Dieting When You're Married
forumromanus77
Posts: 25 Member
in Challenges
When you're on a diet and your spouse isn't, do you ever feel bad for sort of dragging them into your diet?
What I mean is, we have a budget, and I can't cook two different dinners every night, so J has been pretty much eating the same stuff I have, and he's not thrilled about it. He's super supportive, but he hates a lot of the stuff I've made. I want him to have what he likes, but I'm also aware of my personal willpower problems when it comes to junk foods. Any advice?
What I mean is, we have a budget, and I can't cook two different dinners every night, so J has been pretty much eating the same stuff I have, and he's not thrilled about it. He's super supportive, but he hates a lot of the stuff I've made. I want him to have what he likes, but I'm also aware of my personal willpower problems when it comes to junk foods. Any advice?
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Dieting doesn't mean eating bad tasting food. Food you prepare whilst dieting can still be delicious. Perhaps work out meals you both enjoy, then work out how to prepare them in a way that is more calorie friendly for you.
Or meals that you can easily add a more calorie dense side to for him2 -
A big problem is that he just hates vegetables, basically every kind. I've been trying to incorporate more and more veggie sides, and less pasta and such. So a lot of the time, he'll just eat half the meal and be miserable and hungry after.0
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How about using the veggies in soups or sauces? Pasta primavera?1
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forumromanus77 wrote: »A big problem is that he just hates vegetables, basically every kind. I've been trying to incorporate more and more veggie sides, and less pasta and such. So a lot of the time, he'll just eat half the meal and be miserable and hungry after.
You can't bring yourself to cook some pasta extra for him?0 -
Sounds like "How to compose a plate"-problem.
If your spouse doesn't like veggies, put less of them on his plate, give him more of the rest.
For your plate it's exactly the other way: Less pasta, more vegetables, sufficient protein.
Composing plates is a bit difficult when preparing stews and soups, but even this is no real problem.
Simply split the portions right in time for your portion to get the vegetables done and add them after the split.2 -
This is definitely something I deal with in my relationship and the struggle is real.
First off, ignore everyone who tells you that he is the unreasonable one for not wanting to eat your food. That is ridiculous. When I have asked for advice or help, I have been on the receiving end of a bunch of people saying "well I would just break up" or "he should eat what you eat since you're the healthy one". Forcing my partner into change is not something I want to do, however, I also don't want to compromise my goals just because he isn't ready for a change.
How I cope:
1. I give him bigger portions. So if I'm entering a meal into MFP, I weigh everything out, and then slant it about 33/66 or 1/3 for me 2/3 for him.
2. When cooking eggs, I cook ours separately so I can make myself more egg whites with less cheese.
3. I give myself more vegetables. Sometimes that means accepting that he doesn't want any.
4. I make an effort to include veggies and fruits he likes.
5. Rather than ask him what he wants for supper, I make a list of things I'm considering making and get him to choose what interests him. If I leave it open ended, the answer is always take out.
6. I eat what he wants once or twice a week. I eat less and often I will add a salad or vegetables, but overall, it is what he wants to eat.
7. I eat fewer calories for breakfast and lunch when I am at work to make accommodating his wants and needs for supper easier.
I hope some of this may be helpful for you.7 -
Detritus_1965 wrote: »Sounds like "How to compose a plate"-problem.
If your spouse doesn't like veggies, put less of them on his plate, give him more of the rest.
For your plate it's exactly the other way: Less pasta, more vegetables, sufficient protein.
Composing plates is a bit difficult when preparing stews and soups, but even this is no real problem.
Simply split the portions right in time for your portion to get the vegetables done and add them after the split.
This bears repeating. My husband needs twice as many calories as I do. He isn't going to make up the difference with more veggies. But I can have meatballs and sauce, while he has meatballs, sauce and pasta. I can have extra veggies with the stir fry while he has extra noodles...
You could also try healthier versions of your old favorites occasionally. Roasted sweet potatoes, rather than french fries works for some people, but not others.
And then there is my husband's favorite. He will share a meal with me and follow up with Chex mix, some chocolate and a couple of oranges.3 -
Thanks everybody for the suggestions! I think I WAS oversimplifying a bit by splitting everything right in half to share between the two of us. I can definitely balance it so that he gets more of the entree, and I get more of the veggies and stuff. And I will try to make a few tweaked versions of his favorites so I can have a little, then maybe supplement my dinner with a salad or something like that.
