Unreasonable personal trainer

hthrm3

I may just be wanting to vent here. Or maybe I’m looking for validation.
I have lost 45lbs with the help of a personal trainer and MFP. My trainer is an old friend. (He actually gave me away when I married my late husband). I’ve known him for over 20 years and he really helped me jumpstart my journey back to health. So I would consider him a good friend as well.
I lost my late husband a little over two years ago and it left me financially screwed. I have three kids to support and I am the sole provider.
I met a great guy at a grief support group shortly after my late husbands death and we have been in a relationship for about 18 months. He’s a widow.
He has financially helped me A LOT w/o me asking including purchasing training sessions for me. He has paid about $2000 so far
for me. Well I’m out of sessions and I have decided to go it alone now without a trainer. My bf is not a bank and I don’t and I won’t ask for money. My trainer is so angry with me. It’s like we can’t be friends now bc I won’t buy more sessions?? He knows my situation and I’m really hurt and really angry over this. He makes me feel guilty like I’m letting my goals go.
Has anyone experienced anything like this?? I do not have the money. Period. I have to pay housing food etc before I go spending on a pt. Sorry this is a long post I’m just beside myself right now.
Do I just forget this old friendship or let it go?Thx.

mabearof6

If this is how he is acting, its time to let it go. You have been through a lot and deserve to have supportive people around you!

Hamsibian

Personal trainers are supposed to guide you until you can do it on your own. You do what you need to do for the family; how he feels or acts doesn't matter if he's not going to be supportive. .

rockymir

Definitely time to let go.
In future, if you ever have a PT again I'd consider keeping it strictly business-like. I don't entertain friendship with my coaches, be friendly not their friend. I don't think mixing the two is productive because something is going to break if you are either unhappy with their performance or for any reason decide to not continue training with them.
Technically a PT is your staff and you are the boss. You pay for their services and decide what is the goal. They work for you to reach that goal and you can fire them so it's a perfect employer-staff picture.
But if you have a friend as your staff it's going to make things overly complicated, only thing you can do now is cut the ties but it'd have been simpler otherwise.
Think about it next time.

chr1st1na6464

Because your personal trainer has known you so long, I wonder if it isn't about the money, but maybe he feels rejected. Maybe without realizing it, he is taking it personally, and could there be any sort of jealousy? You are moving on and making changes in your life, and maybe your friend/personal trainer feels left behind. Don't get me wrong, you haven't done anything wrong--and I can see why it bothers you. Even though you were paying him, he has been a part of your life for a really long time. Don't feel guilty. Given time and space, he may calm down, or he may not. Hopefully he will.

PrincessVamp666

To me it sounds like there is something else under the surface here, like maybe he feels like he's been friendzoned or something. If he cant accept that you don't want any more sessions and he doesn't want to be your friend then that is his loss!

Francl27

I'd talk to him honestly but insist that you still consider him a friend and offer to still see each other for coffee or something. He might just feel that you're going to forget about him if you stop?

Sunna_W

Rather than it be about a business transaction, what if you thought about it in the following way:

Maybe the groomsman / trainer has unresolved feelings that he doesn't feel comfortable expressing and maybe he was using the trainer sessions as a way to be close to you. This doesn't necessarily mean that these feelings are romantic. Maybe he also misses his friend (your dead husband) and felt that having you as a client helped him cope.

Maybe part of this is that while you have moved on, maybe he hasn't. So, he's angry. (Remember the stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance ...) By having you in his life maybe he's denied the depth of his grief and with you moving on with your life (without him being a part of it in some way) he's angry.

If you value his friendship and think that he's worth keeping in your life, perhaps having a conversation about that part - that:

• You will always value him as your dead husband's friend;
• You can understand that your moving forward with your life may feel as if you are not only abandoning your husband's memory but also the people your husband loved, and, that is not your intent...
• You need to move forward, not just for your own sanity, but also so that your children can become healthy functioning adults -- they need to come to grips with how to deal with grief in a healthy way and they need to have stability, and,
• You feel that you have found those things in the man that you have chosen to be in your lives.

You could possibly also express that you hope that he will remain in your lives, because he will be able to share the memories of your husband and their friendship with your children. And, that is a very valuable legacy to share.

stanmann571

Any time I've worked with friends that were also trainers it was a battle to get them to accept money.

The fact that this socalled friend is pressuring you to buy sessions you can't afford casts serious doubts on the nature of your friendship.

Lounmoun

I would cool the friendship. He is not being a person you need in your life right now if he is angry you won't buy more training sessions you can not afford.

amgreenwell

I would tell him this is "just business" and has nothing to do with your friendship. Most people don't keep a personal trainer forever anyway. Lots of folks just get one to jumpstart their journey and move on once they feel confident. (yes, not all do but most don't keep paying thousands of dollars for trainers when they know what they are doing eating-wise, exercise-wise etc)
Try to approach it in a business sense b/c this is how he makes his living. if he can't accept that then you might want to consider moving on.