Most Uncomfortable / Hardest Part Of Being Overweight

lauren3101

I haven't even dated in 7 years because of my weight. I find I have to "prepare" the person by disclosing my weight to them even without asking..... and when I do....they tell me they are not comfortable dating someone that is in the 200's.

I find this part very sad. Anyone that tells you they aren't happy with dating you because of a number on the scale is not worth dating in the first place.

Having said that, you are setting yourself up for it by simply telling them how much you weigh so early on. Any guy is going to think if you are bringing up your weight so early on without even being encouraged, it's a sure sign of things to come. Confidence is an attractive thing, and I think you need to work on that over anything. Good luck. :flowerforyou:

Christina8585

Hello,

I thought I would create a thread and ask what you find to be the hardest part of being overweight. Myself, I am just embarassed of having to carry all this extra weight on me. In public, I feel like people are staring. I feel people cannot sit next to me on the bus because I spill over onto the next seat almost.

I haven't even dated in 7 years because of my weight. I find I have to "prepare" the person by disclosing my weight to them even without asking..... and when I do....they tell me they are not comfortable dating someone that is in the 200's.

I feel I have burnt all of my 30's being overweight, and not living life the way I want to. And why????? because of FOOD.

I just turned 40 this year (June 20), and I said to myself enough is enough. I don't want to spend my 40's and 50's the same way.....

I thought I would ask what about being overweight refrains you from living life. How has it "crippled" you.

Thanks.

I can relate. I haven't dated in forever because of this. Even as I'm losing, it's still not the same. I used to be a smoker. When i did work out, I could eat junk regularly, and somehow during the small weight loss times, I was tighter toner and skinnier looking all around especially the stomach, but now I weight less, but am not even as tight and toned looking. Depressing...
Anyways, that's a little ramble.
But yes, the hardest parts...

- Not being to fit into the clothes I wanna wear.-
- Not having confidence.
- Not bothering to get hair or nails done because who cares?
- feeling like life is passing you by.
- Wanting to be social and go out but too afraid to go clubbing or out feeling rejected by everyone.
- Watching your skinny friends have an active social life, receive gifts from men they've dated once and see them get treated better even if they act *****y because they are skinny.
- not getting hired at a retail store because your overweight and every girl there is a stick.
- ordering at a restaurant and seeing a gorgeous waitress bring you food making you feel like crap.
- Feeling great about yourself , good hair, having a skinny feeling day, dressed up as good as you can and about to go full strut and then suddenly you see a random girl that looks stunning without trying in a 22 inch waist or something and suddenly you just die inside...ugh!!!!
- Summer being the most depressing season ever! Praying for fall and a cold cold cold blizzard winter so you can cover up with cute scarfs, sweaters and feel comfortable...
-I can't go on... bah!

:sad:

trackmyday1973

Must say your a very pretty lady. Don't let anyone or anything take that away from you.

I personally have been a large women all my life. In that I mean taller than most and heavier. I was always a sports fanatic so guys just looked at me as one of the guys. I never allowed my size to cripple me. I am not saying that I didn't struggle to walk into a room filled with people and it not be a STRUGGLE. It was and still is even with my weight loss. I fight it daily trying to accept myself, look at myself and find 1 thing positive about myself. It's hard.

Hold your head high, be proud of who and what you are. A true person will love you for what you carry on the inside NOT by your size on the outside.

Good Luck..

Thank you for the kind words.

Eirene80

For me there are 3 things.


#1 Is pictures. I hate them. People say I need to quit avoiding the camera because some day I'll be gone and my kids will want to see pictures. I'd rather they remember fun things, not a fat mom.

#2 Is shopping for clothes. My body weight isn't carried well, or at all evenly, so even plus sized clothes don't fit right. When I was a size 8/10 everything fit perfectly.

#3 Is the "ka-thunk" of seatbelts as they hit the end of the line when I put them on. I hate riding with people because of that. Realizing I might need an extender helped motivate me to start losing though.

NicoleCooney92

Hardest things for me:
1. I can't have my picture taken; I'm too self conscience.
2. Everything hurts. My back, my knees, and like the earlier poster said, my feet. I started using a treadmill which is gentler on my knees and feet. I also go for 30 minute bike rides.
3. It's hard to walk with others. My friends walk so much faster than me, I feel like I'm always running to catch up.
4. Shopping. After "ballooning " from a Large to extra-large I was shopping in one of my favorite stores. I couldn't find anything that would fit so I asked a clerk. I was told they don't carry xl. I left the store in tears. My husband then took me to browns where I spent $200 on shoes instead.

seltzermint555

For me, it's always having to think about it:
- Make sure I take all the clothes I need on a trip because chances are I won't be able to find something off the rack in short order if I need something
- Will I fit in that booth?
- Will I fit between those tables without taking someone's water glass out with my backside?
- Will I be able to buckle the seatbelt on this aircraft?
- Will the chair hold my weight? What about the step ladder?
- Not being able to do a segway tour, horseback riding, indoor skydiving, etc. because I exceed the weight limit.
- Will I be able to fit into the "historic" theater seats? Found this one out the hard way.
- Always having to ask for "the biggest robe you have" at the spa since tiny spa attendants often can't fathom that ANYONE would need larger than an XL...

