The Face Problem

saraonly9913

Ok. So, I lost a lot of weight but have not reached my goal yet. At least 4 people have commented on my face recently. Basically telling me I'm getting too thin and that my face no longer looks good........ Believe me, it seems as if overnight my face has aged 10 years. It has shocked me. I imagine I'm looking at a facelift if I can ever afford it. I'm 49.

Has anyone experienced this? How have you handled it? How has it affected your self esteem? Have you made peace with your face as it is?

Thanks.

Jrpwgr

yes. fat fills out your face. when you lose fat, if you're 'of a certain age', the fat no longer is there to plump out your skin and suddenly your wrinkles that have been developing naturally the last few years, are evident. A fatter face also has the same visual signature of a child's face, making people look younger than they are. If you've been carrying a lot of extra fat in your face, the fat has stretched your facial skin out beyond where it would be naturally, and when you take away the fat, the over-stretched skin sags. That happens all over a body that loses a lot of weight. for me, it is what it is. Yes, kind of a surprise to watch the changes, but I'd rather be healthy and Im happy with the choice. This is me, and my GAINING WEIGHT stretched my skin out beyond its normal boundaries. That was my dumb fault to stretch my skin, now I get to have the saggy.

saraonly9913

Jrpwgr wrote: »

yes. fat fills out your face. when you lose fat, if you're 'of a certain age', the fat no longer is there to plump out your skin and suddenly your wrinkles that have been developing naturally the last few years, are evident. A fatter face also has the same visual signature of a child's face, making people look younger than they are. If you've been carrying a lot of extra fat in your face, the fat has stretched your facial skin out beyond where it would be naturally, and when you take away the fat, the over-stretched skin sags. That happens all over a body that loses a lot of weight. for me, it is what it is. Yes, kind of a surprise to watch the changes, but I'd rather be healthy and Im happy with the choice. This is me, and my GAINING WEIGHT stretched my skin out beyond its normal boundaries. That was my dumb fault to stretch my skin, now I get to have the saggy.

Thank you for your inspiring and honest answer. By the way, s·cks, huh?

Ralphone

More then a few people told I was to thin . Started at 260 was down to 194 ar 204 now.I think it because people are use to see someone heavy not thin like you may be now. As long as you are ok with it dont worry about . Tell the haters to back off. Good luck

fatty_cakezxoxo

First and foremost , those people are rude ! What's most important is your health and all the other great benefits from weight loss ! But yes , sadly losing weight does make us appear to be older I've been using collagen cream and anti wrinkle creams since the start of my weightloss (I'm 30) . but if those don't work I will be getting fillers ( a cheaper alternative to an invasive face lift ) . Hope this helps !

Jrpwgr

fatty_cakezxoxo wrote: »

First and foremost , those people are rude !

Why are they rude? Here is an astonishing change taking place right in front of their eyes. They are used to seeing sara the way she was, and the big change is unsettling to them. Sara is not the only person in the world, they are too. Should they walk with their eyes down so they don't see, or do you think they should pretend nothing is happening? Its happening right in front of their eyes. To them, it doesn't look good. They are being open and honest. Ill take openly honest people > fake pretending nothing is going on, any day of the week, for me!

then again, Im the woman who ...IF I ASK YOU IF these pants make my *kitten* look fat, I want the truth. Not a lie we both know is just to be politically correct. HONESTY should always be valued, not derided as 'rude'.

pariskathryn

Jrpwgr wrote: »

fatty_cakezxoxo wrote: »

First and foremost , those people are rude !

HONESTY should always be valued, not derided as 'rude'.

Did Sara ask what they thought of her face? Cause doesn’t sound like it. Unsolicited, especially negative, comments about somebody else’s body are gross and rude.

30kgin2017

I've seen people on here say the same thing and that after a while it settled down and they didnt look gaunt anymore. Not sure if they just got used to it or like the extra skin on arms, legs etc it was just time that gave the skin a chance to shrink back somewhat.

