Just need to vent - binged

laurenbastug

Hi Everyone,

I know there are countless threats on bingeing - I just needed a place to let it out for accountability.

I haven't had a binge episode in a few months and have been really feeling like I got to a good place with it. But yesterday got ugly - not going to bore you or remind myself with the details but I ate till I was so physically, uncomfortably full. It's never been that bad before. I literally had to stay home from work today because my stomach is still in so much pain.

I'm so pissed at myself but I'm thankful the ability to get back on track comes easily to me. I know and understand the importance of practicing healthy behaviors after an episode and I plan to eat as normal and not overexercise. I also know the importance of trying to understand the WHY so I can try and work through and prevent further episodes. It's just that, I cannot pinpoint any specific, conscious reason for this. I'm not overly stressed and it wasn't out of a place of emotional turmoil - I simply went to eat out with my family, ate my fill at dinner, took my leftovers and a dessert to go and continued to eat that when I got home. I was plenty full but I still chose to eat till discomfort.

I track macros and for the most part, I don't feel deprived. I even planned to fit what I was going to eat but it was portion size that basically flew out the window and I think the thought process of "I'm not going to be able to have this/eat like this again so I need to stuff it all in now". It's probably an extension of my all or nothing, black/white mentality. I just don't know how to address that.

If it was triggered by a stressful/emotional issue, I feel like I could address and work through that, but because it's simply I'm eating something that tastes so good and I don't want it to stop since I know it's not a regular occurrence it's harder for me to work through the psychology part of it so I can prevent it. To me - it just sounds like I have moments of severe lack of self control and I need to learn how to sense when that kind of moment is manifesting.

Sorry for the rant - just typing it out helps!

jjpptt2

A lot of us have been there, are there, will be there...

Every day is another chance to get it right. Let it out and move on... do better today, keep moving forward.

laurenbastug

@jjpptt2 thanks so much - you're so very right and I do plan to do better!

nowine4me

Google the Cram Circuit. It’s exactly what happened. And celebrate the fact that you can easily get back on track. It’s hard for many — myself included.

laurenbastug

@nowine4me thanks for sharing that, I'm going to watch it now. Yes, I understand and you're right - I should celebrate this.

JeromeBarry1

Cramming more circuits onto integrated circuits is what I DO!

saraonly9913

Why don't you include those "forbidden" foods in your eating so you won't feel deprived?

OrdinaryAnytime

Hi there-- I'm a former bulimic myself, and still struggle with binge episodes. I literally just had a whole binge weekend and am trying to bounce back without the negative reactions like over-exercising or mentally berating myself (which will inevitably lead to another binge in my case).

I wish I could give you really good advice, but honestly it sounds like you're on the right track. One of the biggest steps I took is just to forgive myself for the binging, which for me all but stopped the purging. The fact that you're analyzing your emotional/mental/stress state is a good start too, identifying triggers and all that. It probably isn't conscious, especially if you have a history of episodes like this. Sometimes it's just the act of letting your guard/focus down for just a moment and then your tastebuds take over and the poor eating auto-pilot kicks in.

I've been told before that if I want to overcome a craving like that, like if I feel a binge coming on, it's good to drink a GIANT glass of water and force yourself to wait at least 15 minutes before indulging. It doesn't always work to stop the binge, but you could spend those 15 minutes looking more closely at why you want to start eating again and maybe stop more of them than you would otherwise.

RunStart34

laurenbastug wrote: »

Hi Everyone,

I know there are countless threats on bingeing - I just needed a place to let it out for accountability.

I haven't had a binge episode in a few months and have been really feeling like I got to a good place with it. But yesterday got ugly - not going to bore you or remind myself with the details but I ate till I was so physically, uncomfortably full. It's never been that bad before. I literally had to stay home from work today because my stomach is still in so much pain.

I'm so pissed at myself but I'm thankful the ability to get back on track comes easily to me. I know and understand the importance of practicing healthy behaviors after an episode and I plan to eat as normal and not overexercise. I also know the importance of trying to understand the WHY so I can try and work through and prevent further episodes. It's just that, I cannot pinpoint any specific, conscious reason for this. I'm not overly stressed and it wasn't out of a place of emotional turmoil - I simply went to eat out with my family, ate my fill at dinner, took my leftovers and a dessert to go and continued to eat that when I got home. I was plenty full but I still chose to eat till discomfort.

