What is my responsibility?
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You have no business bringing her boss into this, that’s not concern that’s throwing her under the bus.6
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It's none of you responsibility or business. As it's none of mine to tell you how you should do your own dieting and exercise program unless you requested it.
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duskyjewel wrote: »I have this coworker who lost a lot of weight on Weight Watchers in the last year. We've all congratulated her because the change is dramatic. However, now she started talking about fasting to get herself into ketosis so she can start eating keto. At first she said she was going to fast for a day, and then she felt like she did so well with it she extended the fast into a second day. That was last Friday and she apparently started eating keto over last weekend. During this week I saw her in the lunchroom a couple times and didn't think anything of it. Then today while I was talking about how myself and a couple other coworkers had made a Friday run to The Habit (amazing burger joint), she joked about getting a quadruple cheeseburger and eating it without the bun. And I was like, jeez a quadruple? And then she tells me she hasn't eaten anything since Wednesday. Later I saw her with a Wendy's bag so I guess she did go get her burger. It's the next part of the conversation the has me questioning what my obligations are to this woman and her health, because she stated that she wants to try for a longer fast, and that this month she's going to attempt an entire week. I asked, "Why would you want to do that?!" And she replied, "Because it's healthy!" I responded, "You're never going to convince me that not eating for an entire week is healthy." She walked away at that point. Now I know intermittent fasting is a thing, but isn't it usually like one day once or twice a week? This woman is not doing IF, she's descending into seriously eating-disordered behavior. I don't know her personally at all. But I feel like someone should be alerted to the fact that she's planning to try an entire week of fasting and spoke admiringly of people who achieved three week fasts! I thought of speaking to our mutual boss but I'm not sure......
What would you do?
How is her eating or not relavent to her job? Is her job as a food taster? If it is not something like that then there is nothing to speak to her boss about.
You don't have a resonsibility to do anything about this person you barely know. If she talks to you about it you can disagree or point out sources of better information. That's about it.
It would be different conversation if she were a close friend or family member.1 -
I just want to pipe in to say that IF is not the only type of fasting there is, nor the only healthy type. Plenty of people fast for days, for various reasons (religious, health, etc). I myself have done a few fasts in the past, including weekend fasts and one 9-day fast. None of these were for the purpose of weight loss, and I'm in no way advocating for it for that purpose. But there are health benefits to fasting--I don't have time to look it all up and post it here, but it can certainly be googled.
All of this to say, I wouldn't worry too much about this woman's plans. 3 weeks is pretty long to go without medical supervision, but as others have indicated, you shouldn't feel burdened with a responsibility for her. Besides, if she's volunteering this info to you, there are likely others in her life that she's talking about it to.
I will add I have no experience with keto, and if she IS doing the fast solely for weight loss, she will likely learn quickly enough that it's not the answer for that. Whatever weight I did lose on a 9-day fast, came back within a fairly short period of time once I resumed eating. AND i had an increased appetite for a while.10 -
Telling someone the details of your diet sound a bit attention seeking to me, almost as if she were trying to provoke a reaction. You've told her what you think. If she approaches you again to discuss it it would be in order I think to express your opinion again, but you don't bear responsibility for her actions.2
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I once went to college with a girl who stated at lunch that she was now a vegetarian, as she was eating a hamburger. I think she was just trying to impress a mutual friend who actually was vegetarian.
Maybe this person is saying one thing to impress people on her lifestyle choices while actually doing the opposite when no one is looking.
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I'd sit back, pull up a chair and watch. Because the crash and burn will be coming and the binges will be epic!4
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Your responsibility is zero. Stay out of it. You say yourself you don’t know her personally, why would you think you have any responsibility of inserting yourself into her situation? She’s an adult.
Maybe because she's a human being and I don't think people should stand by and just let other human beings kill or damage themselves?
I really don't get the hostility from some of you. You keep telling me it's none of my business. Frankly, I'd be thrilled if it had never become my business.15 -
duskyjewel wrote: »Your responsibility is zero. Stay out of it. You say yourself you don’t know her personally, why would you think you have any responsibility of inserting yourself into her situation? She’s an adult.
Maybe because she's a human being and I don't think people should stand by and just let other human beings kill or damage themselves?
I really don't get the hostility from some of you. You keep telling me it's none of my business. Frankly, I'd be thrilled if it had never become my business.
What about coworkers who smoke? Or who are obese and eat treats all day? Or who you see not buckle their seat belt when they pull out of the parking lot? What if she told you she was going to pick up a stranger in a bar? All of these people would be putting themselves in danger. What is your responsibility to them? I could make a case they are putting themselves in way more danger than someone fasting.
It is quite possible she could fast several times a year for the rest of her life and be fine. Cultures all over the world incorporate fasting. This plan being dangerous for her is your "opinion", based on the limited info you know about her. Yes, she is a human being, and you should respect the fact that she is an adult who is capable to make decisions about her life. You seem to be assuming she will spiral into a lifetime of eating disorders and health emergencies, rather than that she'll get hungry and stop or maybe never actually do it in the first place.