NHDaisy2

If someone came up to me and just decided to tell me that I was getting too thin and my face no longer looked good - I would call that rude. Especially, if I didn't ask them their opinion. To me it's different if we solicit the opinions/advice vs. they just offer their unsolicited opinions/advice.

fatty_cakezxoxo

Jrpwgr wrote: »

fatty_cakezxoxo wrote: »

First and foremost , those people are rude !

Why are they rude? Here is an astonishing change taking place right in front of their eyes. They are used to seeing sara the way she was, and the big change is unsettling to them. Sara is not the only person in the world, they are too. Should they walk with their eyes down so they don't see, or do you think they should pretend nothing is happening? Its happening right in front of their eyes. To them, it doesn't look good. They are being open and honest. Ill take openly honest people > fake pretending nothing is going on, any day of the week, for me!

then again, Im the woman who ...IF I ASK YOU IF these pants make my *kitten* look fat, I want the truth. Not a lie we both know is just to be politically correct. HONESTY should always be valued, not derided as 'rude'.

Honesty and being rude are two totally different things .. if someone is wearing an outfit that doesn't suit them and they ASK my opinion I give it . If it is a close family member or friend I might just tell them .. but an outfit can be changed .. your face can not .. when someone is on a journey to living a healthy lifestyle and changing their body for the better to say they look old and bad without anyone asking your opinion is very RUDE.

seltzermint555

I think over time you (and others around you) just get used to it and come to prefer your new thinner face. That is what happened for me. I had several "holy moly" moments in front of mirrors or passing my reflection in glass and thinking "that is someone's old aunt" or "I look like my dad when he was young! Weird!" It's an adjustment when you lose a lot of weight.

I also thought I had a lot of "new" wrinkles after weight loss and looking back at older photos from 6-7 years ago, I already had those wrinkles on my heavier face. Sometimes we're our own worst critics. Try to roll with it.

gaelicstorm

Honesty does not have to be rude. It is called social skills. There are some things that we might think in our minds or discuss with close friends that aren't appropriate if said to an acquaintance, especially if the comment was unsolicited. This is lesson I'm currently working on with my son, who has high-functioning autism. He is brutally honest, but that doesn't mean it isn't rude. Looking at a waitress and saying, "where is my food?" is rude, even if it is an honest comment on slow service.

Jrpwgr

[/quote]
Honesty and being rude are two totally different things [/quote]
You're right. Honesty is stating facts, and whether someone is being rude is an opinion.
It is a fact that sara is looking older, she is shocked at it herself and says so. So others notice this fact. When they notice this fact and talk about it, it's your opinion they are being rude. You don't want them to notice the facts. Why?

Most people call 'rude' just those facts they aren't comfortable hearing.
You just don't like what someone has to say, so you call it rude, so you don't have to feel uncomfortable. That's the paradigm. But you aren't the boss of them. They live in the world too, and their mouths and their opinions are theirs, not yours to control. And calling people rude over THEIR notice of a fact, is just a way to try to shut them up to keep YOU from feeling uncomfortable about the facts. It makes you feel better to call them rude when they notice the FACT of your weight loss, because you feel bad about yourself.

You know, this is a common type of post though on MPF, that "OMG someone said something to me about my weight loss!" and people like you jump in with 'THEY ARE BEING RUDE" because you can't control what other people see or do or say and oh my, you want to. That raises a very interesting psychological question. We are in the weight loss predicament we are in now, because we have no SELF control, and we are learning self-control and discipline. So while we are learning internal self-control, I think we try to project our control onto others, and control every external aspect about our weight loss as well. So we want to try to control what others say and think about our weight loss journeys. That's not possible.
We should get back on track with our own control and let others control themselves.

gaelicstorm

"You are losing too much weight" is only a fact when it comes from a trained medical professional.
"Your face doesn't look good" is not a fact, it is a perception.

People can feel free to express their opinions but should also be prepared for the reactions and consequences--which are likely that other people find you to be rude.

