Women weighing more than their partner

nasvic8
nasvic8 Posts: 10 Member
edited November 25 in Motivation and Support
Should women weigh less than their partner? My partners size affects how I feel about mine. I'd be greatful for feedback, how much is too much of a weight gap between the two
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Replies

  • MostlyWater
    MostlyWater Posts: 4,294 Member
    Everyone is different. I was close when I was pregnant, however.
  • thelegendofsakura89
    thelegendofsakura89 Posts: 105 Member
    I'm 5'8", my boyfriend is maybe 2-3 inches taller than me and 20 lbs heavier. And I think the weight difference is too close lol.

    Now I'm not saying women SHOULD weigh less than their partner...but I personally don't want to weigh more than mine.
  • Katiebear_81
    Katiebear_81 Posts: 719 Member
    I weighed more than my ex husband. He was 5'10 and 135 lbs, which was just where he was happy. He had a hard time putting on muscle, and wasn't interested in adding it which was fine.

    Now, I'm pretty close to my boyfriend's weight, but I'm also ok with that. He doesn't have to carry around my boobs and butt... so it makes sense (we're similar in height).
  • renee8865
    renee8865 Posts: 61 Member
    I don't think there's any perfect answer and certainly no "should"s. It's whatever makes you feel comfortable. I'm uncomfortable being larger or taller than anyone I date because it triggers my own personal issues. But if a woman is just fine being taller or heavier than her partner and her partner is fine with it too, great.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I hate the idea that a woman MUST weigh less than her partner who is male...but I subscribed to it for a very long time.

    My serious relationships and first marriage were all with men quite a bit heavier than me, meaning we were both obese. My first marriage ended for a variety of reasons, but I was disappointed in how inactive my husband was and how little interest he had in eating healthy food...that went on for the entire decade we were together, too, it wasn't just me getting into nutrition & weight loss. Even though I was very large I was always pretty active and liked to eat vegetables and try to stay healthy (didn't smoke and he did, another example).

    So when I was a 35 year old divorcee I said you know what...I don't care. I dated guys whose interests matched up with mine and I didn't care anymore if they were skinny or average or whatever, and if I outweighed them. Although it wasn't a love match I dated one guy who was easily 100 lb smaller than me! But when I met my husband, he was around 220 lb at 6'2" and I was 270 lb at 5'8". It wasn't even an issue. It was great that we were (and are) able to go do all the active stuff together!

    Now he actually outweighs me by 80 lb. We're at 170 (me) and 250 (him), he is working to lose a few pounds he has put on over the past few years. But it's great either way and honestly I don't feel like it even matters.
  • mmultanen
    mmultanen Posts: 1,029 Member
    edited February 2018
    it's easy to give into pejorative pressures to look, be, feel a certain way. Why should a woman weigh less than her partner? Why should her partner weigh more? The idea that you "MUST" be a certain is insidiously present in our culture. You can't escape it, but you don't have to give into it. You can't control your partner's size, so don't let it control you.

    I weigh about 5 lbs more than my husband but as a woman my body is fundamentally different than my husbands. I'm also stronger, faster, and a better athlete than him. I also have fat deposits on my chest and behind that he does not. He is about 6 inches taller than me and 10 years older than me. There is no physical reason for us to compare ourselves. Stop comparing yourself to someone who has a body that does completely different things than yours. It's a losing game every time.
  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
    This is a personal choice. I prefer men who weigh more than me. I am tall, I don't care how tall they are, but they have to weigh more than me.
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,578 Member
    What's most important in a partner is compatibility based on personalities, goals, dreams, lifestyle. I'm sure weight plays some part of it.

    For instance someone who is overweight, sedentary, and not interested in doing anything other than coming home and watching TV for the night would probably not be a good fit for someone who is active and wants to do things like go bike riding or hiking.

