Please help. I am getting obsessed and depressed.
AuroraBliss22
Posts: 5 Member
I have been overweight my entire life. My mom is morbidly obease, and I don't want to become her.i am 5'6" and I used to weigh in at 270lbs when I was only 15. I started the medifast diet that year dropping down to 170lbs in just a year. But to me, I looked exactly the same. I got depressed when I hit a plataue on the diet that lasted 5 months. I desperately wanted to be skinny, and eventually I got so dissatisfied with my lack of progress my weight slowly went back to 230lbs. I thought I always look 500lbs so I never saw me gaining weight in the mirror.I am now 19.
I have started losing weight unintentionally because of depression, down to 211lbs. But now I've started obsessively counting calories. And searching the internet looking at thin women I wish I could look like, or quick solutions. How to lose 60lbs in 5 months. It is effecting college. I'm an A grade science student, and I have been not studying or being able to focus because all I can think about is losing the weight, and losing it fast. I know fast weight loss is unsustainable.i know my obsession is wrong, I just can't stop! I'm crying writing this because I don't know what to do. My health insurance doesn't cover mental health.
I have started losing weight unintentionally because of depression, down to 211lbs. But now I've started obsessively counting calories. And searching the internet looking at thin women I wish I could look like, or quick solutions. How to lose 60lbs in 5 months. It is effecting college. I'm an A grade science student, and I have been not studying or being able to focus because all I can think about is losing the weight, and losing it fast. I know fast weight loss is unsustainable.i know my obsession is wrong, I just can't stop! I'm crying writing this because I don't know what to do. My health insurance doesn't cover mental health.
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Replies
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First, sending you hugs.
Second, it sounds like you should talk to someone, perhaps a counselor at school if that's available. You seem to know this isn't good for you, but sometimes it's hard to get past that and keep yourself healthy on your own. Depression is serious, and talking it out with someone trained/licensed can be so incredibly helpful.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, and I hope you're able to take care of yourself and get yourself on track to a healthy life. You are worth it!9 -
Whoops, just saw the part about your insurance. If there is someone available at your school, you could check with them to see if you'd have to pay. You may not if it's a service that your school offers!
Another option would be a community health center. You can google your area for one. They offer services for people without insurance coverage, and charge for appointments based on your income. (I work for a community health center in CT, so I'm very familiar with how they work.
) 4 -
Body dysmorphia is a real thing. A lot of people who lose a lot of weight (including myself) experience it. I lost, from the very beginning to now, 125 lbs. And do you know what, at times I still think I am fat. I still look down at my body and see a girl pushing 300. I still walk into plus size clothing stores because that is what I see, but it is getting better for me. But the first thing you need to do is take a time out. When I get like this, I pull up an old picture of myself and set it next to a current picture. That usually puts it back into perspective for me. When I can visually see the difference. Then you need to congratulate yourself on your successes. Now I know that you had a period of time that you re-gained. That is just part of life. I know because I’m on journey #3. So you forget yesterday because that doesn’t matter and you can’t change what has already taken place. You can only focus on today. THE HEALTHY way. You did not gain weight overnight and you cannot lose it overnight. I have been in your exact shoes. I was depressed, I tried every fad diet to lose weight as fast as possible. (One that only allowed me to eat every 3 days and that was only watermelon). DON’T DO THAT! I lost weight quickly and then I gained it back twice as fast and then the depression began again which was a vicious cycle because my depression leads to binge eating which farther lead to depression and so on. So what you need to do is decide that you’re in it for the long haul. Do a healthy lifestyle, do a healthy lifestyle that works for you, and get your body moving. Weigh in one a week max. Make mini goals and celebrate them (with no food related rewards). Like I am I huge book person and I would buy a new book at each 10 pound drop. Take a photo every month and build a collage of success! You may not see it day to day, but over a month period, you will see that difference and its crazy seeing day 1 and month 6. And then agree that this is a lifestyle change not a diet and it will need to be something you can live with for the long haul. Don’t compare yourself to supermodels, dang they don’t even look like that in real life. We’d all look 100 times better if we had stylist and tanners, and Photoshop and hairstylists, but especially photoshop. Make your goals about your health and your happiness. Allow yourself to know you are beautiful. One additional thing, and I know it’s corny, but I swear it actually works. On this journey, stand in front of your mirror and tell yourself these things every morning (and say it like you mean it – even if you have to fake it til you make it). #1. I am beautiful. #2. I am worth it. #3. I can do this. #4.I love you. At first, it will be weird, but over time if you tell yourself enough, you start to believe it and get to a better mental place. It also wouldn’t hurt to seek out a body dysmorphia support group. It helps to know that this is very common thing that happens and it is only your own perception, not how everyone else sees you. You can do this!14
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I want to underline what kazie said about photos. To me photos are the ultimate truth tellers. If you take periodic pictures of yourself in an identical pose and clothes (or not) and identical lighting you will be amazed how profound even a 20lbs loss can look. I'm 58. You are young. Weight control is a lifelong pastime. Patience!4
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As above, hugs. It can definitely help to talk to someone. There are services online for active listeners (free), because sometimes you need an ear. Most universities do have counseling services (if it's not required for them to have it anyway - I mean, I think it's required for them to have that service available).
