At the bottom right now.

Sewweaver

I am admittedly a little in shock. After some months of testing today I received the diagnosis that I have bone cancer. I am having a port put in on Monday and go on a 24/7 chemo pack.

I came to this site with virtually no support or friends due in large part to my own upbringing. I was trained and conditioned to withdraw. Don't be a bother or be in the way or annoy people with your own trivialities. I was brought up to somehow for some reason to believe that the way to become a great friend is to be there, listen, support others, but be invisible.

This place is more than diet to me. It is really my effort to change from the inside out. The diet/exercise is in some ways, just the outward culmination of an inward transformation. But I guess I am not faced with the fact that I am indeed going to have to change and perhaps some of the ways I was brought up were faulty. Someone encouraged me to put myself forward and everything in me said, "dont do it, people dont want to hear other peoples' crap."

I guess I am at the bottom. I am willing to take the ridicule for posting on a public forum and I'll take my stripes and try to move forward.

I am not sure at this point what I should expect in relation to diet/exercise.

I know that at a 6 week marker a decision will be looked at more closely about limb salvage / radiation / amputation, to attempt to save my left leg (the site of the primary tumor).

I am not sure quite how to proceed I guess. I am a little in shock I guess. EVen now I have the screeching desire to hit delete, but I truly do want to change any future I have, in any way that future might look. I want to be different. I want to be different inside, not just on the scale or in an outfit. I don't want to just see food or exercise differently. I want to see life differently.

I am a little afraid of the responses. I do not like being told that I am foolish or stupid or illogical. I guess, like most people, I want to hear positive. But what I want, and what I need are not always the same thing. I am willing to take the honest responses, even though they may hurt, because sometimes that is more needful, than desired.

Let the hazing begin... I guess.

pastryari

I am admittedly a little in shock. After some months of testing today I received the diagnosis that I have bone cancer. I am having a port put in on Monday and go on a 24/7 chemo pack.

I came to this site with virtually no support or friends due in large part to my own upbringing. I was trained and conditioned to withdraw. Don't be a bother or be in the way or annoy people with your own trivialities. I was brought up to somehow for some reason to believe that the way to become a great friend is to be there, listen, support others, but be invisible.

This place is more than diet to me. It is really my effort to change from the inside out. The diet/exercise is in some ways, just the outward culmination of an inward transformation. But I guess I am not faced with the fact that I am indeed going to have to change and perhaps some of the ways I was brought up were faulty. Someone encouraged me to put myself forward and everything in me said, "dont do it, people dont want to hear other peoples' crap."

I guess I am at the bottom. I am willing to take the ridicule for posting on a public forum and I'll take my stripes and try to move forward.

I am not sure at this point what I should expect in relation to diet/exercise.

I know that at a 6 week marker a decision will be looked at more closely about limb salvage / radiation / amputation, to attempt to save my left leg (the site of the primary tumor).

I am not sure quite how to proceed I guess. I am a little in shock I guess. EVen now I have the screeching desire to hit delete, but I truly do want to change any future I have, in any way that future might look. I want to be different. I want to be different inside, not just on the scale or in an outfit. I don't want to just see food or exercise differently. I want to see life differently.

I am a little afraid of the responses. I do not like being told that I am foolish or stupid or illogical. I guess, like most people, I want to hear positive. But what I want, and what I need are not always the same thing. I am willing to take the honest responses, even though they may hurt, because sometimes that is more needful, than desired.

Let the hazing begin... I guess.

Oh, wow. I'm so sorry to hear that. There is nothing foolish, stupid, or illogical about feeling the way you are upon recieving news such as this.

I wish you nothing but the best and I really hope everything gets better for you.

douglasnorton

Sorry to hear the diagnosis came back that way. But, you have the choice to make the most of life or to regret life. By coming out of your shell, you are making the better decision of making the most of life. Anyone who chastises you for putting this out as a topic and blasts you is a complete fool. I think you are doing a great job in taking back your life and making the best of what life has to offer you. If you ever need to talk or just need a friend to listen, hit me up. Always here for ya!

sharonfoustmills

You will be totally shocked just how much support there is to be had on this site. It is AWESOME.

michelledfoster

Anyone who would dare say anything negative to you on this post could not possibly have a soul. There are no words that can make you feel better: you are facing a devastating diagnosis and words alone cannot soothe that fear or ache.

I understand being brought up to feel like you should be a great friend to others but never ask for anything in return. I had some similar ideas instilled in me as well, but I stopped believing it.........I dont know when. But I did. You will too. You CAN ask for what you want or need. You may not always get it, but you will never get it if you dont ask.

