Is the truth support or not?

newsharonkay

There are days when my food diary is not up to par and I still get great or super in my comments. I love that. There are times I look at my MFP diaries and they are not so great either. So my question is

"Is it bad manners or rude to post in comments the truth that we could of done better or helpful hints? "

I can't decide if it would make me feel worse or better?

Help me out here MFP friends.

kage5678

I read a quote the other day (and I am making up the percentages because I can't remember exactly, but whoever did the meme probably made them up any way so you will get the idea) "10% of arguments are caused by what you say, 75% are caused by tone" so in other word honesty is great but the way say it makes the difference. Since it is very difficult to put tone in text exactly how you phrase things makes the difference between rudeness and constructive criticism.

TheDoctorDana

I read a quote the other day (and I am making up the percentages because I can't remember exactly, but whoever did the meme probably made them up any way so you will get the idea) "10% of arguments are caused by what you say, 75% are caused by tone" so in other word honesty is great but the way say it makes the difference. Since it is very difficult to put tone in text exactly how you phrase things makes the difference between rudeness and constructive criticism.

^ wisdom

Morninglory81

Just ask if they want constructive feedback and take it from there

LilacDaffodil

Depends on what you consider to be 'up to par'. We've not been Pals for long, but you chastised yourself for eating 'high fat refried beans' even though you were under your fat goal for that day - maybe you're too hard on yourself? The main thing I have leaned on MFP is that there are no 'bad' foods, and most of the stuff I believed when I started was all hype put out by the diet industry.

Maybe when you believe you have had a bad day and would like some specific feedback you could comment to that effect under your Diary completed feed - I think your Pals would feel more comfortable replying to a direct question rather than just wading in with unsolicited advice that they worry might offend you :flowerforyou:

NaomiJFoster

There are many days when I go over my calorie goals. Most often, it's actually intentional. I've looked at my totals, looked at the foods that I'm choosing, looked at what social situation I'm in...and made a conscious decision to go over my goal on that particular day. That does not mean that my diary wasn't 'up to par.' I'd have to just roll my eyes if someone commented that I'd messed up or done poorly. What do they know? They weren't there experiencing my day with me. BTW, I also think the generic "Good job staying under" comments are pretty silly too.

jenjen828

This is just me, but if the person seems happy about their day, I find something nice to say. People have different situations regarding what they eat. One of my friends has a condition where she can NOT drink 8 glasses of water a day. I am not going to be commenting on how low her water intake is, because a doctor has told her to do otherwise due to health conditions, and she is doing medically what a professional says is the best for her health.

In my opinion, I only see / know what another lets me see or know about them. I tend to look for the good...even if that is that they honestly logged what they ate. That is a huge step, especially for someone who is obese and has food addictions like I do. I tend to think that if I want help or comments on how to fix something, I will post a question. I think most people do the same. Otherwise, I tend to be kind and encouraging. At least they are in a place where they are aware of what they are eating and can ask questions if they need to.

Now if someone asks a question, I am honest as I can possibly be. I think people need to be ready to hear the truth, and the truth can royally tick you off before it can set you free--but you have to be ready to deal with the truth if you are going to see any benefit.

Francl27

I honestly never comment on what people are eating unless they ask for feedback (or complaining that they are not losing while eating 1100 calories)... it's just really none of my business.

aquarabbit

I wouldn't personally. Mainly because I don't everyone's situation and what's going on and why they ate the way they did. I think that like with weight loss, you have to want it for yourself and THEN seek advice rather than having it come at you even if it's done with the best intentions. I'd rather be able to put down that I had pinwheels today rather than be nervous that someone would say something to me about it.

LorinaLynn

I'll only comment on someone's food choices if they've asked for help.

