My new WHY

ahoy_m8

gebeziseva wrote: »

I think my why is exactly as yours. However lately I've been thinking more and more about happiness. And I think these three (motivated, disciplined and successful) do not necesserily lead to happiness. I've been pushing myself my whole life to a achieve these and I can't say I'm happier. I think I need to be more peaceful with myself and stop being so requiring of myself.

Well, I'm not there yet so my why's are still these three but I want this to change.

Thank you for this thoughtful reply. It reminds me of an old monastic wisdom that freedom can only be known within the context of discipline. Eg am I free to drop everything and run a 10k right now? If I have a discipline of running regularly, I have the freedom to make that choice. If I always postpone exercise and am in poor condition, that option really isn’t even on the table for me to choose it, even if I wanted to. The monks meant it in a spiritual way, e.g. in a clutch moment do I have the strength of character (or faith) to pick the compassionate response? If my practice is always to put myself first, probably not (I.e. no choice, stuck being selfish). If I have a habit of considering the needs of others, I have freedom to choose a response. We think freedom is doing what you want when you want, giving in to all impulses, but it’s actually the opposite. Giving in to impulses makes us slaves to them. Freedom is having lots of choices —the power to choose to indulge an impulse or to choose to resist it instead.

Freedom and happiness aren’t the same thing, but in a similar way, I do feel discipline makes contentment, peace and happiness possible. Maybe this says something about how I perceive happiness (and how it relates to freedom). You’ve given me something to ponder.

jefamer2017

Because I want to be able to walk well into old age. I want to rollerblade again, I am too heavy and have little core strength. I want to wear a swim suit without a cover up. I really would like abs too, but that's may never happen.

MegaMooseEsq

I was raised to define your worth by your successes in life, primarily professionally and financially. When I went to law school in 2009 after floating around career-wise for a few years, I immediately knew I'd found my calling. A year later I met my spouse and we immediately hit it off. And then things started going off plan - jobs I'd hoped to get didn't come through, grades fell a bit, friends got busier and distant, nights out got later and later, my mental health got shakier and shakier, and my weight started going up and up and up. This continued through graduation in 2012 and four more years of regular interviewing and striking out. And then it was the beginning of 2017 and I realized that I had nothing to show for the past two years but a stack of rejection letters, a big old belly, crummy lab results, and the beginning (middle?) of a drinking problem. So I decided to get my *kitten* together, take control of what I could, and start making some changes in my life, with my health front-and-center. To frame it another way, proving to myself that I was capable of growth and happiness even without career success was my why.