"But you look so fat"

Eating lunch with grandma, having a casual conversation about diet and exercise:

me: anyway, I've managed to lose some weight this year and I'm only about 1kg overweight for my height, going by my weight this week :)
grandma: what? but you look so fat

Well. I know I'm not at my goal weight yet but ouch?
I said that I was literally about 1kg over what's usually considered the "normal" weight range and that I was aiming to lose a few more because I *really* don't carry weight well so I feel best around a BMI of 21-22 rather than the high end of it... but it just sounded like the weight I've lost past 4-5 months (roughly 9-10kg) is invisible to other people :(
I know I'm still chubby but I felt like I was making visible progress
How do you even respond to something like this without being rude or feeling really discouraged?


  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,933 Member
    @tcunbeliever - your grandmother must be my mother.
  • BattyKnitter
    BattyKnitter Posts: 503 Member
    Ugh the last time I saw my grandma she asked if I liked being this big, it completely crushed me and pissed off my hubby and Dad. Old people, they don't give a *kitten* and have no filter!
  • JaydedMiss
    JaydedMiss Posts: 4,286 Member
    LOL. Im sorry but try to see the funny, Elderly people have no filters and are grumpy xD My grampa loves to keep a pic of me at my fattest around and everytime i saw him for months hed say " Jesus christ you used to be SO FAT" Like grampa thats NOT okay.

    I shunned him whenever he said it and told him to stop eventually he did. In his mind he was complimenting me i know, They just sort of lose their mind at that age and dont really think things through lol
  • netitheyeti
    netitheyeti Posts: 539 Member
    She keeps bringing up that one time 6-7 years ago when my weight dropped to BMI 19 (I had 6+ months worth of dental issues, I unintentionally dropped a good 5-6kg below my goal/maintenance weight) and apparently I "looked so nice and slim" (I could count the ribs through my back and had the measurements of 30-22-34, no thank you)...

    I mean, I KNOW the upper end of "normal BMI" (I'm aware BMI is not ideal) is not a good weight for me, but I don't feel like I'm THAT far away from my goal - I was 64kg last weigh in, I'm aiming for 57kg... kinda made me think "if I look that huge now, am I even gonna look normal at my goal?"
    Yeah, grandma can be pretty critical.. while I appreciate it when the conversation is about how to improve my cooking recipes (she's amazing with baking and cooking) - it makes me wonder whether or not she's right and maybe noone else wants to hurt my feelings when I talk about my weight and my goals :P
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
    The things I would do for a Klondike bar are nothing compared to the things I would do for a 22" waist...holy cow!
  • DananaNanas
    DananaNanas Posts: 665 Member
    The things I would do for a Klondike bar are nothing compared to the things I would do for a 22" waist...holy cow!

    :D:D:D:D:D omg.. same.

    My response would've probably been something along the lines of "wow, ok." And then cut the person out of my life for awhile.
  • JaydedMiss
    JaydedMiss Posts: 4,286 Member
    To be honest, I don't think senior citizens deserve slack on stuff like this at all. It's 2018. Even if they are 90+ they should know enough to see how hurtful this is. I think it's plain mean and rude...OR they're losing tact due to becoming senile, which is sad. No in between to be honest.

    Going off my grampa, He used to be the sweetest guy ever hed go out of his way to help everyone and hed do anything to make anyone smile, No matter who they were. Hes now 87 and he still lives on his own, So hes not completely lost it or anything, But hes become racist and grumpy and mean. So no they dont deserve slack for rudeness, But yes i do think becoming old just changes the brain. I mean its obvious it does. I dont think he means to be rude i think the part of his brain that thinks things through and cares how it effects others is just dormant now. And likely the fact hes sore and old and bored just makes him grumpy so the mix of the two among other things makes it okay in his mind to act how he does now. Its sad he was such a nice guy lol i miss nice grampa
  • Elyseinchi
    Elyseinchi Posts: 71 Member
    I think you look fabulous. Never mind what anyone thinks... even your grandma... she probably did not mean harm..... just lket stuff like that go in one ear and out the other. The most important is that you are feeling better. :)
  • Crafty_camper123
    Crafty_camper123 Posts: 1,440 Member
    Just let it roll off of you like water off a duck's back. She probably didn't mean anything bad by it... and if she did, she's just mean and shouldn't be listened to anyways. What matters is that you are seeing results, and that you are feeling better. Based on you're before & after pics there is a noticable difference. For whatever reason, family seems to be worse then strangers for saying what they are thinking with no regard to being tactful and thinking about others' feelings. Just kill them with kindness, and don't let them be a blow to your confidence. If she continues to make remarks, then tell her how you feel. Tell her you don't appreciate when she talks to you that way. Especially considering how hard you've worked to get where you're at. Although I know that can be easier said then done with it being grandma & all.