Losing motivation? Weird issues?
honkinballs
Posts: 34 Member
I've contemplated posting this here what with putting a name to a face and all, but whatever, I'm at a point I'm starting to not care anymore.
In June 2016 I started seriously losing weight, and even though I believe I could be further down in pounds vs where I am now I'm proud to be around 110 pounds lighter. Something is happening though. See, I have about 70 - 80 pounds left to lose, and you'd think hey I've lost this much already it shouldn't be too bad right?
At the gym I'm becoming less and less focused, sometimes I just don't want to be there. Beforehand I really liked going to the gym, kind of my home away from home. Friends I've made there have since left and I still feel that weird "everyone is looking at the fat guy" phase which I should be LONG over with. Or maybe it's just me judging myself too hard? Every day I look at myself and while I see progress I also see disgust in how I managed to let myself get to this point in the first place.
My grandmother has been nagging me for the past year or so to just up and get married. She doesn't understand things aren't like they used to be. I try to take it with a grain of salt, she's just getting older. But I know that I am getting older too, and her nagging is getting in my head. I don't know how that factors in to this other than it's starting to take up more and more of my thinking vs focusing on bettering myself. I'm not very good with women... Hell, with people in general. Let me explain it like this; you ever see Shawshank Redemption? Where that old guy has been in prison for so long when he is finally released he doesn't know how to cope being in public again? I kind of feel like that. I've let myself out of mega fatty prison and in the off-chance people approach me I get defensive. I don't know how to handle it.
Weekends are getting worse. I'm finding myself wanting to binge eat more and more. I'll have one cheat meal just to stop going crazy from the week before, but I want to escalate it even more. I keep stopping myself but I don't know how much willpower I have left.
Anyone else know what I'm talking about? Am I just making a fuss over nothing? I desperately want to get this weight off of me and start living life like I'm supposed to, and it's taken me this long to get half way there. I used to be really depressed back then, gym time mostly helped that, but I feel like it's creeping back. There's no god damn way I'll go back to 300 pounds though, how do I get through this?
In June 2016 I started seriously losing weight, and even though I believe I could be further down in pounds vs where I am now I'm proud to be around 110 pounds lighter. Something is happening though. See, I have about 70 - 80 pounds left to lose, and you'd think hey I've lost this much already it shouldn't be too bad right?
At the gym I'm becoming less and less focused, sometimes I just don't want to be there. Beforehand I really liked going to the gym, kind of my home away from home. Friends I've made there have since left and I still feel that weird "everyone is looking at the fat guy" phase which I should be LONG over with. Or maybe it's just me judging myself too hard? Every day I look at myself and while I see progress I also see disgust in how I managed to let myself get to this point in the first place.
My grandmother has been nagging me for the past year or so to just up and get married. She doesn't understand things aren't like they used to be. I try to take it with a grain of salt, she's just getting older. But I know that I am getting older too, and her nagging is getting in my head. I don't know how that factors in to this other than it's starting to take up more and more of my thinking vs focusing on bettering myself. I'm not very good with women... Hell, with people in general. Let me explain it like this; you ever see Shawshank Redemption? Where that old guy has been in prison for so long when he is finally released he doesn't know how to cope being in public again? I kind of feel like that. I've let myself out of mega fatty prison and in the off-chance people approach me I get defensive. I don't know how to handle it.
Weekends are getting worse. I'm finding myself wanting to binge eat more and more. I'll have one cheat meal just to stop going crazy from the week before, but I want to escalate it even more. I keep stopping myself but I don't know how much willpower I have left.
Anyone else know what I'm talking about? Am I just making a fuss over nothing? I desperately want to get this weight off of me and start living life like I'm supposed to, and it's taken me this long to get half way there. I used to be really depressed back then, gym time mostly helped that, but I feel like it's creeping back. There's no god damn way I'll go back to 300 pounds though, how do I get through this?
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Replies
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If you don't have a partner, *kitten* everyone who says you should get married, no matter how sweet they are.
