Unsupportive spouse

kso729

Anyone else have a spouse that's unsupportive about getting fit? I know it's not for everyone but a little support would be nice.

notreallychris

About getting her fit, or you getting fit?

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld

You have to do it yourself.

jennifer_417

It depends on how you define "supportive," I guess. Not that you're doing this, but some people seem to define it as: "Doing everything I do exactly the way I do it, for no other reason than I'm doing it,and I should never even have to tell them that I want them to."

Of course it's nice to have help along the way, but as long as they're not actively trying to stop you, then you're ok.

If you want to change your life, that's great, but it's not really fair to expect your spouse to change just because you are.

I know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear, but if you can accept it, it'll make things easier for both of you, and save you some resentment in the meantime.

Also, have you talked to her about it? I'd be super pissed if my spouse was complaining about me on a public forum without even talking to me and telling me what they want, never even giving me a chance.

amyteacake

The best thing to do is talk to them about it. I had incredibly unsupportive friends. One minute they said they were proud that I was losing weight and becoming fitter but two seconds later complain that I was into fitness and nitpick what I was eating.

Not everyone will be supportive or willing to go along with your journey. And like someone else said, if they're not actively trying to stop you or ruin your progress then you're okay.

But like I said, talking to her about is the best course of action for you to take.

88olds

This is just my experience, might not be you at all. When I started I was quick to want to see my wife’s actions as unsupportive or outright sabotage. Someone on a message board talked me back from the ledge.

When I looked at the whole picture my wife came out about right in the middle. Some things she helped with, some she didn’t. She wasn’t trying to undermine me, just living her life.

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GemstoneofHeart

moosmum1972 wrote: »

kso729 wrote: »

Anyone else have a spouse that's unsupportive about getting fit? I know it's not for everyone but a little support would be nice.

How many times have you started though. ...no offense if it's more than one I'd be "unsupportive" too regardless of gender of the partner. My oh has heard me whine and start over countless times and now doesn't want to know...unsupportive? no not really. It's my journey not his.

Quoting for emphasis

cbstewart88

My husband eats whatever he wants. He hates exercise in any way, shape or form. He is naturally thin . We eat our meals at different times of the day and eat totally different things. I can't even get him to taste some of the things I eat. Oh well.....I still love him

kso729

Basically this is the first time for me that I'm serious about it. She gets mad that I don't want her to make dinners. And that I spend time working out.

Hamsibian

What's wrong with her dinners? Can't you eat smaller portions? Or why dont you find healthy recipes and cook together?

TavistockToad

kso729 wrote: »

Basically this is the first time for me that I'm serious about it. She gets mad that I don't want her to make dinners. And that I spend time working out.

Have you talked about what your journey consists of, and how you love her cooking but could she let you know what's in it so you can log?

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rheddmobile

I had to have a come to Jesus meeting with my husband after getting diabetes. Basically, it was too much to resist constant temptation in my own house every day. We agreed that he would stop snacking in front of me when it wasn't mealtime, that we would not eat fast food out or order in all the time, and there was an absolute ban on him complaining that I needed to work out.

It worked, mainly because seeing me very sick and in the hospital scared him enough that he knows this is life or death for me. He loves me and wants me to stay alive.

It may not be so obvious to you or your wife, but this is life or death for you too, in the sense that you only get one body and one lifetime and how you treat your body determines how long and healthy your life will be. Your wife doesn't really want you to die (if she does, that's a whole different problem!) but she also probably wants to avoid thinking about it in those terms. Have that conversation with her. Her cooking, if you eat it every day, is determining how long your life will be. You get to have some say about it. It's important for her to learn to do it so you LITERALLY DON'T DIE YOUNG.

If she's from a food culture which cherishes fried foods and loads of full fat cheese and dessert every day and other unhealthy American choices, there may be a learning curve. But either she has to make food which is good fuel for your body, or you have to mostly eat other food. It doesn't make sense to keep eating food that hurts your body. It's better to die an old man after a healthy life than a young man with heart disease.