As for the diagnosis: approach with prayer. Handle yourself in the next few weeks as you would handle someone ELSE who is facing this: with extreme gentleness and kindness. Reach out to others; at work, home, church, or in a group therapy setting, or even here. People are basically good. Let others lift you up. Message me anytime. Praying for you. *hugs*

bert16

Shock is a completely understandable reaction; in fact, I can't imagine reacting any way other than that. And please stop apologizing for sharing this - there is nothing in your message that any sane person would possibly find fault in.

I haven't gone through this myself, so can't claim to be any kind of expert, but as with most challenges in life, I suggest that you take the information you've got in, continue to work with your doctors and medical team to get more data to make the most informed decisions you can, lean on your family and friends (including MFPals!), and put up the fight of your life. If this is the bottom, the good news is that there's nowhere to go but up.

Huge (((hugs))) to you - you CAN beat this.

debaloo

I'm so sorry! My cousin just started the chemo process last week. It's a lot to take in and you need support. Don't be afraid to ask for it! Take it one day at a time. There is no way to predict what is going to happen. Are you going to a good treatment center? The nurses in good centers are always available to answer your questions and give you important information. Please take advantage of those resources and maybe join a support group, either in person or online.

taniak3

So sad to hear your news. Sending hugs and prayers your way!

brower47

I'm at a loss for words. :flowerforyou: At the risk of sounding canned ham and disingenuous, I hope you get a lot of support for what you're going through and that it turns out as well as it can.

My mom's a cancer survivor, so I know it's hard and my best wishes go out to you and yours.

agdyl

I can't imagine what there is to criticize in your post! I don't think anyone can really imagine how they would really react to a diagnosis like that unless they are experiencing it. There's no "normal" - whatever you are feeling now just IS. All I can say is that I wish you all the best in healing. Talk to your doctors about what you should do for diet and exercise and then try to do what you can that is the most healing for your body and mind. I wish there was anything I could say to make it better, but you're in my thoughts!

PikaKnight

I'm so sorry I've lost a few family members due to cancer I wish you the best OP :flowerforyou:

dab52776

My thoughts and prayers are with you, for everything you are facing.

Skrib69

You have nothing to apologise for, and no reason to hide away. This is a very brave ad honest post. Whilst nothing I can say or do will undo the past, or change the future for you, it sounds lie you have done the hard part of facing your situation. Now that you ave got the bit between your teeth, make the best of the here and now and enjoy yourself. I hope the treatment works for you.

mandles82

There really is nothing I, or anyone else can say to make this better for you. BUT, I certainly won't say anything negative, I can't imagine anyone else would either. We all deal with situations differently, some people do internalize everything and it really does nothing to help. I've learned that letting it all out, while it may not help, will certainly help to relieve stress and hurt. I lost someone close to cancer, they were in poor health before their diagnosis and they were elderly but what I found was attitude is everything. Ask questions of your doctors and don't hold back how you are feeling!!

Try to stay positive, much easier said then done.

redladywitch

Oh honey, I'm sorry this is happening right now. My heart goes out to you. I don't think anyone is going to give you crap or tease you. There really is a lot of support here.

I wonder if the nursing staff can answer your questions? Take it one day at a time. This is a lot to take in.

nettasue35

I'm sorry to hear your diagnosis of bone cancer, my heart goes out to you and your family. I will ask my family to pray for you and your family. I have never been diagnosed with cancer, but worked for the doctor who diagnosed his. I know that he was grateful for all the support he had. I suggest that you talk with family and friends and let them help you. you maybe surprised how much help you will have. If you need someone to talk with please message me.

bakingforlife

Im so sorry. Your having to deal with this devatating news .saying it out loud is the first step .im going to say this meditate. Sing dance do the things you love that you can ...may sound odd but really its freeing ..calming .talk talk talk about it ..no negetive thoughts i know that will be hard also but if theres any neg thought dont let them out. Replace neg with positive words theres going to be days of saddness and neg thought yes but say it deal with it and move on then back to positive .surround your srlf with awrsome people .eat well stay away from sugar surgar feeds the tumor .lost of water good whole food s greens .im no doc but. I no this stuff helps .have a family full of cancer .its not fun but beleaving yourgoing to be alright is one of the ways to neay this ...good luck talk talk talk about your feeling. ............

newblue95

Wow. I'm so sorry. But I am happy that you are coming out of your shell. I am also extremely introverted, but I've changed recently too. Everyday, we grow a little bit more and a little bit more. You can be whoever you want to be.

ssmithbowman

I am so sorry that this has all happened to you. I wish you the best and I will be praying for you.

Regarding the loss of your limb (potentially)...I work with patients who often have to get amputations due to diabetes or vascular diseases. They have to go through a grieving process for their limbs just as if it was a family member of friend. Eventually they learn to move on and live iwthout the limb. Many of them still exercise. I have a patient who is a double amputee who lifts. He is really passionate about fitness.

In any case, don't make the fact thaty ou might not have a leg in the future define you. It won't. You will overcome it.