As for the gym, perhaps it is time to try something new and make new friends. Would you be interested in a team sport, like soccer, volleyball or hockey? Perhaps something not done in a gym, like dancing.
You need to get weekends under control now, as you will need to control the vast majority of your weekends in order to avoid rebounding. Again, change the routine. Are you going off the rails because you are depressed? Find a therapist. Bored? Find a new hobby? Only have friends who want to spend the weekend eating pizza, drinking beer and watching sports? Go out and do the sportsing instead of watching. Already doing the sportsing and the team wants to go out for pizza and beer after? Tell them you need your beauty sleep or you are giving up beer for a month, but you would love a slice of pizza.17 -
Have a you taken a formal diet break?
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10604863/of-refeeds-and-diet-breaks/p1
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I don’t know the answer, OP, but I will put a couple ideas out there.
1) have you ever done a “full diet break” like described here https://bodyrecomposition.com/fat-loss/the-full-diet-break.html/? Something to consider. Gives you a little more energy, gives some hormones a boost, gives you a change of pace and a chance to practice maintenance.
2) Related to the above, our outlooks can be strongly influenced by nutrition and energy balance. Aside from upping intake to maintenance for a couple weeks, when was the last time you tweaked macros? Are you sure you’re covering your minimums? Esp fat and protein?
3) I’m sure your grandmother loves you and means well but that would make me feel bad, too. The emotional eating is a tough habit to break. How did you deal with emotional eating when you were in the groove with what you’ve lost so far? You wouldn’t be where you are if you haven’t already found a way to address this. Think back on the wisdom and self knowledge you have gained. The answer is within you somewhere. Personally, I feel like IDGAF binges, for me, are in the emotional eating spectrum, but I’m a LOT more susceptible when I’ve been eating too low too long.
You have done a phenomenal job so far. Props to you! Maybe it makes sense to consider a new approach for the remaining weight. At the very least, it makes sense to work with a smaller deficit/slower rate of loss as you near your goal. You may be surprised how much better you feel with a little more nutrition.7 -
I am sure this will sound like a chorus. But my first question is... how big is your purported (aimed for) deficit. Aim for something smaller than you have been. And yes, consider a diet break. And make sure you're meeting your fat and protein minimums.4
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Agree with all the suggestions above I've been there at -115lbs with 50 more to go easy to lose sight of ultimate goal. But find your joy best suggestion I can give if the gym is no longer fun find a new one or start home exercise hopefully with summer coming you can get out more and get over winter funk.
It is very hard to get out of your own head I still see myself as the fat guy also I don't know how to change that myself yet. But I also see myself as the fit fat guy that can plank for minutes, do burpees, finish a 5K train for a 10K and generally do whatever I want now without physical limitations anymore.
It is a lifestyle so stick to it speak to grandma see if she has friends with a cute granddaughter never know what might happen.5 -
Hang in there! It sounds as though you are a little down at the moment. You made friends at the gym before - and I think this is the key for you, to make some more connections and friendships. Focus on friendship and connecting with people more than on "getting married". I like some of the other ideas above, especially @concordancia 's idea about joining a team. Put your self out there. You have a lot to offer and I am just guessing you have a heart of gold.
PS - don't give up on the logging and so-forth. Weight gain is really not want you need or want right now.2 -
Great advice here from everyone. Keep going.... you're worth it !!! You've come so far ....don't lose sight of your ultimate goal....take care and be kind to yourself xx3
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Try changing one (or more) of your goals. I was where you are a few weeks ago. For some reason, finally weighing myself and seeing that I wasn't as heavy as I thought I was, depressed me. I started having trouble reaching my daily Fitbit calorie burn goal.
Believe it or not, deciding not to weigh myself again for a month, and slightly increasing my daily calorie burn goal gave me renewed purpose and I started exceeding my daily goal.
So maybe readjusting/re-evaluating your end goal(s) might give you the boost you need to get you over this hump.