I personally like some of the support-challenge groups here on MFP. Each that I've been a part of (like the Ilvermorny Challenge -has a big focus on health/wellness challenges) has been super supportive. I've gained a few accountabila-buddies out of it as well ^.^2 -
My adult son goes to his university ‘s counseling center, and it’s completely free. Your situation is affecting your studies and your school will be supportive of giving you the tools you need to cope with your obsessiveness and the stress causing you to lose focus.
So... take some photos of your face, front body, side body and back. Follow MFP program. Take same photos after you lose 20 pounds. You will see a difference! Try the phone app PicsArt (free). You can make a collage of “before “ and “after” pictures. You can put last month’s front full body pic next to the one of you 20 pounds lighter, for instance. Pretty cool!
Take good care of yourself. You’re worth it!!2 -
Unfortunately I go to community because I can't afford a university for 4 years. My college does have counseling but it is$200per session. (My class schedule got me laid off)0
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Whoops, just saw the part about your insurance. If there is someone available at your school, you could check with them to see if you'd have to pay. You may not if it's a service that your school offers!
Another option would be a community health center. You can google your area for one. They offer services for people without insurance coverage, and charge for appointments based on your income. (I work for a community health center in CT, so I'm very familiar with how they work. )
Thank you. I'm trying to find some resource.0 -
Body dysmorphia is a real thing. A lot of people who lose a lot of weight (including myself) experience it. I lost, from the very beginning to now, 125 lbs. And do you know what, at times I still think I am fat. I still look down at my body and see a girl pushing 300. I still walk into plus size clothing stores because that is what I see, but it is getting better for me. But the first thing you need to do is take a time out. When I get like this, I pull up an old picture of myself and set it next to a current picture. That usually puts it back into perspective for me. When I can visually see the difference. Then you need to congratulate yourself on your successes. Now I know that you had a period of time that you re-gained. That is just part of life. I know because I’m on journey #3. So you forget yesterday because that doesn’t matter and you can’t change what has already taken place. You can only focus on today. THE HEALTHY way. You did not gain weight overnight and you cannot lose it overnight. I have been in your exact shoes. I was depressed, I tried every fad diet to lose weight as fast as possible. (One that only allowed me to eat every 3 days and that was only watermelon). DON’T DO THAT! I lost weight quickly and then I gained it back twice as fast and then the depression began again which was a vicious cycle because my depression leads to binge eating which farther lead to depression and so on. So what you need to do is decide that you’re in it for the long haul. Do a healthy lifestyle, do a healthy lifestyle that works for you, and get your body moving. Weigh in one a week max. Make mini goals and celebrate them (with no food related rewards). Like I am I huge book person and I would buy a new book at each 10 pound drop. Take a photo every month and build a collage of success! You may not see it day to day, but over a month period, you will see that difference and its crazy seeing day 1 and month 6. And then agree that this is a lifestyle change not a diet and it will need to be something you can live with for the long haul. Don’t compare yourself to supermodels, dang they don’t even look like that in real life. We’d all look 100 times better if we had stylist and tanners, and Photoshop and hairstylists, but especially photoshop. Make your goals about your health and your happiness. Allow yourself to know you are beautiful. One additional thing, and I know it’s corny, but I swear it actually works. On this journey, stand in front of your mirror and tell yourself these things every morning (and say it like you mean it – even if you have to fake it til you make it). #1. I am beautiful. #2. I am worth it. #3. I can do this. #4.I love you. At first, it will be weird, but over time if you tell yourself enough, you start to believe it and get to a better mental place. It also wouldn’t hurt to seek out a body dysmorphia support group. It helps to know that this is very common thing that happens and it is only your own perception, not how everyone else sees you. You can do this!
Thank you so much. This post was very helpful. I don't really know what to reply to all the helpful tips people give me on here except that. I'm trying my best to take it all in. I want to make a positive change.3 -
Wow thats sad stuff0
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Question regarding your insurance: you say that yours doesn't cover mental health. Does that mean counseling only? If you were to go to your primary physician who accepts your insurance and tell them all that is going on with you, would your insurance cover antidepressants, if those are warranted?2
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I wonder whether BetterHelp.com might be worth looking into. They have a sliding scale charge of $35 to $70 per week, with UNLIMITED on-line counseling. You can live chat, phone or video chat with a counselor they pair you up with. You can subscribe as long as you want. Maybe you could consider doing one or two weeks, then unsubscribe if you find it's too expensive or not what you were looking for.4
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Since you are in college your university should provide free mental health and counseling services. Please contact the health department to get the details. Also many universities have psychology departments that also offer groups for people to join for things like weight loss and obsessive thoughts. Check into that as well. Good luck and I am sending you positive energy and support from afar.0
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I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Just remember that YOU deserve to be healthy and happy, but it does take exercise & healthy food. We are all in this together. Best wishes!0
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Take this time to Invest in Yourself. School will pay off a million times more than being thin. Do your science homework!!! Kill it!!! I am so excited to see where life will take you, or where you will take life!