Ugg.

These are things that have started to become less of an issue for me. I would say these are the reasons I'm here, actually, on MFP and losing weight. I just got used to these things as little inconveniences but after losing some weight I suddenly had pleasant surprises that a lot of things - like restaurant booths - suddenly all fit me easily. Those are my little NSVs that make it all worthwhile. I don't even mind if I never make it to 150 lb. But I find for me life's easier at 229 than it was at 270+

jcdynan

Wow. Good topic.

I think the worst is the worry about fitting in. I always look around the room and see if I am the biggest person there. Even though I done see myself as big as I am.

I went dancing with my sister-in-law, she could care less how people look, and this very cute guy came up and starting dancing with me. I was shocked. In the back of my head I was thinking he must be here as some kind of a joke. She told me he was smiling from ear to ear and he must have really liked me.

Its hard to accept yourself no matter what.

Streamlinedforlife

Bump

vamaena

trackmyday1973 wrote: »

For my it's clothes shopping. Maybe I sound a little shallow but it's so hard to see something in a store that I think looks cute and then realize they don't have it in my size. I've also noticed that in some stores the sizes are different than in others, so sometimes I'll try something on that says it is my size but it's definitely too small. And I didn't gain 10lbs from taking off my regular clothes and trying this one on. =/ Idk, it's hard to feel pretty after something like that.

I just find that they make prettier clothes for thin people.... just my observation.

I totally agree with both of these. It's probably vain but I hate clothes shopping. Yes, I find things that I can wear but it's never as nice as the smaller sizes. I'm looking forward to the day I can shop in a "normal" clothing store and not a store specialized for 14+ (I started to lose weight at a size 24-26).


I also find one of the hardest parts of being overweight was not being able to keep up with my friends. It's not like they're athletes or anything but just walking with them down the street. I was always so slow. Often they'd have to stop to catch up and it's just plain embarrasing. I was victorious a few weeks ago when I was walking faster than them and had to slow down.

Charliecatesq

I agree with constantly tugging at clothes comment, i am constantly having to hoik up my underweat and tights as they roll down over my gut. I can't go out barelegged for more than a few minutes before my thighs rub raw (though i appriciate this is a problem for most women it doesn't help that i am overweight). I can't find bras on the highstreet that fit so have to pay a fortune for ones that look awful and yes the dreaded photos! I don't mind having mine taken but looking at them on FB afterwards you do wonder how your perception of yourself can be so off! Also the nasty comments of "oi fatty" or "look at the size of your tits" screamed at you from passing cars i could do without.

refuseresist

Tight clothes and sore thighs

TheSatinPumpkin

Man i remember reading this thread just before joining the forum. Def' feel some of the experiences that have been noted.

malibu927

vamaena wrote: »

trackmyday1973 wrote: »

For my it's clothes shopping. Maybe I sound a little shallow but it's so hard to see something in a store that I think looks cute and then realize they don't have it in my size. I've also noticed that in some stores the sizes are different than in others, so sometimes I'll try something on that says it is my size but it's definitely too small. And I didn't gain 10lbs from taking off my regular clothes and trying this one on. =/ Idk, it's hard to feel pretty after something like that.

I just find that they make prettier clothes for thin people.... just my observation.

I totally agree with both of these. It's probably vain but I hate clothes shopping. Yes, I find things that I can wear but it's never as nice as the smaller sizes. I'm looking forward to the day I can shop in a "normal" clothing store and not a store specialized for 14+ (I started to lose weight at a size 24-26).


I also find one of the hardest parts of being overweight was not being able to keep up with my friends. It's not like they're athletes or anything but just walking with them down the street. I was always so slow. Often they'd have to stop to catch up and it's just plain embarrasing. I was victorious a few weeks ago when I was walking faster than them and had to slow down.

Even basics are harder to find. I work in the fashions department at a store, and plus size panties you can only find in briefs or the shaping kind. I'd always had to go to Lane Bryant and pay so much more for hipsters. Yesterday I had a customer who was looking at tights. The ones we carry go up to 3X/4X in black, but only 1X/2X in the other colors, and it disappointed her.

beldona1

I am 37 and and an emotional eater. I find the hardest thing about being over weight is getting dress to go out with my husband in the room. Not only the idea of taking off my clothing but also trying to find something to wear that do not make me feel like a stuffed animal.

