Depression and Where to Start

New_Heavens_Earth

My stress and depression has returned and so has almost 20 lbs thanks to several 4000 or more calorie days per week, oversleeping, and missed exercise. I log them just to see the damage, then delete it because it makes me feel worse. I eat at maintenance, then at .5 lb deficit for a few days, and get an initial drop. Yay! Then the depression or anger comes back and the cycle repeats. Don't ask me how long, I'm suffering and don't care. All I know is my clothes aren't fitting right anymore, I'm angry and taking it out on everyone.

Aside from the acknowledged need for therapy, where do I start? Last time I was this low I went to WW and I have too much pride for that now. What do I do? Maintenance until I get things sorted out? I'm really hurting.

tinkerbellang83

Try and work out if something specific triggers the over-eating and come up with an alternative plan, something to distract you in a healthy way.

Maintenance for a short while at least does seem like a good idea.

Exercise is a great distraction and can help boost your mood, is there a type of workout or active hobby you enjoy, even something like gardening that gets you out of your own head and away from the kitchen.

cmriverside

Resentments and expectations used to be big triggers for my depression.

I had to find better coping tools.

There are many websites and spirituality books that can help. Find a way out, it exists. Whatever problem you have there is a solution. I'd say keep seeking. Also, too many carbs can bring on huge blood sugar swings which can exacerbate anxiety and depression. A good whole foods plan and sufficient protein and fats is the best way to go for steady moods.

~Blessings~

New_Heavens_Earth

cmriverside wrote: »

Resentments and expectations used to be big triggers for my depression.

~

Funny you mention this. This is the biggest trigger. I failed a test yesterday. Many people assumed I had it in the bag. So their disappointment, coupled with my own, really have me in a mood. I've been feeling loaded down with huge burdens for a while, plus dealing with my own shortcomings and others. Whenever I'm overwhelmed weight control is the first thing to go.
I've been so focused on losing I never made a maintenance Plan B for the hard times.

Thanks so much.

mbaker566

don't delete. face it. you did it. it's in the past. deal with it. your secrets can bind you in shame.
you need to come to a point where you are done making excuses. depression is real, anxiety is real but make plans with someone who will drag you out of the house kicking and screaming. I committed to teaching classes so i have to go to my yoga classes.
weight loss and healthy lives are not for those that just want it. they feel they need it. desperation is a gift. use it.

i've literally rolled out of bed because sitting up was too much work. i've slithered down the stairs because walking was tiresome. and sometimes i stay in bed because life is way too much of a bother. and that's ok too. sometimes, we need a break from the fight.

and my furballs keep me active too because they don't understand this thing depression. they still need to go outside. they still want my hugs. and they still love me even if i haven't brushed my teeth in a day or two

brandiyaya

Are you on any meds for your depression? There are some that increase weight gain and some that can actually help with weight loss.
I agree with not deleting the depression meals. There's a place you can make a note next to your meal logging and this can help you identify some of the things that are causing you to over eat.
Stay in touch with groups, even online. Reach out before you reach for a snack.

diannethegeek

This is going to sound cheesy, but I try to begin big tasks like weight loss or even just logging my food with forgiveness. It doesn't work right away and it's something we usually have to practice, but the more you do it the easier it gets (and I'm still not perfect about it even with therapy). You don't have to judge yourself, you don't have to confess your dietary sins or anything like that. Just when you start to log your food and the anxiety comes in say something like "oh yeah, that's my anxiety. I'm going to do this anyway." Or even "that's my anxiety and right now I just don't feel like doing this," depending on how the day goes. The important part is to acknowledge the depression or anxiety and name it so that your brain starts to separate those voices out as something different.

Also if there is anything that helps your depression (light box, vitamin D, exercise, whatever) see if you can start doing it more often. I hate my depression. It's terrible and fighting it is so so so draining every day. I often say that it's like fighting to get out from underneath a chainmaille blanket. I know I would feel better without it, but it's just too heavy and the struggle exhausts me. Any relief that you can get is a good thing. And I know how much we all hear this bs about just ~~get more sunlight~~ and everything will be magically cured. It won't be. That's not how depression works, but when you're down in the pit sometimes a little help goes a long way to fighting your way back out.

My therapist often asks me to maintain during depression or ignore the scale entirely. Sometimes adding that extra task and stress when you're just fighting for your life is too much. And, for me personally (everyone is different), calorie deficits often make my depression worse instead of better. Especially if I go too low on calories or carbs (again everyone is different). So, this might not be the right time to try and log. I don't know. Try it. See how not logging feels for a few days. MFP will always be here when you're ready and able to start logging again.

