Your friends aren't going to do this for you.

the_prez3

I hope no one is too offended by this post, because it's actually meant to encourage and motivate. That's my disclaimer.

I've noticed there's a lot of people looking for friends for accountability and motivation on here. I'd like to take a moment and bluntly say if you need people on the internet to keep you accountable to your eating plan, then you're already in trouble and you're not going to make it. We change our lives when we get fed up enough and we simply say "that's it, I've had it! I'm not living like this anymore!" I'm sorry but you can have ten thousand friends on here watching your food log but you can fool all of them with the stroke of a keyboard. This whole thing is like many other things in life that people struggle with, it's 80% behavior and 20% knowledge of what to do. Stop spending your time trying to network yourself into behaving with other people who are probably going to fake their food log too and get to work on your life. You don't need me to watch your food log, watch it yourself! Take the time to learn the proper way to do this and then get with it. This is a marathon, not a sprint. If you absolutely need someone to hold you accountable then pick someone in your life that will be honest enough to hurt your feelings if you need them to, a person behind a screen name isn't going to do that for you. The needle will move when you take responsibility for yourself and begin making good decisions every day. Get after it, you can do this!

quiksylver296

Blunt, but I totally agree 100%. Which is why I don't even open those threads.

LizPalen412

I think this every time I see people looking for more friends to keep them on track. Most people on here struggle enough with keeping themselves on track, let alone trying to keep others on track, so I feel like that's also kind of putting an unfair expectation on the people on your friends list. It's not their job to keep you on track, it's your job, and like you said, you can have a thousand friends on here, but that's not going to make it any easier to change your habits. It has to come from within yourself.

kenyonhaff

Some people really thrive having a virtual audience of friends. Other people don't need quite so much "you got this girl!"

I don't necessarily think one has to get so judgemental about it. Different people have different needs. Sure, it all ultimately comes back to accountability to ones own self. But do what works for crying out loud.

Falklang

Hmm, I can see where you are coming from but some people like me just enjoy connecting with other people. If you want to recluse in a corner somewhere and shun the world away that's up to you to decide, but a lot of us like the occasional well done on a fat loss goal reached etc.

Qbaimee

I look for new friends all the time on here. So I can see their food diary to get some new fresh ideas. lol

I dont necessarily need " accountability" or "motivation" but I do like the support I get from my "friends" on here. Some people may have ZERO support in the outside world and the internet may be the only place they can receive that.

The reason why people look for new friends is for no one to judge and make assumptions.

cmriverside

Perhaps you've heard there is a difference between introverts and extroverts? If not, there is a lot of info right here on the internet.

I don't add people to the friends thingy. I don't look at my profile page or my feed, even though I do have some "friends" on here. I just don't make use of that feature any more.

I never had my diary open, either. I tend to get stuff done better if I don't have input from outside myself.

brendanwhite84

I'm happy to chat with people here and even engage in a bit of 'Like' cheerleading now and again, but if I had to hazard a guess I'd say that the people who are generally more successful in their efforts are going to be those who are less prone to attracting a large entourage of supporters for the primary purpose of a psychological boost (internalized locus of control and all that).

marieamethyst

Ultimately it does come down to your own action and choices, but studies have shown that you're more likely to be successful if you have a support group while losing weight. I've still got a few people on my friends' list from when I first started my weight loss journey a few years ago, and seeing them still going strong helps keep me focused too. Building a support network is just another "tool" in the overall journey to reaching goals. Not everyone may need it, but it can help others who do.

ccruz985

Absolutely.

MarvinsAMartian

Well color me offended!... Kidding.

I totally see what you're getting at OP. I think what needs to be said is that this is mostly directed to people who are literally only here to find others who will "keep them accountable" as if that is the answer. We all know its not. Having a strong support group is one thing, but if that is all you're relying on, then to that I say good luck. Real change comes from within.

12774

You could not have said this any better. I believe that when you are a group member and others see that you are doing well, they believe that by befriending you they too will do well.It just does not work like that. Motivation and accountability come from within. If I cannot motivate myself, then no one can do this for me.

JeromeBarry1

Note to all: The best to keep you accountable is to accurately, honestly, completely, and promptly log the food you eat in your food diary.

kimny72

Wanted to add, there's a difference between people looking for friends to share the experience with and get ideas from, and people looking for friends for "motivation and accountability".

Motivation is fleeting no matter how many friends you have cheering you on, so basing your success on motivation is in fact a recipe for disaster. And being accountable to someone requires a level of transparency and trust that simply isn't possible IMHO on the interwebs. Motivation should be used in the short term to develop positive habits. And while being accountable to yourself is the best scenario, if that isn't happening then you need one trusted person who you will be honest with and accept honesty in return.

It's not about judging people, it's about trying to help them focus their efforts on things that will actually help them reach their goal, and 250 "friends" liking their post about drinking water is a short term bandaid to a long term issue.

And I agree with @quiksylver296 I stay out of threads with people looking for motivation and accountability on the boards. They usually don't react well to this message and just have to learn it the hard way

C_McMillan2015

Having an accountability partner is never a bad idea. Someone to message you and say "Hey...You have not worked out in a few days, what is up?" I mean, I agree that it ultimately comes down to whether you actually do it or not, and no friend on here is going to physically make you do what you need to. To each their own, if you choose to use an accountability partner that certainly does not make you any less of a person than someone who does not.

the_prez3

I will also add to the discussion that motivation in the sense often discussed is emotional. Emotions will not carry you very far as we all know that they change by the minute. The moment you're not "feeling it", is the moment you slam half of a pizza (done that). The journey of recomposing your body is a long and sometimes daunting one chalked full of the thrills of victories and the agonies of setbacks. Emotions will not carry you through, they will leave you when you need them the most. So don't depend on them and don't depend on some stranger on the internet to bring you to the promised land. Find a reason to do this that is so strong, nothing will stop you. That is the only way you will make it. This can only be done if you are willing to pay a price. It is hard, but it's worth it.

