Family issues ongoing, with update

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  • dec056
    dec056 Posts: 87 Member
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    Lounmoun wrote: »
    I am pretty much set on the apartment I want, just haven't finished the process of getting everything together.

    Any thoughts? Advice on how to deal with my last few weeks-months here?

    Start distancing yourself. Go stay with a friend or other family member for right now while you sort things out.

    Can your parents cover their bills without you? Maybe sit down with your father and help him work out a budget so you stop paying for stuff that they use. Find contact info for a ride service or someone else who would be willing to do that.
    Finish getting everything together to move out and do so.
    .

    Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I really like lounmoun's suggestions. You're probably doing way more for your parents than you "should be" doing and while honestly I feel they're adults and should be able to handle their own finances and such...I think you sound like a genuinely NICE person and would feel bad not giving them a little heads up and assisting them with the transition. I just think it's super important that you stick to your guns and get out of there. The way your mom is behaving is not going to improve, from the sound of things. I am sorry you have to deal with this stuff though.
  • dec056
    dec056 Posts: 87 Member
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    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    I really like lounmoun's suggestions. You're probably doing way more for your parents than you "should be" doing and while honestly I feel they're adults and should be able to handle their own finances and such...I think you sound like a genuinely NICE person and would feel bad not giving them a little heads up and assisting them with the transition. I just think it's super important that you stick to your guns and get out of there. The way your mom is behaving is not going to improve, from the sound of things. I am sorry you have to deal with this stuff though.

    Thank you! Yeah, I don't think it's going to get any better. I've finally had enough.
  • jaycanchu
    jaycanchu Posts: 265 Member
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    Good luck on getting out on your own. Once you do that, you need to decide if her negativity is worth the impact it has on your life. Good luck.
  • dec056
    dec056 Posts: 87 Member
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    jaycanchu wrote: »
    Good luck on getting out on your own. Once you do that, you need to decide if her negativity is worth the impact it has on your life. Good luck.

    It isn't worth it.
  • dec056
    dec056 Posts: 87 Member
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    I'm honestly at the point where once I move out, I'm going to change my phone number and not have any contact with her. I left for the weekend and came home and she's trying to start an argument again, and I haven't said a word to her except for hi once I got home. I can't get a minute of peace and I can't get out fast enough.
  • dec056
    dec056 Posts: 87 Member
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    newmeadow wrote: »
    dec056 wrote: »
    I'm honestly at the point where once I move out, I'm going to change my phone number and not have any contact with her. I left for the weekend and came home and she's trying to start an argument again, and I haven't said a word to her except for hi once I got home. I can't get a minute of peace and I can't get out fast enough.

    Check out Youtube Channels: begood4000 and Narcissism Survivor. Start with their earlier videos and progress from there. They've both been active for years and have helped a lot of people. You need the information in these videos.


    Thanks!
  • dec056
    dec056 Posts: 87 Member
    edited May 2018
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    She just told me that I don't have a right to be tired after working only 12 hours as a nurse. I explained to her that sometimes I walk over 9 miles in a shift and I'm turning patients, cleaning them up, etc. I then told her that if her behavior doesn't change, I will move out and change my number and she will cease to have a daughter. It's her choice. I'm tired of her *kitten*.
  • RadishEater
    RadishEater Posts: 470 Member
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    You may or may not find some comfort in the advice column dear prudence on slate.com. She gets lots of letters about cutting out toxic family relations, and how/when to do it. It might provide some solace knowing you aren't alone having to deal with crazy family members and perhaps some tips on how to maintain distance.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    My guess is bipolar?

    Here’s a local cautionary tale. There’s no coming back from a tragedy like this.

    http://edmontonjournal.com/news/crime/friends-of-nurse-killed-by-mother-call-for-accountability-within-health-care-system

    Perhaps dad can take a day off work and attend the psychiatrists office. You can also write an account of some of the things your mom has said and done to send along to the psychiatrist.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    It’s a waste of time trying to talk sense with a person in the grips of impaired reality. I just can’t give it the attention that is craved.

    https://youtu.be/k6p1Ck0ab80

    I make myself scarce until the medication kicks in.
  • dec056
    dec056 Posts: 87 Member
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    jgnatca wrote: »
    My guess is bipolar?

    Here’s a local cautionary tale. There’s no coming back from a tragedy like this.

    http://edmontonjournal.com/news/crime/friends-of-nurse-killed-by-mother-call-for-accountability-within-health-care-system

    Perhaps dad can take a day off work and attend the psychiatrists office. You can also write an account of some of the things your mom has said and done to send along to the psychiatrist.

    I typed up a letter with everything that was going on and sent it with her the last time she went to the inpatient psychiatric hospital, which was about a month ago. She has been blaming me for that as well. I can't win no matter what I do.
  • RastaLousGirl
    RastaLousGirl Posts: 2,119 Member
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    dec056 wrote: »
    jgnatca wrote: »
    My guess is bipolar?

    Here’s a local cautionary tale. There’s no coming back from a tragedy like this.

    http://edmontonjournal.com/news/crime/friends-of-nurse-killed-by-mother-call-for-accountability-within-health-care-system

    Perhaps dad can take a day off work and attend the psychiatrists office. You can also write an account of some of the things your mom has said and done to send along to the psychiatrist.

    I typed up a letter with everything that was going on and sent it with her the last time she went to the inpatient psychiatric hospital, which was about a month ago. She has been blaming me for that as well. I can't win no matter what I do.


    Is your mother being taken care of by other family members? If so, it is time for you to love from a distance for a while. Catch a break, get out of there (for your own safety and her to recover).

