Finding the will to fight

Mikkimeow

Hi everyone, I am just looking for some encouragement, thoughts, advice.

I work three jobs. Full time 40 hours in logistics, one night a week at a friend's liquor store, and one overnight plus one weekend a month on call. For my 3rd part time job, I work for a domestic violence shelter as an advocate at hospitals for women/lgtbq individuals looking for help/resources. Last week, I had a call that was particularly traumatic. Police were involved and my client was brutalized by her abuser after he had just been released from jail for assaulting her four days before. I had an officer thank me for the help I give these women. That is probably the first time in my life since working nonprofit that someone has thanked me for something I have done... but since then I have felt so uneasy. I am not proud of myself. I was a dv victim once, and I got out. But the overwhelming number of women and children suffering daily that need assistance is staggering. Tomorrow I will be on call all night, and I will likely have to go out and speak with more women and men that have been abused and violated. It is exhausting... and I can feel myself becoming drained of emotion while simultaneously bursting with it. I cannot share this on my fb or other social media, as I have had former victims friend me and look to me for positivity and advice. As a single mom and advocate and someone trying to take care of their physical and mental health... I am tired of fighting sometimes.

It is manifesting into me being too tired to workout... I don't know if it is physical or mental, but I have lost all energy to lift and go to the gym. I have been eating decently, but not tracking. I have lost a total of 30 pounds in the last year and gained five back. I started out morbidly obese and it took me three years of yo yo dieting to figure out consistency and balance. I go on vacation in two weeks (my first ever big vaca!!) , and I am hoping this will help me reset and be able to work through whatever this is. That being said, how do I do this? How do we work out when we are exhausted, overwhelmed, not wanting to be around people? I power lift, and while I am saving for a home gym, the only place I can go is to my local gym after work.

Any advice or thoughts would be helpful... or if anyone would just like to talk.

kdbulger

Just shooting some ideas at you:

- Do you have an employee assistance program at any of your jobs where you can call and get some help with your compassion fatigue? Honestly, compassion fatigue is HUGE in the helping professions and you may need to just have an impartial ear to vent it all.
- On vacation, can you make it a priority to get a work-out done in the mornings before you set out on your adventures? This might get you back in the saddle. You'll have the whole rest of the day for fun and relaxation.
- Can you find other ways to move your body that aren't as tough for you to face right now? When I am facing trials in my life, I often dial it back. I might stop going to the gym or running, but I keep walking/dancing/moving my body in whatever way seems non-intimidating that day and it's like a placeholder for my motivation. A walk with a podcast is more therapeutic than it is a "work out" but the intentional movement is the habit I wish to maintain.

88olds

I spent most of my life as a professional helper. As a helper, you’re a limited resource. You can’t fix the world, you can’t fix DV. You can only try to help the person in front of you. Trust me on this, if you can’t leave most of it at work most of the time, get out.

Life has limits. Better start accepting some. Start with you. Your heart may be breaking for the people (and yourself) but you need to do some work with your head. How much can you take? But it need not be all or nothing. Can’t the DV people give you a couple of days off? Can’t you tell them you need to do less or you need to get out? They may resist but so what? There may be other avenues to help others besides the one you are involved with.

I found solace at the gym. I find it troubleing that you don’t. Makes me think you’ve crossed some sort of line that you ought not to. Is the on call the DV work, your day job or the liquor store? Why not bail on the liquor store? Wouldn’t be so much DV if there wasn’t so much drinking.

Give yourself a break. Really.