Need inspiration! please help =)

lq022

I posted this on my blog, and realized that it wont reach many people that way. I need some inspirational support and would like to share my blog post with the hopes that someone has been to this level of despair and can offer some words of encouragement . Thank you

I hope this blog post will not be a long one because I really need to go to bed ! (545AM comes awfully early!) .. However, I feel like I need an outlet to let out my frustration. I started back on MFP only about two weeks ago at the suggestion of my doctor, since my weight has increased about 10 pounds since my last physical ... I know what the reason is .. I;m in an accelerated nursing program and really dont have any time to do anything but school. Plus when I do have time off, I want to spend it with my friends and not in a gym ... just being honest. I lostabout 7 pounds in a week and a half ... I thought I was doing so good! and then 3 pounds of it came back ... after I was done with my time of the month, mind you. My eating wasnt fantastic the entire way, but I still kept under calories and it was way less than I usually eat so I figured I was good .... while it is frustrating to gain back the 3 pounds, It just keeps reminding me that I still dont know what or IF I have what it takes to really get this weight off. Everyone in my life is moving on ... my two best friends have boyfriends, the big group of people I used to have to party with every weekend are either in relationships, or living on their own so they dont have enough money to go out a ton, or they've met new people and are doing new things. And here I am ... stuck still living at home, back in school for at least another few months, no boyfriend, no dates, nothing exciting happening. I'm not meeting new people and I just feel like everything keeps coming back to the weight. In my mind, if I could get this weight off, the ENTIRE world would open up ... I would open up and be the person I know I am . My parents are very straight forward with me about everything ... they always tell me its the weight ... thats why boys dont ask you out ... thats why you dont have the confidence to go after what youi want .... And while I tell them that they are being mean and that I already know all of these things ... i know deep down that they are right. They love me more than anything and would never say anything if it wasnt true ... they aren being mean .. they're being real. And I've heard all of this before ... FOR YEARS. And I still dont change. ANd I dont know why I dont change.



I literally think about my weight every single day of my life. It consumes me ... IT makes me feel awful and I cant see all of the greatness I have inside of myself ... and I feel so sad because the years are literally passing me by. I'm not a teenager anymore ... I'm not even in my early 20s anymore ... In 5 months I'm going to have my second bachelors degree ... In 5 years, I will most probably have my masters degree and be a nurse practitioner. I have the world by the balls right now ... and I'm miserable. I have no one to share it with, no happiness in my appearance and no confidence in myself. I honestly do not know what its going to take for me to get this weight off .... I just tell myself to push ... just go to the gym, eat clean, and watch your portions. I know what to do . I know whant not to do ... I just chose to take inaction.And, again, I dont know why. Maybe its laziness ... Maybe its fear ... Maybe its because I can always find another excuse to not work out. Maybe its an underlying reason I havent even discovered inside of myself yet. That probably scares me the most.... that its something I havent even taken a crack at yet. Because at least all of the other things are easy .. dont be lazy, dont be scared, and just go work out.



I really just feel like if I had gastric bypass that I could lose the weight because I literally wouldnt have a place for the food to go, and I would prevent myself from putting the weight back on. I'm getting back to that place where I want to try something drastic ... cut calories to below 1200 or take diet pills ... I know I wont stick with those either though ... and my medical background prevents me from taking such extreme measures. I know too much for my own good, but I'm too scared to go after what I want. I need a change. I need to do something to break free from this. I just dont know what it is yet ........

Timshel_

I literally think about my weight every single day of my life. It consumes me ...

A good step for you is to take responsiblity for where you are right now....then just release it. You obviously continue to blame yourself, and sounds like really dislike yourself because of where you are, and that is more unhealthy than being overweight.

That will be your biggest detriment to getting healthy, as you ride the give and take of normal weight losss. You won't always lose and you might gain. But this isn't a race to an end. It is life long fitness and something you need to settle into over the rest of your life. So while it is good to have goals and desire to be healthy, focus on doing what you can today. Making the Best choices you can today. And exercise today.

Everything else will follow.

Remember, it has taken you time to get to where you are, it will take time to get back to how you wanna be.



Good luck.

jennygeo1

I literally think about my weight every single day of my life. It consumes me ...

A good step for you is to take responsiblity for where you are right now....then just release it. You obviously continue to blame yourself, and sounds like really dislike yourself because of where you are, and that is more unhealthy than being overweight.