    FYI, my sister is bi-polar and has had psychosis episodes. Our family is very tight knitted and all have learned her behavior, and have a few supporting family members to step in when needed. We see the beginning signs and get her help as soon as we see them. So, it has never reached to this level. I completely understand living with someone with mental health issues, it takes a lot of patience. But, you have to look after yourself as well.

    You might also want to reach out to NAMI- National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have an amazing support group for family and friends.
  • dec056
    dec056 Posts: 87 Member
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    ToniLeeAnn82 wrote: »
    dec056 wrote: »
    jgnatca wrote: »
    My guess is bipolar?

    Here’s a local cautionary tale. There’s no coming back from a tragedy like this.

    http://edmontonjournal.com/news/crime/friends-of-nurse-killed-by-mother-call-for-accountability-within-health-care-system

    Perhaps dad can take a day off work and attend the psychiatrists office. You can also write an account of some of the things your mom has said and done to send along to the psychiatrist.

    I typed up a letter with everything that was going on and sent it with her the last time she went to the inpatient psychiatric hospital, which was about a month ago. She has been blaming me for that as well. I can't win no matter what I do.


    Is your mother being taken care of by other family members? If so, it is time for you to love from a distance for a while. Catch a break, get out of there (for your own safety and her to recover).

    FYI, my sister is bi-polar and has had psychosis episodes. Our family is very tight knitted and all have learned her behavior, and have a few supporting family members to step in when needed. We see the beginning signs and get her help as soon as we see them. So, it has never reached to this level. I completely understand living with someone with mental health issues, it takes a lot of patience. But, you have to look after yourself as well.

    You might also want to reach out to NAMI- National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have an amazing support group for family and friends.

    No. She, me, and my dad are the only family around here.
  • RastaLousGirl
    RastaLousGirl Posts: 2,119 Member
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    dec056 wrote: »
    ToniLeeAnn82 wrote: »
    dec056 wrote: »
    jgnatca wrote: »
    My guess is bipolar?

    Here’s a local cautionary tale. There’s no coming back from a tragedy like this.

    http://edmontonjournal.com/news/crime/friends-of-nurse-killed-by-mother-call-for-accountability-within-health-care-system

    Perhaps dad can take a day off work and attend the psychiatrists office. You can also write an account of some of the things your mom has said and done to send along to the psychiatrist.

    I typed up a letter with everything that was going on and sent it with her the last time she went to the inpatient psychiatric hospital, which was about a month ago. She has been blaming me for that as well. I can't win no matter what I do.


    Is your mother being taken care of by other family members? If so, it is time for you to love from a distance for a while. Catch a break, get out of there (for your own safety and her to recover).

    FYI, my sister is bi-polar and has had psychosis episodes. Our family is very tight knitted and all have learned her behavior, and have a few supporting family members to step in when needed. We see the beginning signs and get her help as soon as we see them. So, it has never reached to this level. I completely understand living with someone with mental health issues, it takes a lot of patience. But, you have to look after yourself as well.

    You might also want to reach out to NAMI- National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have an amazing support group for family and friends.

    No. She, me, and my dad are the only family around here.



    Understood. I really recommend NAMI.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    I gave up on the idea that my mom could love me in any way some time ago. When I got her committed I was pretty sure she would hate me for a while. I think it was a year. Bah. I considered the options and it was more important that she get proper treatment.

    The committal hospital did a bang up job. Got her tranquillized in to acquiescence them balanced her medication. Thirty days she was out and she never went off her meds again. It was worth it for a little hate.

    Besides a hating parent calls less (hopefully).
  • 100_PROOF_
    100_PROOF_ Posts: 1,168 Member
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    Sorry to see that things are still bad. I thought about you today and figured I'd come find this thread to see how things are going with you. I'm sorry it's still awful.

    Here's what I would do-
    1. Keep saving up for your apartment. Get it as soon as you have enough.
    2. Type up another letter and send it directly to her doctors. Because of HIPPA laws they won't be able to discuss anything with you over the phone but they can absolutely read the letter that you have written with your concerns. This will give them the perspective that they may need to see that her current meds are not working. They will also learn that she's conning them into thinking she's fine when In reality she is not.
    3. Get a support system for yourself. This might take a little time but will be worth it. See if you can get in touch with any outreach program or something that will give you an outlet to vent about your family crisis.
    4. Talk to a counselor or trusted religious leaders and make them aware of your situation. Let them know just how much this is hurting you. They may be able to help.
    5. Most importantly remember that this is not your fault. You've done nothing wrong.
  • dec056
    dec056 Posts: 87 Member
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    100_PROOF_ wrote: »
    Sorry to see that things are still bad. I thought about you today and figured I'd come find this thread to see how things are going with you. I'm sorry it's still awful.

    Here's what I would do-
    1. Keep saving up for your apartment. Get it as soon as you have enough.
    2. Type up another letter and send it directly to her doctors. Because of HIPPA laws they won't be able to discuss anything with you over the phone but they can absolutely read the letter that you have written with your concerns. This will give them the perspective that they may need to see that her current meds are not working. They will also learn that she's conning them into thinking she's fine when In reality she is not.
    3. Get a support system for yourself. This might take a little time but will be worth it. See if you can get in touch with any outreach program or something that will give you an outlet to vent about your family crisis.
    4. Talk to a counselor or trusted religious leaders and make them aware of your situation. Let them know just how much this is hurting you. They may be able to help.
    5. Most importantly remember that this is not your fault. You've done nothing wrong.

    Thanks so much! I know I haven't done anything wrong. I'm just tired of being miserable. I'm looking forward to moving out and having some peace and enjoying life for once.

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