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The idea of maintaining after losing it to adapt to a habitual behavior that maintains your weight. If your husband isn't on the same weight loss plan or on plan at all, there's no reason to subject him to it. There are ways to make food without having ingredients or items in them your spouse doesn't like.
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The idea of maintaining after losing it to adapt to a habitual behavior that maintains your weight. If your husband isn't on the same weight loss plan or on plan at all, there's no reason to subject him to it. There are ways to make food without having ingredients or items in them your spouse doesn't like.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I'm not trying to subject him to it, that was the whole point of my earlier post. We work with a really tight budget and most of the time I can't afford to make two different meals, a diet-meal for me, and a non-diet meal for him. What I am trying to do is find a compromise that will allow me to lose weight while not making life miserable for him. And I've gotten some pretty good suggestions.2 -
forumromanus77 wrote: »Thanks everybody for the suggestions! I think I WAS oversimplifying a bit by splitting everything right in half to share between the two of us. I can definitely balance it so that he gets more of the entree, and I get more of the veggies and stuff. And I will try to make a few tweaked versions of his favorites so I can have a little, then maybe supplement my dinner with a salad or something like that.
Sharing meals equally with my husband (like when we go to a restaurant) contributes to how I get fat... The bad thing is I can out-eat him in volume, so could technically eat more than half!
I always have mountains of vegies, or a salad to bulk up what I eat instead of the more calorie dense stuff
Last night we had spaghetti bolognese - he got pasta, more cheese, a drizzle of olive oil, and bread. I got the sauce with zucchini noodles (a truckload), less cheese/lower fat cheese...no oil or bread4 -
A couple more ideas for "junk" food.
If you're making burger and fries, have yours bunless or open-faced if that's your thing and/or go lighter on what else you put on it. His burger can be assembled however he likes it (if you go open-faced, bonus for him you can make him a "big mac style" burger with two patties and bread in the middle). He can have fries for a side, you can have fewer fries or a side of vegetables.
If you're making pizza, make two individual ones and top his with whatever he wants while going light on the cheese and heavy on the vegetables for yours. If it's an already rolled out or pre-cooked pizza crust, just top your portion differently. I'm not a big fan of meat, and when we make pizza 1/4 of the pizza has no sausage. Same for casseroles. If it's cheese-topped, have your portion topped with less or no cheese.
If you're making fried chicken, prep the chicken, oven fry yours and oil fry his. Same with most deep fried things. Same foods, same preparation, just the way you cook it is different and no need for anything extra.
If making mashed potatoes and gravy, you could mash your portion with less butter and/or use less gravy on it. He can have his portion any way he likes. Same ingredients, no extras to buy. There is also the option of mashing some cauliflower with your potatoes for volume or mix in any vegetables you have on hand (vegetable mashed potatoes is a thing, just not for the purists).
For drinks, diet sodas cost the same as regular sodas. Instead of buying two regular bottles, for example, just buy one diet and one regular.
...and so on.1 -
Certain people in this thread are being kind of harsh to you. It's not your job to cook for your spouse. I understand that couples split housework and work outside the home in different ways- I am the only one that cooks in my family. But my husband is incredibly easy to cook for- he'll literally eat chicken breast, carrot sticks, and rice every night. Beyond not liking vegetables, does your husband have a problem with eating lean meats, fruit, brown rice, etc?1
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amusedmonkey wrote: »A couple more ideas for "junk" food.
If you're making burger and fries, have yours bunless or open-faced if that's your thing and/or go lighter on what else you put on it. His burger can be assembled however he likes it (if you go open-faced, bonus for him you can make him a "big mac style" burger with two patties and bread in the middle). He can have fries for a side, you can have fewer fries or a side of vegetables.
If you're making pizza, make two individual ones and top his with whatever he wants while going light on the cheese and heavy on the vegetables for yours. If it's an already rolled out or pre-cooked pizza crust, just top your portion differently. I'm not a big fan of meat, and when we make pizza 1/4 of the pizza has no sausage. Same for casseroles. If it's cheese-topped, have your portion topped with less or no cheese.
If you're making fried chicken, prep the chicken, oven fry yours and oil fry his. Same with most deep fried things. Same foods, same preparation, just the way you cook it is different and no need for anything extra.
