How to raise kids with proper diet and exercise habits

Roadie2000

Sometimes I worry about what my kids pick up or misunderstand about seeing us diet and try to lose weight.

Last year my oldest (boy) who is 14 now was kind of obsessed with his body image. He was at a healthy weight for his size and age but he thought he was kind of fat and really wanted abs so he starting working out a ton and then started "dieting". I had no problem with the exercising as long as he wasn't overdoing it, he plays sports and I encourage it as much as I can. But the dieting I had a huge problem with. He was eating less and trying to lose weight even though he was still growing and I'm not sure where he got this from.

But there are times when my wife and I discuss losing weight and I assume he somehow got it in his head that skinnier is always better. We tried to explain that we are in our 40s and that is completely different than being a teenager, just eat healthy, you are not fat, you shouldn't be trying to lose weight right now, etc. He's been much better lately but we try to watch what we talk about now.

My daughter, on the other hand, is just very picky. She has no body image issues but we can't get her to eat a vegetable and hardly eats any protein. She does cheer and gymnastics but we try to tell her if she doesn't eat better she will not improve much. She does't care, she just wants to eat candy and mac and cheese every day, she's 12 now and showing no improvement.

We try our hardest to get her to eat some protein and fiber with most meals, but man is it getting difficult. I'm not sure if I need to be more strict or just wait until she grows out of it. I'd really like her to take it upon herself to at least try to some more fiber and protein every day but I'm not sure how to go about it any more. Of course we tell her no dessert until she eats her veggies but I often catch her snacking on crap so close to dinner when I'm not watching. Any advice?

Anyway....
Those of you with kids, what are some practices you try to maintain that teach your kids healthy habits? How do you deal with picky eaters?

kommodevaran

You could try the Ellyn Satter techniques, or even buy "Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family".

Hamsibian

I used to work with kids, and the best way to tackle both of these issues without confusing either child is to get them involved with cooking. They're both old enough to pretty much do anything in the kitchen, so make meal plans, go shopping together, and give them tasks. Take them to the farmer's market, pick out a new vegetable each time, and find a recipe with that vegetable in it. Plant some herbs in pots....easy to take care of.

They feel more "control" the more they get involved.

onematch

My daughter is the same as yours. I try not to make a big deal out of it, but encourage her to have a fruit or veggie with every meal. We cook together, which she loves, and she is always willing to eat what we cook so I try to choose healthy meals. I also let her pack her own lunch. Left on her own, she'd eat hot dogs, popcorn, and sweets.
Mainly though, I think they will grow out of it. I had horrible eating habits as a kid/teen, but eventually figured out that healthier eating equals feeling better and having more energy (plus keeping extra pounds away).

lulalacroix

I think I was pretty successful with my children. To start with, my kids always ate what the parents ate, no homemade meals for us while they ate hot dogs and french fries. I often provided 2 veggies at dinner so they had a choice. Plus there was an expectation for them to eat veggies at dinner along with some meat And as someone else shared, my kids also helped in the kitchen, which usually makes them more interested in eating at dinner.

And we were always an active family. We did a lot of fun stuff outside and encouraged team sports throughout their school years.

Today they are both in their twenties, have some understanding of nutrition and are both physically active. Maybe I was lucky cause they weren't difficult or very picky really.

ladyhusker39

Ultimately, they're going to do what you do. If they've grown up watching you eat poorly and struggle with "dieting" they're going to do the same thing. It's not going to matter much what you tell or try to force them to do beyond what you can control today. In no time, they're going to be adults making their own decisions.

All you can do regarding lifestyle is to model the kind of behavior you want them to adopt over the long run. Be the people you want your kids to be.

And instead of watching what you say in front of them, I'd go the other way and talk more about what you're doing and why. Help them see that because you made poor choices in the past you really struggle with correcting it now. Sometimes I think the best thing we can do for our older children is let them see that we're not perfect so they don't have to do either.

Good luck. It's a tricky topic and I really hope you find a solution that works for you and your family. The fact that you're concerned about it shows that you're a kind and loving parent.

hesn92

I think the two main things are to lead by example and to keep healthy options available all the time. I have issues with my 2 year old who pretty much never eats a vegetable (unless it’s a potato)

Lounmoun

They are old enough that you can talk to them about nutrition and meeting their needs and involve them in cooking and meal planning. There are books and web sites about nutrition. You can talk about healthy development with them with their doctor.
http://kidshealth.org/en/kids/center/fitness-nutrition-center.html?WT.ac=k-ra

You also decide what comes into the house. You don't have to buy a lot of low nutrition snacks or drinks. If your child needs more protein you could try offering different types of protein. Cottage cheese, string cheese, hard boiled eggs, egg muffins, edamame, lunchmeat, chicken nuggets, burritos, milk, shakes or smoothies, yogurt with granola/fruit/candy, protein bars. Stock up on a lot of those kinds of things. I wouldn't force them to eat a food completely but at least taste different things.
http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/good-sources-protein-kids-8341.html
https://www.verywellfamily.com/protein-rich-foods-2633936

If my dd eats meals I don't care if she has some less nutritious snacks. She has strong food preferences but does eat nutritious foods.