All that said, and I know you don't want to talk about it, I do hope you're able to get some therapy or some help from a doc if you're okay with antidepressants (I don't take them personally but they help a lot of people). Depression is a terrible fight just to keep yourself together some days and I hope that somewhere, somehow, you're able to get out from under this.

cmriverside

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

cmriverside wrote: »

Resentments and expectations used to be big triggers for my depression.

~

Funny you mention this. This is the biggest trigger. I failed a test yesterday. Many people assumed I had it in the bag. So their disappointment, coupled with my own, really have me in a mood. I've been feeling loaded down with huge burdens for a while, plus dealing with my own shortcomings and others. Whenever I'm overwhelmed weight control is the first thing to go.
I've been so focused on losing I never made a maintenance Plan B for the hard times.

Thanks so much.

Okay, I've failed tests too.

It was usually because it was something that absolutely did not interest me...or that I hadn't prepared properly beforehand.

I had to learn to stay in my own skin. What others expect of me are their problems.

If the test is important, you'll take it again and pass most likely.

I also had to learn to say, "No." Too many burdens (especially ones that aren't really mine to take on) will make me crash.

I'm good at, "No." now. I haven't had depression in years, but it does take a few shifts in thinking.

try2again

Will PM you soon, C.

mebelfanti

I've struggled with depression and anxiety for years and a lot of it is tied to my weight. I've found that regular exercise has really helped with my depression. If you can, try getting a personal trainer or signing up for some group exercise classes (Groupon usually has some good deals). I needed the accountability until I got into the habit of working out regularly.

Depression is no joke and it's so so hard. Go easy on yourself, talk to yourself like you would a friend. It's ok to feel what you're feeling. The good news is that you want to feel better and that's half the battle with depression. Just try making small and simple changes as you can and they will add up.

1BlueAurora

I've flunked a test and had to repeat the class. Totally felt awful and resentful I had to spend the money to re-do everything, and angry at myself. I found walking about a half hour outside helped. I actually stomped angrily through a lot of those walks, and berated myself, until after about a week I figured I'd punished myself enough. I found a pal to walk with who pointed out some positives about me, and we talked about her life (which kept me from totally focusing on my failure). Yeah, I wanted to eat and sleep a lot more. Yeah, sometimes I dwelled on the things I was screwing up. Sometimes I backslid, eating too much and floundering in depression. Therapy helped me. There is a point where you decide that you've beat yourself up for the past and now it's time to figure out how to cope with the present and move onward. It's doable. Good luck!

New_Heavens_Earth

Thank you everyone for the kind and helpful advice.

I will stop deleting the high calorie days. I do need to face them. Outdoor walks, especially near water really seem to help. And good music.

I'm not taking medication, but the thought bothers me as to how it might affect my weight.

I had a talk about how bad I felt with a friend and she reassured me I wasn't alone in my struggles, just keep pushing on and try again. Plus, it's time for me to have the delegation talk with the family again.

Thanks again.

mybigfat

May I suggest talking to a doctor. Getting medical help was the best thing I have ever done for myself.

2aycocks

Bless your heart. So many of us know how hard depression can be. EVERYTHING is overwhelming, you can't focus, mind feels fuzzy, limbs feel heavy, and some days you feel like you are treading water and the undertow is pulling you under. Please go talk to your doctor and tell them how you feel. Also tell of your concern about the weight gain. The sooner you get your depression under control, the sooner you will FEEL good, and can really focus on weight.
My prayers are with you.

kshama2001

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

Thank you everyone for the kind and helpful advice.

I will stop deleting the high calorie days. I do need to face them. Outdoor walks, especially near water really seem to help. And good music.

I'm not taking medication, but the thought bothers me as to how it might affect my weight.

I had a talk about how bad I felt with a friend and she reassured me I wasn't alone in my struggles, just keep pushing on and try again. Plus, it's time for me to have the delegation talk with the family again.

Thanks again.

I take Wellbutrin, an anti-depressant associated with weight loss rather than weight gain. I like it because it's just a little speedy.

I think regular exercise is actually even more helpful to me for depression. And extra exercise for periods of unusual stress.

cmriverside

try2again wrote: »

Will PM you soon, C.

Were you talkin' to me?

*checks inbox. Is disappoint*

try2again

cmriverside wrote: »

try2again wrote: »

Will PM you soon, C.

Were you talkin' to me?

*checks inbox. Is disappoint*

Sorry... didn't mean to get your hopes up

LZMiner

Don’t be afraid of medication. If you had high blood pressure or diabetes, you’d take something for it. Crippling depression is the same. See your doctor. They can offer something that will help. And yes, exercise—-especially by water—-is great. Hugs.

middlehaitch

About the failed test. Can you go talk to your prof, explain your circumstances, and ask for a retake?
Just a suggestion in case it was an end of course test where the whole course may have to be retaken and paid for.

Sorry, I have no constructive advice about depression.

Cheers, h.