36Frieda

I am sorry to here about your diagnosis, it is a lot to wrap your mind around. I too was raised to 'not be an imposition' and it took me a good 30 years to realize that I short change friends and family by not allowing them to extend themselves when I need help. I am still a work in progress myself.
Take care off yourself and allow others to be there for you.

LaserOctopus

I know it's way out of your comfort zone, but I'm glad you posted this; you've had a rough time of it lately, and today has been the worst of it.

And I'm thrilled to see so many people offering their support and encouragement. I know you need it right now.

CoderGal

You're not being foolish or stupid, and the only reason you're being illogical is because you think that

I know amputation sounds like...well...bad. And hopefully you'll never have to have it done. My fingers are crossed for you, because no matter what gets done the now and immediately after is a rough road to be in, particularly since the mind well play tricks on people. But in the hopes that it may put your mind at ease, I know several people who have had various parts removed for various reasons (sometimes by themselves, woops). I talked to one of them a lot before she got it done and there was a sense of how well I ever cope and this is terrifying what well I do and a lot of crying as if she's useless and losing herself etc. Then she probably felt worse because naturally she noticed everyone wanted to help her and couldn't, she was still stuck in that situation. And now...she is back to herself being a even more fine, strong minded woman, and her beauty shines through for it more then before. I wouldn't say she's 'coping' at all like she thought she had to, she's had no complications and can do a lot more then she initially imagined which she's happy with, looking at things like a challenge instead of a wall. And the rest of my friends are doing great too. One of them is a crazy lady in her 60s who does long hikes regularly minus a leg. She's nut bars and in better shape then people more then half her age!

As far as diet goes...I'd ask the doctors instead of the forum, that could lead you to a very bad place, including my advice. But my initial thoughts are: frig diet if your body is trying to deal with something, it may need to fuel. But try not to fuel emotional eating. Eat HEALTHY, get as many nutrients as you can, get enough fat to absorb those nutrients, get adequate protein and some carbs. Eat a balance diet with a variety of foods. Move if that's ok. Live a healthy lifestyle. Take up a hobby that puts your mind at ease and gets it off of this.

JeannetteLassell

We are all behind you...remember we wish we could battle this with you.

rosielko

I am so sorry to hear this news. My heart goes out to you..please try to stay strong..we will all be praying for you. Please let us know what we can do to help you through this...

BigDaddy0825

wow ... and i thought i had a bad day ... i've been sitting here, having a pity party for myself ... shame on me ...

so, i don't know that i have anything really awesome to say to help you, though i really wish i did ... i will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers ...

but, i did want to share this ... i read this story a long time ago, and i just think it is amazing ...

"Jerry is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life. "Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body. I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. "the first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Jerry continued, "...The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a deadman'. I knew I needed to take action." "What did you do?" I asked. "Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead'." Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything."

even though life sometimes sucks, and deals us a hand that we don't want, we all have a choice ... i choose to live ... not just survive anymore, but LIVE!! i want to live life to the fullest, each and everyday ... you said the same thing ... times may get hard, but you will ALWAYS have the CHOICE!!

i will do anything i can for ya ... praying for you!!

ktrn0312

I know you have a tough fight ahead of you. You have already demonstrated you have courage & fortitude in posting this. I have had close family members deal with a cancer diagnosis. I had my own cancer scare last year. Certainly try to keep faith & find inner strength.

MyChocolateDiet

OP reading your post gave me the chills. A true emotional reaction. I hope things go the best that they can for you. I also hope you get what you want out of treatment, life and this site. I think you are on the right track to making the most of things. I don't have any personal experience with that but it has occured in my family and it's such a hard thing to go through. Just know you are being thought of in a positive way and someone out here who doesn't even know you is wishing the best for you based off of one single post and the opening of yourself even this tiny little bit. :flowerforyou:

RosyBest

I know a few things about people who have cancer (some family members have had lung, breast and stomach cancer). What I can say is that this will bring out the fighter in you. There is nothing to be apologetic about. Fight against this cancer, whether through radiation, prayer, exercise, chemo treatments or a combination. Fight back. We are all here for you. I am a great listener if you ever want to talk.

Pmagnanifit

That has to be one of the hardest things to face. Let people help you ask your medical team all the questions you can. There are some amazing surgeons and technologies available. Get the support you need. I am happy to help if I can

Sewweaver

I posted this and then ran away. One of my friends, more than one, told me to come back and read it.

I am overwhelmed with a lot right now, and I appreciate all the kindness that I'm not sure I really even deserve.

I dont really know what to think or feel. I guess I am just mostly numb and in shock.

thank you all.

McCrabby

You're being incredibly brave by stepping out of your comfort zone, and sharing something that is probably more than just a little scary to you. I can't see anyone criticizing that.

Wishing you continued courage, strength, and an abundance of support. I imagine you're going to see a wealth of support here.