I think you're getting pushback because the idea of a random coworker taking it on themselves to decide what's healthy for us and possibly getting our boss involved crosses a line and pushes some buttons.21 -
duskyjewel wrote: »I have this coworker who lost a lot of weight on Weight Watchers in the last year. We've all congratulated her because the change is dramatic. However, now she started talking about fasting to get herself into ketosis so she can start eating keto. At first she said she was going to fast for a day, and then she felt like she did so well with it she extended the fast into a second day. That was last Friday and she apparently started eating keto over last weekend. During this week I saw her in the lunchroom a couple times and didn't think anything of it. Then today while I was talking about how myself and a couple other coworkers had made a Friday run to The Habit (amazing burger joint), she joked about getting a quadruple cheeseburger and eating it without the bun. And I was like, jeez a quadruple? And then she tells me she hasn't eaten anything since Wednesday. Later I saw her with a Wendy's bag so I guess she did go get her burger. It's the next part of the conversation the has me questioning what my obligations are to this woman and her health, because she stated that she wants to try for a longer fast, and that this month she's going to attempt an entire week. I asked, "Why would you want to do that?!" And she replied, "Because it's healthy!" I responded, "You're never going to convince me that not eating for an entire week is healthy." She walked away at that point. Now I know intermittent fasting is a thing, but isn't it usually like one day once or twice a week? This woman is not doing IF, she's descending into seriously eating-disordered behavior. I don't know her personally at all. But I feel like someone should be alerted to the fact that she's planning to try an entire week of fasting and spoke admiringly of people who achieved three week fasts! I thought of speaking to our mutual boss but I'm not sure......
What would you do?
How is her eating or not relavent to her job? Is her job as a food taster? If it is not something like that then there is nothing to speak to her boss about.
You don't have a resonsibility to do anything about this person you barely know. If she talks to you about it you can disagree or point out sources of better information. That's about it.
It would be different conversation if she were a close friend or family member.
Well, if she's a pilot, or drives a train or a bus, or operates heavy machinery -- anything where people's lives or safety would be at risk if she fainted or was unable to concentrate -- OP might have a responsibility to let the boss know, but yeah, if there isn't some concern of that sort, bringing it up with the boss seems inappropriate, unless it actually does start affecting her work (the life and safety cases justify involving the boss before something happens, but if there's no concern of that sort, there's no reason to involve the boss until after there's an actual effect on job performance).2 -
duskyjewel wrote: »Your responsibility is zero. Stay out of it. You say yourself you don’t know her personally, why would you think you have any responsibility of inserting yourself into her situation? She’s an adult.
Maybe because she's a human being and I don't think people should stand by and just let other human beings kill or damage themselves?
I really don't get the hostility from some of you. You keep telling me it's none of my business. Frankly, I'd be thrilled if it had never become my business.
What about coworkers who smoke? Or who are obese and eat treats all day? Or who you see not buckle their seat belt when they pull out of the parking lot? What if she told you she was going to pick up a stranger in a bar? All of these people would be putting themselves in danger. What is your responsibility to them? I could make a case they are putting themselves in way more danger than someone fasting....
^ Awesome points. Very well put.
I used to smoke. I was standing in the back parking lot at work having a cigarette one day and one of my (obese) co-workers walked out and said "You know, that's really bad for you". I pointedly looked at his midsection and replied "So is having a big ol' gut". He didn't have any obligation to tell me that what I was doing was bad for me, but since he decided to concern himself with it, I figured I should return the courtesy. Good for the goose, good for the gander, right?8 -
OP, put yourself in her shoes. What if YOU were doing something that others thought was dangerous, yet you felt you had it under control. What if it was absolutely unrelated to your job, and a co-worker went to your boss and told her/him what you were doing. If I were the boss, I would wonder what the person who told me about a co-worker's personal life was thinking, and perhaps I'd be suspicious of the person's motives, especially if the one with "the problem" was doing a fine job at work.
IMO, it does not do anything to help YOU or your co-worker to take this to the boss if this is not directly affecting you and the work you or she needs to do at the job.0 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »duskyjewel wrote: »I have this coworker who lost a lot of weight on Weight Watchers in the last year. We've all congratulated her because the change is dramatic. However, now she started talking about fasting to get herself into ketosis so she can start eating keto. At first she said she was going to fast for a day, and then she felt like she did so well with it she extended the fast into a second day. That was last Friday and she apparently started eating keto over last weekend. During this week I saw her in the lunchroom a couple times and didn't think anything of it. Then today while I was talking about how myself and a couple other coworkers had made a Friday run to The Habit (amazing burger joint), she joked about getting a quadruple cheeseburger and eating it without the bun. And I was like, jeez a quadruple? And then she tells me she hasn't eaten anything since Wednesday. Later I saw her with a Wendy's bag so I guess she did go get her burger. It's the next part of the conversation the has me questioning what my obligations are to this woman and her health, because she stated that she wants to try for a longer fast, and that this month she's going to attempt an entire week. I asked, "Why would you want to do that?!" And she replied, "Because it's healthy!" I responded, "You're never going to convince me that not eating for an entire week is healthy." She walked away at that point. Now I know intermittent fasting is a thing, but isn't it usually like one day once or twice a week? This woman is not doing IF, she's descending into seriously eating-disordered behavior. I don't know her personally at all. But I feel like someone should be alerted to the fact that she's planning to try an entire week of fasting and spoke admiringly of people who achieved three week fasts! I thought of speaking to our mutual boss but I'm not sure......