(BTW: I was starting to struggle with the weekend "cheat day triggering the desire to binge" also. I decided to get rid of the cheat day mentality. Much too tempting to return to old habits. Once a food-a-holic, always a food-a-holic in my case.)4 -
Have you thought about finding people in your area for group activities? Look for something you like to do or maybe something out of your comfort zone. Try looking on social media for local activities. Sometimes when I get at a "tired of all this" place with my diet and exercise I get out on my bike with friends. I'm not sure of your area (mountains, city, rural) but look for hiking, biking, park runs, or charity 5ks. Outdoor activities saved my sanity
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Time for a diet break!
Eat at maintenance calories for a few weeks, this will allow hormone levels to reset.
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honkinballs wrote: »I've contemplated posting this here what with putting a name to a face and all, but whatever, I'm at a point I'm starting to not care anymore.
In June 2016 I started seriously losing weight, and even though I believe I could be further down in pounds vs where I am now I'm proud to be around 110 pounds lighter. Something is happening though. See, I have about 70 - 80 pounds left to lose, and you'd think hey I've lost this much already it shouldn't be too bad right?
At the gym I'm becoming less and less focused, sometimes I just don't want to be there. Beforehand I really liked going to the gym, kind of my home away from home. Friends I've made there have since left and I still feel that weird "everyone is looking at the fat guy" phase which I should be LONG over with. Or maybe it's just me judging myself too hard? Every day I look at myself and while I see progress I also see disgust in how I managed to let myself get to this point in the first place.
My grandmother has been nagging me for the past year or so to just up and get married. She doesn't understand things aren't like they used to be. I try to take it with a grain of salt, she's just getting older. But I know that I am getting older too, and her nagging is getting in my head. I don't know how that factors in to this other than it's starting to take up more and more of my thinking vs focusing on bettering myself. I'm not very good with women... Hell, with people in general. Let me explain it like this; you ever see Shawshank Redemption? Where that old guy has been in prison for so long when he is finally released he doesn't know how to cope being in public again? I kind of feel like that. I've let myself out of mega fatty prison and in the off-chance people approach me I get defensive. I don't know how to handle it.
Weekends are getting worse. I'm finding myself wanting to binge eat more and more. I'll have one cheat meal just to stop going crazy from the week before, but I want to escalate it even more. I keep stopping myself but I don't know how much willpower I have left.
Anyone else know what I'm talking about? Am I just making a fuss over nothing? I desperately want to get this weight off of me and start living life like I'm supposed to, and it's taken me this long to get half way there. I used to be really depressed back then, gym time mostly helped that, but I feel like it's creeping back. There's no god damn way I'll go back to 300 pounds though, how do I get through this?
Asking for advice certainly helps, although if this is deep seated, maybe somebody professional will be better. We are just folks on the internet who care enough to post on these forums. Some of us are wrong about stuff. Some of are right. Most of us are both. So whatever you read here, apply your own context to and research what you find questionable.
My 2 cents (or less) is that you may benefit from setting your focus on something other than your goal. That's not to say that you should lose your goal. Far from it. Instead, ask yourself what gives you joy? I can't answer that for you, but I would recommend looking what you've accomplished so far. What you've done is not common. It's more common in this community, but not overall. You've learned completely new life skills. If you can learn them in this arena you can learn them in just about any other. I am sure you are confident in the skills you now have to better yourself. Guess what? It's not a lot different when it comes to other skills too. At some point, you made a decision to come this far. That means you are capable of making decisions. So decide to apply the learning skills you used for this to other things. I know this is cliché, but get up one more time than you fall down (we're not skillful at everything, but we can try a lot of things right?)
I can't tell you how to arrest the binge eating thing, but....the earlier advice in this thread suggesting diet breaks and refeeds is something I would highly recommend. If you've been at a deficit for a long time, there is extra stress and hormone stuff going on in your body. A week or two at maintenance will help to reset that stuff. (Read the linked thread for details - good stuff in there). In the long-term, there is no way taking a break like that will hurt the pursuit of your goals. If you eat at maintenance for awhile, I believe you'll be much less likely to binge.
