions, telling me he wished he’d never invested in our home gym and is sick of watching me eat the way I do. We used to eat very unhealthy together, but now it doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t know what to do. I have eaten this whole weekend things he considers non diet foods, but I told him Monday I’m going back to my diet because I still have some weight I want to lose. I don’t understand what I put in my mouth has to do with what he puts in his. He got angry because I can finally go hiking again, but he doesn’t want me to even do that. I’m not giving up on something I feel is important and that is a part of me just to make him happy, but I fear we may lose our relationship if I don’t. I’m also a recovering drug addict, clean for 5 years and I feel I need some sort of outlet, which fitness has become . What would you guys do?
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Replies

  • Thank you. I do talk to him, but he angers easily and I’m not sure how NOT to make him mad, lol. It’s very disheartening because I’ve worked so hard at something so important to me and he wants me to give it all up, just when I’m finally at mentally where I need to be. You’re right though, a talk has to be done
  • pogiguy05
    pogiguy05 Posts: 1,583 Member
    edited November 2017
    WOW first I am no one to cast the first stone, but you seem to be in a very toxic relationship/marriage. It sounds like you guys might also need to seek marriage counselling as well. maybe if someone else tells him he needs to be supportive or something. Sometimes people when they see videos of themselves they are shocked by what they see. I really dont know, but you will not be successful long term with the lack of support from him. What ever happen to "in sickness and in health"??? Does he have any health issues himself?
  • Will do! Thank you so much!
  • lucerorojo
    lucerorojo Posts: 790 Member
    I can't say I have experienced, but have read about these kinds of situations. The spouse feels threatened by the new look, sometimes jealous because they are overweight and no longer have someone to be an excuse for their own bad health, and other times because they are afraid of losing the spouse who is looking and feeling better. I hope that he comes around soon. It could be either, both of these things or something else.

    I think it's wonderful that YOU have turned your life around for yourself and that it is having a positive effect on your daughter. Obviously you had to do something since the extra weight was inhibiting you from doing basic things that needed to be taken care of. You have to take care of yourself first. If you had continued along the path you were going you would have just gained more weight, perhaps rebounded to other substance abuse, and still wouldn't be able to take care of the home and your child.
  • MellowGa wrote: »
    I would say your hubby is battling self esteem issues, maybe depression, he wants to tear you down to make himself feel better.

    Keep doing what is best for you, communicate there is nothing more than the fact you are doing this for yourself and your daughter. If he wishes to join you that is great, but you will love him no matter what and if he wishes to join you in exercising in any form or fashion that would make you extremely happy.

    baby steps, but don't let him tear you down, keep moving forward and I hope he will finally get over his self esteem issues and join you, if not for you or your daughter, but for himself.

    Tell him life can be worse, I have stage 3 throat cancer, ( i don't smoke, no drugs or not a heavy drinker) its from the HPV virus ( get your daughter vaccinated) I have a wife, three kids and I get hit with this *kitten* at 47.

    tell him stop feeling sorry for himself and deal with what ever issues he has with a therapist.

    you and your daughter are certainly worth it
    MellowGa wrote: »
    I would say your hubby is battling self esteem issues, maybe depression, he wants to tear you down to make himself feel better.

    Keep doing what is best for you, communicate there is nothing more than the fact you are doing this for yourself and your daughter. If he wishes to join you that is great, but you will love him no matter what and if he wishes to join you in exercising in any form or fashion that would make you extremely happy.

    baby steps, but don't let him tear you down, keep moving forward and I hope he will finally get over his self esteem issues and join you, if not for you or your daughter, but for himself.

    Tell him life can be worse, I have stage 3 throat cancer, ( i don't smoke, no drugs or not a heavy drinker) its from the HPV virus ( get your daughter vaccinated) I have a wife, three kids and I get hit with this *kitten* at 47.

    tell him stop feeling sorry for himself and deal with what ever issues he has with a therapist.

    you and your daughter are certainly worth it

    That’s horrible and I wish you nothing but the best! I won’t tear him down. He’s a red head so I tread lightly, lol. Take care and I will keep you in our prayers
  • dejavuohlala
    dejavuohlala Posts: 1,786 Member
    It sounds like your husband is jealous. You have done an amazing job and overcoming addiction is just truly amazing, don't be talked into changing and going back, it's good to see your daughter isgolloeing a fine example. I congratulate you. Good luck
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,024 Member
    edited November 2017
    Hey guys,
    I need advice!! I started this healthy lifestyle in January and went from 236 lbs to 184 lbs. I’ve given up alcohol, smoking, and caffeine. I finally got to where I love what I eat and I enjoy my workouts. My daughter saw my results and so she just recently joined this healthy way of living with me. That being said, my husband has not lived this way and resents me for it. He is overweight and since we don’t drink anymore, he uses food as a crutch. I don’t shove fitness down his throat because when I started, I promised him I wouldn’t. Well, since Thanksgiving, he has blown up on me three different occasions, telling me he wished he’d never invested in our home gym and is sick of watching me eat the way I do. We used to eat very unhealthy together, but now it doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t know what to do. I have eaten this whole weekend things he considers non diet foods, but I told him Monday I’m going back to my diet because I still have some weight I want to lose. I don’t understand what I put in my mouth has to do with what he puts in his. He got angry because I can finally go hiking again, but he doesn’t want me to even do that. I’m not giving up on something I feel is important and that is a part of me just to make him happy, but I fear we may lose our relationship if I don’t. I’m also a recovering drug addict, clean for 5 years and I feel I need some sort of outlet, which fitness has become . What would you guys do?
    When a person feels like their SO can go on without them, it sometimes makes them feel pretty worthless.
    How often do you reassure him that you love and care about him? Or is it just arguments?


    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

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  • amberlbryan90
    amberlbryan90 Posts: 2 Member
    My husband is the same way. He’s currently up set about me finally getting my dental work done so I can have new teeth and it really bothers him. It would be great to know why but that’s an argument I don’t feel like listening to so I just do me and let him get mad. If he dosent like it that’s his problem and insecurity’s. He knows I love him and that’s all that matters
  • lacyphacelia
    lacyphacelia Posts: 58 Member
    Your husband might think you're losing weight because you want to divorce him. There's research out there that shows a lot of women have done that just before a divorce. My husband used to think the same way years ago when I attempted to lose weight. Yeah, it's kind of sabotaging isn't it? At one hand you want to do it for your health and to be healthier for life, on the other it changes the dynamic in relationships.

    The best advice I can offer is to make sure you make time for him. Schedule dates with him, give him your uninterrupted attention and he'll know he's still a priority. Significant others get the impression they're on the back burner when they see their partners take up something new with enthusiasm.
  • djsoos
    djsoos Posts: 135 Member
    Self-esteem/self-worth would be my guess. The anger seems more about inner self and the lack of ambition to do what you're doing but jealous of the results. Depression is a probable factor. JMO. Funny how the path you are on is one of the ways to pull him out of it. Professional help is most likely the way to repair the problem.
  • TorstenVB
    TorstenVB Posts: 15 Member
    I've been in that situation before, I can sympathize. I'm probably parroting what you've already been told at this point. Keep doing what you're doing. Your health is important, and it sounds like you've made so many improvements that it would be a shame to backtrack at this point. Have a talk with him, seek counseling if need be! I'm sure your relationship is something you don't want to sacrifice, but please don't let your health fail to save it either. It's a thin rope, I know. You can do this.
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