If making mashed potatoes and gravy, you could mash your portion with less butter and/or use less gravy on it. He can have his portion any way he likes. Same ingredients, no extras to buy. There is also the option of mashing some cauliflower with your potatoes for volume or mix in any vegetables you have on hand (vegetable mashed potatoes is a thing, just not for the purists).
For drinks, diet sodas cost the same as regular sodas. Instead of buying two regular bottles, for example, just buy one diet and one regular.
...and so on.
Thank you so much! I really really appreciate all of these specific suggestions, that's kinda what I was looking for. I like the pizza idea, I like to pile mine sky-high with veggies anyway.
I'm also intrigues by the potato-cauliflower mash idea. I've never been a fan of raw cauli, but maybe in a mash that'd help me get a taste for it? 0 -
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forumromanus77 wrote: »amusedmonkey wrote: »A couple more ideas for "junk" food.
If you're making burger and fries, have yours bunless or open-faced if that's your thing and/or go lighter on what else you put on it. His burger can be assembled however he likes it (if you go open-faced, bonus for him you can make him a "big mac style" burger with two patties and bread in the middle). He can have fries for a side, you can have fewer fries or a side of vegetables.
If you're making pizza, make two individual ones and top his with whatever he wants while going light on the cheese and heavy on the vegetables for yours. If it's an already rolled out or pre-cooked pizza crust, just top your portion differently. I'm not a big fan of meat, and when we make pizza 1/4 of the pizza has no sausage. Same for casseroles. If it's cheese-topped, have your portion topped with less or no cheese.
If you're making fried chicken, prep the chicken, oven fry yours and oil fry his. Same with most deep fried things. Same foods, same preparation, just the way you cook it is different and no need for anything extra.
If making mashed potatoes and gravy, you could mash your portion with less butter and/or use less gravy on it. He can have his portion any way he likes. Same ingredients, no extras to buy. There is also the option of mashing some cauliflower with your potatoes for volume or mix in any vegetables you have on hand (vegetable mashed potatoes is a thing, just not for the purists).
For drinks, diet sodas cost the same as regular sodas. Instead of buying two regular bottles, for example, just buy one diet and one regular.
...and so on.
Thank you so much! I really really appreciate all of these specific suggestions, that's kinda what I was looking for. I like the pizza idea, I like to pile mine sky-high with veggies anyway. I'm also intrigues by the potato-cauliflower mash idea. I've never been a fan of raw cauli, but maybe in a mash that'd help me get a taste for it?
For best results, blend the cooked cauliflower with the milk first (it can turn out kind of fibrous if you do it with a potato masher) then pour onto the still hot potatoes and mash. You can do 1/3 cauliflower and 2/3 potatoes to start with. don't skimp on the butter and just use your usual portion then you can gradually lower it until you find a balance that's appealing but lower in calories, you'll have lower calories anyway just by adding cauliflower and butter gives cauliflower better flavor. Garlic will also go a long way in making it better. If done correctly, it can make the mashed potatoes nearly indistinguishable from the real thing.
ETA: you could cook the cauliflower with the potatoes in the same pot by putting it in a mesh bag or using a steamer over the pot where the potatoes are cooking. This way you can easily take it out when ready since it cooks faster than potatoes.1 -
Is there any reason that he can't help in the kitchen? If he wants an additional side, why can't he make it himself? Perhaps I missed a comment that addresses why he, an adult, is apparently being held hostage by your diet and he's just so flipping helpless. Ok end snark, clearly I have a hang up on this topic
Real advice now:
Is there one thing you can make in bulk on the weekends for him? That you can then just add to dinner time onto his plate? E.g. pasta bake, mashed potatoes, whatever he likes? Or the opposite - you just cook whatever you would cook normally but add a giant veggie side and less of the main dish for you. Another thing I really like about MFP is generally its about portion control - there's no reason you can't eat the same things, just you eat less (Easier said than done).
I do like the ideas of cooking individual portions for each of you based on your needs - you could also do that with single serving casseroles (I have two tiny dishes).
How about things like BBQ baked potatoes? That's are super scalable in either direction (and darn tasty).
Also, if you ended up going the portion control route and end up needing more - bagged/boxed frozen veggies heat up quick in the microwave and are pretty tasty.