Personally, I do a refeed now every 4 weeks when I'm trying to cut my weight. For me it helps. Give that a try.7 -
There's a website/phone app called Meetup. There's all kind of social groups on there for all kinds of shared interests - especially for singles. Most clubs are free to join. I'm in a hiking group and outdoor adventures club.
A diet break as others have mentioned could be very beneficial. Sometimes we need time and effort to not only to improve our selves physically, but also mentally and spiritually.7 -
I wonder if you are suffering from depression? It might be good to get assessed for that.3
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I'm down 125 with a bit to go. So I get where you are at.
I'd do a break as suggested above, and I'd find another goal that complements the weight loss. I am doing a 1/2 marathon in June and am working up to it, so a training program that takes the focus off of losing weight and onto how far I run each week. And, it means I have a plan for weekends.
But I think that a diet break is really needed and, if that doesn't change your mindset, consider counseling. From your post I'd be worried about depression setting in.7 -
See if this resonates with you. A hundred pound loss is a spectacular achievement. You really deserve to celebrate that achievement and anchor that in your soul.
Now comes the tough part. Even though our society disdains obesity and pities the fat, it doesn’t treat big losers much better (envy, angst?). You still have a big life in front of you.
I think you need a new goal, maybe fitness related. I follow John Glaude on YouTube. A super positive guy with a genuine interest in the struggles in overcoming obesity. He has gotten in to CrossFit lately and it seems to me he gets a great deal of pleasure in hitting new fitness goals.
Something like that.
Fitness goals will also get you to where you want to be, though a little slower, and it will help you stay in a positive frame of mind for when a great woman floats in to your life.4 -
Hey, to echo some of the others maybe it is time for a change. Learn something new, go at your gym time differently, maybe even try a different gym. I have lost and regained and repeat over the years and I think things just get stale sometimes and we need new excitements for motivation. My husband and I signed up for a small group dance lesson. Woah! Did we ever realize how much cardio is needed for even basic steps, but realized that we also really enjoy it and it is a great change up to one of our evenings of tv and kid wrangling every week. I have fiddled with my gym routine enough over the years to know that I have to change it up seasonally or I get bored. I lift regularly but have to alternate between my cardio routines or I cant convince myself to do anything. But Running in the spring, backpacking mid summer to early winter(less hiking in the spring and early summer due to bear activity), fall and winter I challenge myself with Beachbody workouts a few times a week, and snowshoeing and cross country skiing keep me on the go. Even the lifting sometimes has less structure and more play and then I get back on program and see a gain or improvement when I am fresh again and am all the more motivated.
I am also someone who would never go out and see people if I was not forced, so the dancing is good for me and I make a point to go “out” at least once a week with a friend. Coffee, supper, escape room, group hike. Whatever I can do to curb my hermit type personality.
Anyway, long and drawn out, but change things up and see if that helps at all. Hiking, biking, swimming, bodybuilding, etc. Take a class either related or unrelated to fitness, cooking maybe? The focus on “marriage” your grandmother has is odd. Just find and then do what interests you and you will come across like minded people. And, great loss! I would bet you feel wonderful!!1 -
honkinballs wrote: »I've contemplated posting this here what with putting a name to a face and all, but whatever, I'm at a point I'm starting to not care anymore.
In June 2016 I started seriously losing weight, and even though I believe I could be further down in pounds vs where I am now I'm proud to be around 110 pounds lighter. Something is happening though. See, I have about 70 - 80 pounds left to lose, and you'd think hey I've lost this much already it shouldn't be too bad right?
At the gym I'm becoming less and less focused, sometimes I just don't want to be there. Beforehand I really liked going to the gym, kind of my home away from home. Friends I've made there have since left and I still feel that weird "everyone is looking at the fat guy" phase which I should be LONG over with. Or maybe it's just me judging myself too hard? Every day I look at myself and while I see progress I also see disgust in how I managed to let myself get to this point in the first place.
