Dealing with emotional weight gain (post grief)

Tardytriathlete

Hi all,

So I was going so well and I lost 2 stone over the past 1.5 years (slow I know but I am currently working full time and studying part time and the long days do prove challenging).

I lost my mum 3 months ago unexpectedly, and I’ve since put on 1 stone back on in 3 months. Amongst all my feelings, I’ve found it difficult to maintain the balance in my life which I thought I’d finally found. Which is understandable given the circumstances, and I am very forgiving of myself.

How do I get back on track? It’s my first day back on MFP and want to just remember that I can do it and not use this as another excuse.

Any advice welcome - I am one of the worlds comfort eaters and I have indulged I know. Given everything, I just want to remember I can do it.

Thanks everyone!

So_Much_Fab

Don't be me. Or at least try not to be.

I lost my mom 2 years ago. This, after her being hospitalized for 2 months (total roller coaster ride) and one month in skilled nursing. She was doing good. Not great, but good. When she was discharged from skilled nursing, she wasn't quite ready to go home (on her own) so I offered for her to stay with me for a while. I brought her home on a Sunday. The next morning, she was gone. Completely unexpected. I'm still not the same.

I binged/ate tons/drank tons for a year plus. I'm just now getting back on track.

I know how hard it can be to stay on track or to even "care". My advice would be to try and not let everything go to *kitten* like I did for so long, you'll only be sorry for it later. Get back into things a little at a time...don't expect you're going to go from 0 to 100 overnight. Allow yourself some time to get fully back in the swing of things and don't beat yourself up (or quit) if you don't get it right the first time, or third, or sixth, or...

Anyway. Best of luck to you. And sorry for your loss. It's tough losing your mom.

L1zardQueen

I’m sorry you lost your mom. Just get back to logging. Grieving is a process, it takes time to feel better. Hugs

tulips_and_tea

I'm so sorry for your loss! As already mentioned, grief is a process. A very individualized one. Take your time to heal, but remember that a "process" is ongoing and forward moving. If you mask your feelings with food it only delays the process and hurts your health in the long run.

As hard as it is, let yourself feel the feelings so that they can work themselves out. Food is for nutrition, fuel, and enjoyment.

concordancia

Grieving is a long process. You need something besides food to deal with those emotions that will continue to bubble up from time to time, often taking you unawares.

Exercise, hobbies that keep your hand busy, meditation. You may have a lot of trial and error until you find what works for you.

For today, get back into the habit of logging.

Tardytriathlete

BZAH10 wrote: »

As hard as it is, let yourself feel the feelings so that they can work themselves out. Food is for nutrition, fuel, and enjoyment.

This is a good mantra to follow!
I’m going to try and be more mindful when eating - but yes placing a different emphasis on my current relationship with food is a good starting point. Thank you!

Tardytriathlete

concordancia wrote: »

Grieving is a long process. You need something besides food to deal with those emotions that will continue to bubble up from time to time, often taking you unawares.

Exercise, hobbies that keep your hand busy, meditation. You may have a lot of trial and error until you find what works for you.

For today, get back into the habit of logging.

One day at a time - I’ll try and reframe it but also let myself just feel. Starting some counselling over the next week so hopefully I’ll be able to process things in a healthier way for my body and mind.

jnomadica

I’m so sorry for your loss:(

Losing a loved one unexpectedly can be extremely traumatic. Sometimes counseling can be very helpful. Doing an exercise you enjoy can also help with your mood.

Remember that your mom would want you to take good care of yourself. I’m happy to hear you’re being forgiving of yourself, too. Best of luck to you.

MikePfirrman

I'm sorry about your Mom. It's hard when you lose parents (both of mine have been gone for some time now). There are often losses in life. I'm getting to the age where I'll start losing my siblings (I'm the youngest of six).

I'm currently losing a dog. We adopt dogs and I have four shelter dogs and two shelter cats. My oldest girl has bone cancer and although she's fought a good fight, it's coming to an end. I've been going through grief about her (I work from home and I'm probably too close to my animals - best coworkers I've ever had!).

Eating is emotional. I think I've learned that over 5/6 years (five in maintenance). If you remove the temptations and replace it with healthier habits - whether taking a quiet walk or meditation or even prayer, social support groups online -- whatever, it's healthier than eating through it.

