Anyone have trouble with friends/family trying to discourage healthy eating habits?
MeloKate
Posts: 2 Member
I have some family/friends who are not in the best shape and they seem to take my progress personal. Sometimes I feel pressured to stray from my goals and eat the food they make/ serve because they put pressure on me to do so. Anyone else have any advice or is going through a similar struggle?
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The host wants to make their guests feel welcome. But what you eat is your choice.
This simple principle is complicated when the guest is "trying to eat healthy". He or she has an idea of what he/she should eat, and also an idea of what he/she wants to eat. Foods that are off limits, become even more attractive than before. The host wants you to be happy, and takes it as his/her responsibility to persuade you to eat the food you really want.
If you don't make a big fuss, eat what you want, and politely decline what you don't want, there won't be a struggle.7 -
I have some family/friends who are not in the best shape and they seem to take my progress personal. Sometimes I feel pressured to stray from my goals and eat the food they make/ serve because they put pressure on me to do so. Anyone else have any advice or is going through a similar struggle?
NO! Don't ever allow anyone else to change your mind or take you off of your path. Get rid of the guilt. That will get you no where.
As already stated, be polite, firm, and consistent. Eventually they'll get the hint or you'll have to decide if they are the type of people you need in your life.1 -
Happens all of the time. Especially from my skinny mom. She ask over and over and then says are you sure? Are you sure you don't want any of this? NO, Ma, I don't!!!!!2
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I do understand, some people take it extremely personally if you politely decline the food/drinks they offer you, it's hard to walk the line between coming across as a gracious guest while still making the best decisions for your body, especially in the south. I've honestly resorted to white lies, "Thank you so much, it looks wonderful but I'm actually still stuffed from earlier" seems to go over much better than any kind of mention of a diet.4
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It's sad to say, but friends and family are the first ones to discourage you from doing something positive. Fell free to add me everyone!4
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Or you could just have a little bit. I mean, how often does it happen? Once a week? Ten times a day? That would make a difference to me.
If my mother was still alive and offered me *anything* at all that she cooked, I would have some.
If my coworker is just being a jerk - "No thanks" is all I need. No explanations necessary.
YMMV3 -
Being polite is not the same as discouraging you. If it happens frequently and annoys you, talk to the person. You might even acknowledge that they are being polite, but it would actually make you more comfortable if they respected your original refusal. Also, most people will stop asking if you are consistent.1
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cmriverside wrote: »Or you could just have a little bit. I mean, how often does it happen? Once a week? Ten times a day? That would make a difference to me.
If my mother was still alive and offered me *anything* at all that she cooked, I would have some.
If my coworker is just being a jerk - "No thanks" is all I need. No explanations necessary.
YMMV
I definitely agree with this.
MeloKate, I am not sure how long you've been doing this (eating healthier, weight loss, fitness, what have you) but one thing I've noticed is that the reactions of friends/family tend to go in waves and they slow or stop after some time. At least in my experience that's been the case.
Over a long period (several years) I lost over 130 lb. Many friends/family seemed to take it as a personal affront to their food choices or exercise habits, even though I didn't talk a lot about it or push things on them. They would express shock, or tell me I was getting "too skinny" (at size 10/12 even now, I'm definitely not skinny!) They were really focused on it.
Eventually they got used to Average Me instead of Fat Me. They stopped paying so much attention to what I ate or didn't eat. It also helps that I tend to be a weirdo at parties who will eat two tiny toothpicked meatballs, carrots, celery & a big piece of cake so people just see me eating that cake and think "oh she isn't eating healthy" and don't feel threatened.
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It is hard to do but just remember that this is your journey and you should do what makes you feel the best. Yes, my mother tells me all the time how "skinny" I am and that I can eat whatever I want but what she doesn't realize is that I'm not too skinny, and that my bmi is normal and that if I eat whatever I want I don't feel well and also will gain weight. So, I just smile and say thanks, I eat what she serves, but in moderation and I only eat with her a couple times a month b/c that's just my life right now. I cook at home every day/night for my family and we are eating healthy and feeling good. Just try not to take it personally, it is their reflection on themselves, not you.1
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I will bring a healthy dish to pass, so I have one option at every chance0
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cmriverside wrote: »...If my mother was still alive and offered me *anything* at all that she cooked, I would have some.
You and me both.3 -
Yes! I totally feel you! I have some friends who can seemingly eat whatever they want without worry. They tend not to care (or notice if I don't join in), which is much easier than family gatherings. It feels as I've gotten older (especially now with lots of babies and children in the family), there are a million holidays, birthdays and reunions to attend which makes "once in a while," more like a couple of times a month, which catches up no matter how many hours I try to log in the gym or on the healthy eating plan. It's hard.
Bringing something healthy that you can eat is a great option (like jaycanchu wrote).
One of my tricks (if you can't avoid eating someone's food and are either paranoid or know for a fact it is not good for you: use a salad plate, only make one dish, and try chewing each bite 24-30 times. Also put down your fork and take a sip of water every few bites. It slows you down so that you can make it through looooong dinners (Passover/Easter (I have both ~.~ and everyone wants to host)), so you can eat with the family/friends and not sabotage yourself.
