You do you I'll do me? Is that ok or disrespectful?

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Replies

  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 3,053 Member
    When my kids were little snack monsters, in weak moments I would be tempted by their snack food. For this I employed the separate-cabinet and better-mom-snacks strategies. But still, there were weak moments and sometimes I ate theirs. Kid snacks are less of an issue because they all eat less "junk food" now and 2 are away in school, so we've kind of aged out of kid food temptation.

    I like hubby's snack food, though, and sometimes that's tempting, too. I make granola they all like, and at one point, I was really struggling not to overeat it. I made it but asked DH to hide it from me. He did a terrible job hiding it. I accidentally found it the very next morning, so I can't say that really worked.

    I don't have a solution, OP, but I do understand. 90% of the time I don't even think about others' food. And I usually can resist when temptation strikes, but it's not perfect and it is easier when there's less temptation at home. You look fantastic in your profile pic and you have a lot to be proud of. When in doubt, reach back for the strengths that got you to this point.
  • Lesscookies1
    Lesscookies1 Posts: 250 Member
    It's all about self control and individual ownership. I have siblings who eat ice cream, make cake, and they have huge layered nachos that look like they're calorie bombs, or they will make delicious looking deserts. If I want something I'll take the smallest portion, and if I want I won't take any, and I'll resist the options available. I know at office parties tons of food is available, but I'm
    Not going to ask people not to bring dishes that are calorific because I won't eat it. Self control is the key word.
  • Iwantahealthierme30
    Iwantahealthierme30 Posts: 293 Member
    Honestly, I have the opposite problem which isn't really a problem but it annoys me. Boyfriend is 148 pounds and eats whatever he wants but also goes on really long walks and bike rides and rollerblading in the summer that I can't. My goal weight is 160. I'm 215 now and he says I don't have to lose any weight.

    What does he snack on when he's alone? veggies
    What does he have when he's with me? cookies, cinnamon rolls (all the sweet stuff) and he loves it, lol.
  • amyepdx
    amyepdx Posts: 750 Member
    Maybe also look at how you’re restricting/demonizing food by doing things like cauliflower “rice”. If you can incorporate more normal food, it may help.
  • BuffyBourbon
    BuffyBourbon Posts: 126 Member
    You won't convince him to join in on your diet by suggesting it to him, it has to be his idea. Meanwhile asking him not to eat any of his favorite things it sounds like is a no-go. If you have any specific trigger foods you could ask him to either not purchase them, or not keep them in the kitchen. Baking bread obviously won't work but other things would.

    My spouse can not resist M&Ms. I used to keep them in a bowl in a kitchen cabinet, all the time. A pound bag of M&Ms would last me months because they weren't a trigger, just a nice sweet here and there. She can't resist them and asked me to stop. So i get a different treat that's a little less appealing to her most of the time, and i also make sure the treat is in the pantry and not in the dishes cabinet. When i do occasionally decide i want m&ms, i put them in my desk drawer and don't mention to her that I have them. My own junk-food weakness is Cheetos. If they are in the house they are what I want. Now we almost never buy them for the kitchen. I find bags in her car from time to time, but they're always empty by then.

    If you name a specific treat or two that you'd like him not to buy, or at least not to wave at you, I hope you get better results!
  • DebLaBounty
    DebLaBounty Posts: 1,169 Member
    Why not just make your own food, get full and satisfied, and have no room left over for your husband's food? Make what you make tasty and yummy smelling. Honestly, it used to be there wasn't a homemade cinnamon roll I could walk by. But with practice, I learned that I could, indeed, not eat that *kitten*. I used to imagine that people spit or coughed on food so I wouldn't eat it myself. Anyway, when I'm not drinking wine I don't ask my husband to join me in my self-denial. He has his martini and I have some ice water with lemon. And if he makes bread, by golly I eat a slice with butter running down my wrist, and just make sure it fits into the MFP calorie allowance for the day. I am not disrespecting him by asking him to change what he does in his own home. But if he said anything rude about my choice to eat different food by making fun of my cauliflower rice, I would just laugh it off. "Yeah, honey, it smells like farts but so do you, and I still love you." Ha! We can make "disrespectful" into "fun time"!
  • MHarper522
    MHarper522 Posts: 108 Member
    As long as they don't rub it in your face, you should let them eat what they want.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    When I was diagnosed with diabetes I told my husband flat out that needing to eat properly was a matter of life and death to me, and anyone who wanted me to die was clearly my enemy, so he could do everything possible to support me or he could leave. Since then he has done everything I could ask as far as respecting my need not to have food I can't eat in front of me all the time. He has several snacks and desserts he enjoys which are not my favorites, and when he does have things I would love to be able to eat, he does it when I'm not around.