I keep buying larger size clothing and they still do not fit right in my minds eye. To top it off I was just diagnosed with diabetes and i am really having a hard time with it which cause me to go into a depress state, which leads to me eating and the vicious cycle continues.

vamaena

malibu927 wrote: »

vamaena wrote: »

trackmyday1973 wrote: »

For my it's clothes shopping. Maybe I sound a little shallow but it's so hard to see something in a store that I think looks cute and then realize they don't have it in my size. I've also noticed that in some stores the sizes are different than in others, so sometimes I'll try something on that says it is my size but it's definitely too small. And I didn't gain 10lbs from taking off my regular clothes and trying this one on. =/ Idk, it's hard to feel pretty after something like that.

I just find that they make prettier clothes for thin people.... just my observation.

I totally agree with both of these. It's probably vain but I hate clothes shopping. Yes, I find things that I can wear but it's never as nice as the smaller sizes. I'm looking forward to the day I can shop in a "normal" clothing store and not a store specialized for 14+ (I started to lose weight at a size 24-26).


I also find one of the hardest parts of being overweight was not being able to keep up with my friends. It's not like they're athletes or anything but just walking with them down the street. I was always so slow. Often they'd have to stop to catch up and it's just plain embarrasing. I was victorious a few weeks ago when I was walking faster than them and had to slow down.

Even basics are harder to find. I work in the fashions department at a store, and plus size panties you can only find in briefs or the shaping kind. I'd always had to go to Lane Bryant and pay so much more for hipsters. Yesterday I had a customer who was looking at tights. The ones we carry go up to 3X/4X in black, but only 1X/2X in the other colors, and it disappointed her.

That's true! Totally forgot about that! I usually ended up paying a fortune since I went to a specialty store that stocked up on 3x/4x/5x panties in more colors than just beige or black. I've lost enough now that I can finally fit in "smaller" sizes at a normal store that stocks different colors.

edit: realized I wrote the same thing with different words in the same sentence.

djhnd

I'm happy to see this thread get active again. I think it's a great conversation to have; and I think it's awesome that MFP has created a place where people can open up about this stuff (though maybe there are other places where similar conversations are happening, I'm not an internet forum kind of guy.)

d6melanie

I agree with some of the above. I would love to go clothes shopping and know that the more fashionable clothes are going to fit me well. I would love to go to the beach and not feel self conscious about being fat. I would love to be as comfortable with my body as my husband is.

I guess I feel like the hardest part of being overweight is that it limits my freedoms (whether real or imagined) that's why I want to be a healthy weight.

MelanieRBrace

Social stigma is the hardest. People think you must eat constantly, eat all the wrong foods, are lazy, dirty, not care, your life must be a mess, etc. I gained weight with depression and an undiagnosed thyroid disorder. It's crazy how people thought I gained the weight. My husband would tell me not to worry about what others think, but until you've been there, it's hard to understand
I also hated looking in the mirror and window reflections, getting photos taken - even at special occasions and with my son.

rbfdac

For me the hardest has always been photographs of myself.

I am going to be totally honest and it might sound like I'm in denial or something. I am currently in the high 220s and have ranged from 240-300 most of my adult life. I've always - even at my heaviest weight - had VERY high energy, a great love life, an easy time getting jobs, excellent or at least decent medical test results, have not felt that different from my average weight peers and colleagues.


This is me. I just feel unattractive and fat. I also love fashion and although I don't have a problem finding plus size clothing, it would be nice to be able to purchase something at every brick and mortar store that I saw. I hate hate hate pictures of myself, unless it is a selfie that I have taken, and even then I have spent 10 minutes trying to find the best angle.

The smallest I have ever been in my adult life is 230 pounds, and that was only for a brief time in college. Otherwise, I have been 250+ for at least 7 years. I have always had a decent amount of energy, I get every job I ever apply for, I am in good overall health, had a normal pregnancy, and I never had a single problem dating--- I dated all sorts of men, not one of them overweight or in to "fat girls". I found my tall, dark, and handsome, and average weighted husband 5 years ago.

As far as dating goes, I feel that men (and women) are attracted to confidence and a woman (or man) who loves themselves and takes care of themselves, and focus a whole lot less on our size than we think.

Personally, I just want to be able to be pleased with myself with I look in the mirror, and years of contentment in my marriage, along with childbirth, have taken me away from that. But I'll get back there and so will everybody else, as long as they stick with it!

I hate that anybody could feel so down on themselves and regret the way they have lived their life. Sure, we need to get healthier so we can enjoy our time on this earth as long as possible, but I just hope that everybody realizes that we are more than our weight and anybody who says otherwise is the one with the actual issues.

JLCrunch

seltzermint wrote: »

For me the hardest has always been photographs of myself.