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guacamole17 wrote: »Is there any reason that he can't help in the kitchen? If he wants an additional side, why can't he make it himself? Perhaps I missed a comment that addresses why he, an adult, is apparently being held hostage by your diet and he's just so flipping helpless. Ok end snark, clearly I have a hang up on this topic Real advice now:
Is there one thing you can make in bulk on the weekends for him? That you can then just add to dinner time onto his plate? E.g. pasta bake, mashed potatoes, whatever he likes? Or the opposite - you just cook whatever you would cook normally but add a giant veggie side and less of the main dish for you. Another thing I really like about MFP is generally its about portion control - there's no reason you can't eat the same things, just you eat less (Easier said than done).
I do like the ideas of cooking individual portions for each of you based on your needs - you could also do that with single serving casseroles (I have two tiny dishes).
How about things like BBQ baked potatoes? That's are super scalable in either direction (and darn tasty).
Also, if you ended up going the portion control route and end up needing more - bagged/boxed frozen veggies heat up quick in the microwave and are pretty tasty.
It's not so much that he can't cook, but he does work about 60-70 hours per week (he's my hero, I'd be dead after 70 hours XD) so I do the majority of the cooking. We've been talking about it a bit since I did the original post, and we've worked out some things. I pack him a lunch almost every day, so he can have pretty much whatever he wants for lunch. I took into account a lot of the suggestions other people gave, like adjusting portions (more veg for me, more main for him, etc..) Several people have posted really nice looking recipes, so with some experimentation and flexibility, I'm sure it won't be a problem. This is my first time really sticking with a diet plan, so I was a bit overwhelmed at first, and I think I was making it harder for myself than it really needed to be.0 -
I have learned on my journey, that I can not force him to change, he has to want it for himself. I have lost 149 pounds since last May and have been working out fairly frequently. He has not been overly supportive, does not like that I have lost a substantial amount of weight and has become passive aggressive in insinuating that I am doing this for ulterior motives (aka to attract a different man). My hubby also works about70-80 hours a week, so all he does is work and sleep. I have tried cooking good clean meals for him to enjoy, but he is always too tired to eat them and they go to waste. So all I can do is "me". We are going on 30 years together this coming month and this has been the most trying year of our lives...This lifestyle change is for me, I want to live pain free and be more active, and I ain't no spring chicken, so it's now or never....2
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MarieAB071967 wrote: »I have learned on my journey, that I can not force him to change, he has to want it for himself. I have lost 149 pounds since last May and have been working out fairly frequently. He has not been overly supportive, does not like that I have lost a substantial amount of weight and has become passive aggressive in insinuating that I am doing this for ulterior motives (aka to attract a different man). My hubby also works about70-80 hours a week, so all he does is work and sleep. I have tried cooking good clean meals for him to enjoy, but he is always too tired to eat them and they go to waste. So all I can do is "me". We are going on 30 years together this coming month and this has been the most trying year of our lives...This lifestyle change is for me, I want to live pain free and be more active, and I ain't no spring chicken, so it's now or never....
Wow, that is a HUGE amount to lose in a year! That's AMAZING. I'm sorry that your husband treats you that way, I don't think I could do this without support. You have so much to be proud of, and I am really inspired by your story. I have almost two hundred pounds to lose, total, and I'm only 9 pounds in.
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I never expected my husband to have to do anything differently.
I just eat less of the same things we always eat.
And now he's seen how successful that's been for me, he's lost weight doing it too.
You don't need to make yourself eat cauliflower if you don't like it.
You don't have to punish yourself to lose weight. You'll stick to it long enough to last the distance if you eat the things you like in the right amounts. Hugs.1 -
I cook the same meal for everyone within reason.
There's no need to make separate meals just adjust if needed.
Last night we had pizza. I ate 1 slice and then had a portion of a 99cent bagged salad . The boys had several slices each and then had wings too.
Tonight we had tacos.( I used that bagged salad so it isn't wasted,I Incorporated it into a different meal) I had less cheese and more salad and the boys piled theirs with cheese .
Monday I'll make burgers. I'll use the rest of that same 99 cent bagged salad to top the burgers. The boys might have 2 each but I'll have one.
I'm sure you get my point by now. Weight loss comes from eating less. You don't have to eat separate, just eat less.
You mentioned that your on a budget. That's fine, it just takes some planning. Like I did with the 99 cent store brand bagged salad. Get your store circulars and sales ads. Plan out what you can get within your budget and plan out how you can make your portion less while still buying foods that will work out for your family.
It takes some planning but can be done. Best of luck.2
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