    Whether the female is a little heavier than the male is kind of subjective I guess. Currently I am heavier than my husband and I have been for the past 18 years. And that's not ideal I don't like it but mainly it's because I am overweight not because I'm bigger than my husband if that makes sense.
  • becky10rp
    becky10rp Posts: 573 Member
    We're all different shapes and sizes. Both women and men. I think society tells us that women should be smaller than our male partners. Lots of flaws with this theory. What about taller women? What about men who are of a smaller build? I think it's a pretty shallow way of judging a relationship - but yeah, it exists. I'm 5'2" and very petite - hard to find a guy that's smaller than me. But I didn't have much of a role in my genetics.
  • blueheartrisen
    blueheartrisen Posts: 30 Member
    My ex weighed less than me most of the time. I was really happy when I was at my lowest adult weight and FINALLY weighed less than he did...which lasted about 5 seconds because I got pregnant. :#
  • asonrody
    asonrody Posts: 83 Member
    I think as long as both people in a relationship are happy, then who weighs more shouldn't be a factor. I'm overweight and my boyfriend is skinny as hell but we still have a great relationship. It would feel nice to be lighter than him, but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter to our relationship at all.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    edited February 2018
    nasvic8 wrote: »
    Should women weigh less than their partner? My partners size affects how I feel about mine. I'd be greatful for feedback, how much is too much of a weight gap between the two

    People should aim to be a healthy weight for them.
    A tall woman might weigh the same or more than a shorter man or woman and both be a healthy weight. (OP doesn't say partner is a male)
    If you are talking about feeling good about yourself or what is attractive to you that is something you have to decide for yourself.

    I have weighed more than my dh. He has weighed more than me. We currently weigh about the same but I am overweight and he is not. At my goal weight he might weigh 20-30 lbs more than me. I'd like to be a healthy weight. I am not bothered that there is not a huge gap in our weights.
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
    I don't currently have a partner, but all the ones I had weighed less than me and neither if us cared. Actually, my longest relationship was with someone 1/3 my weight. Being lighter than him would have not been an option even if I wanted to because he was clinically underweight with a BMI of 16.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
    I don't think there's any "shoulds" in terms of weight between couples. Aim to be the weight that you feel more comfortable at, regardless of anyone else.

    Men are generally heavier because they on average are taller and have more muscle mass. We all know this is just a general rule and that there are shorter men, taller women, men with not much muscle, women with lots. In the same way, people also have varying levels of fat stores and different body shapes.

    I can't remember where I heard it before, but I remember someone somewhere said when comparing men and women, that there are more differences within the same sex (eg. more differences between women) than there are strictly between the average man and women, and I think that's true.

    My bf is taller than me. He's leaner and has substantially more muscle than me, but he's around 5lbs lighter. I'm losing weight because I know where I feel most comfortable, nothing to do with him.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
    nasvic8 wrote: »
    I still think an average woman should weigh less than an average man, unless pregnant. The rest are excuses I think.

    When do you ever get couples matched up exactly based on how average they are as a man or woman though? You don't.

    There are tonnes of variances in humans and lets say 5 was average weight on a scale of 1-10, you're going to get 2's with 8's and 7's with 4's and stuff like that so you can't take what the average is and apply it to real life situations like what couples should weigh in comparison to each other.

    What if the average woman got heavier but the men stayed the same, would the body ideals change as well? Even if women only got heavier because of controllable issues, like how much they chose to exercise?

  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,693 Member
    edited February 2018
    nasvic8 wrote: »
    Should women weigh less than their partner? My partners size affects how I feel about mine. I'd be greatful for feedback, how much is too much of a weight gap between the two

    Depends on height.

    My husband is taller than me so should weigh more than me ... and he does. :)

    If I weighed the same as he does, I'd be really overweight, and that wouldn't be a good thing.

  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    nasvic8 wrote: »
    I still think an average woman should weigh less than an average man, unless pregnant. The rest are excuses I think.

    An excuse for what?
    Someone can be a healthy weight but still weigh more than another person who is also a healthy weight for them.

    Average height varies around the world. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_average_human_height_worldwide
    Sometimes people from different regions get together. Sometimes non-average height people get together.
    I know several taller than average women.
    Measured average height, weight, and waist circumference for adults aged 20 and over
    Men:
    Height in inches: 69.2
    Weight in pounds: 195.7
    Waist circumference in inches: 40.0* (101.5 centimeters)
    Women:
    Height in inches: 63.7
    Weight in pounds: 168.5
    Waist circumference in inches: 38.1* (96.9 centimeters)*Unpublished figure. Derived from converting published figures listed in centimeters to inches
    .
    From https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/body-measurements.htm

    The average US woman and man are overweight according to this. The average 5'9" man outweighs the average 5'4" woman but that does not mean they are at healthy weights or will want to be together.

    Everyone has preferences in partners. If you prefer to be with someone bigger or smaller than you that is a preference you have. It is not what everyone should do.
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