Have Lost My 1st 20 lbs, But I Feel Fragile

amy_frances

I have about 80 lbs to lose. Today I stepped on the scale and after months of trying I've managed to lose a total of 20 lbs. I'm really psyched, of course, but I also have this feeling of fragility. I've yo yo'ed my whole life. I had an eating disorder for decades (in recovery, thought, woot!). I was at my highest weight yet before I lost these 20 lbs. I'm so scared of sabotaging myself, which I have seemed to do in the past, or I lose patience with slow steps forward and fool around with under-eating which not only jeopardizes my recovery, it just leads me back to overeating and gaining weight sooner than later. Old habits can be insidious.

I want to support myself as I move with determination toward meeting my goal. I feel so nervous, though, almost as if I can't trust myself to be a good friend to myself and to keep steadily walking one step in front of the other. I am so grateful I've managed to lose these 20 lbs. I just want to keep it up.

I was wondering how others support themselves as they hit their milestones? If you ever feel afraid for any reason when you hit a goal--what are you afraid of? How do you help yourself move past the fear? I don't know if this makes sense, but if anyone has any thoughts to share, I'd love to hear them.

DebLaBounty

Congrats on losing the 20 pounds! I guess for me, I acknowledged the discipline I was developing. I reminded myself that I had control over what I ate and whether I wanted to exercise. I hope you can accept that, in fact, you are becoming a super hero.

You mentioned you are in recovery. Does that mean you are seeing a counselor? Talking to someone about how you'd like to assume a fearless attitude would be a big help.

amy_frances

DebLaBounty wrote: »

Congrats on losing the 20 pounds! I guess for me, I acknowledged the discipline I was developing. I reminded myself that I had control over what I ate and whether I wanted to exercise. I hope you can accept that, in fact, you are becoming a super hero.

You mentioned you are in recovery. Does that mean you are seeing a counselor? Talking to someone about how you'd like to assume a fearless attitude would be a big help.

Thank you so much for your reply! I was in recovery with a specialist for 3 years, but am out on my own now. But it might be a great idea to talk to someone short term to help myself as I'm making my way with all these big changes. I love the idea of a fearless attitude!

88olds

I think CPAP saved my life. After finally getting some actual sleep- I woke up. I weighed 285 lbs. I was plenty afraid. And I stayed afraid all the way to my 184lb goal and beyond.

Read weight loss boards much and you should see cause for concern. Regaining is a real problem. Losing is at most, half the battle. It's never over. But you can either be paralyzed by fear or use it.

Your program seems to be on solid ground. You also seem to know the source of your current distress- the nagging voice in your head. It's telling you that you can't do it because you failed in the past. Telling you it's working but too slow. Telling you that even if you make it to goal you won't stay there- all your work is for nothing.

Fight back. It doesn't matter what happened before. The past does not control the future. It doesn't matter how long it takes. In fact, slow and steady is probably best. Beats crash and burn. Eat within your number while living as comfortably as you can. If you quit losing make modest adjustments. You can do this.

Don't be disturbed by the negative voice. You can't stop it, nobody can. People spend years learning meditation to get a few minutes of quiet.
The voice doesn't mean to be so negative, but it just can't shut up. So a lot of what it spills out is just nonsense. Be aware of the nonsense and push back. You don't have to defeat the voice, just neutralize it.

When I got to goal, I kept tracking. It took me 3 attempts to learn to maintain without tracking. But every time I've tried tracking it has worked. You always have it as a backup. Good luck.

amy_frances

88olds wrote: »

I think CPAP saved my life. After finally getting some actual sleep- I woke up. I weighed 285 lbs. I was plenty afraid. And I stayed afraid all the way to my 184lb goal and beyond.

Read weight loss boards much and you should see cause for concern. Regaining is a real problem. Losing is at most, half the battle. It's never over. But you can either be paralyzed by fear or use it.

Your program seems to be on solid ground. You also seem to know the source of your current distress- the nagging voice in your head. It's telling you that you can't do it because you failed in the past. Telling you it's working but too slow. Telling you that even if you make it to goal you won't stay there- all your work is for nothing.

Fight back. It doesn't matter what happened before. The past does not control the future. It doesn't matter how long it takes. In fact, slow and steady is probably best. Beats crash and burn. Eat within your number while living as comfortably as you can. If you quit losing make modest adjustments. You can do this.

Don't be disturbed by the negative voice. You can't stop it, nobody can. People spend years learning meditation to get a few minutes of quiet.
The voice doesn't mean to be so negative, but it just can't shut up. So a lot of what it spills out is just nonsense. Be aware of the nonsense and push back. You don't have to defeat the voice, just neutralize it.

When I got to goal, I kept tracking. It took me 3 attempts to learn to maintain without tracking. But every time I've tried tracking it has worked. You always have it as a backup. Good luck.

Thank you for this amazing post! This all resonated with me so strongly. And huge props for your goal and beyond!

Niki_Fitz

amy_frances wrote: »

I have about 80 lbs to lose. Today I stepped on the scale and after months of trying I've managed to lose a total of 20 lbs. I'm really psyched, of course, but I also have this feeling of fragility. I've yo yo'ed my whole life. I had an eating disorder for decades (in recovery, thought, woot!). I was at my highest weight yet before I lost these 20 lbs. I'm so scared of sabotaging myself, which I have seemed to do in the past, or I lose patience with slow steps forward and fool around with under-eating which not only jeopardizes my recovery, it just leads me back to overeating and gaining weight sooner than later. Old habits can be insidious.