I am going to be totally honest and it might sound like I'm in denial or something. I am currently in the high 220s and have ranged from 240-300 most of my adult life. I've always - even at my heaviest weight - had VERY high energy, a great love life, an easy time getting jobs, excellent or at least decent medical test results, have not felt that different from my average weight peers and colleagues.

But photos. Oh my goodness. When I'd see a photo of myself, if it was anything other than a flattering selfie of my face, or a pic of me half-way hiding behind my much larger ex husband...I would want to cry. I have never actually felt suicidal in my life but the closest, most horrible self-loathing moments I've had were after looking at photographs taken of me when I thought I looked good, and actually looked horrible. As a result, I'd hide from cameras for years.

Just today my fiance and I did a little "mock" wedding at my mom's house, just tried on our outfits to see how they looked in photos she snapped of us. I looked pretty decent, and I can tell I have lost a lot of the weight so that's a good feeling. But I still feel like I'm smaller and more attractive than I am in the full body shots. It's just one of those things. Ugh.

This. I'm 211.8 right now. My highest non-pregnant weight was 225. I didn't realize how big that actually was on my 5'5+ frame until I seen myself in photos from my son's 1st birthday in early October. That's what initiated the change for me.

Today is exactly a month since I began my weight loss journey and I'm down 13.2 lbs. Woohoo!

P.S.
Congrats on your upcoming nuptials.

llUndecidedll

I'll be 30 in a few months and I feel like I've wasted my 20's away due to depression due to my weight and body image.

RoseyDgirl

hardest part - is when we start treating ourselves like we can't do something, or automatically expect failure.
-
- For the longest time, I've hated stairs and escalators - mostly because I am afraid of hights and think that I'm automatically a clutz. I could step on a crack, or suddenly put my foot wrong and end up at the bottom on my head. Fact is - that's never happened. I spent years holding bannisters for dear life - having to count 4 stairs before stepping onto the escalator, and holding up traffic behind me. Fact is - I'm my own worst enemy. Recently, as I'm losing weight, and developing confidence - I'm finding that stairs dont scare me any more. I am flying up or skipping down them. I'm not a clutz - and I've never been a clutz. I spent those years making excuses that I have two left feet, or that I'm afraid of heights, but fact is - those fears were all weight derived.
-
So, losing confidence in our own stegnth is the hardest thing. We're all a lot better than we think if we just let go our fears.

astrose00

This is a deep thread. Some comments made me really sad and other made me laugh. I "hate" being fat but I consider this to be temporary. I'm grateful to have the chance to do something about it and I'm diving in head first. Don't know how I got here, besides the obvious reason that I ate more than my body burned, but I'm not long for this fat suit. Despite yo-yo'ing a few times, things were never that bad. I'd gain 20lbs and lose it by eating clean and working out. It was never like it is now and it scares the crap outta me. I have always taken a no nonsense approach with myself. I got myself into this mess and I'm a fixing to get myself out of it (again). I never experienced a lot of what some of you have stated but I can empathize and it's heartbreaking. My wake up called happened after I gained a ton of weight after breaking my ankle (while riding my bike; I have been into fitness for decades). I just ate crap and sat on my bum. When I woke from my slumber I was 80lbs heavier than I was 3 years ago and couldn't fit anything in my closet. Finally, a month an a half ago, I attempted a 30 mile charity bike ride and barely completed half of it. I was dead last and had to get the SAG vehicle to drive me back to the start line and my car. I was so embarassed and disappointed in myself. It was the first time I was ever unable to do something because of my size. And it made me take a look at all my other new ailments (achilles tendonitis, ankle not fully healed, lower back pain, breathlessness, GERD, hiatal hernia...). It was all because I got fat! It woke me up in a big way. I have been at it ever since and am 22lbs down as a result rigorous exercise (cardio and weights) and a clean diet. I would rather be fit, lean and attractive than have cake, ice cream, candy, hamburgers, etc. That's the bottom line. So this is a life resetting moment for me. I will be happy to reach my lofty 100lb weight loss goal and I know I will get there. And I'm prepping mentally for the fight of my life to stay there forever and never experience these feelings again.

justalittlecrazy

The hardest thing is not being able to do what I want to do. I used to love doing outdoorsy stuff but being 160 lbs overweight is not real great for climbing mountains. In Western WA, the only way is up, up, up on most hikes and I have had to settle for the very few with little elevation gain. And trying to find affordable exercise or hiking clothes in a women's 4x? Forget about it!

(And I have a secret, possibly unreasonable fear of being too heavy for the wood in pit toilets or outhouses and falling in and drowning down there. Nice image, eh?)

No more! Almost 30 lbs down, much more to go. I am hiking the Wonderland Trail in 2 years and eventually the PCT. This body of mine is going to get in shape because I've got places to go and things to see!