    It may be less obvious, but being obese is a matter of life and death to you and to your family too. Hopefully you and yours can turn it around before you have an incurable lifelong disease like diabetes. Whatever you need to do about the food situation, make it clear that being alive is not optional, it's your first priority.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    It's not fair of you to ask everyone else to disrupt their lives because you want to change something about yourself. You're just going to have to learn to work around it.
  • BoxerBrawler
    BoxerBrawler Posts: 2,032 Member
    On one hand no one should disrespect anyone over their food and/or lifestyle choices. On the other hand, people should be allowed to eat whatever they choose to eat without feeling like they have to hide it. Can the two of you try to find a middle-ground?
  • CattOfTheGarage
    CattOfTheGarage Posts: 2,745 Member
    I don't think it's fair to try and stop others eating what they want for the sake of my own goals. However, here are some things that helped us (family of one tubby adult, one slim adult and one frankly skinny child):

    - Everyone has their own individual treat stash, and these are kept out of sight. I can't go rummaging in other people's stashes, that would be stealing.
    - Sometimes if I'm feeling weak I ask my husband to hide my treat basket and bring it out only on request. I don't need to do this often these days, but it helps a lot.
    - Keep things like cookies in a cupboard, above eye level, so they're not right there in front of you
    - I do the cooking mostly, so I can choose meals which can be adapted so that they get bigger portions, more of the fattening bits etc and mine is a bit lighter

    Apart from that, it's all just a question of learning my weaknesses and buttons and learning how not to overeat, even in the presence of tempting foods. This just takes time and effort and there's no way around it. This is a fattening world, and we need to learn to live in it.

    I wouldn't dream of trying to make my daughter live without home made cookies or bread or other such projects. Those are the experiences that make up a cosy home.

    My weight is my problem, and while my family can be supportive, it's my job to manage it, as much as possible without cramping their style.
  • alicebhsia
    alicebhsia Posts: 178 Member
    i think it's okay, and i wouldn't be offended. i would just take it as kind of a warning to back off because someone is getting a little testy. on the other hand, if your husband is 300 pounds, it might be a good idea to nag a bit anyway, just maybe try to do it more gently somehow as to not elicit a defensive response. i mean, it would be nice if he were more supportive of you..
  • cheryldumais
    cheryldumais Posts: 1,907 Member
    Lots of great comments here but I would like to add that I try to find something that fits in my diet that is more calorie friendly. Often I find if I have SOMETHING I can have it is less painful. For example I eat diet pudding (50 cal per serving) with some low fat cool whip. I can fit that in better than say a donut or cake. For the bread I would likely have a bowl of Boom Chick a Pop popcorn. I understand and feel your pain because my hubby snacks all night long and I am sitting right across from him but I save up some calories so I can have something else that satisfies.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    edited February 2018
    I'm mixed up about this. I mean, I guess I don't really understand why someone who's supposed to love you would make it so much harder on you, but at the same time, you don't have to eat it. I'd ask them to put it away so you can't see it, but that's pretty much all you can reasonably ask them to do.

    I did stop baking when my husband had a heart attack though, and now only do it when we get together with friends or for special occasions, but that's for me too because I really don't need all the extra calories either.
  • lightenup2016
    lightenup2016 Posts: 1,055 Member
    I think that just as individuals must do what works for them, families/couples must also figure out what works for them. Everyone here giving advice is basing it on their own family relationships, which obviously vary from household to household. Of course it would be great if your family members took into account your wishes, but if they continue to do what they're doing, you have no choice but to adapt.

    In my own family, hubby understands and supports my weight-loss efforts, but at the same time, he wants his treats, too. Sometimes that means actual sweets/snacks, and sometimes it means a particularly calorie-laden meal (we don't eat out much, so that helps). I need my own food choices to be sustainable as well, so I just try to incorporate our mutual indulgences into my calorie goal. For instance, he loves key lime pie, so I'll sometimes get that and I'll have a tiny sliver while he has his man portion. He also loves ice cream--if I'm shopping, I'll purposely buy HIS favorite flavor that I can live without (if it was cookies n cream or chocolate brownie, I'd be much more tempted). If the family wants a big meal of pancakes, bacon, hash browns, etc, I'll make that for dinner and save up calories for it. I can't have as much of it as I used to have, but it's enough that I can enjoy it but not go over my limit, either. The same goes with baked treats, grilled hamburgers, etc. Hubby also is Italian, so pasta and bread are frequent requests. Sometimes he shops and buys bread I don't have calories for. I either skip it, or I tear off a small piece, weigh it, log it, and enjoy. Sometimes I make zoodles for myself in place of pasta (it helps that I love them!). Maybe I have a little more control over the meals than OP does, but there are ways to adapt. Good lunch OP!

  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    do you think it is ok or disrespectful for young adult kids and husband to eat whatever the want including take out, cookies, homemade bread, ice cream when you kindly ask to please not bake this stuff right now as I am trying to get back on track and it is so tempting having it in front of me all the time?

    It is unreasonable to demand everyone in the house change their eating habits unless it is something that can cause instant death like from a severe allergy or similar. That is not the same as lacking self control. That is "a little bit of that could put me in the hospital right away".
    When dieting it is okay to ask nicely for family to limit or eat some things away from you or to enjoy things you don't like as well or to put food out of sight. If you come to such an agreement and they break the agreement it is disrespectful. You are justified in being upset.
    If they never agreed then it is disappointing.
    Ultimately you do have to do you and they have to do them no matter what. Even if it would benefit them too.

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