Unsupportive family who still think I'm obese

Sam29a

When I lost weight, I remember getting some fitted clothes and the first thing my mum said was what's the point? You'll be fat again soon. Talk about giving you confidence! Also, I lost weight by eating less, counting every calorie I consumed for 1.5 years. It wasn't easy, yet some family members would always comment about how I ate too much food and how they couldn't eat so much, (with almost every evening meal I have a large salad, made with spinach/kale, plus vegetables, which makes my plate look really full, but doesn't provide many calories). I only ate 1200 calories as I didn't exercise and I'm very short, so it was hardly too much food. They can eat a packet of biscuits each, 3 chocolates and a whole pizza to themselves, yet can't finish a salad!

I went abroad and lost some weight whilst there, before that I had lost about 45 lbs, but nobody from my family acknowledged it. It was only once I'd returned from my holiday that everyone noticed, I lost an additional 14 lbs in a few months, and my family said I lost weight only because of the heat. My 'fat melted', is how they put it.

My elder sister, who is morbidly obese, still thinks I'm fat and always tells me about how we can never be like the skinny girls because we like to eat. I wear size small clothes now (UK size 8) and today she told me I ought to give my clothes to our 8-month pregnant, normally slim, sister, as mine will fit her. Honestly, felt so sad hearing that. She was wearing a size 10 before she was pregnant, so I normally wear smaller clothes anyway. Sorry to vent, but I just felt a bit miserable hearing that.

jgnatca

Sometimes family doesn’t adjust too well to changing roles. You were the fat sister. Now who are you?

Maybe take up a distracting off the wall hobby and determined to shrug off ignorant comments.

sksk1026

There's a terrible push-pull with family because we love them but they can be awful. Its complicated because in other ways they're probably loving. That's what makes this so difficult. It'd be less hurtful from strangers. Sending sympathy.

beardena5746

You mentioned your sister being morbidly obese. Is the rest of your family obese as well? That would explain a lot. Misery loves company. Simply put, they’re jealous that you’ve made progress and they haven’t.

gelindwall

Family can be cruel, but remember you're doing the right thing, you're much healthier and better both physically and mentally, try not to let them get to you, and keep doing what your doing!

galvanmarie579

Sorry for the troubles!! We are always here for you. Haters gonna hate. Keep your head up and do whats good for you. If you can, the more you remove youself from toxic people or toxic situations the better you will be. You got this

MichelleSilverleaf

If you live away from family there's nothing wrong with distancing yourself from them. Nothing, not even being immediate family, obligates you to put up with any of that. Your well-being matters. Don't be afraid to set limits and boundaries with people including your immediate family.

SalinitySally

You should casually suggest your older sister try a sauna. You know, to melt her fat.

ibawaya

Congratulations on your wonderful progress! Your family is trying to sabotage your efforts--don't let them. Any change disrupts a family, which is really a process. You need to remain strong to avoid efforts to sabotage you. Look for allies in your family and friends--some people probably admire your stamina.

TavistockToad

Some people are twats, regardless of whether they're family or not.

__TMac__

They sound charming. Keep fighting the good fight, and be nice to yourself.

My sister seems to have decided to not come visit until either she’s lost her new excess weight or until I regain mine. This is a bonus. Narcissism from a distance is the best kind of narcissism.

snowyne

Oh, the joys of family! They definitely know which buttons to push! As another person said, misery loves company. Some people are threatened when others take control of their own lives because it reminds them of their own failures/struggles. Try to have a mental response/phrase ready to counter their insults. Repeat it to yourself often & let it act as your shield against their nasty comments.

__TMac__

I’ll add in something that’s helped me. When she does decide to come to my parents’ house for the holidays, I keep an index card and a pencil in my pocket. I write up a bingo card with all of the horrible things she is likely to say. Each time she hits one, I celebrate by toasting with my husband and taking a few minutes to myself. When I actually hit bingo, we can leave. One year, she hit three in the first five minutes and we left after two hours.

rockymir

Sam29a wrote: »

my family said I lost weight only because of the heat. My 'fat melted', is how they put it.

LMAO!!! Sorry but really, this is beyond ridiculous, it's comedy.
You shouldn't let that upset you, really I'm not joking. If anyone tells you stuff like this you can laugh right in their face! No point in letting this upset you, you have succeeded already. Just laugh! Please...

Kst76

__TMac__ wrote: »

They sound charming. Keep fighting the good fight, and be nice to yourself.

My sister seems to have decided to not come visit until either she’s lost her new excess weight or until I regain mine. This is a bonus. Narcissism from a distance is the best kind of narcissism.