I want to support myself as I move with determination toward meeting my goal. I feel so nervous, though, almost as if I can't trust myself to be a good friend to myself and to keep steadily walking one step in front of the other. I am so grateful I've managed to lose these 20 lbs. I just want to keep it up.

I was wondering how others support themselves as they hit their milestones? If you ever feel afraid for any reason when you hit a goal--what are you afraid of? How do you help yourself move past the fear? I don't know if this makes sense, but if anyone has any thoughts to share, I'd love to hear them.

Such a great post, and a great question. Definitely go with your instinct to keep up the slow and patient steps that are working. I’m trying to dig up old beliefs and challenge them because I have always struggled in the past with messing up great progress. A lot of my destructive behaviors are tied to old, non-useful beliefs and I want to learn to uncover them and change them. Congrats on the milestone!

@88olds your response and what you say about neutralizing the negative voice is so helpful.

amy_frances

wellnesschaser wrote: »

amy_frances wrote: »

I have about 80 lbs to lose. Today I stepped on the scale and after months of trying I've managed to lose a total of 20 lbs. I'm really psyched, of course, but I also have this feeling of fragility. I've yo yo'ed my whole life. I had an eating disorder for decades (in recovery, thought, woot!). I was at my highest weight yet before I lost these 20 lbs. I'm so scared of sabotaging myself, which I have seemed to do in the past, or I lose patience with slow steps forward and fool around with under-eating which not only jeopardizes my recovery, it just leads me back to overeating and gaining weight sooner than later. Old habits can be insidious.

I want to support myself as I move with determination toward meeting my goal. I feel so nervous, though, almost as if I can't trust myself to be a good friend to myself and to keep steadily walking one step in front of the other. I am so grateful I've managed to lose these 20 lbs. I just want to keep it up.

I was wondering how others support themselves as they hit their milestones? If you ever feel afraid for any reason when you hit a goal--what are you afraid of? How do you help yourself move past the fear? I don't know if this makes sense, but if anyone has any thoughts to share, I'd love to hear them.

Such a great post, and a great question. Definitely go with your instinct to keep up the slow and patient steps that are working. I’m trying to dig up old beliefs and challenge them because I have always struggled in the past with messing up great progress. A lot of my destructive behaviors are tied to old, non-useful beliefs and I want to learn to uncover them and change them. Congrats on the milestone!

@88olds your response and what you say about neutralizing the negative voice is so helpful.

Thank you so much for your response! I think you're so right about challenging old beliefs--it really is an excavation, as you rightly point out. Many good thoughts to you as you progress and thank you again.

rheddmobile

I'm down 112 lbs and absolutely terrified of going back to my old ways! I have lupus and know that in the past, lupus flares have made it nearly impossible to exercise and enjoy life, which led to overeating. I haven't had a flare since starting to lose this time, but know that I could have one tomorrow.

MFP is a great tool - you put everything in and you can trust the numbers. That's what I'm trusting for the moment, that if I am unable to work out because of illness, I will be able to see the numbers which tell me how much I can eat without regaining.

My problem is a little different from yours, but I think fear is very normal, and I think you are handling it well by reaching out for help now. Best of luck to you!

girlwithcurls2

One day at a time. And have a plan B. Your plan A is to do it all as best as you can. Some days, that doesn't happen. Plan for that so when things begin to unravel and you head down a path you don't want to be on, you have a clear idea about how to redirect yourself. That might be just eating something you didn't really value, or an entire day that went to heck. Plan for slip ups and they can't control you. You're in charge. You are strong. You can do this. It might not be a series of perfect days, but long term, you have a plan.

amy_frances

rheddmobile wrote: »

I'm down 112 lbs and absolutely terrified of going back to my old ways! I have lupus and know that in the past, lupus flares have made it nearly impossible to exercise and enjoy life, which led to overeating. I haven't had a flare since starting to lose this time, but know that I could have one tomorrow.

MFP is a great tool - you put everything in and you can trust the numbers. That's what I'm trusting for the moment, that if I am unable to work out because of illness, I will be able to see the numbers which tell me how much I can eat without regaining.

My problem is a little different from yours, but I think fear is very normal, and I think you are handling it well by reaching out for help now. Best of luck to you!

I have two autoimmune conditions, one of them similar to RA with flares, so I understand what it's like to be afraid of things coming back. You are AMAZING for all the weight you lost and for bravely dealing with such a difficult condition. You have all my good thoughts, and thank you so much for replying.

amy_frances

girlwithcurls2 wrote: »

One day at a time. And have a plan B. Your plan A is to do it all as best as you can. Some days, that doesn't happen. Plan for that so when things begin to unravel and you head down a path you don't want to be on, you have a clear idea about how to redirect yourself. That might be just eating something you didn't really value, or an entire day that went to heck. Plan for slip ups and they can't control you. You're in charge. You are strong. You can do this. It might not be a series of perfect days, but long term, you have a plan.

Thank you so much for these words! That's a great reminder about having a plan B.