Best of Luck!!!1 -
I can’t remember ever being close to normal BMI. The one time I got close and was actually thinner than my mom she did her best to sabotage me. Suggested I was anorexic. Tried foisting food on me every time I visited. It was disheartening to realize that I was perceived as a rival more than anything else.
That time I packed it all in and stopped dieting.
This time my weight loss efforts are all about me and I am very choosy who I talk about it with.
In your situation I suggest you take the portion you want and then refuse the rest. At a party where drinks are served I take one drink then nurse it. Hosts won’t worry if your hands are full. Similarly if you keep a plate with carrot and celery sticks on it you are less likely to be bugged about eating more.3 -
I usually will bring a healthy dish to pass if I'm going to a thing with my friends. For family luckily my future MIL is very obsessed over me and my FI losing weight so when we go over there there's usually a rather large salad to go with whatever she made. My side of the family I don't see that often so I will either just eat small portions of whatever they made or I'll just chalk it up to a cheat day. My family only gets together 3-4 times a year and is getting smaller and smaller so I don't want to be a pest when I don't know how many family get together I have left to attend.
You just gotta do what's best for you and your situation1 -
What if that is an acute observation and not just something you imagine?laurenpiskiel wrote: »I have some friends who can seemingly eat whatever they want without worry.
What if this mindset and these routines is why you feel the need to sabotage yourself?One of my tricks (if you can't avoid eating someone's food and are either paranoid or know for a fact it is not good for you: use a salad plate, only make one dish, and try chewing each bite 24-30 times. Also put down your fork and take a sip of water every few bites. It slows you down so that you can make it through looooong dinners (Passover/Easter (I have both ~.~ and everyone wants to host)), so you can eat with the family/friends and not sabotage yourself.1 -
kommodevaran wrote: »
What if that is an acute observation and not just something you imagine?laurenpiskiel wrote: »I have some friends who can seemingly eat whatever they want without worry.
What if this mindset and these routines is why you feel the need to sabotage yourself?One of my tricks (if you can't avoid eating someone's food and are either paranoid or know for a fact it is not good for you: use a salad plate, only make one dish, and try chewing each bite 24-30 times. Also put down your fork and take a sip of water every few bites. It slows you down so that you can make it through looooong dinners (Passover/Easter (I have both ~.~ and everyone wants to host)), so you can eat with the family/friends and not sabotage yourself.
???
I'm not sure I understand ... If she is deliberately finding ways to circumvent life-long bad habits (eating whatever she wants without worrying) how is finding new routines and better eating habits sabotaging herself????1 -
kommodevaran wrote: »
What if that is an acute observation and not just something you imagine?laurenpiskiel wrote: »I have some friends who can seemingly eat whatever they want without worry.
What if this mindset and these routines is why you feel the need to sabotage yourself?One of my tricks (if you can't avoid eating someone's food and are either paranoid or know for a fact it is not good for you: use a salad plate, only make one dish, and try chewing each bite 24-30 times. Also put down your fork and take a sip of water every few bites. It slows you down so that you can make it through looooong dinners (Passover/Easter (I have both ~.~ and everyone wants to host)), so you can eat with the family/friends and not sabotage yourself.
???
I'm not sure I understand ... If she is deliberately finding ways to circumvent life-long bad habits (eating whatever she wants without worrying) how is finding new routines and better eating habits sabotaging herself????
I think if you cannot find ways to tactfully decline anything - whether it's food, alcohol, sex on a first date - whatever it is - life is going to be very stressful.
"No thanks," is sufficient. No need to demonize food in general or make up elaborate rules about it. No one eats every time someone offers something.
Well, maybe they do. That would be codependency or low self-esteem - and there are treatments for that.2 -
No, you can't understand, because you too believe those are healthy habits. Eating boring food and masticating it - is that really healthy habits? Or is it habits the diet industry - a billion dollar industry - tells us are healthy?kommodevaran wrote: »
What if that is an acute observation and not just something you imagine?laurenpiskiel wrote: »I have some friends who can seemingly eat whatever they want without worry.
What if this mindset and these routines is why you feel the need to sabotage yourself?One of my tricks (if you can't avoid eating someone's food and are either paranoid or know for a fact it is not good for you: use a salad plate, only make one dish, and try chewing each bite 24-30 times. Also put down your fork and take a sip of water every few bites. It slows you down so that you can make it through looooong dinners (Passover/Easter (I have both ~.~ and everyone wants to host)), so you can eat with the family/friends and not sabotage yourself.
???
I'm not sure I understand ... If she is deliberately finding ways to circumvent life-long bad habits (eating whatever she wants without worrying) how is finding new routines and better eating habits sabotaging herself????
What people who are curious do, those who really want to have a better relationship with food, and really want a normal weight, is to stop being envious of thin friends, and interrogate them - how do you do that! Why don't you worry about what you eat? How can you stop after just one portion? Do you ever sabotage yourself? Or cheat? How do you choose, when you decide what to eat? How do you know you've had enough? How does that feel? Are you never sad you can't have more? Do you think about food all the time, too? Do you too feel guilty for eating? Do you ever have to tell yourself to stop? How does that feel?1
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