Fodd (Hunger) Controlling My Life

CelticTampon

When I got to college, so for the past year, I went on a huge kick to lose weight. Weight started to come off and from March to now, I have lost 35lbs. I went from a size 13 to a size 7 which is great don't get me wrong, but I think along the way I developed a few problems.

I lost the weight by working out everyday and eating around 1200 calories. I used to not believe in eating back the calories I exercised so I probably was only taking in like 1000 calories or less. Everything was fine until like May/June when I started to get really really fatigued and sore/tired all the time. Lately, I've had to eat a bit more to not get so tired and I can't workout as hard as I used too which concerns me cause I am PETRIFIED of gaining weight again. (I gained a lot of weight in high school due to depression and eating due to boredom). So now that I can't workout as hard as I used to I think I should eat less. I've never had a strong metabolism (I'm not one of those girls who can eat whatever they want and gain nothing) so I get so scared.

Now that I'm 140lbs, Im really nervous about what to do. Im not really starving myself, but I have always been hungry all the time. Im addicted to counting calories, so I stopped using myfitnesspal (I used it to lose weight) cause it controlled my life. I eat only things that are low in carbs. I haven't had basically any junk food in like 2 years. I weigh myself everyday. I usually feel guilty after eating anything. I have a strict eating schedule, cause Im frightened of eating due to boredom (I know this is just because its the summer, but I get scared) and do not like snacking cause I feel like it is a tease. I'm hungry all the time and sometimes I can't enjoy doing things because I get hungry and food is all I think about. Its like a mental hunger. I miss eating carbs like breads, noodles, rice, and stuff but Im so scared that all my work will go away. I miss not worrying about what food I eat, the calories, what time I eat, if I'm full or not, if Im allowed to eat something...it's just really taken its toll on me. I think Im scared to eat, is this some sort of eating disorder?

I don't want to eat more, because I still don't have a flat stomach and thats what I really want. I keep losing weight, like Im 139 today, but the stomach isnt going down even though I try and workout everyday, eat no junk, do core exercises everyday...*sigh* I just dont know why I'm so obsessed. I know its just my mind, but sometimes I feel like my stomach is getting bigger O.o People tell me I look great, but I dont see any difference at all

Then comes the new fear of all my hard work going away once I go back to college because of drinking and stuff. I want guys at school to notice the weight I lost (that was main goal for losing weight, I know thats really shallow, but its true). So I fear I'll go back to eating less and working out hardcore.

Any advice? Is 140 for a 5'9" female a good weight? Should I lose more?