I eat foods that others might think are "bad" (pizza, bagels, pasta, potatoes), but since I'm happy with my results, I'm going to keep doing what's working for me. It doesn't matter if anyone else thinks I'm not eating right, and someone saying, "Enough with the baked potatoes already!" or "Pizza? Again?" would just annoy me. :laugh:

calibriintx

If someone posts "light on the veggies" or "wow, you really went over; better luck tomorrow" I won't be offended or think they're rude. But I will think "SHADDUP!" We all have bad days and we all have different ideas about what a bad day means. Sometimes I have bad weeks - I'm in the middle of one right now. Unless or until I start complaining about not making progress, I don't really expect my friends to criticize or point out my shortcomings. They're free to do so anyway, but the advice might go ignored. Then again, maybe it will light a fire under my rear.

As far as exercise goes, I need tough love. I have no problem with someone telling me to get off my lazy a.ss b/c I haven't logged any exercise in a week.

^Most of my friends have A LOT of people on my FL and I don't really expect them to remember what kind of feedback I prefer out of their entire FL. My friends can be as free with their +/- feedback as they like, short of being flat out rude, and I'll appreciate their support.

Shawshankcan

There are days when my food diary is not up to par and I still get great or super in my comments. I love that. There are times I look at my MFP diaries and they are not so great either. So my question is

"Is it bad manners or rude to post in comments the truth that we could of done better or helpful hints? "

I can't decide if it would make me feel worse or better?

Help me out here MFP friends.

I believe in an honest approach. If I coddle you, you won't learn, you won't try to fix the problem, you will keep doing what you are doing, then wonder why you are not progressing.

With that being said, there are two approaches that can be taken. I can tell you are a failure or I can tell you that you failed today, but that your failure is a learning opportunity. One is rude, one is helpful.

coruscate

Everybody knows when they've fallen off the wagon or are in a slump. I would only respond constructively if they straight up asked in a bewildered fashion...such as "I don't know why I am not losing, here's what I am eating. Does anyone have some ideas?

People dealing with food and weight can be fragile beings.

marilynx

I think it's rude to comment on what people are eating. I'm very much a calorie is just a calorie type person. If someone went over their food goals for the day, if they ask for feedback I will just say how about you try adjusting your caloric intake, or how about you exercise a bit more so you can afford to eat more. People should eat what they wanna eat without fear of someone commenting on their diary saying, lay off the fries next time. However, I don't see many comments like that on here so I don't think that's really a problem. Most people on this site are helpful. And yes, I think tone is important, but I also think people can be too sensitive. I don't think commenters should have to post smilies or use sugar words she giving advice. Yes it's important to use tact when giving advice, but hand holding I think is unnecessary.

maQmIgh

Depends on what you consider to be 'up to par'. We've not been Pals for long, but you chastised yourself for eating 'high fat refried beans' even though you were under your fat goal for that day - maybe you're too hard on yourself? The main thing I have leaned on MFP is that there are no 'bad' foods, and most of the stuff I believed when I started was all hype put out by the diet industry.

Maybe when you believe you have had a bad day and would like some specific feedback you could comment to that effect under your Diary completed feed - I think your Pals would feel more comfortable replying to a direct question rather than just wading in with unsolicited advice that they worry might offend you :flowerforyou:

This is a very good response

marilynx

I think it's rude to comment on what people are eating. I'm very much a calorie is just a calorie type person. If someone went over their food goals for the day, if they ask for feedback I will just say how about you try adjusting your caloric intake, or how about you exercise a bit more so you can afford to eat more. People should eat what they wanna eat without fear of someone commenting on their diary saying, lay off the fries next time. However, I don't see many comments like that on here so I don't think that's really a problem. Most people on this site are helpful. And yes, I think tone is important, but I also think people can be too sensitive. I don't think commenters should have to post smilies or use sugar words she giving advice. Yes it's important to use tact when giving advice, but hand holding I think is unnecessary.

taso42

I don't look at one day's worth of eating as something that can be meaningfully commented on. You need at least a week or a month of data to really understand a person's diet.

If you a notice a person is consistently falling short of their apparent nutritional goals and you care to, you might as well give them some constructive criticism. But if it's a single day, out of context, and there was, say, cheesecake and pizza involved, mostly congratulations would be in order

Contrarian

There are days when my food diary is not up to par and I still get great or super in my comments. I love that. There are times I look at my MFP diaries and they are not so great either. So my question is

"Is it bad manners or rude to post in comments the truth that we could of done better or helpful hints? "

I can't decide if it would make me feel worse or better?

