Changing My Mindset

HeyJudii

I have successfully lost weight several times in the past. What I have been unsuccessful at, is maintaining that weight loss over time. Going back to old habits is the culprit.

So, this time around I decided I needed to make permanent lifestyle changes. Part of that, for me, is being mindful of my behaviors. One of the changes I have implemented is to only weigh myself once a month. This is necessary because if I don't have this plan, next thing I know I will be stripping down multiple times throughout the day, stepping on and off the scale, rejoicing or despairing at what I see. That's just me.

Anyway, being mindful and all, I make myself go through what I will do/feel/think if the scale shows certain values. (Worst case scenario = I gained; next worse case scenario = I didn't lose anything; next worse case scenario = etc.) So, I'm doing this exercise, and realize I am in a state of increasing distress just thinking about the possibility of not losing or, heaven forbid(!) gaining. I realize this equals failure in my mind. I am so distressed at the possibility of future failure (keep in mind my weigh in is over 2 weeks away) that my anxiety level is going off the charts. This happened last month also.

What does this say about me I am wondering. Am I sabotaging myself with my weight loss and/or fitness goals? Do I stop myself from attempting new things because I fear the possibility of failure? I have been successful in my career and other areas of my life in the past, but would I have gone further, done more if I didn't fear failing? Not having that level of 20/20 hindsight on this, I don't know. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this revelation.

seska422

It helps me to concentrate on things I can control. I can control how much exercise I do and how many calories I consume. My goals relate to those things.

What I can't control is what the scale says any particular time that I step on it. I collect a bunch of data points (daily weights) with as few variables as possible (in the morning, no clothes, after the toilet) and use those to look at my long term weight trend. Today's weight, by itself, has no particular meaning except as part of the trend and to see how my body reacts to things like restaurant meals and hormone shifts.

If you consistently follow your eating and exercise plan over time, the results will show on the scale over time. Don't give the scale more power than it has.

88olds

I spent years putting off any attempt at weight loss because of fear of failure. If I never tried to lose I could comfort myself with the idea that I could do it in the future. But what if I tried, became actually invested in the process and failed? Where’s the comfort in that? There’s risk in investing yourself in change. Just how it is.

If you don’t mind, a suggestion since you mention your mindset. It’s an odd thing about weight loss. Weight loss is not something to do. Rather its a product things we do. A common mistake is to try to turn weight loss into the product of don’ts, like- don’t eat chocolate cake. But it can be approached as a set of things to do. And those things need not be 90 elliptical workouts everyday. That doesn’t seem to work either.

Calculate a modest deficit, get a food scale, start a food diary, and try to hit your number. You’ll soon find that to hit your number you need some kind of plan. If you hit rough spots, problem solve to make your plan better. Oh, and you always keep your diary no matter what. Not just the days you hit your number. Keep in mind, whatever you eat, you’re going to be logging it.

The thing is, those things to do are all within your control. You aren’t at the emotional mercy of the scale. You are driving the process. The scale is only a feedback matchine. If you don’t get positive feedback at your weigh in, you need to work on your program. You can start by reviewing your food diary. It’s not possible to do something as complex as weight loss without missteps. But you can make the missteps smaller and more infrequent. Think about it. You don’t need to be jerked around by the scale.

HeyJudii

2seska422 & olds88:
You both touch on an issue I am also dealing with in other areas of my life: learn to stop stressing on things I have no control over and focus on things I can control.

Planning in advance what I will eat on the weekends, the same as I do during the week, since the weekends are where I am having issues (recently started planning weekend meals and snacks)
Logging what I eat, even if I do go over my plan (just started doing this a couple of months ago)

The one that started this current thought process: how am I going to react if the "feedback" isn't what I want it to be*?
Well, I am still going to increase my daily calorie intake by 100 calories and continue my current daily calorie burn goal. I am trying to work up to my maintenance calorie level each month increasing by 100 calories total (Currently at 1500/day, next month = 1600/day. In the past, when I reached my weight goal, I had no idea what to do with myself now that my focus wasn't on stringently following some low calorie plan, and I didn't have the patience to increase my intake slowly the way I am now. Thus, the relapse to old eating habits. I realize this will slow my weight loss, but since it will slow anyway the closer I get to goal, might as well get used to it while I learn to eat at a reasonable level.

*What actually started all of this, was finally acknowledging to myself that I have a number I want to see on the scale when I step on it next. "Why am I pretending that I don't have any expectations? Just because I don't consciously admit it, doesn't mean it isn't there. So, what will I do if the number isn't what I want it to be?"

And the rest, I wrote in my OP.

88olds

You’re right, you have to control your own expectations. And keep your brain from twisting successes into - not good enough.

When losing I looked at the numbers on the digital scale I used as points I had to cross off. I hated losing the same lbs twice, I tried hard not to do that. Not saying it didn’t happen.

But a gain or a wash at weigh in meant nothing crossed off. But any kind of a loss was at least 1 pt crossed off. Only way to get from 285lbs to 185lbs was to cross off 190.2. If all I got was .2, it still meant that a point standing between me and my goal was gone.

blebriki

This post spoke to me!
I have been the most successful in my weight loss efforts when I was not stressing out about the end result! It did not matter to me when I saw weight loss, it mattered that I kept to my eating/ exercise plan. And yes, I do the same in other parts of my life.