Afraid I'm going to fall back into old habits - Appreciate your help getting my head straight!!!

healthy_life2015

Hi MFP, I'm hoping you all can help me snap out of a couple of really bad days! I'm really worried that this is going to be the beginning of another cycle of yo-yoing.

Here is my history:
Several times, I have lost 20+ pounds primarily through diet (cutting calories) and cardio. Most recently, I lost 30 lbs on MFP in 2015. But then I gained it back..... Usually my cycle looks something like this: I track my food and am REALLY committed to the program and lose weight. Then when I'm approaching my goal weight, I just start getting fed up and fall off the wagon and start slipping significantly with my eating habits. I will usually falter for a couple of months before completely giving up and my weight bounces around during those months before I just stop and gain all the weight back. I have done this a few times.

I have lost 35 lbs over the past 6 months and am feeling amazing! This time has been different in a lot of ways - I didn't count calories, just focused on nourishing my body and making good choices with food. Rather than only cardio, I have been lifting weights, and you can really see some toned muscles now that I have lost a lot of weight. I am now about 150 lb at 5'8". I look and feel great and would be really happy at this weight, although I would also love to slim my lower body. For some reason, I have been CRAZY obsessed about food the last few days. Literally it is all I can think about. I have been counting calories in my head, trying to justify eating certain things, craving foods really badly. It's horrible! These thoughts running through my head - "I can't live like this forever - I should be allowed to have just one brownie", "I don't know if I should eat so many grapes because it's a lot of calories". These are the kind of thoughts that have ruined my healthy lifestyle and weight loss in the past, and I don't want to let that happen again.

Anyone else deal with this type of stuff? My problem right now is purely mental. For several months, I have been enjoying my healthy choices, occasionally letting myself enjoy treats, occasionally unable to find a healthy option when I'm traveling and just do the best I can. Now I'm obsessing over food, making goals of being super on point with calories then telling myself this is dumb, of course I can have one little brownie then have 5. Ugg!

Can anyone help me get back on the right track? Should I continue to try to lose weight again (I would want to do this in the really healthy way I have lost weight over the past 6 months, not slip into unhealthy or overly restrictive methods) or should I maintain my weight for a while? Thanks everyone for listening to this long post and I appreciate any help you can give me!