"Jealousy" from gym mates

H_Dubbs

Looking for a little support from gym rats who get it…

I work out in a women’s only gym, both on my own and in small personal training groups. It’s been 4 years and I frequently see the same faces, share equipment etc. It’s a “family” atmosphere and for the most part extremely supportive.

My hard work over time has paid off, my body shows it as does my ability but I still have goals and want to improve.

I’m starting to get comments from others who are not as advanced as me like “show off” and “oh of course YOU can do that”. They smile to pass it off as a joke but I’m getting tired of it.

I try to be encouraging to others, I will offer help if I’m asked but do not PUSH help on anyone. It’s a social environment and I do like to have fun and interact with people. You will see me celebrate progress but I do not BRAG about it (at least not in the gym, I come here and do it

L1zardQueen

Maybe they were just kidding around with you. I often talk trash to my friends, they know I’m joshing them. Sounds like more like a compliment.

PixelPuff

This kind've applies all over the spectrum, not just at the gym. My old workplace was both my highest weight (nearing morbidly obese, just under) and my lowest weight. A difference of roughly 115lbs.

The difference is more than I currently weigh (and I've put back on 10lbs the last two months, ffff).

Got comments at old workplace, and new one, where I've mostly maintained my weight for a year. Just this last week, I had someone seriously tell me to "eat a damned sandwich" because I was cold. I was cold because they were holding open the door that leads into the warehouse, and I sit in the office. Our warehouse has big ol' doors for line hauls and trucks to come back up to... So lots of cold coming in, super early in the morning, sometimes snowing. Why? Good ol' Colorado.

How about I don't eat a damned sandwich, and you close the door to the friggin' offices.

I've also had people gripe at me if they see me eating healthy or drink my protein shake (giant tub in desk). I can't eat a veggie and chicken stir fry without people commenting. It isn't overly healthy, it's just a regular MEAL. Not even chicken breast, I went for some fatty, yummy chicken thigh.

And, "Oh, you don't need to go to the gym after work, look at you, you'll waste away to nothing." Not everyone goes to the gym to lose weight, Karen. I want to not be skinny-fat. I want the higher muscle mass to help me fill in the extra skin. I want my extra skin to retract a bit at my worst points from losing so much weight (thighs/stomach). Get swole. D<

Ranted a lil.

TACO7RK

It’s a compliment. Just know you’re inspiring like minded people.

andreaen

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but the best thing to do is probably to tell them how it makes you feel.

PixelPuff

To the people who is saying it is a compliment: Please never say these things to people intending it as a compliment. Just actually compliment them. If you were going to respond saying that you wouldn't say this to people... Exactly.

L1zardQueen

Telling someone Show Off? I’d pick better friends.

sijomial

It's not unusual to have certain trigger phrases that get under our skin.
They may not realise it's annoying you, on the other hand they may be deliberately being unpleasant, it might be intended as a back-handed compliment - until you talk to THEM about it you won't know for sure.

My particular trigger phrase is when people say to me "you're lucky". It normally gets the response "if you worked as hard as me you might get lucky too".
If I sense someone is just not being sensitive to how their use of words might be received then they may get a gentler response of course.

H_Dubbs

My original post got cut off there was more...


There’s a Schwarzenegger quote I use in my head “Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn”. I try to ignore the comments and focus on the many supportive comments I’ve received from my gym buddies. I wish I had a go to response I could use to shut them down.

It reminds me of elementary school when I purposely lost races because my friends didn’t like it when I beat them.

Anyone else have similar encounters, and how do you deal?

PixelPuff

H_Dubbs wrote: »

My original post got cut off there was more...


There’s a Schwarzenegger quote I use in my head “Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn”. I try to ignore the comments and focus on the many supportive comments I’ve received from my gym buddies. I wish I had a go to response I could use to shut them down.

It reminds me of elementary school when I purposely lost races because my friends didn’t like it when I beat them.

Anyone else have similar encounters, and how do you deal?

