Weight loss and dating

abbefaria4

Hello All,

I currently weigh about 214 pounds at 5 foot 9. Obviously, I'm a husky guy. The last time I dated was several years ago before I gained all this weight. I was 185 and in shape. Part of me thinks trying to date would be fun and would help motivate me to keep losing weight. Another part of me thinks I should try and lose the weight first and then start dating again. Any opinions or suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks,
Andrew

pbujelly

From a married guy: don't hold yourself back, and be patient. Physical attraction certainly plays a part, but it's just opening the door. If someone's interested in getting to know you for you, that's better than catching anyone's eye from across the room, and I wouldn't shut them out. Just keep in mind you can't force people to want to get to know you better, either. If they aren't interested now, keep on moving forward.

When it comes to losing weight, keep the focus on being as healthy as you can be. Healthy makes happy, and happiness is attractive.

RodaRose

Stay open to new experiences.
Lots of good women are less interested in appearances than men seem to think they are.

Warriormonk73

Just be yourself and it will workout in the end.

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld

We fall in love with people, a certain look is merely why we start getting to know the person.
For me a sense of humour and a positive can do attitude is the most attractive thing and the reason I've stayed married all these years.
Start dating, your special someone is out there.

ISweat4This

Just date and enjoy yourself.

callsitlikeiseeit

date. have fun. the right one wont care anyways.

while my fiance didnt know me at my heaviest weight, hes seen pics, and knows im working on the rest (maybe 50 pounds to go, we'll see as i get closer). he loves me the way i am and wants me to be happy and comfortable in my own skin.

GOT_Obsessed

No get started now if you feel emotionally ready. But if you do online dating (that seems to be the new normal) show honest and current pictures.

Women for the most part like going for walks and it's a great place to talk and visit. I like heavy guys and so do many of my friends so don't let your size stop you. Good luck!

lucerorojo

I'm female and straight. In my experience women are much less discriminatory when it comes to size when it comes to men and women. Your current weight does not sound like a big deal (or deal breaker) to me. Just go for it if you feel good about yourself. I'm not interested in women but I have gotten hit on and asked out by lesbians no matter whether I was fat or thin. Many men (but not all) are definitely picky about weight, age and looks overall.

Francl27

I've had crushes and been attracted to guys of all body types, it really doesn't matter that much in the end.

apullum

Why wait? Most people are constantly working on something about themselves. If it’s not weight loss, it’s career advancement, learning a hobby, becoming a better parent, whatever your goals are. If you wait until you’ve accomplished all your personal goals before you try to find a partner, you’re going to be waiting a long time.

JaydedMiss

honestly its refreshing to hear this coming from a man vs a woman. Its sad but nice to know they feel these things sometimes to, You dont hear about it as much.

Good people will help you move forward and achieve your goals, And goals are constantly evolving. If you wait until you achieve your goal, If your doing it right, Youll be waiting forever. Forever is a long time to go without the support of someone you could have found in the meantime.

That said i semi actively avoid dating, Guys on dating apps perv out to much its creepy >.< Maybe one day ill listen to my own advice goodluck!

edit: i agree, Confidence is sexy. You dont even sound that big. Unfortunatly our world means 20 pounds on a female can often times be a world changer, While on men its not even something to be thought of twice.

ClockWorKitten

I kind of feel the same way ( putting yourself down really) or I think it would be ideal to meet some who is currently trying to lose weight too but I don't know don't have the confidence.

FlyingMolly

Is there someone you're interested in asking out? I think if you have a connection with someone it would be silly to wait, and if you don't it would be pointless to try to force it. I vote for just trying to be your best self--be kind, be interesting, be active and pay attention--and being open to good things along the way.

laur357

You shouldn’t put your life on hold while you try to lose weight. What if you don’t lose weight? What if you gain weight back in a few years when you go through a stressful period in life? I do think you should be attracted to your partner, but being slightly overweight isn’t a dealbreaker for most people.

Think beyond dinner dates and bars - save them for after you get to know someone. That way you can enjoy meeting new people without worrying about derailing your weight loss. Free concerts, festivals, museums, hikes, kayaking, coffee - have fun!

abbefaria4

Thanks everyone for your responses. It's always nice to get the perspective of the MFP community.

jayemes

When I met my husband he was struggling with his weight. He told me if he got over 200 pounds I should leave him (jokingly)
He weighed 205 the day we got married and up to a high of 285 in the first 15 years of our marriage.
He finally got motivated and lost the weight and is happily maintaining 197-199 for the past 2 years. We joke that after 17 years I finally don't have to leave him anymore.
Go date. The right woman will be the right woman even if you've got a few extra pounds.

kabrina30

When I first started this journey I was casually seeing someone and it became an issue because he constantly wanted to go out to eat! That seemed to be the only thing we ever really did. I was trying so hard to stay on plan but would feel guilty if I didn't want to go out to eat or if I didn't eat enough. I know that is mostly on me, not him, but it made it difficult. When it eventually fizzled out, I admit to being okay with it all because it meant I could now just focus on me again. Decided to not actively look for anything new until I'm closer to being where I want to be weight wise.

dadsafrantic

go do it.

footshoe

For years I've been going to work then coming home, I don't even know where to go to meet females and if I'm around any I'm so intimidated I try to make an exit as fast as possible. I think I look like crap and have nothing interesting about me and despite years of trying I can't break the cycle nothing seems to be improving. In fact I don't even think getting in shape is helping at all! Other than improving my physical health. The good news however is I know people who aren't in great shape and also have terrible personalities who are always dating. For the rest of the world it seems fairly natural and simple. I think I must have been a bad person in another life!

Jushere018

I met a guy years ago who was 300+ lbs. I really like him. He was really funny, and just beyond sweet. But he was so negative. I couldn’t deal with all of that. I kept telling him to have confidence in himself, but he never would. He still doesn’t, and isn’t interested in improving his health or fitness either. I’m still friends with him. I wish he would take a chance and try to make himself happy

evilpoptart63

I think you should go for it!! There is nothing wrong with trying to better yourself in the process but I dont think you should wait for the weight to come off. I fell in love with my husband when he was 220lbs (hes also shorter than you!) I still loved him at 270lbs and I feel less fond of him at 198lbs because I dont think hes a good guy. The point it....just dont be a dick. Most women would much rather prefer an awesome and kind guy with a few extra pounds over a guy with a great body that treats her poorly.

Wingsont84

I say the feeling of improvement and having something to work with, gets you ahead.

Cbean08

Don't sell yourself short!

I agree that men think that women care a lot more about looks then we actually do. They stereotypical look, "tall, muscular, good hair, chiseled jaw etc" isn't always what people have to have.

I'm dating someone who people never thought I'd date, because we appear totally different. He's 7 years older, shorter than me, overweight, hates working out.... oh, and he was my boss. But, I found out he has this great personality that I love and he pulls me out of my comfort zone to experience new things. So, it works.

amanda7040

abbefaria4 wrote: »

Hello All,

I currently weigh about 214 pounds at 5 foot 9. Obviously, I'm a husky guy. The last time I dated was several years ago before I gained all this weight. I was 185 and in shape. Part of me thinks trying to date would be fun and would help motivate me to keep losing weight. Another part of me thinks I should try and lose the weight first and then start dating again. Any opinions or suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks,
Andrew

Any one who doesnt find you attractive at your heavyest isnt worth you at your skinnyest.