My grandmother has been nagging me for the past year or so to just up and get married. She doesn't understand things aren't like they used to be. I try to take it with a grain of salt, she's just getting older. But I know that I am getting older too, and her nagging is getting in my head. I don't know how that factors in to this other than it's starting to take up more and more of my thinking vs focusing on bettering myself. I'm not very good with women... Hell, with people in general. Let me explain it like this; you ever see Shawshank Redemption? Where that old guy has been in prison for so long when he is finally released he doesn't know how to cope being in public again? I kind of feel like that. I've let myself out of mega fatty prison and in the off-chance people approach me I get defensive. I don't know how to handle it.
Weekends are getting worse. I'm finding myself wanting to binge eat more and more. I'll have one cheat meal just to stop going crazy from the week before, but I want to escalate it even more. I keep stopping myself but I don't know how much willpower I have left.
Anyone else know what I'm talking about? Am I just making a fuss over nothing? I desperately want to get this weight off of me and start living life like I'm supposed to, and it's taken me this long to get half way there. I used to be really depressed back then, gym time mostly helped that, but I feel like it's creeping back. There's no god damn way I'll go back to 300 pounds though, how do I get through this?
Wow. You really have a lot coming down on you at one time. Some of what you're looking at right now is familiar, so I'll try to address what I recognize.
See, I have about 70 - 80 pounds left to lose, and you'd think hey I've lost this much already it shouldn't be too bad right? Not at all. It gets harder as we go on, not easier. At 110 lbs down, your body is very different from when you started -- hormonally, muscularly -- and the rules have been changing very slowly. You probably didn't notice that until you were a long way into it. To keep moving forward, you're going to need to change some of the things you do.
A number of posters have mentioned a diet break. That's not a free-for-all where you run out and eat all the everything you've been restricting for nearly two years. It's an intentional two week period -- with a set beginning and end date -- where you eat at your maintenance calories. You know at the start that you're going to get back to your calorie deficit in fourteen days. The diet break will help reset your hormones (leptin, ghrelin, cortisol and all their busy little cousins) and get you on the road to your next chapter. By all means read the first post here and watch/listen to the podcast. The thread is massive, and there are nuggets of information all through it, but most of the important stuff is in the recap.
My grandmother has been nagging me for the past year or so to just up and get married. You know your grandmother loves you very much, but this is a time when you can just stop listening to her. She wants nothing more for you than that you should be happy, and she thinks that's a simple answer. And of course it's not. The only person you will always wake up with is yourself, and you deserve to be happy with that person first. Find out the things that make you happy, pick one to start with, and go practice that thing. While you're involved with those things you love you'll probably become whole enough to be happy with someone else, too. And that's when that person will turn up.
Am I just making a fuss over nothing? Good Lord, no. This is your life, and suddenly it's looking to you as though the life you want might be within your grasp. After living in that "prison", it's a hella scary thought. You don't have to go leaping into the daylight all at once. Start small.
I've lost about 97 lbs and have rather a way to go, too. I'm female and rather older than you, but I've worked through a lot of these issues with help from friends and posters here on MFP. Your way will probably be different, but none of it is weird or irrational or fatal. It just feels huge. Blessings on you, my friend, and please keep posting here.6 -
Hey everyone, just wanted to say I am still reading through the thread, I appreciate everyone's input and can make a more thoughtful post after work and crossfit today.8
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Sometimes we lose weight with the expectations that weight loss will solve all are social problems because we are thin. We think the cure is being thin. I have been both thin and big! Nothing changes mentally in us but our self-esteem I suffer from loneliness this stems in me from childhood. It a mental condition. I know one thing 4 sure is that nothing will change even if your thin and it makes us discourage then we are right back to where we started. It is mental issues that being thin can't address. Been there I know.4
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Been there, maybe not in exact details, but certainly in exact mood and outlook. This is when I do what I call 'Kissing Frogs". Force yourself to go do something new. Actually, 3-4 things new. With strangers. Doesn't much matter what it is as long as it's not self-destructive. Go to an author signing at the library, volunteer to walk dogs at the shelter 1 day a month, take a free salsa class (everyone will be new and klutzy), ride a segway, do a tourist thing in your city you've never done. Take a break from routine and be kind to yourself. It's amazing how the oddest frogs turn into something fun and enriching.