Maybe tell them if they are going to be negative, please keep it in their head? Or that if it was a compliment, please keep it a positive one (not a neg), because otherwise they are demotivating you.

It is honest in saying that you don't like those types of comments, but you can see where they are coming from and that it just isn't the type of 'joking' you want.

If they are being outright flippant about your gym routine, feeling like you are showing off, maybe ask if they want to work out together to try to improve what it is they are jealous of. You got where you are through hard work - so can they. You are wanting to improve, you aren't there to show off.

flowerhorsey

I just take those comments as a compliment or a joke.. the last time a couple days ago I said " yeah I don't know what I'm showing off, just my inadequacies" or something like that.. Or I comment on the weight they are working with.

cqbkaju

They are either jealous or trying -in a snarky way- to be complimentary.

Doesn't matter really. Try to ignore them and focus on your goals.
Otherwise it can distract you and start to mess with your head.
You could try talking to them about it and/or asking them not to be so rude, but many people are not willing to be confrontational.

The old adage comes to mind: "Obsessed is the word the Lazy use to describe the Dedicated."
If they think they are being complimentary they may eventually ask you for advice or help.
If they are truly being serious they might even follow it...

Just keep up the hard work.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

BNY721

I don’t pay any mind to that bs. I am a smart *kitten* and would just say damn straight and smile.

flowerhorsey

It seems more and more ppl aren't very self aware of how they come across when they say things.. I'm prob guilty too.. Of saying unfiltered stupid things in the gym lol.

BNY721

^^
True and some people are passive-aggressive *kitten*.

Jrpwgr

We women are our own worst enemies to each other. Ignore it. And I mean really ignore it. You can't control other people....your range of control stops at the boundary of your own skin.

JJordon

H_Dubbs wrote: »

Looking for a little support from gym rats who get it…

I work out in a women’s only gym, both on my own and in small personal training groups. It’s been 4 years and I frequently see the same faces, share equipment etc. It’s a “family” atmosphere and for the most part extremely supportive.

My hard work over time has paid off, my body shows it as does my ability but I still have goals and want to improve.

I’m starting to get comments from others who are not as advanced as me like “show off” and “oh of course YOU can do that”. They smile to pass it off as a joke but I’m getting tired of it.

I try to be encouraging to others, I will offer help if I’m asked but do not PUSH help on anyone. It’s a social environment and I do like to have fun and interact with people. You will see me celebrate progress but I do not BRAG about it (at least not in the gym, I come here and do it

This is why I workout at home.

jessef593

PixelPuff wrote: »

To the people who is saying it is a compliment: Please never say these things to people intending it as a compliment. Just actually compliment them. If you were going to respond saying that you wouldn't say this to people... Exactly.

I agree.


There are people at my gym who will straight up say good job or wow how long did it take to do that. I compliment others saying wow I you really surprised me withthat. Especially if I'm caught off guard by their feat of strength.

I too shared the condescending comments at my work places.

"Oh what are you doing eating that you shouldn't eat that if you workout."

"Why don't you eat something tasty for once and not like a rabbit"

"Oh hey how much does that steak weigh. 7oz or 8?" Obviously mocking logging my calories

Okiludy

At the gym I don’t get this at all. I go to a old school gym on a USMC base. The Marines either say nothing or compliment me honestly on my lifts/progression. It honestly is I great part of my day and let’s me deal with jerks rest of the day.

At work it’s another thing. The old “don’t lose too much weight” and the new “well you are gifted” comments. No I still could lose 5% body fat and god damn it I am not gifted. I worked my *kitten* off a year to get to this point. Don’t lessen my work and dedication because you don’t want to look at yourself.

lorrpb

Many people do not have good relational skills. Just leave it at that and don't let them annoy or offend you.

Rose18l

This is why I tend to like the guys at the gym more than the females.

Lounmoun

You can have a dialogue about how those comments make you feel, stop talking to those people or laugh it off.

I might ask them to explain what their issue is. Point out that you have worked hard to get to where you are. Ask if they are feeling frustrated with their progress?

ISweat4This

It may be their way of complementing you