RunStart34

Ralphone wrote: »

More then a few people told I was to thin . Started at 260 was down to 194 ar 204 now.I think it because people are use to see someone heavy not thin like you may be now. As long as you are ok with it dont worry about . Tell the haters to back off. Good luck

I agree. I had a lot of people compliment me on my weight loss. However, I've yet to reach my normal BMI which is 2lbs from it and 10lbs from my goal weight. Currently i have more and more people saying I am getting to thin and maybe i should stop. However, its the same people who have seen me overweight since they knew me. They didn't know me when i actually was thinner. The first place they did notice was my face. I guess they didn't know i had check bones before??

Tacklewasher

Jrpwgr wrote: »

then again, Im the woman who ...IF I ASK YOU IF these pants make my *kitten* look fat, I want the truth.

It's not the pants that make you look fat.......

noumena_

Well I'm editing this post cause I just went on a rant, and that's not what I'm here for. Awesome weight loss, OP. I bet you look beautiful regardless of what they say.

saraonly9913

fatty_cakezxoxo wrote: »

First and foremost , those people are rude ! What's most important is your health and all the other great benefits from weight loss ! But yes , sadly losing weight does make us appear to be older I've been using collagen cream and anti wrinkle creams since the start of my weightloss (I'm 30) . but if those don't work I will be getting fillers ( a cheaper alternative to an invasive face lift ) . Hope this helps !

fatty_cakezxoxo wrote: »

First and foremost , those people are rude ! What's most important is your health and all the other great benefits from weight loss ! But yes , sadly losing weight does make us appear to be older I've been using collagen cream and anti wrinkle creams since the start of my weightloss (I'm 30) . but if those don't work I will be getting fillers ( a cheaper alternative to an invasive face lift ) . Hope this helps !

fatty_cakezxoxo wrote: »

First and foremost , those people are rude ! What's most important is your health and all the other great benefits from weight loss ! But yes , sadly losing weight does make us appear to be older I've been using collagen cream and anti wrinkle creams since the start of my weightloss (I'm 30) . but if those don't work I will be getting fillers ( a cheaper alternative to an invasive face lift ) . Hope this helps !

I've been bad with using creams. Doubt they'd do me much help. Good idea on the fillers. I'll look into that. I did find some people's comments rude. With one or two, I genuinely believe they didn't mean any harm at all.

saraonly9913

pariskathryn wrote: »

Jrpwgr wrote: »

fatty_cakezxoxo wrote: »

First and foremost , those people are rude !

HONESTY should always be valued, not derided as 'rude'.

Did Sara ask what they thought of her face? Cause doesn’t sound like it. Unsolicited, especially negative, comments about somebody else’s body are gross and rude.

No, I did not ask. It was sort of sad. The truth hurts but I saw it myself. How could I blame them......to a point!

saraonly9913

Ralphone wrote: »

More then a few people told I was to thin . Started at 260 was down to 194 ar 204 now.I think it because people are use to see someone heavy not thin like you may be now. As long as you are ok with it dont worry about . Tell the haters to back off. Good luck

They didn't see me at my heaviest. I don't think they were haters. In fact I think for one or two they said it so innocently they didn't even realize what they were really saying. I'm not really ok with it. There's just no sense in doing anything at this time. I'm not at goal weight.......then, could I even afford to do anything about it !?

saraonly9913

seltzermint555 wrote: »

I think over time you (and others around you) just get used to it and come to prefer your new thinner face. That is what happened for me. I had several "holy moly" moments in front of mirrors or passing my reflection in glass and thinking "that is someone's old aunt" or "I look like my dad when he was young! Weird!" It's an adjustment when you lose a lot of weight.

I also thought I had a lot of "new" wrinkles after weight loss and looking back at older photos from 6-7 years ago, I already had those wrinkles on my heavier face. Sometimes we're our own worst critics. Try to roll with it.

Oh I'm trying to roll with it! Hard sometimes. I really like MFP. I don't feel so alone. Thank you for sharing. Ughhhh my neck too !!