How to deal with 'fat jokes'?

jhamby24

Okay, I did not even want to use that term but here we are.

I live in a culture where two people meet the first subject is always about weight. I have no idea if it's international or not but you can imagine the frustration. I have always been big ( 80 kg - 176 pound) but recently I reached a clear 100 kg which is 220 pounds.

You will think men are more cruel but oh, boy I live in a girls dormitory and mostly surrounded by girls who are 99% normal weight. 'Sadly' , I really love myself and do not care about mean people and I really did not care about people's snarky comments, jokes but slowly I am becoming more and more upset which leads me to drop everything.

This is my third day in Myfitnesspal, and as one person screamed at my face, you got soo fat, what happened to your face? , I was sad for 5 minutes and then ate a salad instead of a dessert which brought by my fat shaming friends. (ironic;?)

I searched the topics but mostly it was about after the weight loss. I REALLY wonder how you beautiful creatures kept your motivation high,when there is mostly these type of people around you?

XxQueenMxX

I've never experience that, but I know people can be very cruel! I think just try your hardest to not let it bring you down, but instead let it motivate you!! Obviously dont lose weight for others, do it for your self, but it will be a really nice feeling to show them and stand up to them once you start losing weight! Some people have no filter or manners and really just speak their mind. Just remember that you can change your weight, but they wont change the horrible person they are.

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MichelleSilverleaf

Next time someone makes a fat "joke" (they can't be called that, but for sake of conversation...) straight-face ask them to explain the joke and why it's funny. Just a total point blank "I don't get why that's funny, please explain it". Often when people are confronted like that over hurtful jokes they kind of stammer and flounder trying to answer, because it's not funny but they don't know how to react to someone going "but why is that funny?". Unless they're arseholes.

Also, I'd spend as little time around these people as possible. Any 'friend' who fat-shames is not a friend.

robinhager3998

I have said "I can lose weight, but there's nothing you can do about ugly". People that are that rude don't deserve your time or worry.

Crafty_camper123

Any friend that is worth your time would stop immedietly with the fat shaming comments. Especially if they know it hurts your feelings. If they don't, get new friends. As far as other people go? Throw it back or just try to ignore them. I like the person that mentioned asking why they think it's funny. There is something super satisfieng about putting some *kitten* on the spot and watching them stammer and scramble to find thier words.

Lounmoun

Have you ever responded with that is really cruel and hurtful and friends don't treat friends like crap?
If no one ever says stop it nothing will ever change.

alicia163425

Yes these kinds of situations are very hurtful. Even well meaning people can be hurtful. I had a patient who made a bracelet for the nurse that worked with her that day. It happened to be me and she looked sad and said, “I am so sorry. I am used to working with the skinny girls so this probably won’t fit” she didn’t mean it to be malicious but it stung and I was depressed the rest of the day. Turns out the bracelet was way smaller than any adult could wear anyway so I gave it to my stepdaughter. It’s stuff like this I won’t miss after I have lost the weight. It’s almost like a horrible motivator

dmcnur

There are some people out there who just cannot help being nasty and saying hurtful things, as it makes them feel better about themselves. They will find someones vulnerability, be it looks, weight, height or lack thereof (for some examples) and then use it to make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings. Try to remember that it is their problem, not yours. This can be easier said than done, but the more we practice feeling good about our self, the easier it gets.

YosemiteSlamAK

Someone once told me that everyone is insecure about something. Some times the things are more obvious, like our weight or my (lack of) hair. The people who make the most negative comments are usually the most insecure, whether you see their flaws or not. Not to say they have the right to make fun of others flaws, no one deserves to be made fun of in a cruel manner. Try asking them why they feel the need to point out your weight and ask how they would feel if someone else said hurtful things to them like they just said to you?

DebLaBounty

Like any shaming "joke", it's totally inappropriate. I used to work in an all-male office, and I can't tell you how many "dumb blonde" jokes I had to endure. Or the gross jokes about sex acts. These were usually told in my presence to make me feel uncomfortable. It was bullying. It was harassment. When I told them to stop it, they said I was being too sensitive. It's really hard to win in this kind of situation. Your "friends" are jerks. Someone screams in your face that you're fat? Scream back that they're an idiotic jerk, if you'd like. If you're up to it, a well-placed "F- off" might make you feel better. Otherwise just laugh at that idiot, and say "Yeah, whatever..." and move to another table. Sorry you're going through this. Thank heavens, when you're out of a dormitory situation and everyone becomes an adult, this cruel behavior might become less of an issue.