What would you do?
How is her eating or not relavent to her job? Is her job as a food taster? If it is not something like that then there is nothing to speak to her boss about.
You don't have a resonsibility to do anything about this person you barely know. If she talks to you about it you can disagree or point out sources of better information. That's about it.
It would be different conversation if she were a close friend or family member.
Well, if she's a pilot, or drives a train or a bus, or operates heavy machinery -- anything where people's lives or safety would be at risk if she fainted or was unable to concentrate -- OP might have a responsibility to let the boss know, but yeah, if there isn't some concern of that sort, bringing it up with the boss seems inappropriate, unless it actually does start affecting her work (the life and safety cases justify involving the boss before something happens, but if there's no concern of that sort, there's no reason to involve the boss until after there's an actual effect on job performance).
Yes, it would make sense to speak to a boss about a co-worker who is not doing their job or endangering others by their actions. If you work in an eating disorder clinic and a coworker starts going around talking about fasting the boss should probably know about that. There are situations where it might be a responsibility to bring this to the employer.
At this point in time there is no evidence that the person has those kinds of jobs or is showing ill effects on their work from their proposed week of fasting. I'm going to stick with this is nothing to speak to a boss about.1 -
Whats the boss to do anyways? Call human resources and say she breaks a 3 day fast with quadruple whatever? HR won't care and neither should you!4
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I didn't read any hostility in any of the posts here. That said, from the end of your original post:duskyjewel wrote: »Maybe because she's a human being and I don't think people should stand by and just let other human beings kill or damage themselves?
I really don't get the hostility from some of you. You keep telling me it's none of my business. Frankly, I'd be thrilled if it had never become my business.
That sounds like a really easy way to potentially create a hostile working environment which I would imagine is the last of your intentions. No one is saying that you're somehow a bad person for caring about the wellbeing of others, no matter your relation to them. What people are essentially saying is that you are on your way to overstepping some pretty major boundaries. Yes your co-worker also did so, but that doesn't mean it's appropriate to do the same. The only way I would even think it would be a good idea to go further with this is if she was in the position to endanger others (the the heavy equipment/transportation example being apt here).I thought of speaking to our mutual boss but I'm not sure......2 -
I completely understand your concern over your co-worker's potential destructive behaviour, this is not a work issue. By reporting this to your mutual employer are putting this person's employment at risk. You have no right to do that. Being compassionate is one thing, but messing with someone's livelihood?
If you truly feel you need to intervene, then make that know to the person and book time outside of work hours to talk to this person about your concerns for their well being.
Don't *kitten* around with their professional life. You don't have that right.9 -
duskyjewel wrote: »Your responsibility is zero. Stay out of it. You say yourself you don’t know her personally, why would you think you have any responsibility of inserting yourself into her situation? She’s an adult.
Maybe because she's a human being and I don't think people should stand by and just let other human beings kill or damage themselves?
I really don't get the hostility from some of you. You keep telling me it's none of my business. Frankly, I'd be thrilled if it had never become my business.
I applaud you for wanting to help this young woman. I think the best you are going to be able to do is to continue to engage her. Try to gently and politely explain the reasons why what she is trying to do is not a good idea. Suggest healthier alternatives to acheive her goals such as My Fitness Pal, joining a gym, etc.
I think you will have more luck in positively engaging her vs. telling the boss. Taking a hard line will probably only cause her to dig in further in an attempt to try to prove you wrong and "win" the arguement. In the end, she is an adult, and she is going to do what she wants anyway. At least this way you can have a clear conscience in knowing you did your best to help, without creating a contentious relationship in the workplace.0 -
duskyjewel wrote: »
Maybe casually ask her how it is going, and see if she is still fasting. This might give you an opportunity to share your MFP experiences with her.0 -
duskyjewel wrote: »Your responsibility is zero. Stay out of it. You say yourself you don’t know her personally, why would you think you have any responsibility of inserting yourself into her situation? She’s an adult.
Maybe because she's a human being and I don't think people should stand by and just let other human beings kill or damage themselves?
I really don't get the hostility from some of you. You keep telling me it's none of my business. Frankly, I'd be thrilled if it had never become my business.
I didn't see a single post here that was hostile? sounds more like you were expecting a certain answer (or maybe praise for your actions?) and didn't get what you were looking for??5 -
Usually these things sort themselves out (in the form of a spectacular binge that she's unlikely to bring up with you). Given the date of this thread, probably not an issue any more, but I agree that unless her job puts other people's lives in her hands it's best to stay at arm's length2
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