I track macros and for the most part, I don't feel deprived. I even planned to fit what I was going to eat but it was portion size that basically flew out the window and I think the thought process of "I'm not going to be able to have this/eat like this again so I need to stuff it all in now". It's probably an extension of my all or nothing, black/white mentality. I just don't know how to address that.

If it was triggered by a stressful/emotional issue, I feel like I could address and work through that, but because it's simply I'm eating something that tastes so good and I don't want it to stop since I know it's not a regular occurrence it's harder for me to work through the psychology part of it so I can prevent it. To me - it just sounds like I have moments of severe lack of self control and I need to learn how to sense when that kind of moment is manifesting.

Sorry for the rant - just typing it out helps!

OMG!!! what you said has happen to me. I ate cause the food was good, i kept eating, and my stomach didn't feel full. It wasn't until I stop eating that I felt so full i seriously felt like i would blow up. I got so sick that night and the next day i couldn't even look at food. You would think I wouldn't let that happen again but 3 or 4 months later it did.

kshama2001

I pair trigger foods like pizza with BIG salads and make a point of taking small bites and chewing slowly. I can also depend on my OH to eat the rest of it. Not having leftovers makes things ever so much easier for me.

I have a real hard time with pints of ice cream. (Good ice cream, not that low fat and flavor faux stuff.) It's easier for me to just not have it in the house.

laurenbastug

saraonly9913 wrote: »

Why don't you include those "forbidden" foods in your eating so you won't feel deprived?

for the most part, if i want a specific food i will find a way to fit it into my plan, but this was just a moment of weakness. i planned to eat this much of X but i ate all of it plus Y and Z. i generally don’t feel deprived so it gets frustrated that i let these moments get as out of control as i do

laurenbastug

OrdinaryAnytime wrote: »

Hi there-- I'm a former bulimic myself, and still struggle with binge episodes. I literally just had a whole binge weekend and am trying to bounce back without the negative reactions like over-exercising or mentally berating myself (which will inevitably lead to another binge in my case).

I wish I could give you really good advice, but honestly it sounds like you're on the right track. One of the biggest steps I took is just to forgive myself for the binging, which for me all but stopped the purging. The fact that you're analyzing your emotional/mental/stress state is a good start too, identifying triggers and all that. It probably isn't conscious, especially if you have a history of episodes like this. Sometimes it's just the act of letting your guard/focus down for just a moment and then your tastebuds take over and the poor eating auto-pilot kicks in.

I've been told before that if I want to overcome a craving like that, like if I feel a binge coming on, it's good to drink a GIANT glass of water and force yourself to wait at least 15 minutes before indulging. It doesn't always work to stop the binge, but you could spend those 15 minutes looking more closely at why you want to start eating again and maybe stop more of them than you would otherwise.

Thank you so much for your response and I think you’re right - it definitely felt like auto pilot kicked in and any hope of reigning it in didn’t seem remotely possible. I really hope you can find peace with this too. Knowing we do this to ourselves and can be so willing and kind towards others makes me realize we have the capacity to be that towards ourselves. Hugs!

laurenbastug

OMG!!! what you said has happen to me. I ate cause the food was good, i kept eating, and my stomach didn't feel full. It wasn't until I stop eating that I felt so full i seriously felt like i would blow up. I got so sick that night and the next day i couldn't even look at food. You would think I wouldn't let that happen again but 3 or 4 months later it did.

It’s crazy! Like I could not get comfortable I was in so much pain. Sleep was miserable - couldn’t stop sweating, stomach was distended beyond belief, so terrible so you would think I learn! At the end of the day, the mind is finicky and will conveniently forget about the torture we put ourselves through. My problem is I act like whatever I’m eating is the last time I’ll ever eat it again. It’s such a stupid test to think but it’s the reason it gets so bad every time. Really just need to focus on slowing down those thoughts in the moment and look at it more realistically.

laurenbastug

kshama2001 wrote: »

I pair trigger foods like pizza with BIG salads and make a point of taking small bites and chewing slowly. I can also depend on my OH to eat the rest of it. Not having leftovers makes things ever so much easier for me.

I have a real hard time with pints of ice cream. (Good ice cream, not that low fat and flavor faux stuff.) It's easier for me to just not have it in the house.

Yeah I don’t usually keep my trigger foods in my house. It’s typically when I go out when I get out of control which is interesting because I don’t seem to have shame to be this little piggy at the table, gorging herself in public. It’s part of why I try to eat more at home but then it gets tricky when I’m clearly completely avoiding social situations. I need to learn to manage being there and not going overboard!

Hreut001

Just reading this thread has helped its nice knowing there's others out there that feel the same x