Losing friends (real life not mfp)?

GillLSteele

He is not a friend - he is vampire who is sucking the life out of you. Its not worth it- cut him out of your life.

He will bring you down

acahane

When I was 22 I choose to stop drinking. It was a health choose and I was also noticing I was drinking way too much and getting into trouble when I did so. My "friends" at the time rejected me as I was "no longer fun". It hurt but at least I got to find out real quick if they were good freinds or not. A real friend supports you in your new life choices and cherishes you for who you are not what you do.

CollieFit

Kinda off topic but did you say you ate an elephant ear? And then threw it away? Like really?

I did! It was enormous and I didn't want to get sick haha

I think some people might not know what that is. I didn't realize people knew them as anything else until I was nearly 20. I believe the most common term is "fried bread dough".

I'm so glad you explained this!! Being in the UK I was wondering... :huh:

trudijoy

when you said he was overweight I wasn't surprised... for me the most negative people (there are exceptions in both directions of course) have been overweight people who are unhappy and wish they were doing it but perhaps aren't ready...

If he isn't ready to move on with you, then def put some space between you.

skinnymalinkyscot

Imagining an elephant walking around minus its ear and gagging poor elephant

shadow2soul

A real friend supports you in your new life choices and cherishes you for who you are not what you do.

Agreed.

CollieFit

I've just accepted that "you win some you lose some" throughout life.

I have a very small circle of really close friends who I will be friends with regardless of what happens in our lives, but there are also those friends who are only with you for a part of the journey so to speak...

I don't so much look at it as losing friends but more like losing touch with people as your life changes and you grow apart and have less in common with them.... I've lost touch with folk because they moved away, or had kids, or we didn't work together anymore, or because you don't have the same hobby anymore. *shrugs shoulders* It just happens. For a few years I was massively into the whole distance triathlon racing scene and it seemed like I didn't have any other friends. LOL Then life changed and my interests changed and I just wasn't interested anymore in who was racing where bla bla. All of a sudden all that constant talk about training and racing actually got on my nerves, and I could suddenly see how utterly dull it must be to anyone not that involved. And just like I wasn't interested in their race talk, they weren't interested in my budding photograpgy career, or our new dog or my dog rescue work... It's no disrepect to anyone - sometimes you just grow apart...

I wouldn't change for anyone, I wouldn't expect anyone to change for me. Anyone giving me grief about my life's choices and somehow trying to make me feel guilty or stupid or implying you're less fun etc, they're just deflecting their own "issues" back onto you.

You go your way, let them go theirs.

JeffersJJ

You are not losing a friend. You are outgrowing a selfish, immature doofus. Lose his phone number, email, etc.

This.

Many people you used to call your friends get upset when you take steps to better yourself. This makes them feel like you're leaving them behind, so they try to keep you in THEIR comfort zone. Many people are drawn back in by these "friends" and fall off the wagon. The best thing you can do for yourself is understand that, for you to grow and become better, you often need to shed dead weight...this means your "friends". Don't worry. You'll be better for it and you can replace him with someone who will lift you up and support you in your goals. Lose his number.

JaneP2011

This is a great thread ...
It's sad but true that as you change throughout life different friends will come and go. LIfestyle changes can be one way in which friendships can be put under strain.
I split with my last boyfriend because of my desire to lead a healthier life.
He would never eat breakfast or lunch and then pig out like a maniac at the end of the day and drink loads of booze. I kinda of got drawn into his habits and put on loads of weight.
When I started to make changes, like getting up in the morning to go for a jog and eat breakfast, or insist that we sit down for lunch when we were out, or not drink beer and wine every evening, he really started to get hostile with me and we would have endless arguments.
In the end I finished the relationship - I'm single now but feel so much better for living the kind of 'normal' healthy life I want to.

Courtney011691

Wow, thanks everyone! Everyone's support has really made me feel so much better about this situation.

I guess I should have explained the elephant ear bit a little better. I can see how that might have been confusing. Anyway, its a giant piece of fried dough about the size of a dinner plate covered in sugar and cinnamon. Its amazing but if I eat too much of it I'll get sick.

When I was 22 I choose to stop drinking. It was a health choose and I was also noticing I was drinking way too much and getting into trouble when I did so. My "friends" at the time rejected me as I was "no longer fun". It hurt but at least I got to find out real quick if they were good freinds or not. A real friend supports you in your new life choices and cherishes you for who you are not what you do.

I'm thinking about stopping too actually. My college years was basically binge drinking every weekend and sometimes every day of the week. Now that I've cut back to once or twice a month I feel a lot better and its easier to get up for work the next morning.

MG_Fit

If people are too immature to accept whatever journey someone is on, it's time to move on. I have friends that will criticize my routine or say "IF cannot be healthy for you." But at the end of the day they accept what I do, and I appreciate their opinions / concerns, but I do what I want to do. There are only a few people in my training life that I take advice from.

cebreisch

Sometimes "friends" aren't happy with seeing their friends move on....whether it's getting a significant other, losing weight, being successful at work, or otherwise. It just seems like some people like to feather their nest and remain in their rut. The real difficulty is not staying there with them. Sometimes, there are just some people you have to turn loose.

I knew someone in high school - we knew of each other, but didn't really hang out together. In college, we frequented some of the same places and started to hang out - had the same circle of friends. However, after some time, it seemed like she just complained a lot about a LOT of things - she worried a lot about stuff too. I decided that was not conducive to my mental health! I didn't like "phasing her out" - she's a very nice person - but sometimes you just have to.

kit_katty

I'd definitely lose his number.

I'm flabergasted that he had so little respect for you. It's one thing to have plans you were looking forward to not happen, but it's another thing entirely to not respect your friend, buying you drinks after you said no, getting mad that you didn't finish YOUR food... what's his problem?

PhoenixStrikes

I'm just thankful people aren't eating real elephant ears!

cadaverousbones

That is pretty ridiculous that he was force feeding you alcohol... I don't see why he would care if you ate or drank... seems kind of control freakish... If you guys have been friends a long time I would say maybe try to save the friendship. Would you be able to speak with him about how he made you feel and ask why he was doing those things? If he still is immature about it I would say, move on and have friends who support you and don't pressure you into things you are not comfortable with or do not want to do.