Help me out here MFP friends.

I believe in an honest approach. If I coddle you, you won't learn, you won't try to fix the problem, you will keep doing what you are doing, then wonder why you are not progressing.

With that being said, there are two approaches that can be taken. I can tell you are a failure or I can tell you that you failed today, but that your failure is a learning opportunity. One is rude, one is helpful.

Unless someone specifically asks, I would never assume they want or need me to educate them or comment on what I may perceive as "failure".

Lupercalia

I don't look at or comment on food diaries unless I've been asked to for some specific reason. I honestly don't care what anyone on my friends list eats or doesn't eat, or if they are minding their calorie or macro goals. I'm just not interested, and I don't feel it's my place to judge or "educate" someone if they haven't directly asked me for my opinion.

EDesq

The "truth" as someone sees it is just that...It is probably an honest response to a situation. So depending on the mental, emotional and psychological perspective of any individual will determine whether someone's Honest response is appreciated.

For Me, I HATE the "Cheerleader" type of feedback...the "Oh, you can do it," "It will be fine, you are OK," "It was just a one time thing, you will do better next time, or next time or next time or next time or next time..." That stuff does NOT tell Me anything, it does not help Me grow or learn or make changes...Neither does the sarcastic a-hole or depressed whinny loser who always think the world should be a nicey nice place and "animals are equal to Humans" type of goof. I want advice from a "Coach" personality who is Intellectually Honest and can see and weigh the Possibilities and Probabilities...so when THAT Type says "Good Job" or "You can Do it" I BELIEVE Them!

Someone is asking people who do not know them for feedback...You take your chances when you do that...so I say either Cultivate IRL Relationships (Which takes care, hard work and time) or throw your bidness out in the world (Internet) and listen to whomever (sincere, nut job, a-hole, sarcastic, fantasy-land dweller, warped, depressed, suicidal, loser, smart, caring, bored, attention needy...) give feedback. Whether that feedback is SUPPORT depends on the outlook of the individual.

ttippie2000

There are days when my food diary is not up to par and I still get great or super in my comments. I love that. There are times I look at my MFP diaries and they are not so great either. So my question is

"Is it bad manners or rude to post in comments the truth that we could of done better or helpful hints? "

I can't decide if it would make me feel worse or better?

Help me out here MFP friends.

Truth. Honesty. Of course. But it depends on whether they're ready to hear it. I prefer the word 'support'. From my years of coaching I see support as breaking down into a couple of different roles: cheerleader, trainer/coach, game day coach/corner man.

1) Cheerleader. Beginning athletes, people dealing with obesity and children all share a certain degree of emotional vulnerability. They don't know for sure whether they can do it and they need your support when they succeed and especially when they fail. Cheer them on whether they win or not. Parents, this is your job.

2) Trainer/Coach. Accomplished athletes might be capable, but also lazy or disorganized. They need sports specific knowledge, program, structure, conditioning and to be reminded that their opponents are not slackers. A lot of these people have great hearts within them, and you have to find a way to draw that out. You can criticize their technique, their form, their diet, their rest...anything. But they need to know you believe in them and do it from a desire to make them better. If they believe that they'll work themselves into the ground for you. (Personally, I place a very high value on these people when I find them, especially in an area where my knowledge is weak.)

3) Game day coach/corner man. This game is about psychology. On this day you are their True North, and they will be looking to you for confidence, to help read their opponents' weaknesses and formulate a strategy. You have to be calm and brief and in control and help them with a simple strategy to win. Speak quietly. They WILL listen. This is not the time to be critical of them, especially if they lose.

The vast majority of people I interact with on MFP, let's face it, need cheerleading support. There are some elite athletes around, but I am not their coach, and that's fine. Perhaps the best contribution I can make is to be a cheerleader. Maybe that strikes people as odd, but I think it's much preferable than to try to be a coach when that is not your role. I see parents do that to their kids from time to time, and the result is always undesirable.