You have the rest of your life to drop the weight, but your education is the most important thing in my opinion
I never thought I was that cute growing up. At 19 my body still was not done growing or settling in as it will. So don't be too hard on yourself!
Your life is sacred
Your journey is so special
Take your time
Don't worry about what anyone else is doing or what they look like
You have your own path
Make healthy food choices, but make sure you're getting the nutrition your body and brain need to succeed! There's a whole world out there for you to change! To focus on only your looks is the narrow path. Cultivate your skills and strengths now, it will pay off later.
Looks are a depreciating asset, but a degree and knowledge is an investment that will continue to payoff
Invest your time wisely
Be strong
Be healthy
Have faith in yourself
Don't let anyone or anything pressure you
Do what's right for you
I'm rooting for you 3 -
My mother is morbidly obese and I have a deep fear of becoming that way too. Just remember, you are young and can start today to treat yourself kindly. Neither of us have to become what our mothers have. If you are a religious person, you could check to see if your church has counselors that can help. I'm a Mormon and my church has a program that helps pay for members to see licensed mental health counselors if needed. Perhaps your church has a similar program? Hugs to you!0
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Hugs. I can't imagine the stress that you are under, but I have suffered from depression on and off through the years, and I know how it can affect studies and motivation and just make everything seem that much harder, and at times impossible. I also know what it's like to not be happy with your body, and how that can affect everything else.
I agree with everyone here that suggests trying to find some sort of counseling. If your regular doctor refers you, your insurance might cover it, otherwise online paid options or even online support groups might help. Sometimes just being heard is enough.
Here are my recommendations. Set your MFP to maintenance. Aim to eat about 500 lower than that, but any day you don't eat over maintenance is a win and means you won't be gaining. Eat more fruits and vegetables, the vitamins will make you feel better. If you're living in the northern hemisphere, start taking 5000 IU of vitamin D a day. Vitamin D deficiency can lead to seasonal depression, but is luckily one of the easier and cheaper chemical imbalances to fix.
Go for a walk every day, even if it's only a 10 minute walk around the block. We can't always control our weight, water retention, stress, and TOM make that impossible, but we can control our activity. 10 minutes won't burn a lot of calories, but it will be something that you did right every day, and will lay the building blocks for a healthier lifestyle.
Friend me on here if you want. I'm active every day and am glad to help anyone on their journey.0 -
Hugs from me too. Every morning when I wake up i am happy because i am alive. This helps me a lot. I live my life , eat vegetables and fruits and step by step everything become perfect. Be thankful and you will see the change. Lot of hugs one more time. When you get calm you will make whatever you want !0
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There are government programs for mental health check out your area see if they can help and remember everyone has issues0
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I read something I think you need to read earlier and it really made perfect sense, last year I watched a show on tv called “my diet is better than yours” I continue to follow the winner, jasmine and she is very inspiring I’ll post the link to her fb page for you to take a look at also sending you a friend request sweetie I’ll be here for ya!0
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I am sorry that you are suffering from such thoughts. I know that the depression and obsession is not an easy thing to deal with but at least you are noticing it and trying to find a way to over come it. I saw that you said your insurance wont cover mental health. I do not know you or your resources so all I can do is suggest what I would try if it was me. I would talk to your primary care doctor and see if they can suggest anything (dietitian or something maybe if there is one in their office) of some one you could talk to that could help you figure out a healthy way for losing the weight and be some one to talk to. Also maybe there is a support group you could join (those usually do not cost) or a form of counseling through a local group such as a church or something. I know that in my area there is a local church that has family support specialist that come out and help you with goals you may have and basically just sit and talk once a week. Also just talking to a friend or sometimes journaling your thoughts and feelings can help. I journal a lot to help with any depression when symptoms strike. And my friends on here have become a HUGE form of help with symptoms and obsession over my weight. I know it is not much but I hope it helps. I hope that things turn around from you. Feel free to add me and message me at any time for any reason weight related or not. I have been told I have a great listening ear (or eye in this case being on a computer). Wishing you all the best.0
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Life is special and it is amazing that you and I are here, regardless of weight. What can you do to stop obsessing and enjoy the present? Maybe trying something new or challenging could help get you out of this dark place? Doing couch to 5k a few years ago give me something positive I could focus on and achieve in small increments. Please feel better!0
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Hugs to you too. Remember, slow and steady wins the race, and one day at a time. Try not to overwhelm yourself with the really big picture. You're not doomed to live the life of your mother, you've already started to take different steps. And, yes, body dysmorphia is real, I agree with the advice to take pictures. Do little things that you may have forgotten, like drink 8 glasses of water a day, park the car further away then you normally would and get a few extra steps in. And remind yourself how smart you are!0
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OP - it’s sounds trite, but walking outdoors always does wonders for my spirits and it’s one of the factors that has lead me to maintenance after 2+ years of losing very slowly. I walk at 6:45 am and just watching the sun come up every day makes me grateful for my life.
On the diet side, spend some time learning about nutrition and cook, cook, cook.0
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