MarvinsAMartian

the_prez3 wrote: »

I will also add to the discussion that motivation in the sense often discussed is emotional. Emotions will not carry you very far as we all know that they change by the minute. The moment you're not "feeling it", is the moment you slam half of a pizza (done that). The journey of recomposing your body is a long and sometimes daunting one chalked full of the thrills of victories and the agonies of setbacks. Emotions will not carry you through, they will leave you when you need them the most. So don't depend on them and don't depend on some stranger on the internet to bring you to the promised land. Find a reason to do this that is so strong, nothing will stop you. That is the only way you will make it. This can only be done if you are willing to pay a price. It is hard, but it's worth it.

So how much we talking here like $300? Ok 4, final offer. When does the motivation happen?

MostlyWater

Right. It's a mindset. Discipline versus motivation. the whole Grit thing. Not everyone has it.

the_prez3

MostlyWater wrote: »

Right. It's a mindset. Discipline versus motivation. the whole Grit thing. Not everyone has it.

You're right, but it is what's required. Everyone is looking to make this easy. If it was easy, everyone would be fit. So folks just need to find a way to adapt and rise to the occasion instead of trying to dumb this down.

Alatariel75

I do agree with this. I have great friends on here and appreciate them, but when people post and say "I need someone to kick my butt and make sure I'm logging daily" I think "oh, honey."

Nothing wrong with wanting friends and a support network, but if you're unmotivated and lacking discipline to log, a virtual person telling you to once a day is likely to help.

dinadyna21

I have friends on here but it's mostly just to connect with other people who are on the journey with me. Honestly what keeps me going everyday is my logging streak 95 days and counting baby!

the_prez3

Of course my theory is most of the people who are posting that they are looking for friends and accountability partners are the ones who prefer to stand on the sidelines and talk about it. You'll stop talking about it when you jump into the trenches and get beat up a little bit but still press on. The time for being coddled is over. It’s time to get serious and punch this thing in the face!

tinkerbellang83

Whilst you're right in saying that frinds can't do it for you, they can make a fairly significant positive impact on what can be a difficult process.

I have used MFP for 7 years but only lost/maintained weight succesfully in the last 13 months, which consequently is when I started making use of the forums and adding friends.

Wanting accountability with other users doesn't necessarily mean you are setting yourself up for failure - after all, a problem shared is a problem halved.

SteamPug

I get the need for social support but I dunno how people have time to actually check other peoples logging/diaries. I personally find it a chore to keep track of my own calories, so there’s no way I’d be interested in checking up on someone else’s as well. I don’t know why people expect internet strangers to provide a service to them for free. Or idk maybe it just feels like a service to me because I don’t find it particularly fun?

HoneyBadger302

I think a *smallish* group of relatively like minded people can help someone - IF that person is already of the mindset that, ultimately, it's up to them and it's a way of life. That being said, on another group I'm part of a quarterly challenge group (generally the same people on our team) and the accountability helps keep things on track when we might otherwise (momentarily) stray.

Shoot, having a gym buddy meant I got one workout in this week I probably would have skipped.

The issue comes when someone expects that "accountability" groups will change their mindset, or make up their mind for them. Doesn't mean it doesn't help to surround yourself with people with similar goals and outlooks.

lynn_glenmont

Qbaimee wrote: »

I look for new friends all the time on here. So I can see their food diary to get some new fresh ideas. lol

I dont necessarily need " accountability" or "motivation" but I do like the support I get from my "friends" on here. Some people may have ZERO support in the outside world and the internet may be the only place they can receive that.

The reason why people look for new friends is for no one to judge and make assumptions.

What kind of accountability do you get from people who don't judge? If one's "friends" say it's all good, how are they providing accountability?

zingzapper

I would not be on the streak I'm on if I didn't have a friend that was 100+ days and I was like WHAT?!? If she can do that, I can do it. And, I do enjoy reading diaries too to get ideas. Although, I have my own nutritionist who sets my macros. But, I've been on my fitness pal for nearly 5 years now and it wasn't until I got on the streak and got super honest with recording my true intake and not subtracting for workouts did I make progress.

try2again

I've been on MFP for 3 years and have a small group of friends that I really value and appreciate as people. But I recently had sort of an epiphany that they really can't help me with my weight loss. I turned off all of my news feed notifications and now just communicate when I want to share something or comment on what others are doing. There isn't going to be anyone following me around the rest of my life to make sure I'm logging accurately or meeting my calorie goals- that's all on me.

whosshe

I understand the want to add people who have been in your situation. Seeing someone who was where you are now and who was successful is some good motivation. But I don't understand the people who post on the very first day on MFP.

It took me at least 3 months to post on the forums and I never wrote an "introduce yourself" post. MFP does prompt you to write a post to introduce yourself tho. So these people might not know what else to say other than "I need motivational friends".

RangeBoss

It’s important to celebrate successes too. Hard to celebrate when you are alone

try2again

whosshe wrote: »

It took me at least 3 months to post on the forums and I never wrote an "introduce yourself" post. MFP does prompt you to write a post to introduce yourself tho. So these people might not know what else to say other than "I need motivational friends".

I don't understand why people do that anyway... we don't go around in real life asking random people to be our friends. We hang out, get to know people, and sort of hone in on those we enjoy and have things in common with.