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I just wanted to give you some encouragement and say 'congratulations' on your weight loss. I am introverted and understand the social awkwardness.
If you can afford it, you may try seeing a personal trainer once a week. They can offer a fresh perspective, spark motivation, and if you find the right one, can help you work out some of the other stuff.
If you have a YMCA, this can be a great place to find a trainer on a sliding financial scale.
Don't give up!!!0 -
I have kind of struggled with this myself - not that I have lost as much as you have - but I think everyone at some point gets bored with the weight loss struggle. I think a diet break is a great idea, if you think you can get back on the wagon after the two weeks anyway. My solution was to join a new gym - with new classes and a pool where I can do new activities. Hopefully I will meet some new people in the process. I really have been debating going to a local bar that has line dance lessons, great new activity and a way to meet people, but I am not super comfortable getting out by myself. Sometimes we have to do scary things to point our lives in a new direction.
Lastly - did you celebrate your 110 pound loss or do you just look at how much more you want to lose. I think sometimes we forget to pat ourselves on the back for a job well done. You have already made significant changes to your health in the long run, even if you never lose another pound. Don't forget where you came from.1 -
A change in routine might be beneficial. Try hiking or joining a club, or switch up your exercise routine. It's not uncommon to get bogged down in the middle of any long process, and switching things up might be just enough to get you over the hump.
Oh, and if you can, tell your grandmother as politely as possible to stuff it.1 -
Honestly sounds to me like you need to break things up. New exercises, new activity.
You should try and find activity GROUPS. A sport, a hiking group, swimming group, etc. Purposely find all inclusive groups so you could meet the ladies. Meeting someone with similar hobbies and goals that you have (weight loss, body healthy, body positivity) is fantastic for finding potential partners.
What you're feeling at the gym, people feel in all sorts of situations. When work starts feeling like that, most people try to find new jobs or advancement.
Stop looking back. Look forward. Cliche I know, but true. There is literally nothing to be gained from blaming yourself and thinking of why/how you gained the weight in the first place, especially since you're on a path that is doing good.0 -
I think you have done a great job so far. I am watching my son go through this same thing--he has decided to lose weight and get back into activities he enjoys. In college he put on about 80 pounds, now he wants to get healthier and eventually get married. But it's hard for him to relate to people face to face because when he got heavy he was mostly socializing via internet. His solution was to join a team that does their activity together (it's this combat with foam 'weapons' thing!! not sure what to call it...) Anyway, my advice is the same as some others here: find a team or group you can be part of. It will provide new faces and friends, motivation and support. Best of luck and keep up the good work!0
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Well done so far, that's a lot of weight lost! You seem to have a lot of small issues going on that added togeather are starting to get overwhelming. I would write them down in a list then make several strategies for dealing with each one, when you find something that works for one issue you can cross it off. For example you say your friends have left the gym and you feel like the fat guy again, so try something new where there is a chance to meet different people and where everyone will just look at you as a new guy, maybe a different gym but may be better doing something like martial arts or dancing where you will be expected to be clumsy and uncoordinated to start but will soon see an improvement, also these type of activities give you a bit more interaction which will help with motivation. I took a diet break for a whole year before I was ready to start losing again, during this year I ate at mantanance and worked on fitness and strength now I've started to lose again but kept up the fitness routine so hoping to lose a decent amount this year but the exact numbers are not important, I know I'm a lot healthier than 5 years ago and I'm proud of myself both for weight and fitness and you should be proud of yourself aswell.2
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Congrats on your weight loss. Something that jumped out at me was you saying that you were waiting to live a full life until after you reached your weight loss goal. Your life is happening now, and you are worth living it right now to the fullest, whatever that means to you. Being thinner will not magically solve the other problems in your life, they will be waiting for you no matter what weight you are at. Weight loss is not a magic bullet in that respect.
Good luck!2
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