Omg..lol.
What is up,with the jelousy in our families?

amtyrell

Family knows what buttons to push because they installed the buttons.
Just like our mental images of our self take a while to change our mental images of others do as well. So hopefully they will change over time.
That said ignore the jerks

bkstein40

First of all you need to look in the mirror and say I am so proud of you today!! You did it!! I know what you mean everyone else around me is proud of me for my success in my weight loss except my mother in law, I just chalk it up to pure jealousy. One key to success is to surround yourself around positive people and your family isn't them. Remember you have a positive family in MFP which is the best medicine for all that negative talk. Congratulations on your success and my motto "stay the course as it is a lifestyle change not a diet that will sustain".

urloved33

sorry

NJGamerChick

__TMac__ wrote: »

I’ll add in something that’s helped me. When she does decide to come to my parents’ house for the holidays, I keep an index card and a pencil in my pocket. I write up a bingo card with all of the horrible things she is likely to say. Each time she hits one, I celebrate by toasting with my husband and taking a few minutes to myself. When I actually hit bingo, we can leave. One year, she hit three in the first five minutes and we left after two hours.

Now this is a great idea. I want to try this myself.

OP, it sounds like your family is trying to knock you down because your actions are bringing to the surface their inactions. You've gone and caused some good ripples and they aren't happy with you rocking their boats. Keep doing you, boo. They'll have no choice but to adjust to the changes once they realize they are permanent.

rsclause

Look at it as a sign that you are making progress and yes they are noticing. Misery loves company and I feel that their comments are an attempt to get you back to the dark side. Stay with your lifestyle change and let the heat keep melting the pounds off.

Spliner1969

Sam29a wrote: »

When I lost weight, I remember getting some fitted clothes and the first thing my mum said was what's the point? You'll be fat again soon. Talk about giving you confidence! Also, I lost weight by eating less, counting every calorie I consumed for 1.5 years. It wasn't easy, yet some family members would always comment about how I ate too much food and how they couldn't eat so much, (with almost every evening meal I have a large salad, made with spinach/kale, plus vegetables, which makes my plate look really full, but doesn't provide many calories). I only ate 1200 calories as I didn't exercise and I'm very short, so it was hardly too much food. They can eat a packet of biscuits each, 3 chocolates and a whole pizza to themselves, yet can't finish a salad!

I went abroad and lost some weight whilst there, before that I had lost about 45 lbs, but nobody from my family acknowledged it. It was only once I'd returned from my holiday that everyone noticed, I lost an additional 14 lbs in a few months, and my family said I lost weight only because of the heat. My 'fat melted', is how they put it.

My elder sister, who is morbidly obese, still thinks I'm fat and always tells me about how we can never be like the skinny girls because we like to eat. I wear size small clothes now (UK size 8) and today she told me I ought to give my clothes to our 8-month pregnant, normally slim, sister, as mine will fit her. Honestly, felt so sad hearing that. She was wearing a size 10 before she was pregnant, so I normally wear smaller clothes anyway. Sorry to vent, but I just felt a bit miserable hearing that.

It sounds a little like you're losing the weight for more than one reason; your family's approval being one of them. I'd let that go. Sounds like they aren't going to approve anyway. I'm guessing they are overweight and it may be some jealousy or denial on their part. Lose weight for yourself, be happy about the changes and let them do their thing. I come from a family that is mixed. On my mother's side, everyone is big. Tall, big boned, healthy eaters, and yes, usually overweight. On my father's side, everyone is tall and skinny. I have gone both ways to be honest. When I was a pre-teen I was tall and skinny. My teenage years I started putting on weight and didn't stop. It was a slow gain, but over the years I gained until I was somewhere in the range of 110-120lbs overweight for my height by the time I was 40ish.

I was the same as how you describe some of your family, not even a value meal at McDonalds would satisfy me, I'd always add an extra cheeseburger or two. I snacked all night and ate what I wanted. I lost my weight in about a year or a bit more here at MFP, and have managed to keep it off for the most part for the last two years after that. I know I will never go back to being that overweight again, yet I also know the appetite will probably never change. I work out 4-5x a week for up to 1.5 hours pretty intensely. My TDEE is probably in the 2700 calorie range per day 7 days a week, and there are still some days I could easily eat more if I let myself. It'll be a struggle the rest of my life, but I like the new me, and refuse to go back. So don't let your family sabotage you. You do you. Let them do themselves. You should be doing this for yourself, and your own approval, not theirs.

Mikkimeow

WOW, first of all, congratulations! What you did required commitment, dedication, and strength of character beyond what you family could imagine. Sometimes it is hard to realize that the people that should be there for us the most can't because they are still wrapped in their own victimization and self hate.

You are not the fat sister, you are not the obese person your family paints you to be. The biggest thing you can learn is that who you are is defined by you and you only. Find a supportive group of people that know you for who you are and not their toxic perception of you.

OP, my mother is very much the same way. She called me Homer Simpson, a football player (due to my size in high school) and a number of cruel things. I was put on diets at age 14 when I was still in a healthy weight range. It took years to unlearn the disordered eating habits she gave me. When I lost a significant amount of weight, she was the last person to acknowledge it, and only because I brought it up. It hurt. It wasn't until I found therapy that I realized what a small and scared person my mother was, and how my empowerment felt personal to her lack of growth was I able to let go of the need for validation and pain of rejection. I learned to be proud of myself without my mother's words staining that.

They see us spread our wings and wonder why they can't fly too.

We are here for you and proud of you.