Relapsed, gained weight again, distrote.. help!

santd

I realise my weight alters along side my mood. From the age of 19 when I lost my dad,I gained weight. Then during my first divorce, death of my mother... getting the picture.

2 years ago I was nearly target weight all but 9 pounds, but in the grand scheme of losing over 180 pounds I was happy.

Then 18 months ago I was devostated with finding out my husband was having a relationship with another Women half his age.
I turned to food and drink and went through a grieving process, hence I’ve gained 60 pounds arhhhhh.

I’ve now come out of that grieving angry with what I’ve done to myself. Motivated again to lose the weight for the last time.

Any one else governed by their emotions?

mulecanter

Well I think gaining weight from that kind of stress shouldn't surprise anyone. I had a similar experience and a similar result. Time will heal the emotional trauma--getting some help wouldn't hurt either. Once you are back on your feet you can lose the weight again easy--you have proved you have what it takes to do that. Sorry about it all, it definitely sucks but you can recover. Reinvent yourself--envision yourself at your desired weight and in a happy place emotionally and then proceed there in a patient, methodical way.

tinkerbellang83

Sorry to hear you've had a rough time, have you considered trying some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, it might help keep you out of the kitchen when you're feeling stressed/emotional and give you alternative coping strategies.

Hearts_2015

santd wrote: »

I realise my weight alters along side my mood. From the age of 19 when I lost my dad,I gained weight. Then during my first divorce, death of my mother... getting the picture.

2 years ago I was nearly target weight all but 9 pounds, but in the grand scheme of losing over 180 pounds I was happy.

Then 18 months ago I was devostated with finding out my husband was having a relationship with another Women half his age.
I turned to food and drink and went through a grieving process, hence I’ve gained 60 pounds arhhhhh.

I’ve now come out of that grieving angry with what I’ve done to myself. Motivated again to lose the weight for the last time.

Any one else governed by their emotions?

@santd
Oh Hon, I'm so sorry that happened to you! I can so relate to trying to insulate against the feelings that come all at once when grieving a relationship. Anger at ourselves so often is the what comes up but we don't deserve that, it isn't healthy, isn't productive, we deserve better! You're posting today which means you're ready to move forward! Taking our anger (energy) out on something besides ourselves helps us move forward as it gets us out of our heads, least for me that seems to help. Walking, swimming/running in the pool, weight lifting, Tai Chi any type of movement that gets us into another space that can clear our minds can help.

You gained some weight at a very painful time in your life, please don't beat yourself up for it we all handle emotional times differently. You lost a 180 lbs Girl!! Yes you gained some back but look what you DID, you set a goal, focused on it and you can do that again you have the tools! You can so do it again!

Forgiving ourselves and moving on can be what gets us to the next step
Wishing you the best in moving forward!

santd

Thank you for your kind words ❤️

santd

I used to be a psychiatric nurse for 25 years, and did go to marriage guidance for 2 months... but the fact of the matter is putting all sensibility and knowledge aside, you can’t really know how your going to react to subjective situations in life. If this had happened to me in my 30s or 40s I may had reacted differently, but at nearly 59 I felt used and vulnerable. The worst of it all, my husband has a mental health disorder so if I divorce him, I am likely to lose my inheritance, pension and home I’ve built up over the years. I would get the smallest percentage. So addressing it all has been a major concern financially as well as breaking my heart. But I’m getting there I think now, it’s taken the best part of 2 years though. I do feel I’ve become cold inside though. But as long as I can get myself straight that’s my first concern.

AtLeastOnceMore

santd wrote: »

Any one else governed by their emotions?

Yep. You can tell how stressed I am by how much I weigh.

Started school pretty skinny. Started being bullied - gained until I was 65kg at 10 years old.
Moved. Found a school I loved - lost weight.
Moved again. 8 times. In 2 years - gained weight
Found a group of friends I loved and who loved me - lost weight.
Diagnosed with congenital heart condition - gained weight.
And so on and so forth....

Finally got my Masters and moved to my current home city. Went to my lowest weight in 5 years. Then, 2.5yrs ago, I took on my my disabled parents full time as well as working full time (including my dad, who I have had an iffy relationship with most of my life) Gained weight. A lot of weight. 30kgs of weight.

Now, I am finding my way. My first goal is to be down to where I was 3 years ago by the end of the year - whilst dealing with trying to sell a house, another surgery for dad, ongoing treatment for mum's MS and my back issues. But we can do this! Because we have to and because we are God damned worth it. You're not alone, my dear x

leejoyce31

I also used to say that you could tell how stressed I am by my weight. I lost weight almost 3 years ago, and I try to work through my stress without eating now because I feel that if I regain the weight this time, it would be too much of a struggle to lose again. Good luck on your journey.

Hearts_2015

coolchick207 wrote: »

santd wrote: »

Any one else governed by their emotions?

Yep. You can tell how stressed I am by how much I weigh.

Started school pretty skinny. Started being bullied - gained until I was 65kg at 10 years old.
Moved. Found a school I loved - lost weight.
Moved again. 8 times. In 2 years - gained weight
Found a group of friends I loved and who loved me - lost weight.
Diagnosed with congenital heart condition - gained weight.
And so on and so forth....

Finally got my Masters and moved to my current home city. Went to my lowest weight in 5 years. Then, 2.5yrs ago, I took on my my disabled parents full time as well as working full time (including my dad, who I have had an iffy relationship with most of my life) Gained weight. A lot of weight. 30kgs of weight.

Now, I am finding my way. My first goal is to be down to where I was 3 years ago by the end of the year - whilst dealing with trying to sell a house, another surgery for dad, ongoing treatment for mum's MS and my back issues. But we can do this! Because we have to and because we are God damned worth it. You're not alone, my dear x

@coolchick207 & a hug!

kelMee2

Big hugs, I’ve always been an emotional eater, when I’m stressed or upset I binge on junk food, chocolate has been my biggest addiction and also my crutch when times were bad I relied on it to get me through. Over the last few weeks though when I’ve been stressed I haven’t gone straight to the kitchen I’ve either ignored it or found something to keep me busy so I’m hoping that’s a sign that I’ve finally beaten my demons and no longer need comfort food to get through the bad days. Anyone that’s gone through what you have doesn’t survive it unscathed, if it’s not weight gain it’s alcohol or low self esteem so please don’t beat yourself up, you’re human and know where things went wrong and know what you have to do to get back on track. I’m so sorry you’ve had such a hard time but it’s time for you to take control and get back on track, you’ve done so well with weight loss before and I believe you will again.

santd

thank you all so much for your responses.

countcurt

To some degree we're all governed by our emotions. And I am sorry for your situation, which sounds pretty stinky.

So, here's my question: Now that you're in a better place, emotionally, what can you do to reduce the likelihood of this response to stress in the future? It's a 'leaky roof' situation- you can't fix the roof during a rainstorm and when it's sunny out, there's no leak so addressing the problem is no longer a priority. Until it rains again.



One last thought: sometimes when life is most out of control, food choices can become the one thing you can control.