You can do it. One thing at a time. I'm a firm, firm believer in changing one thing at a time. Not two, not three -- just one thing. Do that one thing for a month or two until you've mastered it and then (and only then) move on. Keep it simple, too. There have been studies that if you change one habit at a time, you chances of success are over 80%. If you try to change several (like eating and working out), your chances drop in half or more! One thing. You can do that!

amberkins

I lost my mom long ago, at age 4. I don't know the pain of losing a parent as an adult but I do know that the pain of losing a parent lasts forever, at least it has for me. It alerted my life, shower my interpersonal development and I started looking to food at an early age. I recommend therapy. I know that's not always a popular choice but therapy in my adult years has been the biggest help in accepting the situation and moving on with my life. You never stop missing them, but you are still here, alive, with your own life to live.

dsboohead

amberkins wrote: »

I lost my mom long ago, at age 4. I don't know the pain of losing a parent as an adult but I do know that the pain of losing a parent lasts forever, at least it has for me. It alerted my life, shower my interpersonal development and I started looking to food at an early age. I recommend therapy. I know that's not always a popular choice but therapy in my adult years has been the biggest help in accepting the situation and moving on with my life. You never stop missing them, but you are still here, alive, with your own life to live.

^^^^ painful but wise and to the point. Beyond any comprehension I could have!

Hammy5858

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

You absolutely can do it. You've already done it once in fact. Your body knows what to do.

Weight loss is hard. It's not just about food and exercise, it's about emotions and life. It gets hard because of "life". I do not know the grief of losing a mother, I do know the grief of losing a child. I was pretty mentally low for quite some time. I give you major kudos for even thinking about starting back up on mfp. With that being said, I think you are making an excellent decision to get back on track.

During my initial grieving period over my daughters death (and still sometimes now) I would just play things over in my head. Really negative things about her passing (long story, but she fought an illness through several surgeries and we ended up deciding to take her off life support. Was there while she passed, so just lots of bad memories). I wish I would have had the strength (like you!) to put something positive into my mind and life. I found that because I did not have anything positive, I focused so much time on obsessive negative thoughts. These thoughts went physical with weight gain for me as well. It was a downward spiral of mental and physical pain.

I just want to encourage you that you can do it! You will reap so many benefits from this, more than physical. You will look back on this and think, "man, how did I make it through that? I am strong!!!"

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

Tardytriathlete

Hammy5858 wrote: »

I just want to encourage you that you can do it! You will reap so many benefits from this, more than physical. You will look back on this and think, "man, how did I make it through that? I am strong!!!"

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

I’m definitely going to try thank you!

Tardytriathlete

jnomadica wrote: »

I’m so sorry for your loss:(

Losing a loved one unexpectedly can be extremely traumatic. Sometimes counseling can be very helpful. Doing an exercise you enjoy can also help with your mood.

Remember that your mom would want you to take good care of yourself. I’m happy to hear you’re being forgiving of yourself, too. Best of luck to you.

She would do! She passed away due to mismanaged diabetes - diabetic ketoacidosis. So I’m aware of the importance of managing my health now so that I can remain healthy at a later point for my (future) children and family.

Tardytriathlete

amberkins wrote: »

I lost my mom long ago, at age 4. I don't know the pain of losing a parent as an adult but I do know that the pain of losing a parent lasts forever, at least it has for me. It alerted my life, shower my interpersonal development and I started looking to food at an early age. I recommend therapy. I know that's not always a popular choice but therapy in my adult years has been the biggest help in accepting the situation and moving on with my life. You never stop missing them, but you are still here, alive, with your own life to live.

♥️♥️ thank you - this was such a comfort for me to read. Well done to you!

4theking

So sorry for your pain! I found that hitting my grief head on allowed me to recover quickly. We all turn to something when we are at our weakest. I turned to God and He made me into a better person through it. His strength helped me to overcome.

alicia163425

I am in a similar situation. My father passed away in September last year from ALS. Before he died I had succeeded in losing 30 pounds. I put all that weight back on. I realized in February that I needed to make a change. My motivations comers from knowing that my dad would want me to make the most out of my life. And laying on the couch with snacks and movies is not the way to do it. I am still grieving but I have reached a point now where I can focus on myself a little more. You might need time to grieve but at some point be honest with yourself and take care of yourself. Good luck on your journey

misskatieanne

So sorry for your loss @dynomitegal
When I experienced a bereavement that stopped me caring about myself I found it helped to walk somewhere quiet with nice scenery. It was for my soul rather than my body but it will help both!
Wishing you peace and healing x

DebLaBounty

I've found it helpful to go for walks alone, and sometimes a hike with a friend. The first allows me to just decompress, the second keeps me outdoors while I socialize. It's good to keep that connection with other people, and I've found a few friends that I can relate well to because we talk about similar things like loss and grief and joy and things to look forward to. Maybe you can make a standing date with a pal (dinner together every Wednesday?) and enjoy each other's company and a nice meal.