That will be your biggest detriment to getting healthy, as you ride the give and take of normal weight losss. You won't always lose and you might gain. But this isn't a race to an end. It is life long fitness and something you need to settle into over the rest of your life. So while it is good to have goals and desire to be healthy, focus on doing what you can today. Making the Best choices you can today. And exercise today.

Everything else will follow.

Remember, it has taken you time to get to where you are, it will take time to get back to how you wanna be.



Good luck.

Wonderfully said. a few pounds here or there are not a big deal. Some weeks I can go up 4-7lbs... and then it vanishes as fast as it comes on. Mostly water weight and other nonsense. Look at the big picture and take this day by day. The only difference between people that try and people that do is whether or not they give up.

Use the site as a tool and stick with it - you will not be disappointed.

mpbartley

It is hard to say what will motivate you. It is obvious from your post that besides the weight issue you are dealing with a lot of emotional baggage.
Perhaps you might consider seeing a therapist that can help you work through all these feelings you are having, because until you get things together in your head, and heart you will struggle with the weight.
As for your family, they are being mean. Do not make excuses for their behavior. If they want to help you they would, but instead they are basically telling you to deal with it on your own. The people on these boards want to help you, because they have been in very similar situations. I know what it is like for people that supposedly love you to try to inspire you completely the wrong way. My dad used to try and shame me into losing weight, it didn't work. All it did was make me feel like a failure as a son, like by being fat I was letting him down, and my weight was a negative reflection on him.
What you are trying to do is hard, no body who has never been heavy has any right to judge you, or tell you how easy it is to be thin.
Good luck in your journey, and if I can help you let me know.

Karinlin25

I literally logged in today to write the exact same post! I have come to realize that what I think about myself is hindering me from any success. I wrote out a little blurb about who I REALLY am and want to be rather than the lazy fat girl I see myself as now. I plan to read that out loud every morning until I start to believe it. Maybe we could try it together and finally kick our booties into gear???

lq022

Thank you everyone for your kind words .... I never really thought of myself as having emotional baggage, but I guess this is the one area of my life where I do. I'm always the one that can write a plan out for myself but never for anyone else ... I have thought about seeing a therapist for my weight issue, and I went to one for about a month (then I got a new job and our schedules conflicted so I had to stop going) .... I masked the weight issue into other issues I was dealing with at the time. I guess it will take some digging inside myself to find out whats really going on with this whole thing. Thank you all for getting me to see that my issue is deeper than just wanting to lose weight

ScreamingUnicorn

Your post made me cry. It struck me on a very personal level because there was a time a few years ago when It would have been me writing those exact same words if only I had known about MFP. I was in despair and suffered from extreme depression. I thought those same thoughts. I knew I wanted it more than anything in the world but I didn't understand why I did nothing about it. I just didn't think I could. I tried the diet pills and crash diets even though I knew better. I was ashamed. I day dreamed about a magical surgery that I knew I could never afford. I obsessed about and yet completely avoided doing what I knew I needed to do. I couldn't tell you why either. I suppose I just lacked the self confidence to even try. I assumed I was defeated before I had even begun. I thought other people could do exceptional things but not me. I wasn't one of those people. I'm not sure what changed that. I could hypothesize about some big changes in my life including a divorce and a wonderful new relationship with someone who thought I was beautiful just the way I was. Maybe it was my children? Maybe it was that I finally learned to love and accept myself a little more despite my weight. I wish I could tell you what it was but one day I just had enough. I don't know what I can say or do to help you because only you can make the decision to change.. My heart goes out to you though and all can hope is that maybe it will give you hope to know that I was where you are now and that I finally overcame it. I put my heart into for the first time and surprised the hell out of myself. Pound by pound I realized that I was doing it with good old fashioned perseverance. I met my goal and cried because I never knew I had it in me. Because I wasted so much precious time. I reached my goal and then I kept going. I set another goal and surpassed it too. And then another. I hate that I spent so much time despairing when it turns out I could have been changing my life years ago. I wish I would have known back then how much I was capable of. I know now and it has changed me in more way than just my pant size. I have a newfound strength and confidence that was hidden deep under all the doubt. Persistence is the best advice I can offer. When you screw up, you pick yourself up and try again. When you don't feel like you're making progress, you keep going anyway. When that little voice in your head says you can't do it, you ignore it. When you want to give up, you don't. What have you got to lose beside the weight? Please add me as a friend