Diet

chulipa
chulipa Posts: 650 Member
edited November 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
Does anyone have a problem with there other half saying shes on a diet. Any time someone asks me if I want something and I say no he will say shes on a diet. How does he no if I just dont want something because I just dont. It makes me mad but I dont say anything its usually his family

Replies

  • FlyingMolly
    FlyingMolly Posts: 490 Member
    The most charitable explanation is that he thinks it’s rude to refuse food and he’s trying to “cover” for you. Have you told him to stop? Not in the moment, but at another time when it’s just the two of you?
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    Maybe he'll stop if your tell him it's bothering you.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    No.

    My fiance knows I am grown and if I choose to eat, or not, I do. Its not his job to explain to anyone my choices.
  • chulipa
    chulipa Posts: 650 Member
    I guess I should talk to him but dont know if he can possibly understand
  • chulipa
    chulipa Posts: 650 Member
    I guess
  • nickssweetheart
    nickssweetheart Posts: 874 Member
    People have all kinds of complicated emotions about food. Since it's usually his family that he's explaining to, I think the "most charitable explanation" mentioned above is probably close. Sometimes family members take it as a rejection of themselves when someone declines something they've cooked for them.

    It's not, of course, but still hurt feelings around food and its acceptance are very common. So he tells them you are dieting to underline that it's not a personal rejection. That said, he should respect your wishes about it, but how can he if you don't express them?

    I would start with "When you tell your mom/dad/aunt/grandfather/whomever that I'm on a diet in front of everyone it makes me feel ___________." Fill in the blank. He should be as sensitive to upsetting you as he is to upsetting them.
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,109 Member
    chulipa wrote: »
    I guess
    FlyingMolly wrote: »
    chulipa wrote: »
    I guess I should talk to him but dont know if he can possibly understand

    Does he have some sort of cognitive impairment? For most of the world “Please stop telling people I’m on a diet every time I turn down food. It bothers me. That’s not always the reason and it’s really none of their business anyway” isn’t as profoundly complex as you seem to think.

    He doesn’t need to, like, plumb the depths of your most intimate psyche in order to get this. He just needs to be informed that there’s behavior that relates to you that you’d like him to change, so that he can do that.

    ^^This.
    And it really doesn't matter if he "understands" -- someone who is unwilling to respect your request not to share information about YOU whether or not he "understands" your feelings or reasons is someone you shouldn't be sharing that info with, or be in a relationship with, because it means he doesn't respect YOU.
  • chulipa
    chulipa Posts: 650 Member
    Ok I will try to explain it to him its just hard with him hes from Mexico and somethings he just doesnt understand but will talk to him
  • FlyingMolly
    FlyingMolly Posts: 490 Member
    chulipa wrote: »
    Ok I will try to explain it to him its just hard with him hes from Mexico and somethings he just doesnt understand but will talk to him

    Okay, again: he doesn’t need to see into your soul and agree with you that his way has always been wrong and he just never realized that until you found the perfect way to explain it.

    Just tell him that it bothers you and ask him to stop.
  • chulipa
    chulipa Posts: 650 Member
    I did he said he would
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,109 Member
    chulipa wrote: »
    I did he said he would

    Yay for talking in lieu of silent resentment! :smile:
    You may have to remind him at some point -- it can be hard to change old habits. As long as it seems like he's not intentionally disregarding your request, you might want to give him a little leeway.
  • chulipa
    chulipa Posts: 650 Member
    Ok I will
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    Never had it happen myself that dh told people I refused food for diet reasons. Did have dh's family ask him if I wanted things when I was right next to him instead of speaking to me and was irritated. He did not know why they did it and pointedly said she is right here, ask her.

    It is best to tell him if it bothers you and why as others have said. If he has a reason for doing it like he thinks his family is getting offended maybe you can discuss how to handle offers of food without offending them without him stepping in every time. He knows his family better than you. Some people can be pretty charged about food and if this is a long term relationship you want to understand and work this out or be able to let the irritation go.
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,109 Member
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    Never had it happen myself that dh told people I refused food for diet reasons. Did have dh's family ask him if I wanted things when I was right next to him instead of speaking to me and was irritated. He did not know why they did it and pointedly said she is right here, ask her.

    It is best to tell him if it bothers you and why as others have said. If he has a reason for doing it like he thinks his family is getting offended maybe you can discuss how to handle offers of food without offending them without him stepping in every time. He knows his family better than you. Some people can be pretty charged about food and if this is a long term relationship you want to understand and work this out or be able to let the irritation go.

    ^^This is a good point. His volunteering that you're on a diet may be forestalling lots of additional statements urging you to eat something.
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