As for fitness, well, it's boring and takes you away from her, and I completely understand, and she needs to get over it. Invite her to work out with you. If she won't, tell her to shut up about it. I believe the phrase I used with my husband was, "If you don't stop trying to sabotage me I will murder you in your sleep," but that may be too strong for your household. My husband knew what I was trying to tell him and he heard me and stopped trying to sabotage me. The point is, you need to say whatever will make her understand that continuing to be alive is important to you, and anyone who stands in the way of that is an enemy.

dfein001

MINE!

kristingjertsen

You are responsible for your own health and fitness. She is responsible for her own health and fitness. You can eat smaller portions of her cooking if that is an issue and supplement with salads, veggies, etc. I eat a healthy breakfast, lunch, and snacks, and make a "family style" meal for dinner (which always includes a salad or healthy cooked veggies and starches that I can dress simply for my plate and my husband and kids can drown in cheese and butter if desired. Not as much fun as it would be if everyone in the family was on board, but a manageable way to deal with different food preferences and exercise goals. Speaking as the spouse of a man who is extremely morbidly obese--you cannot change another person, you can only support him/her when they decide to make a change on their own. Then get out of the way because self-motivation can change everything!

kjauthier

Same problem when I initiated a change in 2011. felt like crap but now feel much better and am happier. She eventually came around but only when she could appreciate the positive changes that came about. Do whats best for you and the rest will take care of itself.

DebLaBounty

Maybe she's offended, taking your change in eating habits as a criticism of her cooking. Maybe she feels shunned. Maybe she feels your workouts are taking away from time you used to spend together. I dunno. You could offer to take walks in the park with her on the days you don't workout. It's a good opportunity to talk with each other.

MichelleWithMoxie

Nope. My husband is my biggest supporter

mygrl4meee

My boyfriend hasnt been really supportive.. He takes up my gym time and I let him.. it also has cut into my time to cook so more take out and i gained weight. i am trying to start fresh with the new year but this time involve him. I hope it works better for me with him knowing how serious it can be.. i dont think he sees the weight gain which is a blessing but comments on clothes leaving marks and i am at the i refuse to buy bigger.. it will make me fatter.. lol. well.. anyways good luck.

corinasue1143

My first thought was, do you wait until she plans, shops, half prepares a nice meal, and THEN you tell her no need to cook for you. If that's the case, she needs to have a talk with you! If you have told her you want to eat healthy and she continues to cook unhealthy, carry on.

pogiguy05

You want someone to support your weight loss and if you have not already JOIN the MILITARY. They provide all the support you need to lose that stubborn weight. You can even learn a few new skills to boot.

No really the only person that needs to help you is YOU. I understand there is no one else that is going to get this done but me.

pamfgil

If your working out time means that you are not doing household chores and she's needing to do extra it could mean she has a right to be hostile. Look at the full picture, what effect does your changes in behavior have on your combined domestic situation. You may need to tweak your routine

rdgfit

My spouse is very supportive of my journey but I know I still send her around the bend at times. I sometimes have to remind myself that the lifestyle change I’m making is for me, and I can’t expect everyone to jump on with me, cause god knows it took me 20 years to get on the band wagon to start with. You need to be open about why you are doing it, how you are going to do it, and the support you need, but you also need to be open to compromise... I workout early in the morning or late at night to not upset the household schedule, sometimes eat more carbs than planned due to convenience with the kids, but in return my wife leaves the ingredients out for me to scan with the recipe so I can track, and waits patiently in a restaurant for me to look up the nutritional info on my phone before I order. It’s a new way of thinking and it doesn’t happen over night, and you may just need to give her time to catch up. But as a previous poster indicated we only get one body, and sometimes we do need to take a serious look and make corrections - and it’s not easy.

Alatariel75

Why don't you want her to cook meals? are you suddenly insisting on separate meals, or insisting that you do the cooking (thus making her eat foods she may not be keen on?) Are you working out at a time that used to be reserved for something you did with her, so you're depriving her of that thing?

You're making changes. You're doing them for your own good, but you're also doing them unilaterally and it's affecting her. You're expecting her to change for your convenience, rather than asking her to make some changes to help you out.