My victory is her rock bottom

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Kabakdc
Kabakdc Posts: 4 Member
in Motivation and Support
I had RNY gastric bypass 13 months ago. I've lost more than 100 pounds, I'm three pounds from being 'overweight' instead of 'obese' for the first time in more than 14 years. I can easily run a 5K, swim a mile, or complete an intense cardio class. I lift weights and foam roll. I've gone from a size 24 to a size 14. I sleep better. My skin is clearer. I'm infinitely stronger and happier. My surgeon and nutritionist both agree I should only plan to lose about 20 more pounds, something that seems completely attainable, especially since they say it should take about a year. I've been feeling pretty great about all this.

But then, today, I was reading a women's fitness magazine and was reading a feature about another woman's journey to fitness and realized that her starting (read 'unhealthy') weight was exactly where I'm at now - same age, height, and weight. wow. Her story says she then lost 60 (not 20 pounds) and is just now reaching a healthy weight.

I'm not sure why, but this has really upset me today. I know I'm not thin, and that in 20 pounds I won't be thin either, and nothing about someone else's story diminishes my own, but something about seeing that in black and white was just seriously deflating. Its like someone moved the goal post. Intellectually, I know that all my successes remain what they are but emotionally it really hurts to think that this place I've worked SO hard to be was the place where someone else woke up and felt like they had hit rock bottom.

I will not let this derail me. If I've learned anything on this journey, its that bottling up emotions and suffocating or feeding them with food is the real danger. So i'm trying to feel what I'm feeling today: maybe tired, deflated, and sad if I have to put labels on it, and then let it go so I can just get on with my journey and being peaceful with my own goal weight, wherever I decide that will be.

Thanks for being such an awesome, supportive community that I feel like I can safely share this here.

Good luck to each of you on in your own success story!

Replies

  • motivatedmartha
    motivatedmartha Posts: 1,108 Member
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    What @HoneyBrewSpirit says. You have done an amazing job - look at all those Health goals you have attained. If someone else feels better at 40lbs less than where you're aiming for, bully for them. We all have different frames, different fitness/health goals or whatever. Be proud - you are an inspiration so keep plugging to be where you want to be but enjoy and don't lose sight of where you have got to so far.
  • robertw486
    robertw486 Posts: 2,390 Member
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    Lounmoun wrote: »
    There is a phrase posted here frequently that I try to keep in mind "comparison is the thief of joy."

    I was going to say the same thing.


    If a person has made improvements and are happy with their own goals and progress, it really shouldn't matter what others are doing. For all the know the person writing the article could have been an elite level athlete and then slipped some to the level of most of us on a more average level.

    Be happy with the progress you make, set your own goals, and do your own thing.

  • KeepRunningFatboy
    KeepRunningFatboy Posts: 3,055 Member
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    You have come a long long way! I remember well when I moved from obese to just overweight, what an awesome tremendous feeling! You just keep moving forward and be good to yourself. You are an inspiration!
  • TEQWAR
    TEQWAR Posts: 1,616 Member
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    The only person you should be in competition with is yourself. Congratulations on your success so far. Your journey is yours and your achievements are also yours!
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
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    you have done a great job and cannot compare yourself to anyone else or their weight loss. you do you. we can only do our best and should not worry about how someone elses goals may seem better than ours. you dont know what she really went through. be proud of what you accomplished.
  • gcibsthom
    gcibsthom Posts: 30,145 Member
    edited January 2018
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    You are not in competition with anyone but yourself. Each person is different, and each person's journey is different. Be proud of what YOU have accomplished....YOU did the work...YOU made the sacrifices...YOU endured the pain....Her accomplishments are HER victories....and your are yours...
    And congratulations on what you have done thus far....keep up the great work.
  • sonarbabe
    sonarbabe Posts: 39 Member
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    I know reading that hurt, but always keep in mind every one is different, with different needs, body structures and fitness levels. You are vastly more in shape than I am, that's for sure. I'm just now trying to train for a first ever 5K.

    By all means, acknowledge and accept your feelings, but don't let it get you down.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    How about you keep on truckin' and lose those 20 lbs. Then, re-evaluate and talk things over with your doctors. You can then decide whether you should keep going or stay where you are. And congrats, by the way--you are awesome.
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,070 Member
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    HoneyBrewSpirit wrote: »
    Go back and read your 1st paragraph. Rinse and repeat any time you start to get the slightest bit negative about where you are. How many people have accomplished what you have? Your only competition is with yourself, not someone in a magazine. Keep up the amazing work!

    What HoneyBrewSpirit said 1000x. You are so impressive! I certainly can't do what you can. I think what really bothered you was that it was implied she was at an unhealthy weight and you've worked so hard to get healthy and down to that same weight. On her it may be unhealthy. She may have very high levels is BF, negative health indicators, etc. It sounds like the opposite for you. Your Dr. is pleased with your progress. I'm sure you've improved on any number of health markers. You are doing GREAT.

    On the flip side, I'm very hesitant to talk about wanting to improve my body composition because I know my starting place is many people's goal. Psychology is hard. People think that if you think you need to lose weight and you already weigh less than they do, you must think they are fat cows. Not true at all, but that's how most humans respond.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
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    Yep, your end point is someone else's starting point. And someone else out there is just now reaching your starting point after working hard to get that far!

    This is the down side of the internet making everyone all a big family in a very big room. If you start making comparisons, there's no telling where you will end up. How thin does a woman have to be, in order to be satisfied? I was a model in high school and felt I was overweight (and was told as much, some sample sizes would not fit me) at a 17 BMI. I remember a conversation I had with a friend in which we said we would lock ourselves in a closet where we had no access to food before we would let ourself go to the point one of our teachers had reached - horrors - her lower abdomen curved OUT instead of being hollow! ( Karma's a *kitten*, I ended up eating those words, years later. )

    My point is, that no matter who you are, there's someone out there who thinks it would be just the worst to look like you. Read comments on YouTube videos and you will see people saying that the most beautiful actresses in the world or the fittest athletes in the world are "disgusting." Weight is such an emotional subject. It's hard not to fall into the trap of feeling like you just aren't good enough. But we all need to be kinder on this subject, especially to ourselves.

    I think what you have done sounds amazing, and you have a lot to be proud of.

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