I don’t want anything for Xmas because I’m fat.

STLGraffitiQueen

I get it. I, too, have avoided plenty of social gatherings and stores due to my low self esteem and embarrassment of my extra weight. Confidence is a struggle when you don't love yourself. I hope that you enjoyed your Christmas with your husband and allowed him to treat you. You got this. Just take it one day at a time. ☺

kenyonhaff

This post makes me so sad for you.

Being overweight does *not* make you any less worthy a person. That's a harsh value judgement that our society puts on people, and I've seen it in children as young as three.

Now here's something I've learned. To a great extent, how you present yourself to others AND YOURSELF, will effect how you feel.

To start: every time you see yourself in the mirror, give yourself a little smile. Just do it.

Next: Take up the offer of getting some nice things. Start with just one. And wear it.

Next: Get actually dressed and "made up" whatever that is. Sitting around with raggedity clothes, unkempt hair, and no care for your appearance will state to yourself: "I am not worthy of being seen." But take a few minutes to get out of your sweatpants, and put on something nice. Take five minutes and brush your hair. Take another five minutes and put on some lip gloss or whatever is your thing. Prepping yourself to be prepared to DO things and SEE people will make you more open to actually do these things...and that will help your self-esteem.

Bonus round: Get an appointment for hair and nails. You don't have to be skinny to have a great fresh haircut and some French tips.

Yes, you are overweight. But you're here on MFP and that shows you are willing to change, and you can--people here do it every day.

Now you do sound very, very depressed. And with depression you may not have the energy or ability to do things to lift you out of depression. I get that. If that's the case, you need to get some medical attention.