MichelleSilverleaf

With your son you could turn it into a positive and help him understand how the body works and how important it is to both fuel his body and give it a chance to finish growing before getting into shaping it. Boys are just as prone to body issues as girls. As for your daughter, only thing I can think of at this point is to just keep the junk out of the house. She can't fill up on junk if it's not in the house.

Courtscan2

I think the focus needs to be on health, and eating foods that fuel your body to be healthy. With your daughter, if she doesn't actually care at this stage, all you can really do is lead by example, and continue to encourage her, but definitely don't make it about body image or size. I try to never speak about my body in a negative way around my kids, and I HATE it when I hear other people (like my mum!!) saying things like "I'm so fat, I need to lose weight" in front of them. Especially irritating as my mum is a teeny tiny woman!! I just push the "Eat healthily to be healthy and strong"agenda. I also never make separate meals for them, they eat whatever is for dinner, or they don't eat at all. Very rarely do they refuse to eat at all, and when they do I try not to let it worry me. I've also found growing our own veggies has had a good impact on their veggie intake - they love eating the stuff they've grown themselves.

Enjcg5

It’s such a slippery slope. You have to factor in each of their personalities etc. We really can’t control how our kids turn out (I wish I could). All we really can do is control our food environment and set a good example. In the end all we do our best with what we know and hope they grasp something from it.

julie_broadhead

Try the techniques offered up by Ellyn Satter. They have worked in my family. Here is her website:
https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/

ahoy_m8

My middle daughter sounds like your son. At about that age, she asked me how to get visible abs. I told her exactly what you did-- that she's still growing so too young to cut calories. In addition, I told her I would help her when the time is right, and the first step is being sure she gets ENOUGH protein. We calculated the minimum she should get. She actually found MFP (I didn't know about it) to track just that macro until she got used to how much was enough. I was relieved that our first real conversation turned toward getting enough to gain strength vs depriving herself of anything. She's a competitive rock climber & nationally ranked in speed (every pound counts in climbing), and her coach gave her nutrition guidance along the way, too.

My youngest sounds like your daughter. I don't know what to say, there. We just kept encouraging and setting good examples and she eventually came around in ~7th grade. Peer pressure, or maybe peer awareness, can be a force for good, too.

FWIW my oldest was in denial (defensive) about being overweight in HS. It kind of coincides with when DH lost 40 pounds and he probably was too evangelical (pushy) about it. She lost 15# her first semester in college. Lots more walking and less food. They are all healthy weights now but each had different paths. Sounds corny but I honestly think the most important thing is that they know you love them like there's no tomorrow and respect them for who they are today. Knowing they're loved and respected sets the table for dealing with all kinds of stuff kids have to figure out. Maybe makes the less likely to do stuff to get approval. Good luck to you and to them!

Francl27

First, if she wants mac and cheese, don't feel obligated to give her more protein. That's how calories add up too (I have a friend who does that).

Second, I never make a second meal for my kids. They eat what's there or don't eat (and definitely no dessert). That being said, on leftover days, they'll still get to pick what they want.

You DO have to watch the kitchen like a hawk so they don't fill up on snacks (that's a problem for us). But still no dessert if they don't eat a reasonable portion of dinner.

Don't buy candy and junk food if it's all they want to eat.

Buy cheap fruit in season and push that as snacks.

You do have to lead by example and plan healthy meals for everyone. Give her reasonable portions when she has high calorie foods.

That being said, I still strongly believe that there's a lot of genetics involved too. My kids ARE picky too but even if they only ate goldfish and mac'n cheese, they'd stop when they're full (and it's not after a crazy amount of food either - they eat like birds). They're adopted. Their birthparents didn't have a weight problem. Neither me or my husband were that way as a kid... we'd snack on junk all day and still overeat at meals. But in the end, if they don't have the opportunity to overeat or fill up on junk, they won't.

About giving them unhealthy ideas from counting calories, I've been on MFP for 5 years and still weigh my food occasionally, but I guess they have never associated my counting calories and trying to lose weight with them. They're only 9 though, so there's definitely time (I still occasionally hear the 'that's not healthy for you' talk from them actually).

But in the end, you hear as many stories from people who wish their parents had helped them lose weight, than people who are resentful to their parents for 'giving them body image issues', so really, you have to do what you think is best for your family.

JMcGee2018

For your son, I'd try to redirect his interest into body building and give him more protein options. If his high school offers a weight lifting class for P.E., that's a great way to instill some healthy behaviors that might benefit him more than the "two weeks of badminton, two weeks of basketball, etc." curriculums that a lot of P.E. classes have.

For your daughter, you don't have to push protein, but there's no reason to provide her with special meals that she likes. Keep junk out of the house, don't serve mac 'n' cheese more than once a week (or month, or ever), and have her eat what you eat. If she doesn't want to do that, she can be hungry and not get dessert. After a night or two, she'll start to come around to the new rules.