Back at it... (confession, ranting, restarting, intro, etc)

danigetsfit23

Alright, so, I've been on this weight loss journey for 2 years. I'm very nice and forgiving to myself. I figured, it has taken a long time to get this way, so it's going to take a long time to change my mentality. I refuse to give up, no matter how long it takes.

2016 was the year that I lost 120 lbs. I did it by eating clean & lots of exercise

Then I spent 2017 maintaining/losing/gaining/losing/maintaining it, until about September, where I slowly stopped exercising and the OLD me came back full force. Actually, no, that's not true. Even though the old me was 324 lbs, I never used to eat the way I was eating in September. It took YEARS to get to 324 lbs. Gradually, gaining weight over the years. Even at 324 lbs, I knew nutrition. I knew how to count calories. I knew to stay away from carbs, I knew how to eat veggies/protein. It's because I've always struggled with my weight. So this was a new old me. Like a demonme. I ate and I ate and I ate.

I knew this wasn't me. Not the me that I wanted to be. Finally, I'm getting control. The last week of January, I bought tiny cupcakes (about 12 of them), a box of Little Debbie Cakes & a bottle of wine. WTF was I doing? I don't even know, but all of it was gone within a few hours. That's when I realized that I was out of control.

I gained 40 lbs back from September to February. Part of me thinks it's not that bad, and at least I stopped myself before I gained the whole 120 back.

I feel different this time. I've exercised every single day this week. I'm going to exercise tomorrow and let myself rest on weekends because that's what I used to do before. I know that I don't have to exercise, but I actually enjoy the hell out of it and I don't understand why I stopped.

I'm committed. Determined. Ready.


I really just want to lose this 40 lbs. After that, another 40 and I'll be at my goal weight. It's easier to think about like that than saying 80 lbs.

I now understand. Even though, I used to say this all of the time. I feel like I FINALLY understand. It's a choice. You choose to be fit/healthy/smaller or you choose to be fat/unhealthy. You have to pick ONE, you can't do both. And that's what my problem was. I was doing both which is why I was wasting time in 2017. No more. I am choosing to be fit and healthy.

Sorry for the book, I just needed a place to say all of this stuff. Thank you.

Colorfan

Keep at it! I went through the same. Lost 100 lbs in a year, gained 40 lbs back over the course of 4 years. Stopped working out, stopped tracking what I eat and just ate whatever. Thankfully I didnt go too far passed 40, but l started to eat more and more in the last half of 2017, to the point where my shirts were starting to get tight around my gut again.

Its easy to lose will power. Give your cravings for sweets and inch and theyll take a foot. Thats exactly my experience with it.

But dont lose hope!

manderson27

I did something very similar. I lost 32 pounds. Maintained for a year then quit smoking and went back to eating. I gained back 28 pounds in a year and also gained Osteoarthritis. So now not only am I overweight again but I am in pain so exercise not so easy.

But I am back and on track. 5 pounds down so far.

We know how to do it, now we must choose to do it.

Eelkov

Good work. You are absolutely right about that out of control feeling... I knew I had to do something when I ate half a jar of peanut butter with a spoon... and I KNEW I wasnt hungry... in fact I felt pretty full... afterwards I sat down and had a good think about things.

Tricia7188

I feel ya! It just clicks eventually. For me right now I gained back the only 15 or so lbs I ever lost last year. And now I have this laser focus and determination to get to my goal, and get there the right way. Consistency and patience is key!!

gymprincess1234

Good job on losing 120! And just don't let yourself get carried away, if you know you don't have the self control, will just have to keep tracking.

RaeBeeBaby

It's true - there comes a time when it just clicks and you decide you ARE a healthy person and from that point on it's not really hard anymore. Being a healthy person is exciting and fun! Being a healthy person makes you happy, not sad or depressed or guilty or any of those negative things.

I quit smoking 15 years ago. I had previously quit at least 7 times (maybe more). Sometimes for a couple weeks, sometimes for a couple days. Twice for over 2 years and then I'd go back in times of stress. One day I just said that's it! Smoking is disgusting and I don't want to ever do that again. I'm a non-smoker now. Not a former smoker - a NON-smoker. And from that day forward I was.

You can do this! Just decide to do it and don't look back.

lois1231

Your sounds similiar. I have spent my life dieting since junior high. I lost 120 pounds on my own in my 20s to 150 pounds, gained some back, lost some eventually got up to 292 pounds. Had gastric bypass in 2001, lost 70 pounds. Got down to 220. Gained back the weight to my highest weight of 317 pounds. Lost back down to 220 with the help of a nutritionist. Been fluctuating between 255 and 275 for the last 10 years. Finally started again in January at 275 and am down 14 pounds. We can do this. We just can't give up.

danigetsfit23

Thanks so much everyone for your support and understanding! It's a tough road, but I am determined. I hope that we can inspire each other on the forums!

Thanks for your stories as well. It's good to know that we're all human, nobody's perfect and as long as we don't give up, then we haven't failed.

ladyhusker39

It sounds like you might be restricting yourself too much. I noticed you referred to "staying away from carbs". There's no particular reason to do that especially if you enjoy and are satiated by carbs. If you're depriving yourself of foods you enjoy for the sake of your diet sooner or later you're going to have problems like the binge you mention. I notice they're pretty much all sugary carbs.

I eat sweets every single day. I enjoy them. They make me happy. I fit them into to eating plan because of this. I rarely overeat them and if I do it's by choice not because I couldn't control myself.

This time around maybe consider learning how to incorporate these foods (and any others that you love) into your day while you're losing weight. That way it will be normal to you once you go to maintenance.

What you've accomplished is amazing and you should be very proud of yourself. Your weight gain is not ideal but as you said you caught it before you went all the way back to your high weight. That is also a tremendous accomplishment and shows that you're willing to take a hard look at yourself when you need to instead of ignoring it.

Keep at it. This is a lifelong deal whatever the number on the scale might say today. Enjoy the ride, be kind to yourself and post back here if you need any help.

danigetsfit23

Thanks. Yeah, I have a huge sweet tooth.

I've decided that Sundays, I'll allow myself a cheat snack. And then incorporate into my calories for the day.

I know for a fact that if I buy a box of something sweet that I'll eat the whole thing. I do not trust myself to do it every day. I wish I could, but I just don't think I can.

Even for my cheat snack, I'm going to make something healthy. I've decided to make lemon "cheesecake" using sugar free jello and whipped cream.

I also bought Gerbers puffs to eat if I'm craving something sweet. They have very little calories and taste like cereal.